Adventures in Gentle Discipline: A Parent-to-Parent Guide

by Hilary Flower

In Hilary Flower’'s second book, ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE, she allows the reader to explore goals of gentle discipline, rewards for both child and parent, and what it looks like in action. Hilary debunks myths about the effectiveness of gentle discipline methods while empowering parents to find ways to make gentle discipline work for both themselves and their children. With creativity, courage, and commitment, each parent and child can develop their own unique way of engaging in gentle discipline. Gentle discipline is not a far off standard for us to meet but an imperfect, lively and richly meaningful way of communicating with our children. Although experts can offer theories, this book proves that parents themselves have a great deal to offer other parents in regard to this incredibly worthwhile—and revolutionary!—way of guiding young children. Line drawings capture small scenes from the journey of parenting and personal stories from a variety of mothers show creative adaptations of gentle discipline methods in different families.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens

320 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2005

About the author

Hilary Flower lives in Florida with her youngest (16 yrs). She teaches Environmental Studies at Eckerd College. She holds a B.A. in English from the University of Virginia, an M.A. in Geological Sciences from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and a Ph.D. from the University of South Florida, Tampa. Her writing has appeared in many magazines, including Mothering Magazine, Salon.com, and Brain, Child. Hilary Flower is the author of the books, ADVENTURES IN TANDEM NURSING and ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE.

Reviews

[Leahjoypro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book wasn't what I expected (more parent-to-parent than an actual how-to), I really enjoyed it and learned a lot. I think the most important lesson I learned from it was to be OK with making mistakes, and to learn to forgive myself. My favorite part was Chapter 12: Gentle Discipline Approaches to 10 Classic Concerns. I hope to use the helpful suggestions in that chapter as a handy reference if/when dealing with those issues. I also really enjoyed the essays at the end. I love the quote from Melissa Ridge Carter: "...3 clear goals: to love, to cherish and to listen". I may have to put that on my fridge as a loving reminder.

[Julia Wells · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fabulous book! It really validated my instincts that traditional punitive methods of discipline are not right for my son. The chapter on preventative discipline was particularly useful in which readers are invited to evaluate their rules and consider whether they are fair and age-appropriate. The book had a respectful tone towards the parents, encouraging us to take or leave whatever is useful in meeting the needs of our own children. I also really liked the final chapter full of 'personal essays' written by parents. This book made me feel supported and inspired to follow my instincts that gentle discipline is the way to go. Sadly this book is out-of-print so I will be very reluctantly returning it to the friend who leant it to me.

[Faye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of anecdotes on gentle discipline. This book didn't have groundbreaking new parenting info for me, but instead made me feel really happy and reassured about my parenting choices. It's a great source of support for gentle parents. I admit, I didn't read the whole thing cover to cover, but I do plan to buy it and keep it around.

[Betsy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is exactly what I needed to read this week! It didn't really teach me anything particularly new, but just reading the stories from other mothers was encouraging and I thought the format was great for just reading through. I loved hearing about the different ways other mothers deal with similar issues and the section on whining (a current issue with my 3-year old) was extremely helpful!

[Lauren Read · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is crowd-sourced advice in book form (how it all came before social media), and it's nicely organized at that. I thought it would better reflect positive discipline and/or the tenets of attachment parenting, but the term 'gentle' merely refers to the absence of corporal punishment, which isn't saying much ... or is saying too much. So the advice runs a gamut of theories, perspectives, and approaches, which offers a variety of practical techniques, if in a way that leaves much to be combed through. But I highlighted, I appreciated, and I resonated plenty, so I enjoyed this book as one of many, many parenting titles under my belt and on my shelf.

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

**I am re-looking at this from the perspective of a parent of an almost four year old. I think i may have previously sold this a bit short. Will re-review after more reading.

There are several useful chapters, but generally it is not very user friendly. In terms of a parenting book, i found the layout of the book difficult to navigate. I am pro-attachment parenting and nursed forever and believe that i practice gentle discipline to the best of my ability, but this book just didn't speak to me. Perhaps it will for someone else. I am glad the title is out there, though, as i fully support the concept!

[Kati(e ) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great addition to my collection of 'loving guidance' and 'raising kids' books. I took in a lot of the suggestions. This book is flexible in the sense of "here are a bunch of things these parents have tried that have worked for them, so take what works for you and your family and leave the rest behing." Also, this book was a huge self esteem booster for my parenting skills and helped me to realize that to practice gentle discipline you must first be gentle with yourself. You are not ALWAYS going to speak in a calm voice, with a sweet smile on your face, to you kids and THAT IS OKAY! as long as you apologize and dialogue with your kids about it in an appropriate way.

[Rebekah · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's not a "do this and it will work book", the ideas come in the form of stories from other parents. They realized how they wanted to communicate with their children, to show their love by acting calmly and keeping harsh, hurtful words and tones out of their lives.

As is the mantra, one of them from La Leche League meetings, you take what works for your family and leave the rest.

[Charity · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of parenting books. A lot. This isn't the most in-depth, but it gives a really great overview of the practice of gentle discipline. I love Flower's focus on empathy, both for our children and for ourselves as we try to do the difficult work of raising our children outside of the script with which we were raised.

[Jeanine70 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not so much a step-by-step guide, but a collection of dozens of real-world anecdotes from human parents. Lots of different approaches -- when reading it you feel free to dip in here and there and decide for yourself, "oh no way!" or "yes, that makes sense!"

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book offers great ideas for using gentle discipline in your home. The advice can be applied in the home or in child-care settings. Numerous parents share their personal experiences in short synopsis. A helpful read for anyone raising or caring for children.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book took forever to read (but by choice). I made that choice because having its advice and anecdotes fresh in my mind helped me in my own parenting journey. It helped me to be more calm on a day-to-day basis. It is a book I will return to throughout the years.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think that people can definitely take "gentle" to the extreme, however this book is a really good counter to people who grew up in a more disciplinary setting. It's all about the balance of things.

[Kit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another discipline book where not all of the suggestions are for my family, but it's a very hands on book that most parents will be able to find a technique or two to try using.

[Athene · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just couldn't get into this book. I like the topic, but I guess the style wasn't for me.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hands down best advice ever: Get Off Your Butt!

[LLL USA Breastfeeding Support]

This insightful book debunks myths about the effectiveness of gentle discipline methods and encourages parents to find ways to make gentle discipline work for themselves and their children. Personal stories from a variety of mothers show creative adaptations of gentle discipline methods and provide parents with tools and encouragement to put theory into practice to be real parents, not perfect parents.