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Good Cop, Bad Daughter: Memoirs of an Unlikely Police Officer

Good Cop, Bad Daughter’s Karen Lynch was raised by a counter-culture tribe in summer of love Haight-Ashbury, where she was taught to despise “The Man.” But when the San Francisco Police Department was court ordered to hire women, she found herself compelled to prove to the world that women could cut it as cops, a betrayal that caused her police-loathing mother to brand her a Nazi. Lynch reflects on her difficult childhood with her bi-polar mother, and comes to realize her chaotic past unwittingly provided the perfect foundation for her chosen career.

290 pages, Paperback

First published February 3, 2014

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Karen Lynch

2 books18 followers

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5 stars
84 (46%)
4 stars
68 (37%)
3 stars
26 (14%)
2 stars
2 (1%)
1 star
1 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
Profile Image for Melissa Stacy.
Author 5 books276 followers
May 29, 2021
Published in 2014, the memoir, "Good Cop, Bad Daughter: Memoirs of an Unlikely Police Officer," by Karen Lynch, examines the author's childhood and adolescence before enrolling in the San Francisco Police Academy in 1980, and being sworn in as a San Francisco Police Officer in 1981.

I really loved this book. It's a wonderful read.

I didn't expect so much of the book to be about Lynch's childhood, however. The first half of this memoir became too triggering for me, unfortunately, and I had to skip a section detailing Lynch's teenage years. Our mothers are so very similar, it was just too overwhelming for me to read about her mother's behavior, especially when Lynch never uses the word "abuse." That was exactly my problem growing up, too: I never understood what "abuse" was, because abuse was so normalized and constant. But I've learned how to use that word, and it pained me that Lynch wasn't using that word in her memoir. She just didn't seem far enough along on her journey, perhaps; it took me forty years to get to that word, and I don't know how old Lynch was when she penned this memoir.

Near the very end of the book, Lynch acknowledges that her mother has "narcissism." I would like to expand on that, since my own experiences in life have forced me to contemplate my own mother's abusive behavior to a much greater degree than Lynch does here in this book.

The only diagnosis given for Lynch's mother in the text comes from a ship's doctor in either the late 1960s or early 1970s, and he diagnoses Lynch's mother as having "manic depression with overtones of paranoid schizophrenia." This is very similar to what I thought my own mother had when I was a teenager, in the late 1990s. But in the years since, I've done much more research, and I have something different to share concerning this diagnosis.

Lynch's mother was incredibly abusive and vicious: emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. That behavior doesn't arise from paranoid schizophrenia, or from manic depression.

It is often present in people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and I think Lynch's mother had NPD. This is much more than just saying someone has "narcissism." Many people can have narcissistic traits or "narcissism" without having the full-blown disorder.

I believe Lynch's mother also had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and that this disorder existed alongside her NPD. Prolonged psychotic episodes can occur in untreated BPD, and Lynch's mother had many of these episodes, as did my own mother (who is still alive, and still has them). It is the untreated BPD that presents as/gives the surface appearance of paranoid schizophrenia, as well as manic depression. While many people with BPD and NPD do have depression, it's a result of their disorders, not the underlying problem.

The NPD makes it almost impossible for people with this disorder to ever admit that they have a problem; and unless you can admit you have a problem, you never seek treatment. It's why having comorbid NPD and BPD is so incredibly dangerous, especially for the children born to people who have these comorbid disorders.

If I had a way to contact Lynch, I would share that information with her. I simply wanted to share it here in this review, for anyone else who wants a better understanding of what made Lynch's mother the way she is. I just wanted people to know that when Lynch finally realizes, at the end of the book, that her mother is a "bottomless pit," that this is a 100% accurate description of someone who has NPD. But people with manic depression and schizophrenia are not "bottomless pits." When it comes to mental illness, these labels *do* matter. There is treatment for people with depression and schizophrenia. When it comes to someone with NPD, my best advice is exactly the advice that Lynch gives at the end of this book: cut the cord, and protect yourself. Expect nothing from them, because nothing is all you will get. And beware how much damage they can cause. The damage Lynch's mother caused to Lynch was just endless.

I would read an entire memoir solely about Lynch's time on the police force. The second half of this book is about her time as an adult in the police academy and becoming a rookie police officer. It was fascinating, horrifying, and uplifting. I loved it.

Five shiny gold police officer stars. A fantastic read. Lynch is an amazing human being. My heartfelt thanks to her for penning this book.
Profile Image for Jennifer Margulis.
Author 17 books38 followers
August 17, 2014
"Everything in my life had something to do with Mom," Karen Lynch writes in the middle of her memoir about growing up with a severely mentally ill single mother and deciding to be a police officer. The stories she describes from her childhood are devastating--her mother taking her across the country (essentially kidnapping her), meeting a man on the bus along the way, and spending days holed up in his house having sex with him; her father joining the army in Germany and completely abandoning her when she was only six years old; hours of being neglected, living in fear of her mother's explosive and irrational temper... I cried through a lot of the first half of the book, wishing desperately that someone would pay attention, that her aunt would adopt her, that anyone would take Karen out of the abusive situation she was in. That Lynch survived her abusive childhood without ending up on the streets or in jail is already a feat. That she went on to become one of the first female police officers in San Francisco makes the book truly unique.

Academy training was brutal. More than half her class quit or was fired. None of the other female recruits made it through. Lynch's mother, who had been arrested many times, was horrified when she told her she was going to become a police officer. But Lynch was determined, surviving rude classmates who felt women had no place as police officers, tear gas training, and a supervisor who bullied her friend out of the program and tried his best to fail her too.

The moment the police chief pins a star on her uniform was one of my favorite scenes in the book. Her mother was not there--for which Lynch was grateful--but the reader can't help but be tremendously proud of her:

"I rose when I heard my name called," Lynch writes. "After pinning more than a dozen men, the chief hesitated as I approached. He stared at my chest with some confusion, appearing uncertain of the protocol for pinning a police star on a woman. Hadn't he done this before? The chief poked the pin into my uniform shirt, avoiding eye contact, his face ruddy with embarrassment. The auditorium went uncomfortably silent. The pinning seemed to be taking an excruciatingly long time. I finally reached up to help, and smiled at him. The audience laughed and clapped."

I really enjoyed this book. It's the third memoir I've read in a row (the other two were "Missing: A Memoir" by Lindsay Harrison and "The Girl With Three Legs" by Soraya Miré). I'm giving it four instead of five stars only because the last quarter of the book felt rushed. I wanted to know more about her time *as* a police officer. While I loved the details of surviving the police academy, I felt like we didn't get enough of a sense of what life was like for her out on the streets. I hope Lynch will write another memoir and dwell more on the 19 years she was on patrol.

But if you like memoirs and are interested in women pioneers, you will love this book. If you've grown up with a mentally ill parent, or if you've had a challenging childhood for other reasons, you will also like this book. Kudos to Lynch for her bravery in writing it, and for paving the way for women police officers.
Profile Image for Ann.
954 reviews16 followers
June 5, 2014
I first heard Karen Lynch on NPR and was fascinated by her honesty and humor. I knew I had to read about this woman, one of the first SF policewomen, who survived a crazy, often dangerous childhood. She is a fabulous storyteller who has an amazing story to tell. As a child, she lived in the Haight during the summers of love. There she was cared for by one of her mother's many boyfriends who became her defacto Dad. While trying to keep her mother safe, she managed to graduate from college and get accepted to the police academy. And therein lies another great story. Police training is difficult for strong men but nearly impossible for women to break into. Living with a manic-depressive, paranoid schizophrenic mother was great training for the challenges she would face at the police academy. A fast read and highly recommended.
Profile Image for Lorraine.
482 reviews13 followers
May 11, 2019
After hearing Karen Lynch speak I was drawn to read her book. She was one of the first female police officers in San Francisco at a time when women were not welcome by the cop family. She was raised by a mother with mental illness (manic depression with overtones of paranoid schizophrenia) in the counter culture of the Summer of Love and her life was chaos from the very beginning.

Her biggest fear after becoming a police officer is that one day she would be faced with having to arrest her own mother. Lynch overcame many obstacles in her life, and the story she tells is worth reading. A few parts dragged, but most of the time it was a smooth read interspersed with humorous anecdotes. The complex relationship she had with her mother stands out, but so does the strength she had to persevere in spite of obstacles. She is a tough woman and a good role model for women of all ages.
Profile Image for Mark.
Author 6 books12 followers
July 14, 2017
Karen Lynch's memoir embodies a word not heard too often anymore: "picaresque." Her childhood reminds me of "Travels With My Aunt' -if one's aunt were Baby Jane Hudson. She wasn't raised by her mother as much as taken hostage. What might have been a hard book to read is leavened by a deep-to-the-bone sense of humor that, ironically, might have been the one legacy bequeathed to her by her mother. And even though she has every right to, Ms. Lynch manages to never take herself too seriously. She is clearly a funny person, and this capacity to see predicament with dry-eyed wit, even from an early age, may well have saved her life. It certainly seemed to keep her sane.
I would have preferred a little more on the years of police work themselves, but there is a natural drama that comes with the pioneering nature of breaking through as a female police officer in 1980. And there is a lot of gentle comedy in the account of the academy training as well. Ms. Lynch's destiny may will have been to become a cop, but I daresay it was equally to have become a writer. One hopes there will be more coming.
Profile Image for Ellen Kirschman.
Author 11 books100 followers
June 22, 2014
I read Karen Lynch's fast moving, well written memoir from the perspective of a police psychologist. Like many officers I've worked with, her childhood, miserable and dysfunctional as it was, prepared her to be a cop. From early on she learned to care for herself, manage a constant stream of crises, and be alert to her environment and the people in it. How she survived growing up with her mentally ill mother and how these early experiences helped her fend off the hostility against women in law enforcement, is a riveting tale. Lynch's book is also a story of the struggle to let go, to forgive and ultimately to reconcile with her mother and herself.
Profile Image for Katharine Johnson.
12 reviews4 followers
February 14, 2014
Karen Lynch's memoir is a powerful, and very personal, page turner. She tells her story of childhood traumas and neglect with an objectivity reminiscent of Jeanette Walls' "The Glass Castle". Her tales of the SFPD Academy are absorbing as she describes how men reacted to her in the early years of women joining the police force. Ultimately this book fits into the category of "inspirational", both for adults and for adolescents who may be struggling with challenging circumstances at home.
Profile Image for Victoria Meblin.
232 reviews
February 15, 2014
This book immediately drew me in. I laughed, I cried, I was on pins and needles (What would Mom do next? What further test would Karen face during academy training?), and most of all, I was inspired by Karen's courage, determination, and sense of humor through all the trials she faced in her personal and professional life. I loved this book.
Profile Image for Cheryl.
28 reviews1 follower
December 10, 2017
A Fantastic Book

This was an engaging memoir about overcoming a difficult childhood (living with a mother with bi polar) by never giving up. Also, the importance of having just one adult in your life, who even thou is not blood related, can become your family and the give the support and inspiration you need to succeed. The author also writes about being one of the few female police candidates going through Officer training and the struggles she faced simply because she was female. An excellent book, I highly recommend it.
2 reviews
January 10, 2017
Thank You for sharing!!!!!!!!!!

WOW, I can honestly say I have never read a book in less then 2 days until now . This book literally held my attention from start to finish. Great read,and great book Karen!!!!!
Profile Image for Emily Klein.
Author 6 books12 followers
November 28, 2017
You know I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this book! The writing is not special, but the narrative is really gripping and I particularly liked the second half when she describes the training she received in the SF police department in the early 80's.
Profile Image for Wrbill Edwards.
190 reviews1 follower
August 19, 2025
Amazing !

A very remarkable memoir of a police officer , who grew up with a manic-depressive, abusive mother. Details from childhood, adolescence, Bachelor's degree, decision to apply to San Francisco Police, and police academy. One of the earliest woman police officers.
Profile Image for Melissa Le Roux.
71 reviews1 follower
March 27, 2019
Wow, her story telling is superb, and her mother, crazy! It made for a fascinating tale of how she made a tough childhood something to learn and grow from. Inspiring read!
Profile Image for Rebekkah Koons.
Author 1 book5 followers
April 30, 2015
When this book was first brought to my attention, I wasn't sure what to expect from it. I had never heard of Karen Lynch but found her through mutual friends on Facebook. Am I glad I did! It's been awhile since I've read a really good true story of struggle and triumph since I've been mostly focused on fiction. But, once I bought this book via Kindle, I read it in one sitting. I didn't even get up to get my dinner and my hot pocket went cold, that's how great this book is! The reasons? First off, Lynch informed me that her goal was to hopefully have a reader learn something from this book, she wanted it reviewed to help people. I thought "okay, that's nice" bought it and was blown away! I don't see anyone reading this book without getting something out of it! First of all, if you enjoy reading about an empowered woman, read how Lynch was one of the first female cops despite her mother's wishes, a homicide detective, and a magnificent writer. I'm just going to say it, I couldn't think of any other way to, Lynch is a bad-ass. Ther's so much that Lynch shares that shows courage, independence, and strength through adversity. She shares about dealing with a loved one who is mentally ill and how ones past does not define someone's future. In fact, if someone says they can't do something because of their past refer them straight to this book! There's so much packed into this book, I actually had to research to make sure it was a true story because of the incredible journey Lynch's life was bad and good. She thrived when a lot of people would have just given up. She had reasons to give up, no one would have blamed her but she chose her own path and I would be honored one day to not only meet Lynch but to shake her hand and thank her for sharing her story. What an incredible author! If you want to be inspired, if you need motivation Lynch will give you that and more.
Profile Image for Diane Yannick.
569 reviews881 followers
May 4, 2014
Karen Lynch sure can write! She tells an often harrowing story about growing up with a bipolar mom who was extremely challenging. She told this story without the slightest bit of self pity. She just gives us the details of her life and allows us to make our own judgements about her mother's diseases and their relationship.She makes no attempt to make herself look good. This honesty is relayed in a carefully paced, interesting manner throughout.

The second part of the book, although mom still makes her appearances, describes the author's arduous journey to became a L.A. police officer. Never had I considered that growing up with a mentally ill mom could prepare you for life on the streets. Yet it did. The mindset that was necessary to navigate the many moods and unpredictable behavior of her mom, helped her develop the toughness and problem solving abilities that made her a good cop.

I'm not at all sure that she was a bad daughter. She endured her mom's abusive behavior with more grace than most humans could muster. In the end, the only way she was able to protect herself was to limit her mother's access to her. Karen's story proves that one good adult role model who loves you unconditionally, can make all the difference. For her, Jim was that person, long after her mother had discarded him.

I was unaware of the hardships suffered in the academies and on the streets by the first women police recruits in the 1970's. Overcoming all of the obstacles, both physical and mental, is a tribute to Karen's tenacity. This is an interesting, well written, honest memoir.
Profile Image for UpstateNYgal.
164 reviews7 followers
August 13, 2016
Good Cop, Bad Daughter

A very compelling read.
I have always been a fan of what drives us to be and do what we do.
This memoir is a non stop window into a world of strength, determinations, wiles, courage, brains and resilience.

Part One takes the reader on a trip of the unimaginable for most of us.
The author is the same age as I, quite often I found myself putting myself in her shoes and marveling at what she experienced and how those experiences honed her skills and set her on the right path when others might have caved.

Part Two ushers in the rise of women in the SFPD and chronicles long days in the academy.
With each paragraph I found myself holding my breath not knowing what was coming next.
I absolutely adored the last line of this book.
Read it and you will too.

Beg to differ with the title, Bad Daughter (no matter how her Mother saw it) is a definite NO in my book.
13 reviews2 followers
March 1, 2014
I loved this memoir of resilience and humor, from one of San Francisco's first policewomen. Karen Lynch survived a crazy mother -- time in an orphanage, violence, abandonment -- with her spirit intact, actually strengthened. And she can write: "'Muster' was not a word I'd used much, if eve, before, but I was learning that muster was a big deal in the [police] academy. Whatever muster was, I would frequently not pass it." Even though it's not a spoiler to say that she graduates to become a police offer, her ability to tell a story keeps you reading with pleasure, even if not in suspense.
Profile Image for Kari.
Author 2 books12 followers
October 21, 2014
Fascinating and well-written. Could almost have been written in the style of police drama instead of a memoir.

The prologue tells us that growing up with a mentally ill mother served as Karen's training ground to become a police officer, and the first half of the book tells us how. I was eager to get to the part about her police training, but the story of her tumultuous upbringing captivated me and kept me reading.

I enjoyed reading about her relationships with her fellow trainees and appreciated this story about a woman rising above the challenges of her childhood.
Profile Image for Kate.
Author 8 books264 followers
December 31, 2017
This book made me think about all the people who have written about having extremely difficult parents, from Jeanette Walls, Nick Flynn, and Julia Scheeres to more recently Gayle Brandeis. What is fascinating in this book is her premise that having a bipolar mother helped prepare her to become a cop. But oh to suffer her mother's cruel and neglectful ways--and to write about it with such verve and, at times, humor. She was far from a bad daughter...but that makes for a good title. I enjoyed reading about San Francisco in the 1980s and all she did to rise above sexism to fulfill her destiny.
Profile Image for Katharine Johnson.
12 reviews4 followers
February 5, 2014
Karen Lynch's memoir is a powerful, and very personal, page turner. She tells her story of childhood traumas and neglect with an objectivity reminiscent of Jeanette Walls' "The Glass Castle". Her tales of the SFPD Academy are absorbing as she describes how men reacted to her in the early years of women joining the police force. Ultimately this book fits into the category of "inspirational", both for adults and for adolescents who may be struggling with challenging circumstances at home.
Profile Image for Dea.
10 reviews
July 10, 2015
Karen is an amazing person to have survived and strived and become the strong, independent person she is today. The book is exciting (because it's the story of her life, and her survival). I wish it had been copy-edited a little better, but that's a small complaint and the book is definitely worth reading. I hope she will write more about her life, or perhaps a fiction, because I get the feeling she has many more stories to tell.
Profile Image for April.
380 reviews1 follower
February 2, 2016
Congratulations Karen on a great book. Your story is so worth telling- thank you for sharing those painful and positive memories!
Heartfelt, humorous and historical. Excellent information for young women to learn about barriers crossed into the men's job arena.
Excellent insight into life with an unstable parent.
I am so glad I read this.
Profile Image for Kate Struthers.
18 reviews3 followers
June 25, 2014
Absolutely loved this book! Read it in 3 days and was sad it was ending. Karen is extremely real and vulnerable, I kept feeling moments of rooting for her and hoping she would keep strong! Loved all the sf references!
436 reviews
March 16, 2014
YOu learn a lot about living with someone who's bipolar & how that forms your adulthood. Very good.
7 reviews
April 21, 2014
Really enjoyed the book and her book review discussion. Such amazing experiences!
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews