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What They Never Told Us: True Stories of Family Secrets and Hidden Identities Revealed
From acclaimed bestselling author of White Like My Family's Story of Race and Racial Passing, comes a brand new collection of stories of people uncovering their past.Shattered Mirrors tells the stories of ordinary people who made extraordinary, life-changing discoveries about their parentage and/or race and ethnicity that fractured their identities. The book asks the big Who are we? And what is family? Blending social history and personal narratives, each story delves into the devastating psychological trauma of uncovering a hidden family secret with all the twists and turns of a mystery novel from how the discovery was made; to why it was kept secret; to the arduous, sometimes disappointing, quest to find the biological parent or parents. To fully understand the secrecy surrounding these family secrets, the book examines pre-WWII and post-WWII attitudes toward infertility, adoption, donor conception, race and racial passing, and unmarried pregnant women. Interspersed throughout these harrowing narratives is the author's own confusing and sometimes painful journey to redefine my racial identity under the spotlight of public opinion. Searingly raw and honest, Shattered Mirrors tells the stories that were never meant to be told.
- GenresAdoptionNonfiction
240 pages, Hardcover
Published November 26, 2024
10 people are currently reading
2339 people want to read
About the author
Gail Lukasik
9 books142 followersGail Lukasik's latest book, What They Never Told Us: True Stories of Family Secrets and Hidden Identities Revealed, tells the stories of ordinary people who made extraordinary discoveries about their parentage and/or race and ethnicity. It's the followup book to her best-selling memoir, White Like Her: My Family's Story of Race and Racial Passing.
Severance Magazine gave What They Never Told Us a glowing review. Click the link to read: https://severancemag.com
Her fifth mystery novel, and first gothic historical mystery, The Darkness Surrounds Us, was praised Publishers Weekly, who said of the book: "Lukasik delivers a gripping ghost story of pandemics past in this well-crafted gothic mystery. With unpredictable plotting and superior atmospherics, this is an early-autumn treat fit for late-night devouring."
Gail's memoir, White Like Her: My Family's Story of Race and Racial Passing, captured national attention leading to her appearance in the documentary History of Memory, which won the X Award at the 2019 Tribeca Film Festival. https://garage.ext.hp.com/us/en/moder...
Gail was inspired to write White Like Her after her appearance on PBS's Genealogy Roadshow where her mother's life changing secret was revealed.
The Washington Post named White Like Her as one of the most inspiring stories of 2017.
She was born in Cleveland, Ohio, and was a dancer with the Cleveland Civic Ballet Company.
Severance Magazine gave What They Never Told Us a glowing review. Click the link to read: https://severancemag.com
Her fifth mystery novel, and first gothic historical mystery, The Darkness Surrounds Us, was praised Publishers Weekly, who said of the book: "Lukasik delivers a gripping ghost story of pandemics past in this well-crafted gothic mystery. With unpredictable plotting and superior atmospherics, this is an early-autumn treat fit for late-night devouring."
Gail's memoir, White Like Her: My Family's Story of Race and Racial Passing, captured national attention leading to her appearance in the documentary History of Memory, which won the X Award at the 2019 Tribeca Film Festival. https://garage.ext.hp.com/us/en/moder...
Gail was inspired to write White Like Her after her appearance on PBS's Genealogy Roadshow where her mother's life changing secret was revealed.
The Washington Post named White Like Her as one of the most inspiring stories of 2017.
She was born in Cleveland, Ohio, and was a dancer with the Cleveland Civic Ballet Company.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
November 2, 2024
I found the stories in this book to be interesting. Sadly they are far from unique. Cases like these are becoming more common as DNA testing is made more affordable and genealogy as a whole becomes easier to access.
One thing I would like to know is how the discovery impacted people and their families afterward, but for many the discovery is too recent to really expand on.
I did appreciate the author's decision to protect anonymity when requested. She treated each story and its teller with respect and acknowledged how difficult the potential fallout may be.
I would suggest this book to anyone who is interested in genetic genealogy. It is a fascinating look at how families are formed, secrets and all.
My thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.
One thing I would like to know is how the discovery impacted people and their families afterward, but for many the discovery is too recent to really expand on.
I did appreciate the author's decision to protect anonymity when requested. She treated each story and its teller with respect and acknowledged how difficult the potential fallout may be.
I would suggest this book to anyone who is interested in genetic genealogy. It is a fascinating look at how families are formed, secrets and all.
My thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.
August 29, 2025
In 1995, Gail Lukasik made a life-changing discovery. Her maternal grandfather was Black. It took her two years to discuss this with her mother, who admitted she had “passed for white” for most of her life. Her mother swore Gail to secrecy, but after her death, she revealed her secret on the PBS program Genealogy Roadshow. This appearance led her to recover her lost family and to write a memoir, White Like Me, in which she recounts how she uncovered her mother’s racial heritage and probed her reasons for concealing it.
The television appearance and her book opened a floodgate, as others sought her out to reveal their own stories. At first, these accounts mirrored her own experience, discoveries during adulthood of mixed-race backgrounds, in one case, a white woman who had been raised as a Black.
Over time, however, others brought her accounts of adoptees searching for their biological parents and their earth-shattering discoveries. Others told of learning through DNA records they were the products of a hidden affair or other non-paternal events, such as artificial insemination from an anonymous male donor.
Lukasik brings these accounts together in a heart-wrenching book, What They Never Told Us: True Stories of Family Secrets and Hidden Identifies Revealed.
The pain of these accounts comes from those parents whose lifetime of secrecy is ripped apart, from those women whose babies were ripped from them because they were deemed unfit, but most of all from the children of these secrets who learn that everything they thought about themselves was a lie.
A few stories are uplifting. The man who discovered his biological father was a convicted murderer, obtains his release after years of incarceration, and devotes his life to restoring the man to society. Those who discovered biological families and bonded with them.
Most, however, reveal the trauma of finding their life assumptions ripped apart. Who am I? What would I have become if I hadn’t been taken from my mother? Why did they hide the truth from me?
She writes: “Their trauma was amplified by their family’s inability to understand the impact of the secret, telling them that it doesn’t matter, they they’re still the same person. But to the discoverer, it does natter. And they’re not the same person anymore.”
What I found most compelling was the finding by psychologists that those taken from their mothers at birth experience a trauma, called a primal wound, that persists throughout their lives. Think of that. Babies know they’ve been separated from the person who gave them life, and they never forget.
In this age of DNA discoveries, the author’s book, told with compassion and empathy, is a cautionary tale for modern life. There are no longer any secrets. What we do by concealing children’s origin stories from them carves new wounds in already pierced psyches.
The television appearance and her book opened a floodgate, as others sought her out to reveal their own stories. At first, these accounts mirrored her own experience, discoveries during adulthood of mixed-race backgrounds, in one case, a white woman who had been raised as a Black.
Over time, however, others brought her accounts of adoptees searching for their biological parents and their earth-shattering discoveries. Others told of learning through DNA records they were the products of a hidden affair or other non-paternal events, such as artificial insemination from an anonymous male donor.
Lukasik brings these accounts together in a heart-wrenching book, What They Never Told Us: True Stories of Family Secrets and Hidden Identifies Revealed.
The pain of these accounts comes from those parents whose lifetime of secrecy is ripped apart, from those women whose babies were ripped from them because they were deemed unfit, but most of all from the children of these secrets who learn that everything they thought about themselves was a lie.
A few stories are uplifting. The man who discovered his biological father was a convicted murderer, obtains his release after years of incarceration, and devotes his life to restoring the man to society. Those who discovered biological families and bonded with them.
Most, however, reveal the trauma of finding their life assumptions ripped apart. Who am I? What would I have become if I hadn’t been taken from my mother? Why did they hide the truth from me?
She writes: “Their trauma was amplified by their family’s inability to understand the impact of the secret, telling them that it doesn’t matter, they they’re still the same person. But to the discoverer, it does natter. And they’re not the same person anymore.”
What I found most compelling was the finding by psychologists that those taken from their mothers at birth experience a trauma, called a primal wound, that persists throughout their lives. Think of that. Babies know they’ve been separated from the person who gave them life, and they never forget.
In this age of DNA discoveries, the author’s book, told with compassion and empathy, is a cautionary tale for modern life. There are no longer any secrets. What we do by concealing children’s origin stories from them carves new wounds in already pierced psyches.
December 20, 2024
Gail Lukasik’s What They Never Told Us is a poignant, thought-provoking exploration of identity, family, and the secrets that shape us. Known for her bestselling memoir White Like Her, Lukasik once again delves into the complexities of race, parentage, and societal norms, this time through the lens of ordinary people who have uncovered extraordinary truths about their past.
The book begins with Lukasik’s own journey, a deeply personal account of grappling with her racial identity after a shocking family revelation. Her openness and vulnerability set the tone for the narratives that follow, creating a connection with readers as they navigate the raw, emotional terrain of hidden histories.
Each story in the collection is a journey of discovery, heartbreak, and resilience. The individuals featured in these accounts uncover secrets about their parentage, race, or ethnicity that shatter their understanding of themselves and their families. Lukasik approaches each narrative with empathy and respect, weaving in social and historical context that enriches the reader’s understanding of why these secrets were kept in the first place.
What sets this book apart is its blend of personal narratives with broader social history. Lukasik explores how attitudes toward adoption, infertility, donor conception, and racial passing—shaped by pre- and post-WWII societal norms—created a culture of secrecy. This historical backdrop adds depth to the individual stories, illuminating the systemic forces that influenced deeply personal decisions.
The writing is both accessible and deeply evocative, capturing the emotional complexity of each tale while maintaining the pacing and intrigue of a mystery novel. Readers will find themselves drawn into the twists and turns of these discoveries, from how the secrets were uncovered to the often bittersweet outcomes of the search for biological roots.
Ultimately, What They Never Told Us asks profound questions: Who are we without the stories we’ve been told about ourselves? What does it mean to belong? Lukasik does not offer easy answers but instead provides a space for reflection, making this book as intellectually engaging as it is emotionally resonant.
This is a must-read for fans of memoirs and narrative non-fiction, especially those interested in themes of family, race, and identity. It will particularly appeal to readers of Dani Shapiro’s Inheritance or Lisa Brennan-Jobs’ Small Fry. Searingly honest and beautifully crafted, What They Never Told Us is a testament to the power of truth and the resilience of the human spirit.
The book begins with Lukasik’s own journey, a deeply personal account of grappling with her racial identity after a shocking family revelation. Her openness and vulnerability set the tone for the narratives that follow, creating a connection with readers as they navigate the raw, emotional terrain of hidden histories.
Each story in the collection is a journey of discovery, heartbreak, and resilience. The individuals featured in these accounts uncover secrets about their parentage, race, or ethnicity that shatter their understanding of themselves and their families. Lukasik approaches each narrative with empathy and respect, weaving in social and historical context that enriches the reader’s understanding of why these secrets were kept in the first place.
What sets this book apart is its blend of personal narratives with broader social history. Lukasik explores how attitudes toward adoption, infertility, donor conception, and racial passing—shaped by pre- and post-WWII societal norms—created a culture of secrecy. This historical backdrop adds depth to the individual stories, illuminating the systemic forces that influenced deeply personal decisions.
The writing is both accessible and deeply evocative, capturing the emotional complexity of each tale while maintaining the pacing and intrigue of a mystery novel. Readers will find themselves drawn into the twists and turns of these discoveries, from how the secrets were uncovered to the often bittersweet outcomes of the search for biological roots.
Ultimately, What They Never Told Us asks profound questions: Who are we without the stories we’ve been told about ourselves? What does it mean to belong? Lukasik does not offer easy answers but instead provides a space for reflection, making this book as intellectually engaging as it is emotionally resonant.
This is a must-read for fans of memoirs and narrative non-fiction, especially those interested in themes of family, race, and identity. It will particularly appeal to readers of Dani Shapiro’s Inheritance or Lisa Brennan-Jobs’ Small Fry. Searingly honest and beautifully crafted, What They Never Told Us is a testament to the power of truth and the resilience of the human spirit.
October 13, 2024
This book has some interesting stories about those who discover they were adopted, or that their births were the result of AI treatment. The former stories were more engaging than the latter. An adopted woman raised black discovers her biological parents were white. An adopted policeman learns his biological father was in prison for murder. An adopted Italian-American doctor finds out he had a black biological parent. (Apparently it was common practice during certain time periods to place biracial babies with Italian families. Then darker skin colors could be passed off as olive.)
Author Gail Lukasik does a pretty good job of balancing the needs of individuals to know their true biological background, with the needs of mothers and fathers to keep such information secret for one reason or another. Yet I'm still not totally convinced that not knowing such secrets, or being taken away from a biological mother, causes permanent psychological damage. I'm afraid many such stories by those who didn't know such secrets sound self-absorbed and self-pitying. Not the ones in this book, mind you, but many others in articles and memoirs, such as Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love.
There is great emphasis in this book on the need to be with one's "tribe", as well as in the need to find someone who looks like one does. But not everyone needs such things. By the third decade of life, it's common to have developed a strong independent identity, independent of one's parents and others. Moreover, not everyone who discovers later in life that their ethnic background isn't what they were told as a child gets terribly upset about the matter. How truly important is ethnicity, race and DNA? Those things are only as important as someone wants to make them.
(Note: I received a free e-ARC of this book from NetGalley and the publisher or author.)
Author Gail Lukasik does a pretty good job of balancing the needs of individuals to know their true biological background, with the needs of mothers and fathers to keep such information secret for one reason or another. Yet I'm still not totally convinced that not knowing such secrets, or being taken away from a biological mother, causes permanent psychological damage. I'm afraid many such stories by those who didn't know such secrets sound self-absorbed and self-pitying. Not the ones in this book, mind you, but many others in articles and memoirs, such as Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love.
There is great emphasis in this book on the need to be with one's "tribe", as well as in the need to find someone who looks like one does. But not everyone needs such things. By the third decade of life, it's common to have developed a strong independent identity, independent of one's parents and others. Moreover, not everyone who discovers later in life that their ethnic background isn't what they were told as a child gets terribly upset about the matter. How truly important is ethnicity, race and DNA? Those things are only as important as someone wants to make them.
(Note: I received a free e-ARC of this book from NetGalley and the publisher or author.)
February 26, 2025
Being adopted, I had to take at face value what I was told about my origins until I was old enough to ask questions for myself. Even having met my birthmother, there were still a few surprises when I finally submitted my DNA for testing. I was always told I was German and Irish growing up. Turns out I’m mostly “Eastern European” (which includes Germany), Irish, a slice of Scandanavian, and 12% Ashkenazi Jewish. That was a huge surprise. From what I’ve been able to interpret, I likely had a great-grandparent on my father’s side who was Jewish.
These commercial DNA tests have uncovered many family secrets and hidden identities. In the book What They Never Told Us, Gail Lukasik tells the story of a number of people who have had their identities upended thanks to DNA testing. In some cases, it helped answer questions they had for most of their lives. In others, the results came as a complete shock.
Lukasik herself found out later in life that her racial origins weren’t what she knew, which was detailed in her first book, White Like Her. Part of that story is here as well, with people who were raised white, only to found out they have African-American ancestry. This happened quite a bit due to the racism in this country, just ask Thomas Jefferson’s descendants. In one case, a woman adopted by an African-American family found out that shehad no African ancestry!
To read my full review please go to What They Never Told Us: True Stories of Family Secrets and Hidden Identities Revealed by Gail Lukasik – The Impact of DNA Tests on Personal Identity
These commercial DNA tests have uncovered many family secrets and hidden identities. In the book What They Never Told Us, Gail Lukasik tells the story of a number of people who have had their identities upended thanks to DNA testing. In some cases, it helped answer questions they had for most of their lives. In others, the results came as a complete shock.
Lukasik herself found out later in life that her racial origins weren’t what she knew, which was detailed in her first book, White Like Her. Part of that story is here as well, with people who were raised white, only to found out they have African-American ancestry. This happened quite a bit due to the racism in this country, just ask Thomas Jefferson’s descendants. In one case, a woman adopted by an African-American family found out that shehad no African ancestry!
To read my full review please go to What They Never Told Us: True Stories of Family Secrets and Hidden Identities Revealed by Gail Lukasik – The Impact of DNA Tests on Personal Identity
December 5, 2024
I do not usually write book reviews and I am not an avid reader by any means -- but I had to tell everyone about this book. This is the third of Gail's books I have read and definitely a great embellishment to "White Like Her". She interviewed many people who have encountered unexpected "surprises" thanks to the advancement of DNA research and testing. It boggled my brain to learn how common this is and the secrets that were buried in "family closets". I found it impossible to put the book down because as I finished one story I wanted to learn about the next. Each person with different circumstances but a similar end result -- that one of their parents was NOT their parent. How these individuals and their families dealt with the revelation that perhaps their father was not their father....some it was unbelievably sad and heartwrenching. These folks are obviously very courageous sharing their stories, and I think you will find it worthwhile reading. There is surely a family situation in the book to which everyone can relate. I found this quote from the book to be most inspirational: "The power of story, in listening to other people's lives and struggles, allows us to open ourselves to empathy and understanding. In the brave telling of our stories, we heal ourselves and others."
January 3, 2025
As someone who has dedicated my life to advocating for the right to know our genetic identities, I found "What They Never Told Us" by Gail Lukasik to be a poignant and deeply personal exploration of family secrets and the unexpected truths that emerge when we dare to uncover them.
Gail’s journey resonates profoundly with those who have experienced DNA surprises or grappled with the complex emotions tied to identity. She masterfully highlights how secrecy about our identity shapes our sense of self and doesn’t shy away from discussing the complexities of race and belonging. Her story weaves together history, personal discovery, and an unflinching look at societal biases, offering readers an intimate look at the ripple effects of long-held family secrets.
Gail's journey and the stories she highlights serve as a testament to the courage it takes to confront the past and the strength found in understanding who we truly are to build a future rooted in truth, connection, and authenticity.
Gail’s journey resonates profoundly with those who have experienced DNA surprises or grappled with the complex emotions tied to identity. She masterfully highlights how secrecy about our identity shapes our sense of self and doesn’t shy away from discussing the complexities of race and belonging. Her story weaves together history, personal discovery, and an unflinching look at societal biases, offering readers an intimate look at the ripple effects of long-held family secrets.
Gail's journey and the stories she highlights serve as a testament to the courage it takes to confront the past and the strength found in understanding who we truly are to build a future rooted in truth, connection, and authenticity.
October 13, 2025
This book dives deeply into the stories of those who have discovered surprises in their family history through DNA. The participants in the book share very openly and deeply about their journeys. Some are even connected to each other, which adds another layer of complexity to their stories. Throughout the book, Lukasik also shares her own story as well as the ways that the participants' stories impacted her. This lends a really human touch to the interviews, and it makes the difficult stories more palpable. Along with this, the author offers great introductory chapters to each section which help to situate the stories within the larger social history. This extra information helps the reader better understand the surprises and the people who were involved, particularly the decisions that they made. Overall, this is a great book for those who have heard about DNA surprises and want to know more. Gail makes this reality more understandable and more real by telling the stories. She also helps to life the stigma and shame in the process.
November 10, 2024
I was adopted as a child and while I've made contact with my biological mother, my biological father and half siblings know nothing of my existence. Because of this, I was able to relate to a lot of these stories, and it also provided me many resources to look into to find my biological father. It also made me feel 'normal' for feeling the way I do about my birth and all of the secrets. I did feel like sometimes the stories within the parts jumped around a bit, but I still really liked the book due to the content.
December 7, 2024
This is an excellent collection of stories encapsulating very complex issues dealing with adoption, racial confusion and unexpected DNA testing results. It very sensitively handles the emotional issues of identity disruption and confusion and the dishonesty that led to them. These stories are not unusual and should make us all think about what untold stories there are going back generations. Are any of us who we think we are?
December 31, 2024
This was an interesting book that compiled stories from people who discovered that their parentage wasn't what they thought it was. The author tied in her own experience while sharing the experience of others.
November 29, 2024
interesting set of discussions of families and secrets with very interesting contetn, although at times it feels disjointed. 3.5 stars, rounded up.
May 21, 2025
I found this book to be very interesting and hard to put down at times.
November 7, 2025
Very interesting subject. Some hit very close to home.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews