Welcome to Ekland, the surreal fairy tale landscape where the troops of Deadline Central war against the Ek for the survival of humanity. The Ek are a race of mutated horses seeking to attain emotional and mental evolution by stealing human souls. They're super-intelligent, violent, and ruthless. They might just succeed in wiping out humankind, but for two people:
1. Meet Daniel Osiris Soldier, Deadline Central's one man army. Soldier is the ultimate warrior-a man incapable of feeling fear.
2. Meet Sergeant Katherine Manson, Soldier's unit NCO. Sarge is harder that stainless steel fingernails and twice as dangerous. She's also fantastic at manipulating transformation weaponry.
The Ek may kill everyone else on Earth, but as long as Soldier and Sarge remain alive, murdering the human race is simply a waste of time and ammunition. The war hasn't even begun yet. Have no fear, Soldier is here
Wol-vriey writes eXXXtreme horror fiction, and also some surrealist stuff.
To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.
His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.
On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.
Right of the bat I noticed (cause how can you not) that the book is written in second person....Not my favorite style of narrative because when things like getting eaten alive by meat termites or desecrating the ass of charred melting Sergeant, reading "you" did that made the story harder for me to get into. The first part of the book is kind of difficult to follow because there is sooooo much going on. Between the other worlds, the characters, and the creatures, WOl-Vriey takes you on an adventure very much like The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, but instead of encountering the lion or the scarecrow you encounter a Sergeant turned into a suitcase and General Dickhead whose shapely dick figure and long cum hair with an ejaculation of a thousand forces! There is something strange, bizarre, and disturbing about the missions that Deadline Central go on and Wol-vriey paints quite the picture.
The beginning of the book introduces you to the main characters, Soldier and Sarge. We find out that they are part of a military group that is raging war on the Eks of Ekland. The Eks I really enjoyed. They are horses that worship and hate the human race. Because of this hatred they have taken on intelligence to mimic the ways of humans. TO add to their creepiness, every human an Ek kills, their face is removed and becomes the face of the Ek, another attempt to fuck with the minds of humans while trying to resemble them. The Eks emotions are controlled by the Unibow, a one color band that lets you know of their emotional state. Destroying the Unibow is but one mission that DC sends our heroes on. Through a few mishaps and misunderstandings with a few of his comrades, Soldier finds himself the one man army of Deadline Central and it is up to him to save the human race from eradication. Will our hero be able to defeat the Eks once and for all? Will Pumpkin Sunshine stand in his way? Will Soldier ever find out what that USB port in his ass is really for!??!
Poor Soldier and Sarge take quite a beating throughout the entire book including but not limited to, being consumed by meat termites, turning into a living meat suitcase, being blown, up and some characters even suffer decapitation and the assault of a military issued vagina Wol-vriey does not skimp on his characters and his descriptions and every encounter with a new creature be it the Eks, the Stockingheads, or other military personnel you can’t help but get sucked into this world and the second person narrative becomes a lot more fun to read in. There are times in the book where you literally just get lost in the book due to the fact in can be hard to keep up, but keep reading despite the craziness, Wol-vriey brings it all together and things you thought weren't explained get realized and thought out by the characters as you read on. I would love to read more on DC and their missions.
This was my first encounter with Wol-vriey, and he fits my description of a very talented and warped bizarro writer. I look forward to reading more about what other insane worlds this man has concocted.
I received my copy from Wol-vriey himself in exchange for review. Reviewing one of his books is like trying to open a can of corn with your teeth. Where do you begin? His weird imaginative mind works in mysterious ways.
Welcome to Ekland, the surreal fairy tale landscape where the troops of Deadline Central war against the Ek for the survival of humanity. In this world the battle to end a war that has not even began. Daniel Soldier has a USB plugged anus connected to a suitcase who yells commands into his mind. These commands come from, Sarge a manipulating weaponry specialist.
The war is a surreal battle of lots of cum, strange weapons, recreated limbs and Horse-headed people. (THE EKS) Earth is long gone, and the Eks want to be the only race alive. Beware when you read that at times you may find yourself lost in Wol-vriey's mind, but keep reading it will all fall into place.
The interesting concept used is the story is told in second person, makes you feel like you are part of the team. Spreading blood, sex, and whatever else the Wol-vriey splatters on the page.
Well, Wol-Vriey did it again. He succeeded in making Meat Suitcase just as bizarre and fucked up as Vegan Zombie Apocalypse. Meat Suitcase is the second book I've read from this author. His work is certainly an acquired taste and not for the squeamish reader. Don't bother picking up Meat Suitcase if you don't have a warped sense of humor or if you are offended by sexual depravity and or head-scratching violence.
There is a penis-woman who grows cum hair, a sergeant-suitcase-ring-skeleton thingy, robotic meat dogs, a pumpkin sun, horse people, turnip people, and uh…yeah. Just yeah. Don't try to make sense of it. If you're willing to go along for the ride, Meat Suitcase is an enjoyable train wreck. If you're hoping for something other than brainless fun i.e. "literary merits" [SPOILER: it has none], be prepared for disappointment. This book is for the dedicated bizarro and horror fan! All other bibliophiles need not apply. 3.5/5 stars!
You will battle a horde of horse people who stand on their hind legs and wear the faces of your dead family members. You will lose your legs to a flesh-eating weapon in a never-ending war with these creatures and will find yourself frantically sodomizing the remains of a corpse on the battlefield before your genitals too can disappear. You will engage in completely heterosexual sex with a woman who is also a giant penis--and you will love it! You will fight meatdogs and a giant floating pumpkin head. You will kill thousands because it’s your duty as a Deadline soldier.
If you've not already guessed, this story is told in 2nd person and it’s absolutely insane. You've been cast as the hero in this messed up war against godless monsters and monsters who've rebelled against their gods. If you don’t want to be the hero in a story that contains all of the above-mentioned nuttiness, then you might want to give Meat Suitcase a pass.
Bizarro has grown a lot in the last couple years. There have been a lot of new authors immerging, many really talented. But I have yet to find anyone who compares to the weird that is Wol-vriey. I first came across him with his book Invasion of the Ass Chickens. That book was crazy, but good. It was as weird as you could get but well written. When he offered me a copy of Meat Suitcase in exchange for a review I jumped on it.
This book starts out with the story of Soldier, who along with his fellow troops from Deadline Central is locked in a fierce battle with the Eeks. The Eeks are a Horse headed race whose faces change into that of any human they kill. Not only is this war deadly, it’s psychologically destructive. Soldier becomes the last man standing, so to speak, as he fights to the death while the lower half of his body is being eaten by meat termites. This is what happens before the first chapter even begins. It’s just a small shadow of what goes on in this book .The adventures Soldier has, along with his partner Sergeant, are incredible and borderline insane. Wol-vriey really puts these guys through the wringer, as just when it may seem like they have completed a mission DC throws them back out into the war.
Wol-vriey has no shortage of wild ideas and interesting concepts. We are introduced to characters and landscapes that are fascinating and rich with the detailed clarity of a master storyteller. There’s Pumpkin Sunshine, the pumpkin sun that floats in the sky above Stasis, he’s The Pumpking. Then there’s Wetville where its buildings are huge umbrella canopies that protect the town from the huge whale-clouds that swim in the sky. These are but small examples, they barely scratch the surface of Meat Suitcase.
About the only issue I had with Meat Suitcase is that it’s written in 2nd person. It wasn’t really an issue, I had just never read a book from this perspective before so it took a little getting used to.
In the time between Ass Chickens and Meat Suitcase, Wol-vriey definitely hasn’t lost his touch. Instead he's managed to ratchet up the weird even farther. If you've never read anything by Wol-vriey and you're into Bizarro then do yourself a favor and grab one of his books.
Hmmm...how do I describe this book and give it the justice it deserves? I've been pondering this all day and I keep coming up empty. Yes I can provide a general plot summary but I cannot put into words the brilliance of Wol-vriey's imagination.
Meat Suitcase is a Bizarro tale unlike anything I've read before. The reader is immediately thrown into a world completely different from ours. In Ekland there is a war between Deadline Central and the Eks. At the center of the battle is Soldier Daniel Osiris. He kicks some prominent ass against the Eks and any other civilization that threatens DC.
Let me just say that I was continually amazed at the conceptualization of this world. Take for example the Pumpkin Sunshine who rules Stasis from above (wonderfully depicted on the cover):
The pumpkin sun stops shining. It descends to earth, and its caterpillar teeth’s teeth acting like hands, it picks a headless body from a pile of headless bodies lying on the ground, and screws it into its underside.
How the hell did Wol-vriey come up with this? This is just one example. This book is jammed packed with such goodness.
I gave it 5 stars although I did have minor gripes with the following two points: 1) it is written in 2nd person which I did not enjoy so much and 2) It is too long. I prefer my Bizarro on the short and sweet side. However, it is not enough to deduct any stars.
This book starts with the gore, forbidden sexual degradation, and just plain balls-to-the-grindstone weirdness cranked up to 11. And it stays there the whole time. There's no pause for breath, to allow you to collect yourself and attempt to get what's left of your mind around this story. It rapes your mind, and you can't help but climax, even as you hate yourself for it.
I received an e-copy of this book direct from the author for a fair and honest review. And now I'm not sure if i should thank him, or sue him. Or marry him. Or all fucking three.
I'm not going to tell you what the story is about, you can read the description for that. Again I really enjoyed Wolvrieys creation, this is my 3rd read of his and each are quite different but equally well written. He certainly has an active imagination, some of the characters are difficult to imagine but he still does a really good job in describing them. (probably repeating myself there)
I think my only niggle with this book would be the title, although the meat suitcase was in the story, it was mainly in the beginning, the character then gets a body later on, but felt like it was never really about her. You are the main character, soldier, it's about you and the war between DC and the Eks. Tiny gripe really though.
The book was very enjoyable and bizarre, just like it should be :)
Meat Suitcase is an insane book that reads like a choose your own adventure book without the ability to choose because your adventure has already been mapped out and it's an adventure you can barely wrap your brain around.
I received a copy in exchange for a review and there's no way to properly write a review and accurately describe what this book contains. I loved it and I think in order to figure out what this book is about you have to read it yourself and be amazed by just How bizarre and insane it is.
It's not often I read a book in the second person POV, so this was a nice departure from the norm--and it's Wol-vriey, so it's gotta be odd, right? Yes. In bloody, sexy, over-the-top waves. Like a tornado of robot horse heads. If you don't know what you're getting into (want a little taste of WEIRD), try the first chapter on for size. If it's too much for you--too bizarre--cut your losses, because the book gets weirder than you can imagine. Wol-vriey can probably imagine things more demented than you or I and with HD clarity, with the ability to make those visions sing on the page. Also, be prepared. This is action infused with science-fiction porn to the nth degree. Yeah, I loved it. Was I confused by certain parts? Sure, but that makes it all the better. Wol-vriey's dense. Do I feel like somehow my own imagine just got infused (drenched) by the mind of someone who knows how to really take me to a world unlike any other? YES. Undoubtedly. I'm ready for more, got my suitcase packed.
Overall I thought this was a good read. The story was interesting and was weird enough to be “Bizarro”. I never found a point where I was bored with the story, and it kept me wanting to know what would happen next.
The one issue I have with the book is not with the content, but rather with the editing. I found well over 200 errors in the book not including the inconsistent indentations. Some people may not notice this issue but I have edited so many books for people that errors like this stand out like someone waving a flag. To me, it takes away from the flow of the story.
Still, I did enjoy the story itself and look forward to reading more from Wol-vriey.
The author sent me an ePub copy of his book for my honest review. I'm a newbie to Bizarro & do have to say that this one blew my mind....Foul language & violence don't bother me....it was more the sexual content that was f'd up. I wasn't offended, just shocked & amazed at this author's imagination. :' ) The only real issue I had was with the editing. Needs a bit of work - hard to read a story with so many errors. I am willing to read another book by this author.
Without a single simile not turning into a sexually charged punch line (pardon le double negative), some could say Meat Suitcase is a jock-only kind of book. I don't think it is. I think a girl can get some good laughs off it, provided she doesn't suffer from princess issues. In short, Meat Suitcase offers comic relief for warriors.
Hilarious and lightheaded – but smartly written – it provides an easy break from heavier reads. It sometimes reads so silly (in a quasi educational way) it can't fail being funny. The imagery is vivid and, more often than not, effective; voice is supercontemporary, very much in here with the current motion of things, and filled with fast-release foreshadowings.
There's some overexplanation, but short sentence structure makes up for a smooth, action-packed read. A tad stuttering maybe, but so is the sound of machine guns in the shiftyverse. Through a heavily in-the-flesh style, a form that can be placed between prose and teleplay, the novel not so surprisingly touches sensitive issues too, like the obsessive recording of war details for entertainment.
I'd give it 5 stars for its courage, but the narration could be tighter and, seriously, orgasms in Meat Suitcaseland happen way too arbitrarily. Really. Even internet porn has some tie with cause and effect. Some plot issues are too easily solved employing extraneous devices, and there's a couple grammatical mistakes, but the book has given me some good laughs and it's even quite well written being a 2nd person bizarro.
The imagination in this book is true bizarro brilliance! It was worth the read if not for anything but its sheer weirdness and eccentricity.
An interesting thing about this book is that its written in second person. I'm not sure if this takes away anything from the story but it was something to get used to. I had a few moments of "wait...what was i doing?"
btw, I got this e-book from the writer. from the title, i can predict that this novel has horror theme. From the introduction, i think its too slow. I dont know, i just want to know the next part. And because this is fantasy novel, i think, it needs more illustration. So we can get what writer's message acurately. I like this book
That's way too long for such an absurd-fest. It should be cut to around 1/3 length with all the good bits and pieces properly pronounced. As it is, the amount of wacky weirdness makes reading Meat Suitcase a chore further on.
Pure genius. Told from the second person perspective, the book really flows. As usual, a totally mental plot that somehow seems perfectly reasonable and understandable when presented by Wol-vriey.