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Frankenstein: Sperm Donor Daredevil
BOTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDUNCE KID
Six Exposés, Warnings, Essays, Reports & Stories (for connoisseurs of bad behavior). These pieces appeared in MudRock: Stories & Tales, All Things Crime, Booktrack, and my nightmares with a laugh track.
QUESTION: When does one officially become a connoisseur of bad behavior?
On the day following the weary realization that you cannot stop, reduce, or even put a dent into the rising tide of crude or criminal conduct. It's a global epidemic, a meltdown of good manners. A tsunami of terrible tantrums. And the tidal wave is roaring toward you. You are a sentinel on civilization's shore, arms raised, stamping your feet in the sand and screaming, "Stop the sh*t--behave!" Alas. Here comes a thundering 900-foot wall of water exploding with sharks, sea snakes, piranhas, barracuda, torpedo rays and crocodiles. Good luck.
Surf's up!
Yesterday you were appalled. Exhausted. Today you applaud bad behavior. Insert the letter "u" into the word "appalled," twist it around, it spells "applaud." Coincidence? Think of it this way: "You" + "appalled" = "applaud."
The transition from "moralist" to "connoisseur of the unrefined arts" is three easy steps--surrender, drop standards, clap. This slim volume is a standing ovation to bad behavior. The pieces include the godfather of bad behavior, an embittered Walmart greeter, telephone terrorism, Patty Hearst and Carl Jung, astral plane abductions, toilet bowl boosters, a miniature World War III, and…the world's only singing & dancing bank bandits.
Excerpt:
Reached by phone last week, an anonymous eyewitness recalled, "Those four men. They lined up like a firing squad. I was scared to death. But Lord Jesus, they did a line dance. Like they was the Temptations with firearms. They danced and waved those weapons. Dancing bandits? I never seen nothing like it. Holy Jesus, imagine blagging banks in your beret and salsa shoes. Dash in, wave a weapon, and do the Boogaloo at Wachovia while shouting, ‘Everyone on the floor…the dance floor! That’s right. One, two, three—drop! Hit it, people!’ Goodness, what fun. I mean, come on…rob Citibank while dancing the Skank in front of the security cameras? What kinda world we live in?"
Six Exposés, Warnings, Essays, Reports & Stories (for connoisseurs of bad behavior). These pieces appeared in MudRock: Stories & Tales, All Things Crime, Booktrack, and my nightmares with a laugh track.
QUESTION: When does one officially become a connoisseur of bad behavior?
On the day following the weary realization that you cannot stop, reduce, or even put a dent into the rising tide of crude or criminal conduct. It's a global epidemic, a meltdown of good manners. A tsunami of terrible tantrums. And the tidal wave is roaring toward you. You are a sentinel on civilization's shore, arms raised, stamping your feet in the sand and screaming, "Stop the sh*t--behave!" Alas. Here comes a thundering 900-foot wall of water exploding with sharks, sea snakes, piranhas, barracuda, torpedo rays and crocodiles. Good luck.
Surf's up!
Yesterday you were appalled. Exhausted. Today you applaud bad behavior. Insert the letter "u" into the word "appalled," twist it around, it spells "applaud." Coincidence? Think of it this way: "You" + "appalled" = "applaud."
The transition from "moralist" to "connoisseur of the unrefined arts" is three easy steps--surrender, drop standards, clap. This slim volume is a standing ovation to bad behavior. The pieces include the godfather of bad behavior, an embittered Walmart greeter, telephone terrorism, Patty Hearst and Carl Jung, astral plane abductions, toilet bowl boosters, a miniature World War III, and…the world's only singing & dancing bank bandits.
Excerpt:
Reached by phone last week, an anonymous eyewitness recalled, "Those four men. They lined up like a firing squad. I was scared to death. But Lord Jesus, they did a line dance. Like they was the Temptations with firearms. They danced and waved those weapons. Dancing bandits? I never seen nothing like it. Holy Jesus, imagine blagging banks in your beret and salsa shoes. Dash in, wave a weapon, and do the Boogaloo at Wachovia while shouting, ‘Everyone on the floor…the dance floor! That’s right. One, two, three—drop! Hit it, people!’ Goodness, what fun. I mean, come on…rob Citibank while dancing the Skank in front of the security cameras? What kinda world we live in?"
114 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 14, 2014
About the author
Thomas Davidson
8 books2 followersThomas Davidson is the author of the "Jurassic Jim" Fleetwood series, beginning with THE MUSEUM OF SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCES. The second book, PAST IS PRESENT, won two 2016 Killer Nashville Silver Falchion Judges' Choice Awards for Comedy Thriller and Time Travel. These are quirky thrillers mixing mystery, music, mirth, melancholy, mayhem, murder and the missing.
His near-future thriller, EXIT, is loosely based on his short story, "Exit," winner of San Francisco's 2013 Litquake Booktrack Halloween Short Story Competition.
His nonfiction has appeared in "The Boston Phoenix;" and is excerpted in the national bestseller "Missing Beauty" by crime-reporter Teresa Carpenter.
Both Jurassic Jim novels contain invisible illustrations, which appear to the most imaginative of readers.
A Detroit expatriate, Tom lives...well...body in Boston, heart in Detroit, head in clouds.
His near-future thriller, EXIT, is loosely based on his short story, "Exit," winner of San Francisco's 2013 Litquake Booktrack Halloween Short Story Competition.
His nonfiction has appeared in "The Boston Phoenix;" and is excerpted in the national bestseller "Missing Beauty" by crime-reporter Teresa Carpenter.
Both Jurassic Jim novels contain invisible illustrations, which appear to the most imaginative of readers.
A Detroit expatriate, Tom lives...well...body in Boston, heart in Detroit, head in clouds.
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
February 19, 2014
Witty collection! I read this author's two quirky thrillers and loved them for their unforgettable MC, Jurassic Jim Fleetwood. So I knew what was in store when I picked up this title. The pieces include shoplifters, telemarketers, bullies, and the secret link between the Patty Hearst kidnapping, a Beatle and Carl Jung. Quite the threesome. No details, no spoilers. This book is off the wall an laugh-out-loud funny. A mix of fiction and nonfiction, told in a unique style. Brilliant. More, please!
Displaying 1 of 1 review