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Rolling Bones
The Fates are missing and all the gods are running amok.
Existential Investigator Valentine Ryan wants nothing more than to be left alone with his scotch, but as a roster of friends, enemies, frenemies, and wilding gods make clear, he really has no choice but to go looking for the errant immortals.
Hired by master-of-the-universe, Michelin Zagat, Ryan embarks on a bizarre journey to uncover the fate of the missing Fates. The fair maidens, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, daughters of the night goddess, Nyx, have vanished. No one is left In their absence to spin the thread of each human life, apportion it to render the length, and cut it to determine the manner of death.
With the Fates gone, the gods are no longer constrained to follow their own mythology. One-by-one they begin leaving the realm of the gods and seek to wreak havoc among the humans, a cruel fate that only the Fates had prevented. Each encounter with the gods leaves Ryan beaten as he tries to get them to return to their rightful places. And each god tells Ryan the same thing: the Fates are dead.
With a cocktail in hand and a quip on his lips, Ryan wrangles gods, battles gangsters, woos a goddess, fights his demons, and maybe saves the world. The story ends with death, but it starts with a dame.
Because it always starts with a dame.
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Read the first 3 chapters here: www.rollingbonesnovel.com
Existential Investigator Valentine Ryan wants nothing more than to be left alone with his scotch, but as a roster of friends, enemies, frenemies, and wilding gods make clear, he really has no choice but to go looking for the errant immortals.
Hired by master-of-the-universe, Michelin Zagat, Ryan embarks on a bizarre journey to uncover the fate of the missing Fates. The fair maidens, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, daughters of the night goddess, Nyx, have vanished. No one is left In their absence to spin the thread of each human life, apportion it to render the length, and cut it to determine the manner of death.
With the Fates gone, the gods are no longer constrained to follow their own mythology. One-by-one they begin leaving the realm of the gods and seek to wreak havoc among the humans, a cruel fate that only the Fates had prevented. Each encounter with the gods leaves Ryan beaten as he tries to get them to return to their rightful places. And each god tells Ryan the same thing: the Fates are dead.
With a cocktail in hand and a quip on his lips, Ryan wrangles gods, battles gangsters, woos a goddess, fights his demons, and maybe saves the world. The story ends with death, but it starts with a dame.
Because it always starts with a dame.
-----------------------------------------
Read the first 3 chapters here: www.rollingbonesnovel.com
300 pages, Paperback
First published February 2, 2014
2 people are currently reading
371 people want to read
About the author
Jon D. Gold
1 book5 followersI've dropped out of more schools than you’ve attended. Then I dropped out of corporate life. There is nothing, so far, that I've not been able to drop out of. At some point, maybe even today, I expect to drop out of the world.
I've autodidacted my way through successful careers as a typographer, tech writer, SGML analyst, and restaurateur. I now fancy myself a novelist, as if that’s a thing.
I currently live in Oregon, but my favorite place in the world is a hundred feet beneath the warm cerulean seas of the Caribbean, because when the fishies make up silly stories about the nature of world, they keep it to themselves.
My turn-offs are self-important people, science deniers, pop-top cans that push the dirty top into the thing you're about to drink.
Favorite joke: Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
I've autodidacted my way through successful careers as a typographer, tech writer, SGML analyst, and restaurateur. I now fancy myself a novelist, as if that’s a thing.
I currently live in Oregon, but my favorite place in the world is a hundred feet beneath the warm cerulean seas of the Caribbean, because when the fishies make up silly stories about the nature of world, they keep it to themselves.
My turn-offs are self-important people, science deniers, pop-top cans that push the dirty top into the thing you're about to drink.
Favorite joke: Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
November 16, 2014
The usual caveats apply here. I've never written a book, nor have I (apparently self-) published one. So Mr. Gold is ahead of me. But he wrote it, I read it, and the implied contract of Goodreads is that I get to review it. Here we go.
Gold tries hard. Really, really, really hard to make this religious/philosophical detective novel funny and witty and sarcastic. And he generally succeeds, though he is too clever by about half. I got the joke the first time you called your smart phone a genius phone. I noticed when you did it again. By the third time it annoyed me.
Starsucks instead of Starbucks and your ex-wife owns a coffee shop and takes great pride in the gourmet coffee she serves. Coffee's important to you. Got it.
And if you're going to reference a Clash song in character dialogue, I don't need you to make an explicit reference to it two paragraphs later.
Things like that, and those are just a few examples, are what make this a three-star book for me. And to be honest, there is much more of that kind of stuff in the first half of the book than in the latter half. As the book gets rolling, it is, for the most part, a fun ride. The action moves. The dialogue is witty, if unrelentingly so.
Gold clearly has strong views on religion, philosophy, rock and roll, and scotch. He has given these a lot of thought and has written a detective novel where he can incorporate all of his ideas into the story. But I think that's what knocks this down a little for me. He seems to incorporate ALL of his ideas into the story. For one thing, it wears on you as a reader. For another, where do you go from here?
Instead of summarizing the plot, I'll say this. If you like a detective novel where the mystery itself is less important than the dialogue and the author's philosophy, then you will like this book. I liken it a little to Robert B. Parker's Spenser novels in that the focus is more on the lead characters and less on the plot and where there is a good dose of humor. It's a good first effort, and worth checking out.
Gold tries hard. Really, really, really hard to make this religious/philosophical detective novel funny and witty and sarcastic. And he generally succeeds, though he is too clever by about half. I got the joke the first time you called your smart phone a genius phone. I noticed when you did it again. By the third time it annoyed me.
Starsucks instead of Starbucks and your ex-wife owns a coffee shop and takes great pride in the gourmet coffee she serves. Coffee's important to you. Got it.
And if you're going to reference a Clash song in character dialogue, I don't need you to make an explicit reference to it two paragraphs later.
Things like that, and those are just a few examples, are what make this a three-star book for me. And to be honest, there is much more of that kind of stuff in the first half of the book than in the latter half. As the book gets rolling, it is, for the most part, a fun ride. The action moves. The dialogue is witty, if unrelentingly so.
Gold clearly has strong views on religion, philosophy, rock and roll, and scotch. He has given these a lot of thought and has written a detective novel where he can incorporate all of his ideas into the story. But I think that's what knocks this down a little for me. He seems to incorporate ALL of his ideas into the story. For one thing, it wears on you as a reader. For another, where do you go from here?
Instead of summarizing the plot, I'll say this. If you like a detective novel where the mystery itself is less important than the dialogue and the author's philosophy, then you will like this book. I liken it a little to Robert B. Parker's Spenser novels in that the focus is more on the lead characters and less on the plot and where there is a good dose of humor. It's a good first effort, and worth checking out.
February 19, 2021
I loved this book. I would definitely read more from this author as in please write more.
June 28, 2014
Irreverent, witty, laugh-out-loud book full of comedic, thought provoking adventures of a motley crew of characters. Extremely well written and intelligent prose. Not a book for the faint of heart nor the religious zealot. Garners up things learned in school, catechism, and life, and gives them a totally different spin to think about. Loved the book and the author's command of so many areas of classic academic studies. Thank you for this absolutely fabulous read. I highly recommend it. I would also like to thank the author and publisher for the book which I won in the Goodreads First Reads contest.
February 9, 2014
Every once in a great while a book comes along that nudges your brain out of its somnolence. I'm talking about books like Catch-22, Breakfast of Champions, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. This is one of those books.
On the surface this is a funny detective story, thoroughly entertaining, satirical, a laugh on most every page. But beneath the humor you will find a thought-provoking tale that will challenge your notions about all the stories that humans tell. I had to go back and read it a second time because it gave me a lot to think about while I was laughing.
On the surface this is a funny detective story, thoroughly entertaining, satirical, a laugh on most every page. But beneath the humor you will find a thought-provoking tale that will challenge your notions about all the stories that humans tell. I had to go back and read it a second time because it gave me a lot to think about while I was laughing.
March 3, 2014
Sorry Spenser, Valentine Ryan is my new favorite literary detective! "Rolling Bones" is a great story, fast-paced and well-written, with a lot of great cultural references that provide sarcastic humor and sharp wit to keep readers' attention. The descriptions are vivid without being verbose and the dialogue keeps the story moving. Five stars for an all-around great book!!
January 12, 2015
I enjoyed reading Rolling Bones. I love the author's quips and how he describes things. A bit of everything: the detective and his love of scotch, gangsters, gods, the fates, statutes running amok, sex and the quest to find the hidden portal.
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.
February 13, 2014
This book is funny, sardonic and always irreverent. A great read. It had me laughing and thinking and laughing some more. It's kind of like Dashiell Hammett's The Maltese Falcon and Neil Gaiman's American Gods had a bastard love child hell bent on satire and scotch.
February 13, 2014
A delightful romp. Valentine Ryan is my new hero and I'm anxious for the sequel(s). Noir, supernatural, irreverent, picaresque, everything you want in an entertaining read... and MORE.
July 22, 2016
Awesome book!
April 27, 2014
In the vein of Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality and Simon Green's Nightside series. Thoroughly enjoyed this book. Clever, sarcastic, and irreverent...with hints of supernatural noir.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews