Pretty, Hip, & Dead

Agnes Barton/Kimberly Steele Mystery #1

by Madison Johns

Kimberly Steele had barely recovered from her wedding reception the day before, and now, she’s just discovered the body of her husband’s former girlfriend, Clare Barnett, someone whom she had argued with hours ago at a photo shoot for the Pretty and Hip perfume line. It’s no wonder she was the prime suspect, at least in the eyes of Deputy Danworth. Jeremy Preston wasn’t about to allow his new wife, Kimberly, to be railroaded, although he was upset that Kimberly had pushed Clare into Lake Huron right before Clare’s death, or so Clare said. He hired Agnes Barton, a senior-aged sleuth, from East Tawas, who had a high success rate of crime solving, never expecting that his pregnant wife would begin to traipse around with Agnes and her partner, Eleanor Mason, as they dug into the background of Clare that led all the way to Hollywood. Agnes and Eleanor were rooming at Mrs. Barry’s house during the case, the same beer-toting senior and mother of Sheriff Clay Barry who not long ago ran for sheriff in East Tawas, much to the chagrin of Agnes and Eleanor. But this time around Mrs. Barry had changed her tune and gave them the use of her car.

Genres: Mystery, Cozy Mystery, Fiction, Cozy, Ebooks, Amazon

308 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 4, 2014

About the author

When Madison Johns began writing at the age of forty-four, she never imagined she'd make it onto the USA Today best-selling books list with her first cozy mystery, Armed and Outrageous, as an independent author. Sure, this book is an Amazon bestseller, but USA Today?

Although sleep-deprived from working third shift, she knew if she used what she had learned while caring for senior citizens to good use, it would result in something quite unique. The Agnes Barton Senior Sleuths mystery series has forever changed Madison's life, with each of the books making it onto the Amazon bestseller's list for cozy mystery and humor.

Madison is a member of Sisters In Crime. Madison is now able to do what she loves best and work from home as a full-time writer. She has two children, a black lab, and a hilarious Jackson Chameleon to keep her company while she churns out more Agnes Barton stories with a few others brewing in the pot.
Books


Agnes Barton Senior Sleuths Mystery series in order:
Armed and Outrageous
Grannies, Guns and Ghosts
Senior Snoops

Romance
Pretty and Pregnant novella
Redneck Romance (Published by Tirgearr Publishing)

Amazon Author Page
http://www.amazon.com/Madison-Johns/e...

She is actively involved on social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and Goodreads. She is always willing to chat it up or give advice, and supports other writers whenever she can.

Smiles :)

Reviews

[Shelley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this in a couple of hours. That was the good part. I couldn't like Kimberly very much. She seemed indifferent to her pregnancy by doing careless things. Tottering around on heels, telling her new husband she had not been to the doctor in a couple of months and kind of thought she was about 6 months pregnant, and completely clueless about her husband. As for him, he was a joke. The story itself was OK and moved along for the most part in spite of Jeremy having to tell his wife over and over that he really did love her. at the end though, I was just kind of like....meh.

[Krystal Ayers · Rating 1 out of 5]

To be honest, I'm not sure how this book made it to publishing. It was pretty terrible. The writing was immature and the characters.. Just terrible. None of them had any depth. I know this was supposed to be a light mystery, nothing too serious, but none of it was plausible or made sense! The killer in the end made no true sense. The dialogue was so strange! Maybe read with all the other ones in the series it would have been better, but overall this was a pretty terrible read for me. The plot... Getting married to a man you don't even know? They didn't even know each other's pasts! I love gods but enough about the weenie dog! It was thrown in there so many times it was just ridiculous. The main character was written so poorly. She was pregnant but didn't go to regular appointments? That really didn't make sense. The mystery part? Someone died and that was interesting, but the path to finding out was not.

Yuck.

[MoHurley · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awk, I'm not willing to invest another hour to read this triteness. Repetitive simple, choppy sentences, bad grammar, weak verbs, wrong use of words, and it was a boring read to boot. Got tired of waiting for the story to improve.

Flat, uncompelling characters. I wanted to off Kimberly the neurotic blonde bimbo and her weiner dog. I mean who TOSSES small dogs into cars? Shoes, maybe. At least shoes don't have fragile spines. Is that the best verb the author could think of? Toss? Poor dog. We won't mention the pregnancy. It does not bode well for the baby.

I like my heroines to have an IQ above room temperature. especially if they insist on wearing stilettos. The writing was so doddering, I gave up, Not cozy, not funny, and not light reading. More like amateur writing. Author Madison Johns needs to employ a good proofreader, a copy editor and a writing coach if she's planning on writing more books. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone--free, or otherwise. Awful. Oh wait, she had EbookEditing Pro (Editor), and Cindy Tahse (Editor). Suggest that she fire them both.

If this were a paperback, then maybe the parrot would like it to line the bottom of his cage with it.

Read the full Amazon review her (and read the comments too—wildly entertaining).

http://www.amazon.com/review/R3LL9M4V...

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story line was ok, but the main character was all over the place. She's pregnant, the 1st chapter has her at her wedding with a man she barely seems to know, who is NOT the father of her child. She got a job as a spokesmodel for a company selling to pregnant women and the woman doing the Non pregnant line hates her for stealing her man.
It was never explained just why she married so quickly and frankly I felt it was written in a rather childish or teenagerish way. The story line was ok, as I said, which is why it got 3 stars. I thought maybe I had missed the first of the series, but it says this is book #1, so... Perhaps the author needs a mentor.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast witty read

I really liked this story. I would like to know Agnes & Eleanor in real life. They are two senior aged sleuths who get hired to find out who killed Clare Barnett when Kimberly who is 6 months pregnant and married Jeremy. Clare was making Kimberly
miserable because Clare thought she stoled Jeremy away from her.

[Amy Kamplain · Rating 1 out of 5]

It did not feel like the first book in a series. I kept thinking I missed a previous book that explained more about the characters. Also the timing was off and I never liked any of the main characters. Definitely not going to search out the next book and glad I got this one for free.

[Alisa Jenkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed.
I was so wrong on my guess of who did it.
The story is well written, and engaging.

[Audrey Webster · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dribble. Can think of 2 women who would enjoy. 1 star only for author taking time to write and to be able to post. Waste of time .

[moxieBK · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, this book started out with a note from author about only “encouraging readers" to read “Pretty and Pregnant” to get a “feel” for Kimberly Steele, not that it was required reading. However, within the first few pages of this book…I was totally lost. :( I got this book free/reduced price and I really didn’t want to read a $0.99 70-page book just to get me up to speed about this Kimberly Steele character, so I was a little disappointed to be dropped down so suddenly in what felt like a cat-fight with two characters from a previous book. If I had known that, I probably would not have downloaded the book in the first place. Second, this is the first book I have ever read of Madison Jones, so that made me nervous to continue reading, since I understood this to be a cross-over book. Third, for being a cross-over book, we don’t see Agnes Barton anywhere until the middle chapter 6, nearly half way through the book. I would have thought she should have appeared rather quickly. Fourth, Kimberly doesn’t sound like a person with very high self-esteem. I can’t imagine what kind of man would marry her with her lack of confidence. (Unless maybe it’s a “I have a trophy wife” sort of deal. The dude did have an undercurrent of creepiness and seemed a bit to possessive.) And then to find out that she really doesn’t even know anything about her HUSBAND, because she courtship marriage was such a whirlwind affair?!?! The story doesn’t get better going forward.

When Agnes and Eleanor are finally introduced in the book, there suddenly becomes a lot of useless filler in the book (what does Starbucks coffee and creamer have to do with the case?) And after their introductions: trollop becomes the go-to-word.

I kept hoping for it to pick up and get better, and kept an open mind, but for a less than 200 page story, it moved rather slow and was a disappointment, more so, as I heard so many great reviews for Madison Jones. Maybe this story series is just not that good. Maybe I made a wrong decision to download and read this particular one (although it was stated as first book in the series….but as I mentioned earlier: it sure did not start off like a first in series story.)

If you are a stickler for typos: skip this one; there were a lot of typos and at times the book felt rushed. I can overlook typos/grammatical errors and regional spellings, but this just felt plain rushed. It felt like a factory-written story.

[Melissa Lee · Rating 1 out of 5]

The idea of a murder involving rival models sounds like it would be promising. I was also drawn to it because of the two older women investigators. Madison Johns writes in a note from the author that even though this is a crossover from a previous novella, it can be read as a standalone. This pleased me as I hadn’t read the previous story nor had I ever read anything else by her.

However as I began reading it was clear that I was missing some key information about Kimberly’s past and how she came to know her new husband Jeremy. Readers learn that she worked for him, yet there are hints that he married her to save her modeling contract. Then in another part he claims he married her because he fell in love with her, meanwhile he had previously proposed to the murder victim Clare. This is just one example out of many that show how unclear story line is.

The mystery itself had very little structure and the dialogue was hard to follow. The main character came across as an airhead and very naïve, qualities that I assume were meant to come across as humorous. The investigators Agnes and Eleanor didn’t seem to possess any qualities worthy of the position whatsoever, which lead to the crime not really being solved, but admitted to by the murderer.

In the end I found myself more frustrated than entertained. I definitely won’t be continuing on with this series, nor would I recommend it to anyone.

For my full review of Pretty, Hip & Dead visit my blog:
http://mlsmanyreads.blogspot.ca/2015/...

[Joan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a free Kindle book and I suppose you get what you pay for. It is simple little story about a pregnant woman, Kimberly, who is newly wed to a man that isn't the baby's father. Both she and her husband keep repeating throughout the book how they fell madly in love yet neither seems to know anything about the other. All we really know about her is that she is 6 months pregnant and wears heels. Her husband is "a recovering alcoholic" who seems to always have a drink in his hand, although this piece of information doesn't seem to have any purpose.

In short, a murder takes place and two senior citizens are hired to "clear Kimberly's name." There are a number of characters in the book but none are developed. We really don't know anything about any of them. Most of the book is dialogue with very little descriptive information provided.

I admire anyone who can write a well thought out book but I feel this book needed some heavy editing and proof reading. There were many errors in the book, such as using "you're" for "your" or a piece of dialogue which correctly starts with quotation marks but there are no quotation marks to end the piece.

All in all, a rather poorly written book. It might be a good beach read, as it really doesn't require much thought or attention.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second book in a new series by one of my new favorite Goodreads authors, Madison Johns.

Kimberly Steele is a MC character in a new mystery series by Madison Johns.

Kimberly is a young married mother of a 5 month old baby and she is helping out an older woman who lives in Redwater, Michigan near Agnes and Eleanor my favorite senior sleuths who live in Tawas, Michigan.

Mrs. Barry has broken her hip (like me) and is in need of help with many things (like me) so she asks Kimberly to help especially with her checking account until she finds out that her money is completely gone. Mrs. Barry is the Sheriff's Mother!

Kimberly calls Agnes and Eleanor to help her clear her name and the fun starts! You have to read the book to believe the mess they get into in another town with a new sheriff and different cops.

It will have you laughing and wondering why they continue to investigate crimes at their age!

Well written, Madison! I love them all!

[Dana J · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just a bad read. I read this as a stand-alone book so I'm not sure if that affected my opinion. The book begins with Kimberly, who is six months pregnant and the spokesperson for Pretty and Pregnant, getting married to a man who is not the baby's father. From the beginning, her husband's ex, who is also a spokesperson, torments her. When she shows up dead, Kimberly is the prime suspect.

The mystery part is eh. The ending comes from nowhere. I didn't like any of the characters and didn't feel as though any of them were developed. Kimberly spends most of the book saying or thinking "I'm six months pregnant! I still wear heels." Yes, that is the deepest her thoughts go. Kimberly is married but knows nothing about her husband-it's unclear why or how he loves her or why they got married.

Skip it.

[Joni Lattin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't finish this book. It may have been well written but couldn't tell with all the grammar mistakes, incorrect word usage, and liberal sprinkling of commas. (With commas, less is more).
I was also irked that the author has a main character that's pregnant but cares so little about the baby. Not to mention knows so little about pregnancy in general. Maybe a visit to a doc would have helped, but the character hadn't been to a doc in a couple of months.

This was a personal issue I had: I have owned Daschunds (own one now) and if anybody EVER tossed her anywhere, I'd have their hide. A Daschund's back is very long in proportion to its body, so to toss one would risk severe, possibly crippling, back injury.

The author may need to do some research before writing characters and hire better editors.

[Tara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I completely disliked Kimberly Steele. I think I would have given this book higher stars if Kimberly had just stayed home and let the private investigators do their job. She was annoying and took away from how much fun Agnes and Eleanor were. Also, I found it a bit concerning that Kimberly had no idea how far along in her pregnancy she was, mainly because she hadn't been to a doctor. I went to every one of my doctor appointments when I was pregnant and asked every possible question I could think of, just to make sure I knew what was going on with my unborn child. I don't think I'll be reading any other books that have Kimberly in them, but I would like to read some of the books that have Agnes and Eleanor in them.

[Paula Ratcliffe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a free book on amazon's site in this book we meet Kimberly Steele and her new husband Jeremy Preston. During the reception of their wedding Jeremy's ex-girlfriend Clare Barnett is harassing Kimberly about how she will loose her husband. When Clare winds up dead and the finger is pointed at Kimberly because she found the body it's up to her to prove her innocence by finding the real killer.

There are no shortage of people who had something to gain by killing Clare.Jeremy hires Agnes Barton and her partner in crime Eleanor Mason to dig around and find out who killed Clare so that his wife is off the hook. There are definitely some funny moments in this book and a lot of action and adventure! Definitely a great mystery readers will enjoy!

[Chris Meads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kimberly Steele is pregnant and is doing a photo shoot with her husband's ex-girlfriend, Clare, who consequently rubs Kimberly the wrong way--Clare claims that she will get her boyfriend back. The two women get into a shoving match at the pier and Clare ends up in the water.

Kimberly heads to Clare's house to try to smooth things over and finds her dead. Now Kimberly is the prime suspect. With the help of Agnes and Eleanor, Kimberly helps to unravel who killed Clare before the three women find themselves murdered.

This is the first book that I've read by the author and I have to admit it's not a bad story for a cozy read. I like the characters, especially the older women. Who says that all detectives have to be men and young?

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

On the plus side, it's a fast read and the basic story line was pretty good. However, the main characters (Jeremy and Kimberly) were not very believable and I found myself not caring for them much (she was a bit whiny and the stereotypical blonde, and he was a horse's rump). The senior investigators were a trip and I wished they were more involved in the story. They brought some color and excitement to the scene with their quirky attitudes. Overall, it was ok, but I'm not so sure I'd try another of this author's books.

[Marti · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you want a book you can read while listening to rock, watching a tv show or suchlike, you are in luck. I earlier read another book by this author and would have deleted this from my nook, but B&N wanted me to review it. Agnes and Eleanor are two elderly private investigators who travel to prove that Kimberly Steele, a 6 months pregnant newlywed, is not the murderer so a woman who was in love with her new husband. Another woman gets killed--Sasha was the lover of the first woman, Clare who wanted to marry Jeremy, Kimberly's husband. Do we even care?

[Terri Weitze · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have been seeing these books on BookBub and have picked up a few (when they are free). I was intrigued because I am from Michigan and grew up not that far from Tawas, Michigan (where the main characters are from).

I don't know about the rest of the series, but the one I just read is just awful. The writing is awkward. The dialogue is stilted. The characters are so unlikeable (which I assure you is not what Michigan folks are at all - we're a nice and friendly bunch for the most part). The book screams for a good editing.

Just don't bother. I am so disappointed.

[Carmen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a light and breezy read. There were some cheesy parts, but on the whole I liked it. Some of the scenes could have been described better and have been longer as well. Sometimes I found Kimberly a bit irritating with her wanting to be around Agnes and Eleanor all the time, and how she wore heels ALL the time. She also seemed a bit of an airhead at times, but I really loved her dog, Weenie!

[Arie Antonia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was .....Hmmmm I don't even know what word to use. You have a woman pregnant and modeling and she doesn't even know how far along she is. A husband she barely knows anything about and his ex fiance making her miserable. The "Who done it" aspect of the story line is the only thing that kept me interested. The characters were all over the place and alot of then were stupid on my opinion. The author gave some back story but not enough to get a feel of who the characters really are.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

About what you expect from a cozy. A quick read with some characters that I'm interested in learning more about. I like the twist of "senior citizen" women playing a leading role. I would have rated this four stars but there were too many grammatical errors, missing words, etc. things that should have gotten corrected when proof reading.

[Dawn · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was terrible. There was no character development, a mediocre story line and it was almost all told with repetitive, third-grade reading level dialogue. Kimberly wasn't likable, and really neither were any of the other characters. It felt more like a rough, first draft than something that should have been published. Glad it was free, so the only thing I lost on it was a couple of hours.

[RO G'ma · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is first book I’ve read written by this author. I chose it because I'm a lover of cozies, it was free and sounded like it would be a good read. I don't need a story to be Pulitzer material to be enjoyable, but this is one of the poorest novels I've encountered. The characters are not well developed nor are they likeable.

[Liz Wood · Rating 4 out of 5]

good story

Well written except for the use of "clamor". I believe the word you seek is "clamber". Otherwise, an enjoyable book. The characters are well developed and it took a while to figure out the guilty party.

[Vickie · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first it was really hard to get into the book, and there was a confusing paragraph at the end of a chapter (14?), that was apparently supposed to be edited out because it totally didn't fit into the scenario from the end of that chapter to the beginning if the next. Over all it turned out ok.

[Mary Rempel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok read.

The story was ok, but the ending came too quickly. it seemed like the author was in a hurry to get it sewn up. Dialogue was repetitive in spots, particularly when dealing with Jeremy and Kimberly's quickie marriage. The characters were interesting.

[Marilyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good

Good

this was a great mystery read and the ladies who investigate are really wonderful to read about it has lots of humor.

[Vykki · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a nice cozy mystery I enjoy it.