A Guide to Grief

by Cole Imperi, Bianca Jagoe (illustrator)

Everyone faces loss, and everyone grieves. But grief is as unique as a thumbprint—not everyone grieves the same losses or in the same way. A Guide to Grief covers everything you need to know about death and loss that no one wants to talk about, including:

What to expect in the days, months, and years after loss

The different kinds of loss

How to ask for help

How to help a grieving friend

Whether you are grieving a deathloss (the death of a loved one), or a shadowloss (the death of something not someone), there are simple exercises and helpful mantras to help you move forward in healthy ways. Grief traditions from different cultures and throughout history remind you that this is a universal experience, and you are not alone. This guide has been sensitively reviewed by experts in the field, and contains writing prompts, helpful resources, a glossary of terms, as well as a guide for caregivers. You are part of a new generation of grievers. So let’s start a new way of talking about endings.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Middle Grade

200 pages, Hardcover

Published October 1, 2024

Reviews

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Kids Can Press, for the ARC.

I feel this book should be available sooner and be more accessible everywhere.

This is one such difficult topic that adults find it uncomfortable to share and discuss but can be very detrimental if done in a seemingly insensitive way without meaning to. But the most important aspect is how to deal with it and how to process the emotions that come with grief.

There are nine main chapters defining grief, how it can make you feel and the complications that come along with. The last two chapters deal with learning on how & most importantly WHAT NOT TO DO or HOW NOT TO “HELP” others through their grief which I feel is the most important one to read and reread until we get it.

There’s a grief journal which will help you to write down what’s on your mind which you feel others will never understand. Also the note to caregivers is a must read.

This book is filled with wisdom and sense which we lack most of the time sadly.

Must read and must have recommendation from my side.

[Juli]

among other things learned from this book:
*a thanatology is a thing- study of death/dying
*probably first time hearing of shadowloss -grieving not for someone that died, but something- like death of friendships or big losses/changes

[Anna McMenemy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful book for anyone, but especially for its intended audience of youth. Informed by science and infused with a lot of heart, this book includes beautiful illustrations and reminders that grief is a part of being human.

[YSBR · Rating 5 out of 5]

This comforting, useful guide to grief is an essential purchase for all libraries. Author Cole Imperi is a thanatologist, a grief and death expert. In this book, he has created a comprehensive guide that will be useful for all ages. Grief is explained in chapter one as a process, not a feeling. The symptoms and signs of grief are explained as being different for everyone. The reminder that there is no one way or one right way to grieve is gently and persistently repeated throughout the book. Imperi instructs readers how to get help when they need it, what to expect, the difference between a deathloss and a shadowloss, how to help friends and family with their own grief, and much more. Five diverse individuals experiencing losses serve to illustrate the examples in the book; these biographies and stories feel a bit flat, but that is the only small flaw in the book in this reader’s opinion.

The book is beautifully designed and well structured with repeating sections like “loving kindness” advice printed on fortune cookie-like slips, grief terminology that is bolded (and available to look up in the glossary), and suggested activities on how to “keep your grief moving.” At the end of each chapter, teachings are summed up in a list titled “Carry This With You.” 

Includes a “how to use this guide” section in the beginning that suggests starting with chapter one and then picking and choosing which sections you may need to read. Illustrations help break up the text throughout the book. The back of the book has LOTS of resources including a mood tracker, a grief journal with prompts, a grief glossary, a note for caregivers, an extensive list of resources including books and websites, international suicide hotlines, a reference list, and an index.  Highly recommended for ALL collections serving ages 12+. Link to complete review: https://ysbookreviews.wordpress.com/2...

[Brooke - TheBrookeList · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written and clear workbook/guide that walks children and teens through traumatic situations and our varied responses to them. Imperi does a great job teaching us about the grief process, removing stigma or worries about those strong feelings, and offering great ideas and encouragement to keep moving through it. My brother died in my young teen years, and I feel like we just sort of saw our way through it, back to normal life after a few weeks. While this guide could feel a little dense at at times, it does have a good deal of encouragement and wisdom. It includes examples of various types of deathloss or shadowloss from sample children, and explained some of their feelings and experiences, to help various situations seem relatable. While not all children will be dealing with very close or tragic deathloss, I do think we all experience life changes, discouragement and more types of shadowloss that can send us into a puzzling grief cycle. Our oldest recently left home, and it has rocked all our worlds in surprising ways. Imperi offers a great lesson on how we do life, and giving ourselves a little grace as we do so, in a very inclusive and encouraging way.

Read as a nomination in the nonfiction book award category as a panelist for Children's and Young Adult Bloggers' Literary Awards (Cybils Awards).

[Sandy Brehl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This matter-of-fact approach is not at all mundane or simplistic. In fact, it trusts readers, especially young ones, to be able to read and absorb (and benefit from) informtation about the complex processes our minds and hearts and emotions deal with during loss.
Several features are especially noteworthy.
The "take away" sidebars allow for readers who are distracted or struggle with reading to be clear about what the main ideas and concepts are in each section.
The five imagined examples convey realistic situations for kids everywhere, and also represent diversity in identity and backgrounds and types of loss. Their return throughout various sections makes the applications feel like they convey useful ideas and strategies.
The page format is ideal, with plenty of white space between lines and on the page overall, allowing shorter blocks of text to be read and dealt with between page turns. The seriousness of the content needs that treatment.
The message is repeated that feelings are okay, that people of all ages encounter various losses, but also each person feels and reacts differently.
The short section at the back for adult (well0-intentiioned) interveners is priceless.
Highly recommended.

[Marian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I lost my Dad suddenly but interestingly, shortly after that, on my first day back at work, this book was lying on top of a pile of books to process. When I've lost other people, I've gotten little messages or experienced "coincidences" and took this as a sign to read the book. Only later did I see that this book is meant for youth but I'd still recommend it for grieving adults. Simple writing, graphics, and exercise options make this an ideal guide when your brain is slower than usual and you are in the thick of things. I liked how the author describes grief as something that does not leave but something that you learn to live with as you encourage the grief energy to move and later transform into something new. This idea resonated. I also liked the "don't ask why" but consider asking "what?" Intuitively it's been helpful to wonder what I can do to honor Dad, his legacy, or what he might want me to say. There's no changing the reality but listening to what I need each day, as the book suggested, and how to move the grief are ideas that may work well for others.

[Amanda Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was sent to me for a review and I am so glad I got to read it. It is a children’s book about grief. It was very cathartic for me to put words to aspects of my grieving that I didn’t have before. I learned about death loss vs shadow loss and anticipatory grief and toxic positivity. The author uses wonderful analogies to explain aspects of the grieving process. There are personal experiences to help readers understand the point the author is trying to make. The author carefully defines words to make sure you g readers understand the point he is making. I recommend this book for any grieving child and for all public and elementary and middle school libraries. It’s truly good for adults too. It helped me.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is *such* a wise and gentle book to share with anyone who’s living with grief and loss. Sure, it’s geared towards kids. But if you have a child who needs it, make sure you read it alongside them, or at least make sure you talk about it with them.

The author’s approach normalizes grief and teaches skills for self-understanding and self-soothing, as well as tools for uncomfortable social situations and caring for the physical manifestations of grief.

I highly recommend this book, and I’m so grateful I read it.

[Cherlynn | cherreading · Rating 2 out of 5]

✨ "If you are grieving, it means you have loved someone or something a great deal. We don't grieve things we don't care about. Grief is proof of your love."

Hmmm this book makes a lot of good points, but there are also some that I don't agree with. To be fair, I'm not the target audience and this might be a better resource for younger readers.

The book opens with a strong and good introduction. I like how it acknowledges our emotions while emphasizing that grief is a process instead of a feeling.

But while this is a straightforward read that explains things well and is easy to get through, I also feel that it's oversimplified and doesn't go in depth enough. I wish there was more about shadow losses.

Additionally, the book states at least twice that adults would be more familiar and have more experience with grief and hence know what they need. I disagree because every loss is profoundly different and can hit fresh. Anyone who has loved and lost would know that it never gets easier, no matter how many times it has been.

Still, might be a useful book for teens and adolescents navigating grief and loss.

👩🏻 cherreading mood: Slowing down at a cafe in town.

[Ruba Abu Ali · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an interesting and wise book!

Although it mainly targets middle grade kids, I found it to be useful and enlightening for both children and adults. The clear language as well as the organized and scientific yet empathetic wealth of information and tips make it a necessary reference and an invaluable addition to libraries and to families dealing with grief.

An added bonus is the beautiful illustrations.

I highly recommend it.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the e-ARC.

[Megan Woodby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book overall with useful information for kids & adults alike. A fabulous resource for grievers, & for those close to grievers looking to be supportive. It provides a great framework for what to do to take care of yourself when you’re experiencing loss, & personally I love a checklist of things to do when I’m stressed & my brain isn’t functioning normally. Highly recommend.

[Caitlin B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cole makes it easy to understand and approach grief as best as we can - and equips adults caring for grieving youth to do exactly as she encourages: meet them where they are.

This is an essential read for youth and adults alike. Copies should be made available at all public libraries - it’s THAT needed!

[Tsia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC

It was interesting. Maybe it would have helped me a few years ago, but even now I have realized something for myself. There are pictures here(!). Interesting concept and implementation. I will recommend it.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this ARC at ALA Annual 2024. I found it to be a good read on this topic...grief. I appreciate the content and encouragement given. As an adult who is currently grieving a deathloss and several shadowlosses, I took away several tips to help me through the process.

[Chelsea R.H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really sweet, well researched and informative book on grief for teens and kids. I would have really loved something like this for myself and my siblings when our dad died, but even now Im enjoying going through the journal prompts for my daily journal and it’s been really helpful.

[Jamie Dobrovolc · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first grief book I’ve actually liked. It’s written to be able to explain tough concepts to youth— so clear, straightforward, an easy read. Helps you as a griever, caregiver, and friend. I’ll be purchasing for my bookshelf!

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical guide for dealing with loss geared towards middle grade children. Includes glossary, resources, and index.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meant for younger people, however it was very effective for me, in its simplicity and clear-cut information. Lots of self-care as well.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up for my kids when it became clear that our 19-year-old kitty was nearing the end. I was familiar with Cole Imperi from the Ologies podcast and remembered that I found her advice to be very helpful and compassionate. Even though this book is geared toward younger readers, I think it could be read and enjoyed by anyone. My oldest (13) found it to be really insightful and liked that it didn't talk down to them. It is also inclusive of pet deaths and shadowlosses (losses other than the death of a person - such as divorce or a pandemic). I particularly like Imperi's advice to keep your grief moving. Highly recommend.