You Can't Have It All: The Basic B*tch Guide to Taking the Pressure Off

by Stassi Schroeder

The two-time New York Times bestselling author, OG Vanderpump Rules star, and host of the successful chart-topping podcast Stassi is back and better than ever with a candid guide to rethinking the girlboss life, taking the pressure off, and lessons she’s learned since becoming a mom of two.

Before she wrote Off with My Head, a book about hitting what felt like rock bottom, Stassi Schroeder was writing an entirely different a basic bitch’s guide on how to be—wait for it—a “girlboss.” But then 2020 came along and after a global pandemic, losing her job, becoming pregnant and having her first child, and getting married, suddenly being a girlboss wasn’t the vibe. Instead of giving up, Stassi grew up and learned from her mistakes (you know, just standard evolution).

After two and a half years in limbo, Stassi was ready to launch her career again. She’d come a long way from that temperamental Season One Stassi. She’d gained a new perspective on what she wants out of business, her career, and to carve a path for herself, on her terms. The thing is, all of this pressure to “have it all” while girlbossing it up…it’s exhausting, and Stassi isn’t sure it’s the ticket to happiness that we all thought it was.

That’s truly what this book is the desire for joy. It’s about accepting the fact that you may not be the “perfect” parent/partner/friend/human at all times, and that’s okay. Instead of letting mom guilt or work guilt get her down, Stassi is trying to learn and to encourage us all to take the pressure off, give ourselves grace, and lean into the things that bring happiness. And if you need a little sauvignon blanc or Aperol spritz to get you through the tough days…so be it.

Genres: Audiobook, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Celebrity, Autobiography, Self Help

236 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 10, 2024

About the author

Stassi Schroeder is one of the stars of the hit Bravo TV series Vanderpump Rules. Originally from New Orleans, she now lives in Los Angeles, where she films and hosts her popular podcast Straight Up with Stassi.

(source: Amazon)

Reviews

[Violet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, sweet, and just the fun escape that I needed. Readers get a peek at Stassi's growth + maturity, but also get to reminisce about the old school Vanderpump days. Her wedding, marriage, podcast, kids, self harming behavior, friendships past and present, thoughts on Scandoval...it's alllll covered. Lots of mom talk. If you've ever felt mom guilt, shame, or had a stranger stare at you in public while your child full on melts down...this book is for you!

Takeaway: If Stassi is writing a book, I'm reading it. If she narrates an audiobook, I'm listening to it!

4.5 stars

[Alex Franklin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Theres something very cozy about dipping into stassi’s life.

[Alexis Baines · Rating 3 out of 5]

AUDIOBOOK: This one kind of fell flat for me, probably because I’m not a white millionaire mom who was on reality TV. It really made me realize that I’m not the same person I was in 2019. Still, it was a nice escape.

[Lindsay Stenzel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Stassi I am begging you to go to therapy.

[Kelsey Neukrug · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sorry stass…a little too much “girl-bossing” and momming when I wanted vanderpump tea 😂

[Kate Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Felt like I wrote this book myself sometimes

[Karen Deal · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love reading the words and worries that are in Stassi’s brain. Makes me laugh and then she is serious on the next page. Great balance

[Sarah Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

AUDIOBOOK: A super fun and quick listen! Stassi is definitely a girls girl- though at times a little “extra”. The majority was about her journey through motherhood which wasn’t super relatable for me but I still found myself interested in a different motherhood expierence.

[Lauryn Wasil · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoy Stassi’s storytelling but feel like this book didn’t really have much to offer.

[Madison · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not worth the paper it was printed on.

[Anne Maher · Rating 1 out of 5]

Stay in your lane, Stassi. This should have been a podcast.

[Vivian Rousseau · Rating 5 out of 5]

They could never make me hate u stassi

[Kelly (The Happiest Little Book Club)]

(A friendly reminder that I don't rate memoirs)

I have to say that coming off of Leave The World Behind, this was a really nice "palate cleanser" type book.

Aside from my love of reading, a lot of you know my love of all things Bravo TV (the Real Housewives franchises, Vanderpump Rules, Summer House, etc.). It started almost two decades ago with RHOC and I have not been able to shake my love affair for people behaving badly, since. It is pure escapism for me.

Back in 2013, Bravo gave its reality TV fans 'Vanderpump Rules'. A show where servers and bartenders drank too much, dated each other, and filmed it all for the world to see. I really enjoyed Stassi the minute she was first on screen. Sarcastic and sassy, she was a fun TV personality that often went to the dark side (or as she calls it, her "dark passenger" persona) thanks to trust issues, loser boyfriends, and excessive drinking. She made for GREAT TV.

While Stassi has had a wild ride when it comes to both her reality TV career and personal life, it is nice to see her more mature and reflective throughout this book. I actually could identify with a lot of what she said about being your own boss, a parent, and a spouse. While I cringe at the term "girlboss", I did appreciate listening to a lot of what she has learned over the years.

If you are anything like me when it comes to Bravo and reality shows, then you will enjoy this book.

A big thanks to Libro.fm for the ALC.

[Olivia Zerger · Rating 2 out of 5]

I kept a list of all the ridiculous shit she said in this book but I think my favorite is including Elizabeth Holmes in a list of women she seemingly admires. That being said I do now have to read her other books

[Allison Richart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this one!!! 🎧

I have said it once and I will say it again, I love Stassi Schroeder so much! 💕

[Mekenna Passner · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Give yourself permission to just say ‘fuck it’ sometimes”.

A great reminder that you can do anything but you can’t do everything and you have to put yourself first. From season 1 Vanderpump Rules Stassi (a queen) to now (an even bigger queen), always love hearing her story

[Kelsey Myhrman]

I’m so sad to give this a 2 but it was so cringe the entire time. Listened to it and maybe that was worse? Stassi just was over the top and some of her examples are so lame. I love her so this is annoying I’m ranking it so low but there is nothing new in here to know of her.

[Hayley Bongard · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ll listen to anything where a reality star reads their own book
Pretty lols listen for your hot girl walks

[Lauren Lawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stassi has always been my favorite VPR cast member. I can appreciate how much she has matured and evolved since becoming a mom. As a mom myself, I can totally relate to a lot of what she says in this book and appreciate the perspective so much!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read all of Stassi’s books and this was by far the best one! She was so real and so raw, and you can see how deeply motherhood has affected and changed her.

I listened to the audiobook which was narrated by her, which was so much fun! It felt like I was sitting next to her just having girl talk!

If you’re a fan of Stassi you absolutely need to read this book!

[Jack Longstreet · Rating 5 out of 5]

brutally honest and funny as per usual Stassi but after reading both of her books compared to this one you can absolutely see and hear how much she’s grown since her departure from VPR, also, Stassi Schroeder (the one and only) complimented my outfit, and now I will never question my fashion sense again!

[Olivia Rice · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a super quick and easy listen especially as a huge Stassi fan. I like her message that you can’t always be the best at everything and sometimes you have to accept the loses. She did reveal some tea that I liked from her VPR days.

[Grace McIlwain · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining read because I love my girl Stassi. All I needed was a glass of Pinot Grigio while I read 🤣 Largely unrelatable for me at this point in my life as she spends a lot of the book talking about her trials through motherhood and I am only a mother to a dog. But she does so in such a honest and hilarious way. I also loved her chapter honestly discussing her battles with mental health.

[Meg Botterman · Rating 4 out of 5]

They can never make me hate you, Nastassia Schroeder

A lot of the book I couldn’t relate to (I.e., marriage, mom stuff) but it was still a nice escape

[Natalie Favre · Rating 4 out of 5]

stassi schroeder-clark, you’ll always be my favorite!!! love getting a glimpse into her life in such a laid back real way

[Victoria Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a big fan of Stassi and read her last book. I had to force myself to finish this. It felt like when I was in school and had to hit a certain word count. A lot of it was the same to her last book but just not as entertaining. Her most compelling stories were Beau (which I found the most memorable in her last book). I also found it very surface level and almost like she was trying to be really relatable to everyone vs a personal take on something (minus 1 chapter that was very vulnerable). I’m a pretty laissez fare person but I found it cringe that she was saying to cheer on the mom that always has a tumbler full of wine or mimosa at the park or kids birthday parties. I wish she would’ve dived into more of her background.
If you can listen to it for free on Spotify I would recommend. But I can’t recommend purchasing the book or using an Audible credit.

[Colleen · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s weird to read 250 pages with absolute zero narrative arc, but I did it

[Ashley Busch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clearly, this book isn’t aimed for Pulitzer type of writing. The amount of commas employed where there should’ve been a period does make me side eye her editor. About 75% of it I listened to audio and 25% I read. Shockingly the parts I read I tended to enjoy more.

Despite my minor grievances this book is perfect for the “season of life” I’m currently in. There were a couple of really good takeaways that I needed to hear as a toddler mom.

“You really do only live once, so you may as well not spend it stressing about trying to reach perfection in every aspect of your life. I have perfectionist tendencies, which I have to watch out for. There are moments in life when I just decide to let go of things and embrace the chaos of whatever is happening, and my day becomes so much better than it would have been if I’d been worried about a messy living room or baby food in my hair.”

“Mom guilt starts before a baby is born, and it probably doesn't stop until we actually die. And even then, it probably stays with us when we’re ghosts floating around benevolently haunting our children.”

“You can have it all in love and marriage, but not 24-7-365 days a year. And that’s fine! Love is not about having it all, it's about having each other.”

“I know that’s typical for toddlers, but I’m just careful to treat her the way I’d want to be treated when I’m melting down. I want her to have a healthy experience with emotions, so I worry about her mental health, and try to treat her with respect EVEN when she’s acting like a toddler version of Godzilla.”

[Annie Burns · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am the devil and don’t you forget it.

Ladies & gentlemen…HER. Stassi has done it again!!! Loved this one so much for her honesty & authenticity and coverage of the “deep stuff”. A lot of it has to do with her motherhood journey which obvs can’t relate to but the overarching theme is, as the title suggests, taking the pressure off yourself as a woman. This could be pressure on anything ranging from motherhood, job, school, body, looks, etc. As a fellow rehabilitated wreck of a person I trust her words & take her advice for not giving a fuck as creed (this is especially helpful now amidst my continued mental backflips surrounding grad school)…

Quote that sums up the entire book:
“You actually can have it all…just not all at once.”

Good life lesson from Stassi:
“If you’re ever jealous of something someone else has, imagine that you would have to switch your entire life with theirs to get it. You would switch bodies, partners, friends, jobs, families, houses, everything”

My take:
Do I still want that life? If it was a Sophia Richie or an Alex Cooper then yes…yes I would. Otherwise, probs not.

[Kassandra Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s hard to rate someone’s personal experiences and this deff felt like a memoir more than anything and really what Stassi has learned over the last couple years. I’ve been a big fan of Vanderpump Rules since the beginning and watching her grow as a person through that and now off the show has been neat.

I so really respect her as a mom and wife now and seeing her in these new chapters of her life the last four years was really nice. I think it’s an important message too for women to hear, you truly can’t do it all as we weren’t made to balance it all perfectly. I think it’s easy to look at celebrities and assume they can and do do it all and so to hear her experiences of learning how to balance and find what’s truly important was great.

I enjoyed this was narrated by her and just overall an easy listen and read and fun I’d you’re a Stassi or bravo fan like I am!