Sex After . . .: Women Share How Intimacy Changes as Life Changes

by Iris Krasnow

The bestselling author of The Secret Lives of Wives offers a refreshingly straightforward guide to enjoying a long, satisfying sex life.  Women of the baby boomer generation know and trust Iris Krasnow as a writer who speaks candidly to the issues that concern them most. In the months following the publication of her most recent book, The Secret Lives of Wives, Krasnow addressed thousands of women, and she discovered that two subjects dominated her audiences’ sex and change. Whether women are worried about marriage and divorce or illness and death, they’re all “How do I handle the shifts in my sexuality caused by these events?” Sex After . . . holds the answers to everything from regaining sexual confidence after childbirth and breast cancer to navigating the dating scene in senior communities. As with all of Krasnow’s books since her New York Times bestseller Surrendering to Marriage, the narrative is driven by real women’s raw, intimate, and, most importantly, true. Prescriptive, emancipating, and insightful, Sex After . . . addresses a range of circumstances, including what you or your spouse doesn’t want sex anymoreAfter cancer, amputation, PTSD, or another illness maims the bodyIf you come out of the closet at middle ageWhen your marriage is damaged by adulteryIf you’re dating again after twenty-five years with the same sexual partnerWhen your husband is addicted to Viagra Filled with edgy and honest stories of carnal challenge and triumph from women of all backgrounds and life stages, Sex After . . . is Krasnow’s signature take on Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask—during all of life’s passages. Krasnow is a media and lecture tour favorite, and readers—whether in the heat of an initial can’t-eat-can’t-sleep attraction or rounding the corner to their sixtieth anniversary—will applaud her eye-opening perspectives on the one issue that can change lives for better or worse like nothing else.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality, Relationships, Health, Self Help, Feminism

353 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 6, 2014

About the author

Iris Krasnow was born and raised in Oak Park, Illinois. A graduate of Stanford University, she became the fashion writer for the Dallas Times Herald, then moved to United Press International in Washington, D.C. for the position of national feature writer. In her several years at UPI, Krasnow specialized in lifestyle stories and celebrity profiles, including Yoko Ono, Billy Graham, Ted Kennedy, Elie Wiesel and Queen Noor of Jordan.

Krasnow is the author of SURRENDERING TO MOTHERHOOD, the New York Times bestseller SURRENDERING TO MARRIAGE, and SURRENDERING TO YOURSELF, all published by Miramax Books, as well as the newly-released I Am My Mother's Daughter (Basic Books). Her writing has been featured in many national publications, among them Parade magazine, The Wall Street Journal, SELF magazine and The Washington Post. Krasnow is the relationship correspondent for the Fox Morning News in Baltimore, and has been a guest on numerous national radio and television programs including Oprah, Good Morning America, The Today Show, CBS Early Show, Fox & Family and several times on CNN. Interviews with Krasnow, and reviews of her work, have appeared in Time, O The Oprah Magazine, Glamour, The New Yorker, U.S. News & World Report and Redbook.

A longtime journalism professor at American University, Krasnow lives in Maryland with her husband and four sons. She speaks on marriage, childrearing and "female generational angst" to groups across the country.

Reviews

[Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. "Sex After..." chronicles sex at different points throughout a woman's life--told (mainly) through the voices of women who share their experiences with Krasnow transitioning between stories and chapters. The book explores the mutually reinforcing relationship the sex and intimacy share, and the importance of each within a relationship. Many different topics are discussed, including sex after children, cancer, infidelity and coming out, which keeps the book's pace moving. The book also explores the signals that women are given about sex; where sex is rampant in media, but women are expected to be chaste. Parts of the book were jumpy and didn't quite follow the time period the chapter was focusing on. However, I enjoyed the qualitative approach this book took--hearing from real women (and sometimes men) as opposed to just getting a summary of current research.

[Julie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am not a fan of this book. While it would not necessarily be reasonable to anticipate a scientific approach of the subject matter based on the book's description, I was hoping for a more balanced read. The author includes interviews with women in various stages of life with an emphasis on those years and circumstances that pose challenges to the contemporary perception of female sexuality. As someone who hasn't experienced firsthand many of those life events, I was curious to learn what challenges lay ahead. Having finished the book, I feel in most instances that the issues weren't sufficiently addressed and that I am no wiser.

The tone in chapter after chapter felt almost like a cheerleading chant reiterating that women can continue having a fulfilling sex life at each stage of their life. Quite a bit of the anecdotal advice was repetitive. Finally I felt slightly uncomfortable that the author often chose to emphasise the attractive physical appearance of those women who had success stories to share, in many instances inclusive of materialistic attributes, as well, such as the fact that they arrived for their interview wearing designer shoes.

I don't enjoy writing a negative review, but I didn't find this book particularly informative and would not recommend it.

I received this book as an Early Reviewer, but that did not influence my review.

[Karen · Rating 1 out of 5]

She has facts and figures and absolutely no references. I wanted this book to fill out the information I am missing on sexuality in later life, but I don't feel like I can trust this book.

[Lee · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had potential, and it may be better than I am giving it credit for. The introduction is powerful, arguing that it will talk about the sex lives of women after trouble, whether that trouble be the lose of a husband a wife had been faithful for after half a century of marriage or whether it is a after divorcing a husband once a woman comes to terms with her homosexuality. The book promises to chart the journey's these women make, and I loved it.

Until Krasnow abandoned all that. After the introduction, the first chapter or two is completely off topic. There is a long meditation on Lena Dunham's Girls, which is not only off-topic but dates the book, discussing Girls as if it was a cultural phenomenon when really it was little more than a flash in the pan. Then, there is a chapter on the sex lives of young girls which seems totally out of place and disorienting.

I suspect that the faults of this book were the result of some misguided editor who wanted to make the book hipper. All they ended up doing was distracting from the power that this book could have had. Perhaps the latter parts of the book were as great as the Introduction promised, but I did not bother with them.

Read 9% of the book.

[Gail · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last paragraph of this book reads, "Sex? It is a very good thing. Yet the sensations that women crave most in an intimate relationship are some really warm perpetually rocking brain waves."

Examining sexual relations from teen to post-baby,(or lack thereof), onward, this book has a depressing percentage of woman having sex because they somehow feel they "owe" it, and men thinking they "deserve" it, as in the man who suggests his wife should make sure they have sex three times a week, lest he be inclined to stray.

Otherwise, as might be expected, people who have enjoyed sex historically, find a way to enjoy it for a long time. She has some very interesting testimonials from the over-70 crowd, affirming, thank goodness, that there are still thrills to be had into your 80's and onward (maybe tantric??)

Interesting discussion of modern detached sexual hook-ups which are the "norm" with the now-20s...

Lastly, my nurse practitioner of more than twenty years, Deborah Nichols, was interviewed in this book, and she gives very trustworthy advice.

[Ellen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would have been more impressed with this book if it had more real data from doctors, therapists, or research. Instead, it interwove snippets of real information and data with slightly salacious personal accounts of the sex lives of women of various ages, sexual orientation and race. I felt as if these personal accounts had been obtained via interviews by college students who worked for their campus newspapers and had been hired by the author because they needed a little money. I am being a little harsh but I was pretty disappointed in this book.

[Karah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't get the bad reviews. What dissatisfied the other readers so miserably? I found it inspiring that so many women achieved soulful sensuality no matter the circumstance. It pays to be assertive if you want anything meaningful in life. In our era, there are so many preventive measures that no one has to endure a miserable sex life. Cheers, Iris Krasnow!!

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book at a perfect time. I had no idea this book existed and hadn't any expectations reading it. I'm a 30 year old, first time postpartum mother continually adjusting to my body. I looked at the other ratings half way through the book and found them funny. Did some of you even read the book? Ha!
I believe listening to other people's experiences is a way to connect to one another. At one point I think Iris wrote, so we don't feel alone in our lives (paraphrased.) Having the chapters dedicated to general life changes flowed easily, I thought. Women's and men's description of their sex lives in their own words, no interjections from the author. Though, in between she does add in her own two cents. The latter of the book is mostly based on older couples, sex in illness and some doctor perspectives in seeing clients. I thought the latter part of the book was the most heartfelt and raw. Those people put me in places I hope I never witness firsthand or otherwise. In the same verse they helped visual my own sexuality. Sexuality comes with its own set of difficulties.
What I've gotten from this book, if nothing else is to be free and honest with myself, and my partner.

[Hannah Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of this book came across as very staged, almost as if the stories were made up. As it went on, they became a bit more genuine which held my attention more. It may be that I would have found it better if some of the womens testaments had been in interview styles etc. Mixing it up some instead of just page long stories that sounded like they were paraphrased by the author.

[Tiquila Mcneill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative and hopeful

[Carol Rizzardi · Rating 3 out of 5]

The real story is in the subtitle: "Women Share How Intimacy Changes as Life Changes."

In short, whatever you are doing is right for you if you feel good and fulfilled.

[Emily Mellow · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. I love all the firsthand accounts from people at various stages of life and love. It's inspiring and informative.

[Amanda Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I do not give high ratings lightly, and I almost didn't with this book until I realized it had more to do with my age and perspective, my opinions, than the book itself. The author does a very good job at going over the issues of sex life at a later age. The book is peppered with stories and antedotes of people she had talked to and stories she had heard. Her ability to make a book about sexual intercourse to be neither vulgar and over the time or a dry, boring read, is what lead me to the conclusions that I did. The writing style is fluid and the messages are clear. Any deviation from the topics is quickly recovered. I do believe this is an excellent book for those in the later stages in laugh, especially after menopause, and for those who have had hysterectomies and experience the downfalls of a sex life when dealing with hormonal issues. This is a good read and I much approve of the context and style.

[Vanessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting title to a book that provided just what the title implies.
The book was very informative. I would not highly recommend it because of the presentation style of the material. The author gives a cliff note version of a real persons experience with little analysis. This became frustrating because then the actual experience would b retold by the person who lived it. It was like having someone tell you what happens in the movie before you see it over and over again. I ended up just reading the stories told by the real people and decided that the portions written by the author were not worth reading. This allowed me to make my own conclusions without having to reconsider details from the authors’ version of someone else’s experience.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting book about how sex changes and how life changes as we get older. When I concluded the book, I sat there thinking to myself how my life has transitioned through the years. There were some very significant events happening to and with me on my decade marks. At age 10, I started learning my first band instrument that I have continued to play through my life. From there, I eventually became a band and choir director. At age 20, I was in college and having relationship issues with men. At age 30, I went through a divorce. At age 40, I became pregnant with my second child. I'll be turning 50 in a few months, and now I'm starting to go through menopause. (I had my last period 3 months ago).

[Marjorie]

Another one I saw in the AARP Magazine "Book Buzz" column. The magazine's description: "'There is no perfect sex because there are no perfect people,' writes Krasnow, 59, who has long listened to people talk about 'wanting love, finding love, and losing love.' Here she tells all about women writing 'a new sexual script.'"

[Liz De Coster · Rating 2 out of 5]

Based on the title, I was very interested in this book, but it ended up being very little beyond a series of interviews and personal essays. Some were quite touching and personal, but many were fairly generic and failed to add much. Other than one or two stories, the book failed to have much to say or leave much of an impression.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish I had been able to read this book 20 years ago. Important message - the need for openness and communication between chosen partners. It is nice to know that there can be/is wonderful sex in our golden years.

[Pamela Hovanec · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is funny, entertaining and full of lessons from others. i love hearing them and i can relate to many.. i found it very informative and im sure others will as well. thanks

pamela

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book about the transformation of your sex life as life changes. I found that it has a lot of good insight.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, it gave me a feel of a documentary type of book. Very informational about sex,and how the view of it has changed through the years.

[Dawna Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was such a great book so happy that i was the person who won it!! would so tell a friend to read it!!

[Cristina Gutierrez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. "Sex After...afater finish reading i will do a review on it thanks for the book! so far i like the boof

[Debra Weidman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oddly enough there is a Finksburg MD connection in this book

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Preaching to the choir I guess.

[Kyra Hahn]

Insightful non-fiction about how sex and intimacy don't diminish as you age

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Found this a fascinating read. For my children, for myself, for my friends, etc. Highly recommended. It's about women and sex at many different stages in life.

[Debi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Boring. Horrible. Waste of time.

[Susie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book offers interesting insight into the sex lives of various women throughout their lives. It's very informative.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

mainly skimmed this. had some interesting personal stories to read.