The Kids Are All Right: Parenting with Confidence in an Uncertain World

by Gabrielle Stanley Blair, Ben Blair

Part memoir, part polemic, Design Mom blogger Gabrielle Blair and her husband, educator Ben Blair—parents to six kids ages 12-25—offer up an unexpected parenting guide that encourages overwhelmed parents to let go of tired expectations of what it means to be a "good parent," and instead lean into adventure and embrace uncertainty (for their sake, and their kids').
    
As parents to six kids, ages 12-25, Gabrielle and Ben Blair have been raising kids for over two decades. Through the years, they’ve charted their own unconventional working from home before remote work was a thing; uprooting their kids four, five, six times – including a move to France where they enrolled in local schools without knowing the language. It’s been a unique parenting journey characterized by experimentation, trial and error, decisions prompted by financial or psychological necessity, varying levels of anxiety and tension, despair, and hope. This unique path turned out to be fertile soil for growing independent, resilient, and creative kids, and a family that is genuinely close and truly enjoys each other’s company.
 
With this book they share how they did it, and how we can by letting go of tired expectations of what it means to be a good parent (focus less on grades and more on seeing your kid for who they are); by accepting that the old rules won’t necessarily apply in the future (changes in higher ed and career-building are evolving at a rapid pace) and instead focus on making your time with your kids one of connection, adventure, shared projects, creativity and joy.  And it doesn’t require moving to France! Instead, it’s about creating a family life that embraces change and uncertainty instead of running from it. One encourages shared experiences and adventure and values connection above all else. Hard things will still happen – it’s life, after all – and goal is never perfection, but resilient kids and a family bond that that can bend, but not break.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Self Help

181 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 15, 2024

Reviews

[Betty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can confirm that the kids are all right & that this book is stupendous!! I’m not even biased!

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a lot of respect for the way the Blair family really care for each other. And there are some great truths in this book.

This book is written for families with privilege and resources. That demographic doesn’t describe me so some of this book missed the mark. As a public school educator, I appreciate their support. As a public school educator, I didn’t glean anything from the “get a flexible work from home job to best meet your kids’ needs” advice. Education rests on our *defined schedule* shoulders so that the Blair kids’ parents can thrive and raise a healthy family.

[Valerie · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 The most delightful, non-alarmist parenting book I have read. The Blairs' main goal is to build a strong relationship with their children that can last through adulthood. This book is not a list of parenting dos and don'ts and instead a guideline for helping children become who they're meant to be and a reminder for parents to enjoy their time with their kids.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gabrielle Blair is one of my favorite people online, so I will read pretty much anything she publishes, including a parenting book when I don’t have kids. I really appreciate her perspective on things.

[Lindsay Wilcox · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked some of the ideas in this book, but this is meant for families with IMMENSE privilege—the people who can relocate to France TWICE and travel around the globe and who tell people one of the best ways to be a parent is to have a flexible job where you can work from home all the time. DUH, Gabrielle. Yes, it would be nice if we all had jobs like this and could have two parents at home all the time, but the truth is that we don’t. The parts about not worrying so much about education had good points until the authors brag (maybe not intentionally?) about how their kids got into these well-known, expensive schools while not really caring that much about extracurriculars.

I guess maybe I am not their target audience, because I can’t imagine my kids having the experiences theirs did—and the suggestion about everyone sitting around on separate screens and talking about what they are reading or watching is laughable to me. I feel like they missed the point that sitting on a screen for hours a day is making people NOT connect with each other and hold conversations.

[Lacey Parr · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tried to remember that this is not a parenting book written by experts or a journalist. It’s just a collection of essays on what worked for one particular family. I appreciated their notes on alternative education/career paths and creating intention behind what activities you schedule for your kids. The section on screentime is simplistic and ignores the mountain of evidence showing that excess time on our devices is detrimental to everyone’s wellbeing.

[Rachel Williamson · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was sitting at a 2.5 or 3 for a good chunk of it, maybe because living internationally (a huge part of their family experience) hasn’t ever appealed to me. But their views of screens, opinions on church, and perspective of the long game of parenting (building foundations for when kids grow up) were different and interesting enough for me to bump this up.

Ideas:
-have family screen time, no headphones. Then you can be sharing and laughing together, seeing what each other’s interests are, showing a good use of screen and not isolating while doing it. Not all screen time is bad, and completely removing it might not be the solution. Teach and show how screens can be helpful, fun tools.
-boot camp before kids move out. Spend a couple weeks going over things that might have been taken for granted in order to prep kids. Ironing, budgeting, simple recipes etc.
-once financially independent, children do not owe their parents anything. Children will get to choose how much of a relationship to have. Work now to create a relationship they’ll want to participate in, not feel guilted or coerced into.
-getting kids to participate in housework. Give teens a few days notice of a project you will be doing as a family (can’t spring it on them day of) and set a reasonable start and end time. Work alongside them and show appreciation, make a fun atmosphere. When the end time comes let them quit if they want. Don’t demand “happy moods” all the time. They can still work and not feel happy about it.
-the typical path to careers is not always the answer. There are plenty of ways to get there, don’t stress too much on checking all the bullet points off a child’s college trajectory.

I read her book, Design Mom, a few year ago and really like the idea of making your home space work for your family goals. This was touched on here as well and feels so right. Highly recommend that one.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best parenting book I’ve read (and I’ve read a lot!). This is not a “how to parent so your child turns out perfect” kind of a book. Rather, it inspired me to appreciate and build upon the family I already have. This book takes the stress out of parenting perfectly and creates a vision for hopeful family relationships. I just loved every minute of it!

[whatjordanreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Kids Are Alright
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
📚 Self Help/Parenting
🎶 It’s Alright - The Impressions

One sentence synopsis:
Part memoir, part polemic, Design Mom blogger Gabrielle Blair and her husband, educator Ben Blair—parents to six kids ages 12-25—offer up an unexpected parenting guide that encourages overwhelmed parents to let go of tired expectations of what it means to be a "good parent," and instead lean into adventure and embrace uncertainty (for their sake, and their kids').

Book Review:
I feel like this book was exactly what I needed right now. It really focuses on the concept that right now the world feels very volatile and out of control and like there’s so many different things that can turn your child on the wrong path in life if they don’t fall the traditional methods for success. But what I appreciated about this book was it kind of gave you permission to loosen the reins a little bit and be OK with doing things a different way.

As someone who can really get in my head about all things parenting, trying to make sure my kid learns all the right things, is taught the right things at certain ages, and is terrified they’re gonna grow up to be a serial killer or a drug addict, I appreciated someone telling me that he’s going to be ok.

I especially love the example that the author gave of her son who dropped out of high school, got his GED, went to community college, and then got a full scholarship to Stanford and graduated at the top of this class.

But on the flipside, I feel like this book and the authorss experiences that they talk about in it can be highly unrealistic for the average family. As much as I feel like my child would benefit from and learn so much
more than stuff in the textbooks by moving to a foreign country for a few years, that’s not realistic for most of us.

[Beka · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book didn't leave much wanting -- I appreciate all that the co-authors/co-parents touched on, + i think they accomplished what they set out to do. I like their creative, loosely-held, ready-to-adjust approach to parenting and life.

this was an excellent read for me right now, as a parent to kids ranging between 4 and 10.

[Erin McQuivey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A refreshing take on parenting, growing up, and expectations.

[Johnna Gruel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Blair’s parenting insights mostly apply to kids older than mine so I’ll be sure to revisit this book in a couple years. But the chapter on how to handle a a child leaving their parent’s religion deserves 5 stars alone!

[Janalee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This woman is famous in the blogosphere and design. In fact, I learned we have a lot in common because we both had our six kids at about the same time but that's where we part ways.

(Her husband I just learned is the founder of Newlane University, which sounds pretty cool at $40 a month and $1500 to get your bachelors. I wonder how successful that new concept is.)

So she has put her life on display and it's a very successful life in every way. Inevitably, people start asking her the secrets to raising a great family and that is what spawned this book. Her approach is not to worry so much about schools and colleges and tests. Relax! It's very simple. Your children will be fine. And what worked for them was they started out as newlyweds, both raised in large,successful, close-knit LDS families. they then pursued successful degrees, and occupations, while starting their family. They were able to work remotely, and there by free to move to other countries, back-and-forth to live a very enriching life right down to a fun French farmhouse with an art room with all the supplies included so the kids could pursue any interest. Guitars all over the house, each room designed for maximum creativity, learning and production. In short, a lifestyle that is unattainable for the majority. But enviable, yes.

She's an advocate for the public schools and says there is no harm in choosing a 2 out of 10 star school for your children. They will be fine. No damage will be done if they go to a community college first. In fact, whether your route is Harvard or community college, the end result usually is the same.

don't worry about your child's future career because chances are it will be a different world by the time they are older, and the jobs they will have do not exist now. And vice versa. Just help them develop their interests and skills, and to be the best, most responsible version of themselves.

She's fine with screen time and suggests That in their family it is mostly used for the good and enhancing creativity. So many guitar jam sessions taking place.
Apparently, her kids have never fallen victim to the Darkside of social media, due to their family culture and constant attention to their needs.

To sum up. Lots of neat ideas to have a dream family life but mostly unrelatable. I would've liked to read about the problems and any hardships she has with her children. Though I do understand the need to protect privacy and she doesn't owe us.

I enjoyed her final chapter on religion, and was surprised to learn of her eight siblings she was the only one who didn't leave the church.

Book #90!

[Carolyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

First half was pretty good. All-purpose parenting advice that resonated with me. The second half was long illustrative anecdotes about her own children, and I lost interest.

[Angie Miale · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like this short book and found it to be useful. Most of it is kind of commonsensical for me. But page 176 is stellar. 10 out of 10 needs to be framed and hung up on your wall.

[Jennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very quick and thought-provoking book. I appreciated the hopeful and joyful approach to parenting. I especially loved the chapters on hard work and cultivating an intentional family culture.

I've been following Gabrielle Blair on social media for a long time and was looking forward to this insight into the seemingly beautiful and overwhelmingly happy family life she portrays online. I know what shows up on the internet is only a snapshot and doesn't represent the whole story, but the Blairs really seem to have found the balance and joy in the journey many of us are striving for.

In the book, I appreciated the way she handled tough topics in a realistic way and encouraged parents to give themselves permission to worry less about things that aren't important in the long run. It is especially helpful to open your mind to the possibility of other, less conventional paths to success for your children in the education and career.

It definitely oversimplified some things and didn't cover some very serious and important topics that parents worry about. But at under 200 pages, we can't really expect it to answer every question.

[Ashley Jane Barlow · Rating 5 out of 5]

So overall I really enjoyed this book. I think my two major cons is that 1. this book is more geared towards family with school aged kids, so I might reread it in like 7 years when I’m more in the trenches of that era of my life. 2. These people got some privilege and at times that didn’t feel as relatable because it is just very unusual to be like, well if we are going to rent in CO for a year we might as well just move to France! But I really loved everything else in the book! I loved the emphasis at the beginning about evaluating the purpose for what your family is doing and really being intentional about what you do as a family. I loved the positive perspective on technology! I loved the encouragement that you as the parent must act like an adult, not your child. I really loved the low stakes, high frequency performance mindset when it comes to mastering a skill.

[Sally Shelton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this. I know some reviewers pointed out that a lot of their experiences come from a place of privilege, and that’s true. But I’d say most of the advice they share in the book is applicable to anyone.

I think they covered a good array of topics that can be applicable at a lot of different ages. I really like that when they share specific ideas, they make it clear that they’re not prescribing anything, just giving examples.

My biggest complaint is that I wish they included some references to any research they may have based some of their parenting decisions on. Not to prove what they’re saying, but to give a starting point for parents looking to delve deeper into specific topics.

[Lindsey]

Quick read but lots and lots of good stuff, especially toward the end. (If I had edited this book, I would have put the last few chapters first.) My key takeaways:

- stop stressing about college readiness because there are many paths to success
- design your home to facilitate activities and culture you want to see
- prioritize family togetherness through shared screen time, jam sessions, and group projects. (Can testify from real life experience that Gabby and Ben really are amazing at this!)
- experiment with traditions in line with your desired family culture

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Blair’s have more privilege and resources than I do, but I still loved so many of their ideas and the hopefulness of this book. So many parenting books make you feel like a failure, but this book reminds you what the long term goals of parenting should be, and how to help your children find their own path, even if it’s non-traditional. Cultivate closeness, and reap the rewards down the line. I’ll definitely revisit this one because it was such a refreshing read.

[Brittanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great parenting book. Gave insights to schooling for kids and how there isn't any one way to do it but loved that they also advocated for public schooling. Liked the ideas they had about parenting adult children. Interesting argument that our kids don't owe us parents anything. They didn't ask to be born. Also had ideas about what to do if your child doesn't choose your religion. Had some great thought provoking ideas. The whole feel of the book though really did make you feel confident in your parenting and that there isn't one particular way to do it.

[Diana Freeburg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another banger out of designmom and Mr. designmom! Finished mere hours after the Amazon truck dropped off my pre-order.

Letter to their kid who chose to leave Mormonism was especially meaningful. Loved thinking about the family culture I want to create. Excited to drop out of soccer next season, my 6 year old hates it. And love love love the public school enthusiasm.

[Kammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a long time Design Mom follower, I was not surprised that I enjoyed and agreed with this book. The ideas and intentions felt logical and practical to me. It's written in a friendly encouraging way with an optimistic outlook on ways to develop life long relationships with your kids.

[Mckenna Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to be like the Blairs when I grew up. This was an excellent book and gave me so much to think about in terms of my kids' education, our family culture, and what I want for my kids. There are so many different paths to success but it's easy to forget that sometimes when society tells you that there is only one correct path. This book was short, informative, and completely changed my thinking about how I want to raise our kids. Highly recommend!

[Kateryna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not a parent but an aunt who’s very involved and I loved this! Highly recommend.

[Quincey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book because it’s by the same author who wrote ejaculate responsibly (which I still believe everybody needs to read) and really enjoyed their approach to parenting. I feel like my main takeaways were just to relax, be intentional, and continue to pivot as necessary.

[Leslie Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great series of essays that touched on a lot of what I'm wrestling with as a parent and offers solid, humble advice. They definitely have a point of view and encourage you to establish your own unique family vision. Great food for thought, definitely recommend.

[Diana Gower · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've loved Gabrielle Blair for a long time on her socials. This book was great - definitely geared towards parenting older kids but still many nuggets of wisdom.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved the ideas in this book. A must read for sure. I’ll be re-reading in the future.

[Heather K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m really surprised that I loved this book so much! There are definitely some things I disagreed with or found unrealistic, but not enough to give it 4 stars.