Terapijos dzenas: kaip atskleisti gyvenime slypintį gerumą

by Mark Epstein, Ieva Šakelaitė (Translator)

„Jei esi pratęs gyventi mažame kambaryje, bet staiga atrandi plačią pievą, gali jaustis nesaugiai. Visi manosi norintys laimės, bet gali ir nenorėti. Jie verčiau laikosi įsikibę pasakojimo apie tai, kokie yra ir kas jiems neįmanoma. Laimė nėra priedas prie to, kas jau esi, – ji reikalauja tapti kitokiu žmogumi nei tas, kuris išėjo jos ieškoti."

Daugelį metų dr. Markas Epsteinas savo asmeninį domėjimąsi sąmoningu gyvenimo būdu ir budizmu bandė atskirti nuo savo darbo. Vis dėlto, vis dažniau atsiverdamas apie savo dvasines patirtis pacientams, nustebo supratęs, kiek daug žmonių tuo norėtų pasidomėti giliau.

Knygoje „Terapijos dzenas" dr. M. Epsteinas aprašo vienerių metų laikotarpyje vykusias sesijas su pacientais, kuriose atsiskleidė meditacijos ir psichoterapijos dueto galia, suteikianti daugiau vidinės drąsos, ramybės sprendžiant gyvenimo sunkumus ir mokanti dėmesingo įsisąmoninimo. Sujungus du pasaulius – Rytų meditacijos ir Vakarų psichoterapijos – į viena, tarp gydytojo ir paciento užsimezga dvasinė bičiulystė. Joje ir per ją ugdomas suvokimas, kad gyvenimas, kokių problemų jame beiškiltų, yra stebuklingas ir nuostabus vyksmas, kad galima ir verta pasitikėti dalykais, kurie anksčiau neramino ar baugino.

Dr. Markas Epsteinas – amerikiečių psichoterapeutas ir daugelio knygų autorius. Užsiima privačia praktika ir dėstytojauja Niujorko universitete. Savo darbuose dažnai rašo apie Budos mokymus, Sigmundo Freudo požiūrį į traumą, budizmo ir psichoterapijos sąsajas.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Buddhism, Spirituality, Self Help, Philosophy, Mental Health

336 pages, Hardcover

First published January 11, 2022

About the author

Mark Epstein, M.D. is a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City and the author of a number of books about the interface of Buddhism and psychotherapy. He received his undergraduate and medical degrees from Harvard University and is currently Clinical Assistant Professor in the Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis at New York University.

Reviews

[Bharath · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came across Dr Mark Epstein’s name in the book ‘10% Happier’ by Dan Harris on how he uses aspects of mindfulness as part of his medical practice as a psychotherapist. Dr Epstein has authored several books, and I had the fear that reading his most recent book might be a little out of turn. That turned out to be an unfounded fear, as this book is self-contained and entirely cohesive by itself. The book is beautiful and is strongly recommended if you have an interest in mindfulness – though it should probably not be the first book you read in the genre.

The book starts with Dr Epstein working with Dr Herbert Benson in exploring the impact of meditation on wellness. It was risky, as it was many years before, when the scientific community looked on meditation with disdain. Transcendental Meditation pioneered by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was gaining popularity among the general public though (later popularized further by the Beatles), and there was also interest in Buddhist meditation practices. Dr Benson decided to put meditation to a scientific test and suggested this to the Dalai Lama on one of his visits. After momentary hesitation, the Dalai Lama agreed, and a team including Dr Benson and Dr Epstein takes off to India. The approach here between the two of them gets divergent, and in some form, ruptures their partnership in future. Dr Benson’s view was that as part of the scientific community they should stick to measuring body parameters such as temperature, pressure etc while Dr Epstein was keen to speak to the monks and understand the underlying spiritual underpinnings of their practice. This initial section is extremely well written and raises many important questions. Dr Epstein’s view is that while it is ok to modify & package practices for broader appeal – they still need to stay connected to the underlying broad principles & ethos. If you break the linkage, meditation ends up as a relaxation technique rather than the holistic lifestyle & behaviour change mechanism that it can be (my view as well).

After a beautiful introductory section, the subsequent material has notes of Dr Epstein’s sessions with his patients (names changed) and how his understanding of mindfulness, meditation & Buddhism helps in his practice. There are beautiful mentally simulating koans (eg: “What is the sound of one hand?”), myths, stories & experiences all of which make for delightful reading. The last section covers his meeting with Ram Dass at his home, and has some concluding summary. Ram Dass has been an iconic figure in mindfulness circles since many years till his recent passing. I have not read his books but his presence is overpowering in forums & discussions. And, he has given us the most memorable & oft repeated phrases ‘Be Here Now’ and ‘We are all just walking each other home’. The meeting of minds between Dr Epstein and Ram Dass also illustrates how mature (enlightened) people interact with each other – though they follow different traditions (Buddhist vs Advaita Vedanta).

In recent times, I have been interested at reading what neuroscience is telling us about our brains & behaviours. The search for peace I feel has to traverse mindfulness, mythology & neuroscience. I recommend Robert Sapolsky’s exceptional book ‘Behave’ foremost, and also ‘How Emotions are made’ and ‘The Ape that understood the universe’. Neuroscience is now very near explaining how meditation rewires the brain and why it is the best-known method for behaviour change. For the large part there is convergence, but a few divergences are also very thought provoking.

This is a beautiful book, though the mid-section has too many session details – though they do cover very different scenarios and learnings.


My rating: 4.5 / 5.

Thanks to Netgalley, the publisher & author for an advanced electronic review copy.

[Jt O'Neill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was discouraged when I finished this book. I had been excited to read it because I have had a long time interest in both Buddhism and therapy. However, in the end, I felt like so much of the book didn't make sense to me. Perhaps I am not familiar enough with the vocabulary of either Buddhism or therapy to fully grasp what the sentences mean but so much of what I read left me saying, "Huh?" I just didn't get it.

There were many quotes and references that seemed to be floating around unconnected to me. The therapy vignettes were short and often I really didn't understand Dr. Epstein's explanation and how the therapy session could be connected to Buddhism. Again, I am no expert about psychotherapy or Buddhism. I had hoped that this book would give me insights into both but perhaps I don't have enough background information for that to happen. It might be different for you though. Try it.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since I am interested in both Buddhism (and meditation) and therapy, this was a natural for me.

Although much of the insights seem obvious once Epstein makes them, their effect on me was powerful. Nothing new maybe but newly said for me. I read the book and then read through it again and then took notes.

It hardly seems worth repeating here what I learned. I already knew that clinging is a source of suffering but somehow, maybe because of the use of living examples, I saw exactly how and in what relationships this applied to me and had a sense of a way out.

I generally enjoy reading about therapeutic sessions and this was no exception. But what made it even more meaningful was the way Epstein relates the patient's struggles to his own Buddhist practice and shifts the traditional therapeutic focus on looking at the past and coming to terms with it with a mindfulness/awareness that sees all that but ultimately moves past it.

I especially liked his remark that each patient was a koan and that his presence is a response to that koan. (hopefully I have this right--I guess you'll have to read it for yourself and get back to me about it!).

Although I'm no fan of Freud or hold fast to any of the psychological theories Epstein refers to, the lesson I took from it was that the healing takes place within the therapeutic relationship and that meditation, a Buddhist perspective can transform a person's pain into freedom.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been exploring meditation and Buddhist thought over the past year or so, and it colours how I experience the world, how I work with my clients. Hence my wish to read The Zen of Therapy, which dances around how these practices can intersect and nourish each other.

I loved this book. A huge chunk of it is devoted to specific therapy sessions, where Epstein teases out which ideas influenced his practice and how it played out in his office. Many times I picked the book up only to be sideswiped by how perfectly timed a particular lesson was for my own growth. It was a seamless interweaving of concrete examples, Epstein's own journey, and forays into theory. I am impressed and eager to read more from Epstein, slowly, meditatively.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

The intensely “apolitical” analysis and the hackneyed male/female dichotomies notwithstanding this is an engaging read.

[Valerie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author focused more on psychodynamic therapy and random case examples than anything else, which wasn’t what I was expecting this book to be. The beginning starts with a heavy emphasis on how the author was drawn to Buddhism, and with it the practices of mindfulness and meditation, which I enjoyed and led me to believe I’d be learning more about them. However, I felt he doesn’t end up describing any of these practices thoroughly.

After describing why he has always been drawn to Buddhism, he shifted to focus on trying to apply the tenets of Buddhism to the case examples. However, the principles were briefly applied and with this, the application honestly felt irrelevant as it was hardly related to the cases.

Also, the emphasis on psychodynamic principles really turned me off from this book, and he definitely lost me when he described how he analyzes dreams with his clients through this lens.

To end this review, I wanted to note that I agree with another reviewer who stated that this book was more an autobiography about the author, and it was definitely more about highlighting his own “wisdom” than anything else.

[Ugnė · Rating 4 out of 5]

Knyga susideda iš atskirų terapinių istorijų, kurios, kitaip nei Irvin D. Yalom knygose nėra išbaigtos - tik vieno susitikimo vienas fragmentas, palydimas komentaro apie žmogaus istoriją, terapeuto veiksmą ir to veiksmo prasmę. Gali erzinti, nes nesimato nei santykio, nei pačios terapijos pokyčio, iš kitos pusės lieka mažiau vietos puikavimuisi "štai kaip netikėtai aš viską supratau".

Dauguma istorijų yra kvietimas (raginimas?) nežiūrėti į save ir savo patirtis pernelyg sureikšmintai, kaip į vieninteles galimas ir apibrėžusias kartą ir visam gyvenimui, ir pastebėti save jaučiantį ir galvojantį tam tikru būdu.

[Joan Bechtold · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thie Zen of Therapy is an uneven read. The book didn't hang together well, and by the end you learn that the relationship between Zen Buddhism and psychotherapy is really quite simple, and did not really justify all that had gone before. There are moments where I found Dr. Epstein to be quite insightful -- particularly when discussing patient sessions involving anger/aggression and mindfulness. However, at other times I felt as if I was reading a book written in the nineteenth century by Freud or Jung or any of their other white male acolytes. For example, there are undoubtedly examples of "injured innocence" that are rooted in feelings of inadequacy caused by parental failings, and both meditation and psychotherapy can help the patient work through that process. However, what about the many examples of "injured innocence" rooted in socioeconomic circumstances where women and people of color feel inadequate because they are paid significantly less than white men and are in fact demeaned and told that they are worth less? This is a political injustice that creates a felt experience of inequality, and not a personal problem to resolve/detach from in therapy. I was equally shocked by Dr. Epstein's sincere discussion of "male" and "female" elements within each person that simply mimic tired stereotypes of female passivity in order to justify gender inequality. Ironically, the most enlightening portions of the book involve the often-cryptic quotes from Ram Dass -- such as "we are all walking each other home" -- which linger beyond the pages, A begrudging 3.5 out of 5 stars

Thanks to NetGalley and Penguin Books for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Annie Mondesir · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s nice to read a new book on how to be present, I was so impressed when he spoke with Ram Dass, enlightened people have so much to share with us. I was moved.
I was given a copy of this book by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.

[Jonathan Karmel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Classic New Age, Boomer baloney. Mark Epstein went to Harvard and hung out with other Jewish hippies in the 1970s (Joseph Goldstein, Jack Kornfield, Richard Alpert, Sharon Salzberg, Daniel Goleman). He and his Jewish friends went to Asia and decided that Buddhism was cooler than Judaism, and the JewBu was born. We are of course talking about “philosophical” Buddhism without the actual religion of Buddhism. But Epstein has hung out with the Dalai Lama, so it must be credible.

He spent a year taking notes about sessions with his patients in order to figure out how his belief in Buddhism affected his practice. “I knew when I chose to write down a session that something in it contained a clue about my approach. Some bit of spiritual friendship had unfurled, some nugget of Buddhism had guided my words and behavior, but it was not often clear to me what it actually was. I had the feeling but not the words to explain it.”

Perhaps Epstein should not have written a book if he did not have “the words to explain” what he was trying to say. But I guess he has established enough credentials to get a book published that does not really explain anything. I haven’t read Epstein’s other books, but based on their titles, it seems like he has already explored the connection between his Buddhist beliefs and his psychology practice. I wonder if he has said anything new in this book.

Here are some of the Buddhist beliefs discussed in this book that I thought were interesting.

Your ego is like sunglasses; both are useful tools as long as you are aware that what you are seeing is a distortion of reality. Meditation makes us understand our self-centeredness, understand the suffering of others, and strive for non-violence and inner peace. The mind must be: seen, caught, tamed, ridden, forgotten, transcended, and accepted (as a useful, albeit illusory, tool for helping others).

Patients should stop “clinging” to the thoughts of their “monkey mind.”

Practice the Buddhist concept of “kingly giving” (giving with no strings attached).

The 3 marks of existence are:
Dukkha- suffering, death, old age, sickness
Anicca - impermanence
Anatta - No self

Psychologists must be “present without judgment” similar to the state achieved during meditation. Understand your emotions, but don’t just do whatever you subjectively “feel” like doing. Instead, evaluate your feelings to gain insight about what is behind them.

Have expectations, but acknowledge that your expectations will often not be met so that your happiness in not contingent upon your expectations being met.

Buddhism is about not clinging to an illusory self. Blaming your parents for the way that you are is clinging to a self that does not exist anymore.

Epstein practices “insight meditation” or “vipassana” and a breathing technique called tummo (or “gtum-mo” – a Tibetan Buddhist tantric yoga practice involving the generation of “inner heat” energy.

A goal in life is to act with “perfect spontaneity” (as opposed to always having anxious thoughts about the past, the future, and all the things that you are worried about). Perfect spontaneity is in some ways similar to the psychological technique of “free association.”

Some things that Epstein believes are profound are the poem “Snake” by D.H. Lawrence, the I Ching, an ancient Chinese text used for divination, and the works of John Cage that encourage listeners to let go of the distinction between sounds that are and are not “music.” Epstein was also influenced by Sigmund Freud and Donald Winnicott.

“Happiness is not an add-on to what you already are; it requires you to become a different person from the one who set off seeking it.”

I thought this book just rambled on and had no point. Buddhism is a profound tradition. So are other religions and philosophies. Epstein offers one of his patients help using her own Christian religion. When someone else looks for inspiration in the central Jewish concept that “God is one,” Epstein is quick to point out his distaste for his own religious tradition.

Epstein cherry picks certain Buddhist concepts when it suits him, but then at other times seems to reject them. He says that patients should not be focused on their ego, except his patient who needed to have more of an ego to become more assertive. Patients should not focus on anger, except the patient who needed to harness the benefit of anger to stand up for herself.

Epstein’s ultimate conclusion is that his patients can benefit from being kind, rather than selfish. I don’t see how that platitude is particularly “Buddhist.”

Patients seeking therapy are looking for insight. I have no doubt that the “insight meditation” that Epstein believes in is a useful tool for gaining insight. So would be cognitive behavioral therapy, the philosophy of Stoicism, or any number of other psychological techniques. Epstein seems to reject the idea of evidence-based practice, opting instead for just being friendly and kind to his patients and seeing what happens. He used the I Ching to help one of his patients. This is sort of like a therapist using Tarot cards or a magic 8 ball. I am not questioning whether people can benefit from this kind of stuff, but is this really medical treatment?

The New York Times review of this book called Epstein’s book a “memoir of a year in his consulting room prior to the pandemic.” That is exactly what this book is, but there just isn’t anything interesting about his patient’s problems or the way he tries to solve them. Instead, Epstein just focuses on his own interest in Buddhism, which doesn’t seem to have much to do with his patients. This book seemed very self-indulgent to me.

After reading this book going on an on about John Cage, I listened to one of Cage’s musical works that was composed using the I Ching. It’s just random noise. I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to listen to it more than once.

[Lorena · Rating 4 out of 5]

In The Zen of Therapy, Psychiatrist Dr. Mark Epstein elucidates how Buddhism and meditation have informed his psychotherapy practice. It’s a very personal story, and I would classify it more as memoir than anything else. Dr. Epstein describes some of his relevant academic experience and influences, then the bulk of the book is him sharing notes on some of his therapy sessions with patients. The emphasis is on his evolving thoughts about how his Buddhism affects his therapeutic relationships. He frequently references Buddhist teaching stories, Zen koans, poetry, music, and art.

I found the book interesting, although I wish the discussion of therapy sessions was either shorter or more detailed. I felt like some of the discussion was going over my head. I loved the author’s explanation of mindfulness and different types of meditation and his comments on gurus. I enjoyed some of the poems he shared. My favorite parts were when Dr. Epstein discusses his interactions with Ram Dass. Those sections were much easier for me to understand and relate to, and some of that imagery is likely to stick with me. Also, I appreciated the emphasis on kindness and how transformative noninterfering attentiveness can be.

If you are interested in Buddhism and psychotherapy, and you think you might enjoy a somewhat meandering exploration of how one psychiatrist is integrating the two, then I would recommend this book.

Thanks to Penguin Press for providing me with an unproofed ARC through NetGalley, which I volunteered to review.

[Gabrielle Jarrett · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like Winnicott. I like Freud. I really like John Cage. I love DH Lawrence. I don’t like The Zen of Therapy so much. I didn’t learn much new about therapy or Buddhism. I am not a fan of reading a therapist’s sessions, especially to highlight the wisdom of the therapist. After 20 pages, I realized this was going to be an autobiography of Epstein and his connections with famous people. Every now and then, a bit of Buddhist humility stepped in, but not so much. Often it’s difficult to read the white male authors of a certain generation. Excluding, of course, the Dalai Lama!

[Miranda Rain · Rating 4 out of 5]

Seeing the foundations of psychotherapy and Buddhism as contrasting (at least in part), I was intrigued by Epstein’s goal of articulating the synergies between the two. Counterintuitive as it may seem, the book imparted a greater understanding of the harmony between finding (or perhaps more arduously, maintaining) oneness and indulging the ego in pursuit of ‘self’-exploration. This book, at best, may allow you to locate and eradicate a previously invisible lens you’ve been applying to your own life; at worst, it may frustrate you with its pithy tone.

[Abby Howell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Have to admit, I skimmed a lot of the book. More interested in the case studies than Epstein's reiterations of Buddhism. And, have to admit, was sometimes a bit taken aback with his stories of what he did as a therapist in their therapy sessions.

[Avory Faucette · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a reflective, charming book and its value is hard to summarize by a simple description of its topic—the relationship between Zen Buddhism / mindfulness practice and therapeutic practice. Specifically, author Mark Epstein set out to document some of his therapy sessions as an exercising in observing how his mindful practices in the Zen tradition inform the support he provides as a therapist or “spiritual friend.” I’m not sure I would’ve cared much, admittedly, to know the answer to that question, but I found this volume surprisingly insightful and thought-provoking!

Epstein first offers some of his own background and philosophy, including some fascinating anecdotes from encounters with such notables as Ram Dass and the Dalai Lama. He then spends the bulk of the book exploring selected client notes over the course of a year—notably 2019, the last year of pre-COVID life. While we don’t get any one client’s full story, the writing is very accessible and Epstein does an admirable job of providing just enough to get a sense of the person’s struggle, their personality, and his approach in the session. Themes emerge through each season of the year, and as the session notes are interspersed with explanation and further reflection, Epstein builds on how his approach is inspired by Zen Buddhist thought.

The reader has ample opportunity to consider the therapist’s role, the goal of therapy, and the best way to achieve that goal. But it’s not just a therapy book—you’ll also be introduced to foundational concepts and takes from different sources that might inform everyday life and your view of yourself, your struggles, and your happiness or fulfillment.

What I found most striking and relevant to my own practice was the comparison Epstein draws between a mindful approach and a more analytical one, challenging the common therapeutic focus on investigation and interpretation of a client’s experience. Perhaps this is because I’ve already been working a lot around my tendency to “do” vs. “be,” and starting to question my search for the deepest possible self-understanding. This book helped me to go deeper and really ask myself “do I need to understand why?” Rather than focusing on self-knowledge, Epstein often helps his clients to see that “self” is an illusion, and coaches them in approaching life with a little more lightness and humor.

As a writer, he has a knack for explaining concepts through repetition and unfolding an idea over the course of many examples. I appreciated the way the case studies offered a window into how some of these concepts might land or present differently for different people, and I think most readers will see themselves in at least some of the clients featured. A few key sources are introduced and then brought back again and again: the music of John Cage, for example, or Donald Winicott’s takes on child development. The Buddha’s own story is central, as is modern and historical practice of Buddhism. Zen haikus, koans, and stories of vipassana meditation anchor the philosophical concepts. On the therapy side, psychoanalysis is the main tradition considered (as far as I can tell from my limited knowledge of therapeutic methods!) with an emphasis on child development. The beauty, I think, is in the mélange: the way these ideas and sources are in conversation with each other.

Ultimately, there is an echo between form and content. The book’s form has a dual nature, blending Epstein’s personal search for an understanding of his own approach with an exploration of more universally resonant themes. The content echoes this dual nature in one of its refrains, “innocence after experience.” The experience of the separate self has relevance, with individual clients requiring specific and sometimes contrasting approaches. Hardship and challenge also feature in the poems and stories referenced from the Zen tradition. But at the same time, central elements of mindfulness and of Zen Buddhism specifically focus not on interrogating the details of experience but on recognizing and accessing oneness. Longing, for example, is not pathologized but presented as a common element of human experience. Beauty and joy are presented as inherent to our nature, not something to strive for, available to us even the midst of tremendous pain—innocence after experience. Rather than focusing on building up or correcting the narrative of self, this is a therapeutic approach that exposes self as ultimately false—not in the name of self-abandonment, but in the sense of illuminating the fractal nature of life.

I would recommend the book to anyone who is open to a bit of a reframe on living life to the fullest, understanding the self, or navigating personal challenge. Therapists and others in healing professions are likely to specifically benefit, as well, from Epstein’s reflections on his own role as a healer. It’s an easy read, and it will undoubtedly lead you to reflect on your own assumptions.

[ARC provided by NetGalley.]

[Mel Walsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very topical for me as a student of Zen Buddhism entering a career as a therapist- there were many insightful moments in this book, particularly the first and third parts, conversations with Ram Dass, and his discussion of Winnicott. However, the case examples were far too short and numerous to carry their desired impact. At times, the interventions he chooses to highlight lean towards the didactic or prescriptive in ways that don't fully convey the "interpersonal meditation" he's getting at. The concepts would have been illustrated better by following a few clients over the year in a more in-depth way.

Epstein makes a consistent effort not to minimize Buddhism to relaxation through mindfulness, but to pay attention to the deeper lessons of Buddhist thought. Still, there were still times that Buddhist and psychodynamic concepts were synonymized in convenient ways that minimized their divergences. For example, Epstein claims Buddha's idea of clinging is exactly in line with Freud's views on superego- I don't think this is the case. He also presents Buddhism as aligned with a belief in soul; however, Buddhist thought consistently denies the existence of soul.

I also found the title somewhat misleading- though Epstein engages with Zen poetry and koans, he is a Vipassana/Insight practitioner and approaches Buddhism through that lens. Given the title, I was hoping for a discussion more grounded in Zen philosophy. Particularly, more elaboration on the bodhisattva path would have been helpful given his reference to Kuanyin/Avalokiteshvara and its relevance to therapy.

I found the body conspicuously absent from this book- body sensations are so central in Vipassana practice, and the therapy field is more recently recognizing the importance of body sensation and regulation in treating trauma. It seems like an obvious bridge between mindfulness practices and therapy but I was disappointed that he didn't get into somatic work at all.

Despite these shortcomings, this was helpful to me in considering how I want to bring Buddhism into my therapy practice, and there are several passages that will stay with me.

[Gary Moreau · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Mark Epstein is a psychiatrist and student of Buddhism and meditation. And this book is about the interface of the two explored both directly and through the stories of some of his patient sessions over the course of one year.

The conclusion, as it really has to be to end up with a commercially successful book, is that the two are highly correlated. And I readily accept his case. I am not a Buddhist, nor do I meditate in the most commonly perceived way (i.e. I don’t own a mat.), but I have been in psychotherapy and have lived in China for 12 years and studied, in some depth, Eastern religion and philosophy.

Starting with the psychotherapy part, I did not have a classically defined mental illness. I was merely not jumping out of bed in the morning and the evidence, I thought, suggested I should be. By most measures I was enjoying a charmed life, at least on the outside.

That was resolved fairly quickly, to be honest, but I kept going. And the reason was I so enjoyed it. And a lot of the reason for that is that we didn’t normally talk in Freudian terms or spend much time on my childhood at all. We talked about life, but we did it in a warm, safe, engaging way. And while my psychiatrist was not a Buddhist and I was only slightly spiritual it seemed we spent a lot of time talking about matters of spirituality. (Nothing remotely new age.)

I agree with Dr. Epstein that psychotherapy is not something a doctor does to a patient. The patient usually does most of the heavy lifting. “Therapy is not something that a psychiatrist does to a patient, nor is it solely a place to complain about indignities one has suffered; it is a space in which a person can listen to their own voice.” For me therapy ultimately felt very much like a quote he attributes to Ram Dass: “We are all walking each other home.”

A lot of the guidance boiled down to “You’re over-thinking it. What you perceive as a short-coming or a failure is no different than what all of your neighbors and colleagues are feeling.” As Dr. Epstein put it, “Freud famously proclaimed that the best he could do for people was to take them from a state of neurotic misery and return them to one of common unhappiness.” Or in a quote he attributes to a Zen monk, “Now that I’m enlightened, I’m just as miserable as ever.”

A core tenet of Buddhism, similarly, is that life is misery. The key is not to eliminate the misery but to learn to accept it and accepting its normalcy is a giant first step. And one of the tools for doing that is the achievement of mindfulness, often through meditation.

Many people consider meditation to be a process of achieving relaxation through mental and physical focus. And that can be the objective. But as Dr. Epstein points out the ultimately purpose of most Buddhist meditation, particularly in Zen Buddhism, is not focus, but the opposite of focus. Let the thoughts flow, and don’t obsess if the flow seems unfocused or erratic. Out of all of that chaos important thoughts will ultimately jump out, and that is what you’re really looking for. (And as a byproduct you will feel relaxed.)

“Inner peace comes not from turning off the mind, but from deliberately confronting one’s own innermost prejudices, expectations, habits, and inclinations.” And that, in my experience, is what psychotherapy is all about. Acceptance, not elimination, although acceptance often leads to elimination, much like conquering your fear of something by actually doing it.

Which is why I don’t have a meditation mat or sit on the floor in the traditional position. I nonetheless consider myself to meditate. I just do it by looking out the window or walking in nature. “Mediation by living observantly” is how I’ve come to think of it. I am searching for mindfulness but in my own way and I think that’s okay.

I have lived in the corporate world for nearly 50 years now and one of the changes I have noted is that when I walk the hallways today I only see people sitting at their desks, two computer monitors on their desk, pecking away at the keys and scouring the data. It has been years since I have seen someone simply staring out the window. And that, I believe, is why most employees are not engaged and businesses in many, many industries, other than the tech industries that enjoy the financial advantages of monopoly power, are struggling to survive.

My only concern about Dr. Epstein’s treatment of Buddhism here is a widespread contradiction in the understanding of most Eastern religions and philosophies. Buddhism, in my opinion, is really quite simple. It is a variation of “Don’t over-think it.” When you really dive into the historical literature of Buddhism, however, you inevitably start talking about concepts that are often unapproachable to many in the West. (e.g., reincarnation, the one-mother, etc.) He doesn’t do much of this, but he strays from the simplicity of the therapy/meditation analogy from time to time. It is at these times that the book takes on the feel of a Buddhist primer and veers from its stated objective.

In the end I could not agree more with the author’s conclusion that inner peace is all about kindness and acceptance. Walk people home and you will find the common, but very livable, unhappiness that Freud was referring to.

[Daiva Maskoliūnienė · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man patiko , kad autorius Epstein išties gyvena , dirba ir rašo pagal budizmo principus ..
nors psichoterapeutas Yalomas lengviau skaitomas ir suprantamas , bet šis psichoterapeutas , regis , išties suvaldęs puikybę , ko nepasakysi apie kitus .

Patiko knygoje aprašomi japonų haiku ( nors ne visada juos suvokdavau iškart ) .

Įdomi mintis , kad pilnatvės / laimės jausmas visiškai neturi būti priklausomas nuo išorinių faktorių , turi kilti tik iš vidaus ..
kaip kad pasiekiama per meditaciją ..
Visiškai nepasiant kas vyksta aplink ..
knygos pabaigoj netgi teigiama , kad tik susidūrus ir aiškiai suvokiant savo blogybes ir jas “ Priimant “ , tik tada išties gali jaustis ramus.

Autorius daug remiasi Winnicotu ir Cage .

Knygoje aprašomi psichoterapijos susitikimai , jei pats autorius juose užčiuopia ką nors iš budizmo ..
būtent tai mane ir suviliojo perskaityti šią knygą.

[Alex Ast · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a brilliant book that examined all the nuances of human behavior but through a Buddhist psychological framework. What infused the author's therapy sessions with Zen was a focus on cultivating mindfulness through meditation. It is only through loving awareness that we are able to heal from our hidden traumas from everyday life and break our habitual patterns. My biggest takeaway from the book was a quip made by Ram Dass that I've heard dozens of times before but it really struck home this time, "Do you view them (therapy clients) as already free?" Realizing that the therapist is not some mystical guru with the power to heal someone of all their problems is rejuvenating. Rather, all the therapist does is provide a vulnerable space for reflection for the patient and enable them uncover what was already hidden inside.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed these case-histories and musings by a therapist who combines semi-orthodox Freudian analysis with an American/literary version of Buddhism. I’m not sure who I’d recommend the book to, though, but I found it very readable although I didn’t take it super seriously.

[Sarah Swong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another fascinating therapy book. I'm astonished at how well he threads together psychotherapeutic and Buddhist insights and impressed with the wisdom offered. A lot of the insights felt almost trite at first in their simplicity, but ultimately fell on the side of profound for me.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pleasant book. The author narrated the audiobook. His voice is soft and kind. It felt as though his words matched his demeanor. I like his approach to therapy. It didn’t feel over stretched to me.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a year of sessions showing Dr. Epstein's creative use of psychoanalysis, Buddhism, and meditation. His reflections on the sessions, including haiku and koan, gives unique insight.

Thank you for reading!

[Amelia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating: 2.75 - Overall informative and thought provoking. Leaves a lot of open end questions and space to ponder. I did struggle though to get through the book as I lost focus often and it just didn't hold my attention super well.

[Winnie Lim · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is rather uneven, but it is worth reading for some of its richness embedded within.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Ab · Rating 4 out of 5]

audio book - intersections of buddhism and psychotherapy. quite interesting and insightful

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author employs clients’ stories as vehicles through which to shine light on the intersection of spirituality and mental health.

[Kristen Chou · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first third of the book was great and had lots of little nuggets of wisdom, but as time went on there was way too much self appreciation. A lot of the time Epstein was like, “here’s the wisdom of my session and even though it was jarring for the patient, I left them with a lot to think about. Also, did I mention I went to Harvard?” For someone who talks about ego and humility a lot in his book, I found there to be a weird lack of self-awareness.

That being said, there’s a lot to take away about kindness and compassion that I found helpful.

[Dina London · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the first third of this book. I was especially glad to be reminded of the Buddhist concept of clinging. It is akin to the Jewish Kabbalistic idea of devekut. Much of our suffering comes from our inability to let go...realizing that everything is impermanent. Unfortunately, the idea of chronicling patients for a year might have sounded good, in practice, but it just didn't warrant an entire book.