Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters

by Carla Naumburg

This generation of parents is overwhelmed with parenting advice. Carla Naumburg sets out to remind them that they have everything they need to raise healthy, happy children. Mindful parenting is about paying attention to what is going on with your children and yourself, without judging, freaking out, or thinking everyone should be doing something differently. In Learning to Stay, Naumburg shares what truly matters in parenting — connecting with children in ways that are meaningful to them and you, staying grounded amid the craziness of parenting, and staying present for whatever life throws your way.

With reassuring, compassionate storytelling, she weaves the most current theories — about healthy relationships, compassionate self-care, and mindfulness — throughout vignettes of her own chaotic childhood and parental struggles. She shows how mindfulness creates a solid foundation for any style of parenting, regardless of your cultural background, socioeconomic status, or family structure. She also introduces the STAY model for tough times: Stop whatever it is you’re doing; Take a breath; Attune to your thoughts and those of your child; and Yield.

Parenting is an ongoing journey that constantly challenges every parent. Learning to Stay will helps each family find its own way.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

208 pages, Paperback

First published September 22, 2014

About the author

Carla Naumburg, PhD, is a clinical social worker, writer, and speaker. She is the author of four parenting books, and lives outside of Boston with her family.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not much of a parenting book reader....I find parenting books to be holier than thou books that tell me everything I'm doing wrong and that my kids are going to grow up to be locked away in jail and in therapy. This book is the complete opposite. This book provides real life tactics and tools to help you get through each day as not only a parent but as a human being in general. I particularly love the monkey that resides in the author's brain (mostly because I realize that I'm not alone with this problem!!) I am a chronic "what to do next" person and often miss the joy in the current moment...the tools and north stars in this book will help me be present when I can....(and forgive myself when I know I can't.)

[Adina · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much that is comforting, wise and honest in this book. The authors voice is non- judgmental and kind. Do yourself and your kids a favor and read it.

[Daniela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting is hardest job I have ever taken on and I am constantly looking for the best advice to make the job easier. Parenting in the Present Moment instilled a sense of confidence in me, more so than any other parenting book I have read. (and I have read many!) Clearly stated and explained, Naumburg suggests reasonable advice to help see passed the screaming and chaos to understand where your child could be coming from to help solve their problem/confusion.

As a mother of two young boys, the noise level in my house can be deafening and there is a great deal of yelling to get over the noise. Naumburg, an admitted reformed yeller, explains how yelling doesn't fix the problem and offers suggestions how to handle the situation without yelling.

Remembering to take care of yourself is encouraged as well. I appreciated this ... as a working mother of two boys with multiple activities (school, soccer, guitar, playdates), I often neglect myself and realized a good walk or cup of coffee with a friend would go a long way. Naumburg encourages in a gentle way to remember yourself. She is an advocate of meditation but doesn't say it will fix the chaos, only offers it as another resource. She also encourages you to reach out to your support system (family and friends) for help and support.

Naumburg offers sound parenting advice in a gentle way - advice that is useful with your crying baby to crazy children to moody teenagers. Isn't being a parent great?

[Elyse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read dozens of parenting books, and I would put this in my top 5 and one of the only ones that I would give 5 stars. I love a parenting book that gives useful, effective tips rather than this overarching idea that we should just be good parents, (which I think we all already know, it's the getting there that's difficult). I felt Carla's suggestions were evidence-based, relevant, straight to the point, and communicated in a way that resonated with me, rather than coming off in a preachy way or elaborating excessively on the same topic. I read a few of her suggestions on connecting with children to my 4-year-old, some of which he liked and some of which we modified and came up with something that works for our specific relationship...that's just a small example of the aspects throughout the book were immediately applicable to our family life.

[Kellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I thought it had a lot of similarities to Buddhism for Mothers, Momma Zen and Mindful Parenting, but it did so in a less esoteric manner. As meditation and mindfulness has been a big goal for me this year, I appreciate all the reminders I can get. Here's two of my favorite quotes:

"Soothing is about getting in the rain with our kids and letting them know that we’ll hang out with them until the storm passes."

"When we become aware, over and over again, of the voices in our head telling us that we need to use what little free time we have in the most productive way possible, we can let them go. We can tune into what we want and what we need, and make the choice to take care of ourselves just a little bit"

^ so guilty of this!

[Alina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of the book is pretty much a peptalk to herself from the author, who has had a complicated childhood and seemingly as a result constantly yells at her children. There also seems to be an obsession with an idea of perfect parent and beating herself up for not being one. I would think the book is helpful if you're doubting your parenting skills, however I did not see many useful things in there. The research an obvious things like listen to your children, and be there for them rather than watching TV or being stuck in your phone, as well as thoughts on taking care of yourself and finding time to meditate, but if you're already a balanced person, there won't be anything new in this book for you.

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Take home message on mindful parenting:
"The reality is that life is unpredictable, and we never know which lessons and experiences, which successes or failures, are going to stick and stain and which are going to wash out the next time we throw the laundry in. We can become so focused on controlling everything that we lose sight of the joyful mess of a life fully lived. We lose sight of the importance of getting our hands and hearts dirty with the good and bad, the intense love, the overwhelming confusion, and the deep pain. Be as present as you possibly can, in the mess of life, with all its complexity and confusion, even as the stains remain and the holes get a bit bigger."

[Rhonda Lepkan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read. Makes great sense with realistic advice for living the present. If you want to be a perfect parent, don't read this book. If you want to really help your children grow and be a loving and effective parent while maintaining a sense of self, read this book.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is nothing earth shattering about this book, but I think that’s why I liked it so much. Her advice and honesty is so accessible and I feel like I can put much of what she suggests in practice.

[Kate Myers Cotton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am one who reads lots of parenting books and I have even been reading about mindfulness in parenting. This book is the best one I've read. It's like it was written for me. Naumburg combines her professional experience, her personal story and her empathy for others to create something that is relatable, helpful and immediately doable. She gets that parenting books, while helpful, can also create stress for parents by setting up an unachievable ideal. You have to read it to see how she gives advice to do new and different things in a way that makes you feel like you are already doing it right. And people who know about mindfulness but can't seem to integrate it into their lives will really benefit from how she describes her journey from not using mindfulness to using it in her own life. I will recommend this book to everyone, and especially those of us who have had success in our careers and now find ourselves bewildered because the skills that made us successful in our careers do not work when applied to parenting. Get this book!

[Jackie Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is possibly my favorite parenting book ever. I have read dozens and dozens of parenting books, usually finishing the book feeling worse than when I started. Parenting in the Present Moment left me feeling uplifted, and filled with the energy of possibility. I felt like I could be the parent I've always wanted to be after reading this book. It's been months now since I finished this book, and I STILL draw from what I learned in it daily. I'm still learning lessons, and practicing the things I learned while reading this book. Thank you Carla for writing this book... it's one I will treasure reading forever.

[Dixie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book on parenting. If you are looking for a book that does not preach to you, is written by a mother that knows we are not perfect and you want to learn to just be with your kids then this is the book for you. With the onslaught of technology in our lives and the pressure to muti task this book offers a breath of fresh air and a way to return to the past when things were not speeding ahead at the speed of light. "None of us can parent alone, even under the best of circumstances. Few of us are parenting under the best of circumstances, so welcome to the human family. We're glad to have you".

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting in the Present Moment is one of the few parenting books that has truly made a difference in my life. Naumburg offers realistic strategies for coping when you are overwhelmed. Her sense of humor and candor made me feel as though I am not alone with my challenges of raising two young children. Using her techniques outlined in the book, I am able to stay calmer in difficult moments and I see the change not only in myself, but in my kids as well.

[Michelle Corder · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was not wowed by this book, but I did appreciate the honesty about her personal experience with parenting not being perfect. So often I have read books about parenting and they make me feel like everyone else knows more and parents perfectly. Carla Naumburg reminds me over and over that parenting is a work in progress and not to beat myself up about it, just keep trying, keeping coming back to the present moment with with my kid. And for that I appreciate this book.

[Laurie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was good but could have been half of the length with good editing. Love her approach, however, and I did get inspired. I would rate 3.5 stars if I could. I actually did not finish the whole book but I peruse it now and then on my Nook.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved her realistic view on modern day challenges, acquired some wonderful tools to help me prioritize a kinder, more patient parenting style that works better for our family, highly recommend.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Jennifer]

recommended from Parents magazine

[Julie Vacko · Rating 3 out of 5]

Five months later, I finished this one - in all some interesting advice, I don't know that I would recommend it for other parents.

[Gillian Kevern · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I'd read this when I was still teaching--just a really good book for anyone who interacts with children.

[David Allan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enormously helpful and enlightening!