Tyed

by L.J. Zephyr

Rating R18+. Contains explicit scenes and themes of suicide, abuse, sexual violence and death.

Tyler's running out of excuses. He can't hold down a job, can't stay with anyone beyond a single night, and his nightmares and horrible past simply won't stop haunting him. Without any money, he's on the brink of having to go back home, something he'd kill to avoid.

An encounter with an ex offers him a solution- to find someone else who can pay the bills, if only Tyler could give them one submission.

There's only one dominant Tyler can find himself even remotely interested in- someone he would've never looked at twice before. He's intense and secretive, and the electricity between them can't be ignored- and Tyler's new to this, but he's determined to figure out what seems to be wrong with Colby.

But Tyler's got secrets, some worse than others- all of which he finds harder and harder to keep from Colby.

1084 pages, ebook

Published November 8, 2022

Reviews

[Bekka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe, just maybe, Tyler can stop running away from everyone who touches him like he’s afraid of being burnt. He’s not afraid of being burnt; he’s afraid of the fire spreading. Afraid of burning everyone he cares about.

741 pages of fire. And a similarly long recap.
This was my third book by L. J. Zephyr and so far each book has drawn me in, put me through the wringer and spit me back out again wanting more. Now there’s one more book to go.

This book is set in Melbourne and it follows Ty’s story. He needs money and he goes to a BDSM club and finds a man (sugar daddy) with whom he feels an instant connection. Over flashbacks throughout the entire course of the book, that start in his young childhood and eventually arrive in the present, we learn Ty’s story and why he struggles with the new connection to Colby, why he craves it, why falling in love is scary. We see Ty fall in love twice, once tragically and once, we hope, positively. The book ends with a happily ever after but the journey there is arduous.

I’m going to start with an extensive list of CWs and then move on to further plot spoilery detail.

CWs
MC1 has cheated in the past, MC2 has been cheated on in the past, no cheating between MC1 and MC2, MC2 is quitting to smoke, MC1 childhood abuse, underage mother, PTSD, nightmares, MC2’s son died due to sudden infant death syndrome, “I love you” as an instrument of childhood abuse, struggle with praise linked to appearance, MC2 was kicked out as a teen for being gay, MC1 struggles with anxiety, MC1’s abusive father is getting out of prison because he has cancer, burning a bible, arsonist, MC1 grows up in a cult, underage incestuous rape (not on-page), bullying, MC1’s brother is born with genetic defects + repeated beatings as a kid to his brain leave him needing care as a grownup, face slaps (positively and negatively connoted), suicidal ideation, f-slur, suicide, death, funerals, recounting of underage drinking, inbred as a slur, epilogue mentions COVID lockdown

Plot spoiler CW expansion
Ty’s mother is his sister, she was raped by her father and gave birth to Ty and his brother at 13 and 15, once he leaves the cult he was born into he is told that he is an abomination and should not exist which he internalises and which becomes the main fuelling of his anxiety that his new relationship will not work out, so he tries to keep it a secret for as long as possible; MC1’s best friend is raped (aftermath on-page), MC2’s ex wife was raped (neither on-page), revenge against rapist, underage hand job (due to underage rape, we’re told about kissing and trouser opening “And it was good” “It didn’t last long” (p. 340f.)), trans best friend recounts that while she was being raped the rapist made an attack helicopter joke, coincidences that cannot be coincidences, MC1’s childhood boyfriend is depressed and attempts suicide (MC1 finds him), boyfriend commits suicide (hangs himself) and MC1 finds him again, suicide note, speaking at funeral, fear that MC is killed in an accident

Quotes (of which I have way too many)

“Is he still angry at me for what I did?”
“No, sweetie,” she sighs. “God, you’re heavy.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, assuming it’s somehow his fault. Daddy says Mummy’s weight is her fault, so his probably is too. “What did I do?”
“I don’t know, sweetie. Just do as he tells you and he won’t get all mad, okay?” (p. 73)

This is how the childhood abuse is recounted in the book. We see MC1, Ty, dealing with his feelings towards the abuse he is suffering. How he’s cold and locked out, how he wants to get away, how he initiates the touching of genitalia as a twelve year-old because he’s heard it’s supposed to feel good etc.

”He likes having Colby’s attention on him; it’s difficult to live otherwise once he’s had a taste of it.” (p. 97)

“Tyler has lost control, but he isn’t lost. There’s something about following orders that absolutely destroys all the fear of being lost. Perhaps he isn’t afraid to be lost so much as directionless.” (p. 113)

“One thing I’ve always wanted, but never truly had, is someone who belongs to me, who gives themselves over to me. Someone who’s mine.” (p. 140)

“You can talk about it as much or as little as you like,” Colby says as they get into the car. “I may not have gone through what you have, but I have done a lot of listening in my life.” (p. 193)

“He didn’t believe his worth was how useful he was. His aim wasn’t to be useful. He felt that urge sometimes, but it didn’t drive him, and he recognised what he really wanted. He wanted to trust. He wanted someone who he could trust.” (p. 313)

“He feels Colby’s hands about his waist, pulling him back slightly. Colby presses a kiss to his waist, and Tyler shivers. Oh god. He’s being cute and Tyler’s liking it.” (p. 474)

I could quote Ty’s entire speech at his childhood boyfriends funeral.

NSFW infos
- 19.5 year-old MC1 (bisexual, 6ft2, long blond curls, submissive, masochistic and bottoms)
- 34 year old MC2 (bisexual divorcé, redhead, dominant, sadistic, tops)
- Carrying
- Aftercare
- Using of “no” (blindfold) which is immediately taken seriously
- Collaring (outside and inside collar)
- Biting
- Impact play
- Breath play
- Humiliation kink (“whore”, spitting into mouth to lubricate it for face fucking)
- Overstimulation
- Scene of kneeling and reading
- “Look at You”

Nickname:
Doll, Baby 

Master

[junoh · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wow, this was a wild ride. I'm incredibly conflicted; I really enjoyed the first half to the point I tried to make it last as long as possible, but when Tyler and Colby's history and their connections began to become apparent, things started to really drag.

I think this author has tons of potential and I intend to try out their other books. I loved all the queer representation, and there were tons of funny moments that I especially appreciated as a trans gay man myself. I definitely felt seen by this book in more ways than one.

I think my biggest issue was the fact that from about 50-85%, nothing really happened. We got flashbacks that dragged on and characters (mostly Nancy) having the same conversation with Tyler over and over again, trying to convince him to get his shit together. We got the promise that Tyler would tell Colby his secret within a month, which only made subsequent points of tension between the two more infuriating. There were so many moments that made it seem like Tyler was going to tell him, only to not. And that went on for most of the second half of the book. Given that their relationship was already established by then, there was no room for other plot points. Even Scarlett's story hinged around Tyler's insecurity and his further hesitation at telling Colby his secret.

And in regards to Scarlett: first, I will say that I so greatly appreaciated that we didn't see the trope of villainizing the ex-wife. Yes, she was a point of tension between the relationship, but as I said, really this was due to Tyler's own insecurity. Scarlett was a properly developed character with more personality than spite and jealousy. It was nice to see, especially with the twist between her and Carol. That all being said, one heavily has to suspend belief when all these familial connections come into play. Tyler and Colby commited arson at the same time, in the same place? ...okay, then. Nancy happens to be chatting with Kali? Cool. Scarlett knows Saxon? ...hm. Scarlett and Carol are..? What? I can appreciate where the author was going, but it felt like too much of a conveniently woven web for what the story was.

I keep switching my rating between two and three stars. In all honesty, the ending mostly frustrated me and gave me little closure -- that may be influencing my current feelings, but I do think my honest rating is two stars. That said, I still enjoyed what this book set out to achieve and the topics at play.

[Aggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a very captivating story! Not ideal, esp some comas missing, but I was hooked!