Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others

by Judy Murphy

This has become the go-to book for quickly learning and applying assertive communication skills.

It presents simple to understand tips and strategies that get immediate results.

In fact, this book has become the gold standard for assertiveness training, with many books imitating its outline, presentation, and instructions.

Although heavily imitated, it is never duplicated because they miss the magical shift this book provides.

So, if you want to be a more confident, assertive individual, you are at the right place!

The information in this guide will teach you the necessary skills to be decisive and in control.

It will show you how to stop people pleasing to confidently communicate your wants and needs.

With the information in this guide, you will learn

- Say no with authority and grace

- Ask for what you want, and when you want it.

- End behaviors that tell others it’s ok to walk over you

- Apply assertive communication with peers and bullies

- Use assertiveness in the workplace with co-workers and bosses

- Set boundaries in marriage and with parents

- AND MORE…

By the time you reach the end, you will feel an empowering shift that will make it easy to stand up for yourself, and in ways that win the respect of your friends, family, teachers, co-workers, and even your boss.

You will not be disappointed, I promise!

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Communication, Relationships, Mental Health, Personal Development

94 pages, Paperback

First published November 15, 2011

Reviews

[Baldovin Arriola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading this book, and couldn’t be more happy with it. Judy Murphy does a fabulous job of coaching readers to not just be assertive, but to lead a confident and secure life without making excuses or feeling bad. I’m sure you’ve heard the cliché, you have the power to live your life, but Judy Murphy shows you how to bring that out within yourself. I particularly liked the self-evaluation exercises which opened my eyes my sticking points.

Understanding communication has always been difficult for me. I never know what to say or do with a particular person or situation. Now I know. Judy provides many examples that lay out unmistakably how to handle different interactions. For many examples, several "what if" scenarios are analyzed in case your efforts are not initially successful.

Somethings were a little obvious or common sense, but that's expected. Much of it is very insightful. I now look at myself and my interactions in a whole new way and I'm really excited to go out and put it into practice. I've already started applying the self-talk exercise and began practicing scenarios I'd like to be successful in. I'm feeling more confident already.

Kudos to Judy and her book.

[Kendel Christensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read for the basics

A simple but powerful introduction to asserting yourself. The emphasis on mindset and relationship with oneself was particularly illuminating.
"At every moment, you are training those around you how to treat you"

[Fayiz Melibary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives an instructional advise on how to build up your assertive skills in various life situations betweek office, business, family, consumer and parental situations, it is very direct, and delivers powerful clear points that you can apply directly in each situation.

I especially liked that it kept the examples very short and focused on the reader himself, instead of taking the reader in a long journey of a life example, it always brought the attention to the reader, and what the reader should do, and how the reader can put him self in the position and how to handle it assertively and effectively.

I found it to be a book that will be revisited over and over especially when going through situations that requires a strong presence.

I recommend this book to any person interested in personal development, it is an eye opening read.

[Paul Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was filled with a lot of good information that everyone already knows. Some of us just need the push and reminders that we are worthy of respect and this book brings how to get that to light. Definitely needs to be read again

[Vishwanath Saragadam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first self-help book and I am glad I read the book. I often find my voice being ignored in a discussion with close friends, or superiors such as advisers. I believe the tools learned in this book will help me deal with such situations in the future, be it professional life or personal life.

It is very helpful to understand that assertiveness arises out of three core components, namely honesty, calmness, and preparedness. In fact, absence of any one of them will change the situation to being aggressive and ineffective.

I am also happy to know that the process of becoming more assertive is not an overnight process, or a necessarily linear one. It takes time, and there will be ample back and forth before we become assertive. Best part? We can even learn by observing other assertive people in public spaces, and understanding how to apply those observations to our own situation.

Highly recommended read.

[Gavin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've always felt a bit uncomfortable when negotiating a price or a business deal so I sought this book out. I appreciate that it was cut and dry, just a hair over 100 pages. Some points that stuck with me:

- the importance of stating clearly what you want/expect
- the right to say no without having to explain why
- that respectfully asserting a stand on an issue does not mean you are pressuring others to accept your beliefs, but rather opening the door to a potentially stimulating exchange

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely helpful.

Clear guidelines. Easy to follow and understand. Insightful information. Practical suggestions. Realistic tools to help you develop effective assertiveness in verbal and nonverbal communication.

[Anant Jain · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has practical ways of becoming assertive person. But i expected more from it, it can be because this book's content is related with "The Art of Everyday Assertiveness: Speak Up. Set Boundaries. Say No. Take Back Control. Get What You Want" by Patrick King and i have already that book. So,till now, if you have not read The Patrick's Book you can read this. #GoodBook

[Marta Jelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not come into this book with much expectations. For the price, I thought that I’d give it a shot. This book did not disappoint. It provided very clear set of instructions on how to be assertive and get more out of interactions and relationships.

I especially liked the discussion on the bill of rights of assertiveness. It sets a strong baseline for how you should be treated. It helps eradicate the excuses that make assertiveness difficult to achieve. I use these as affirmations which I repeat to myself daily. This alone has been a huge help.

One of the area’s I’m struggling with is dealing with my parents. Not only are they a pain, but they are at an age where I’m stepping in to take care of them. There is a very valuable discussion to help me manage them as well as get my siblings more involved.

For somebody like myself, who has had long standing issues with assertiveness, this book does a good job of making me feel better about myself, my self-worth, and empowers me to stand-up for who I am and what I deserve.

[BookChick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve learned the most from this book

I’ve read quite a few books on this topic but this book was direct and gave such great examples of how I could implement what just read which is important for me. Modeling behavior helps me to learn and she gives example responses for various situations to get you started which I am grateful for. I also found great benefit in the affirmations as well. If you struggle in this area this is the perfect book for you!

[Aliya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really liked the assertive person's bill of rights, but they are excerpted from another website. Original content is helpful too.

[Stories & Verse · Rating 5 out of 5]

"How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others" is a self-help book about assertiveness and more. At the end of the introduction Judy directs you to go to a website and download a free e-book about office politics (after reading this piece I realized I was unintentionally displaying some of the bully tactics and at the same time was a victim of my own doing). Then at the end of the book, in the conclusion, you are directed to download a free copy of the audio book so that you can actually hear what being assertive sounds like. In addition, an email is sent over the course of a few days with a summary of the advice given in the book.

I give this book five stars because the tone of the author is genuine and I feel like someone is looking out for me and is sincerely trying to help me become assertive. Also, it answered all my questions and gave usable advice. For example, the introduction covers assertiveness vs aggressiveness and passiveness. I found this list informative as it helped me to assess my own way of being. Then there is a section on body language. Then, Chapter 3 "Put your Plan to Work in Your Personal Relationships", covers personal relationships with your significant other, children and parents. The most informative chapter for me was Chapter 4 which covers how to be assertive at work.

I would recommend this book especially for getting advice on how to cope at work. I can't wait to listen to the free audio book and start using some of the advice!

[Srivatssan · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I liked what I read, I could not enjoy the contents perhaps to me it felt unorganized. The contents were good to read ,the examples were relevant to the real world, but the overall structure looked disparate. Every chapter was like an episode that doesn't organically segue into the next. The books looks more like an instruction manual to assertiveness without providing convincing rationale on why assertiveness makes sense. While I agree that assertiveness is a great way to live with, the book failed to acknowledge why other characteristics like passive- aggressiveness exist and how each of those people can effectively learn to being assertive. I feel that life is not a binary way of living and that we all are neither white nor black, but grey. Acknowledging our weakness is the beginning of a journey of 1000 miles towards inner peace and maturity. Without those building blocks, this book attempted to sell assertiveness as a magic pill which made me give it a three. But one should not take my comments literally since it was based on my experience in my life and the challenges that I experienced and might not be relevant to some one else.

[Denys Lonshakov · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judy Murphy makes fast and compact introduction into assertiveness. The book is an excellent set of assertive rights and behaviours. It makes a great opportunity to check your own portfolio of communication tools and behaviours.

Wide examples are deeply related to the US culture. I would recommend to use them only in reflection with own experience, but not like direct examples of action. Some examples might not match to your local culture.

Author has missed some connection with other philosophies, cultural traditions, psychological researches or opinion makers in area of assertiveness.

However i would still recommend the book as a compact indroduction into assertiveness for beginners.

I would recommend to practice assertiveness in a balanced way with a non violent communication style.

[Lubov Leonova · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great tool to boost your confidence

I really wish I had this book earlier in my life, when I had no clue about boundaries.

I found this book well-structured, and thus, very effective. In the beginning, the author explains the boundaries and the difference between self-confidence and arrogance. There is also a quiz to help figuring out the key problems and the area of work.

The rest of the book has practical exercises aiming to increase the level of assertiveness among the readers. I found the exercises useful in multiple ways. I strongly recommend it to everyone struggling with high level of responsibility.

[Chikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not a fan of self-help books. They usually tell you the obvious and sometimes the unrealistic for over 300 pages. And I wont ever touch a "self-help" book that asks you to think you can achieve everything just by wishing it.

This book, I liked. Because it actually gives you some good tips with examples, to assertively deal with situations as an employee, a friend, a parent and a customer. It also tells you simple exercises to do to improve your body language. And it is a concise book, just over a 100 pages. Not preachy either.

[MissBirdee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good starting point for people looking to become more assertive. As self-help books go, this one is straightforward, realistic, and full of good tips. At just over 100 pages, it's a quick read. I really enjoyed the length, but sometimes it felt like the emphasis on simplicity sacrificed some depth. It covers a general array of situations the average person would face day to day, but doesn't address how to handle extreme situations. Perhaps that's the point. Overall, I would recommend it to people who have no idea how to start being assertive and need some guidance or tips on how to do so.

[ahmed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Handy guide on the go.

Quick guide for daily use, concise yet informative and to the point. Practical in most situations, yet polite which might be a flaw/drawback when dealing with certain communities who are emotional and rush to a non rational reaction upon what is been said to them (those who aggressively speak and act without understanding what you say, or need). It's best for more professional environments, and communities that cares about it's members well being and life.

[Justin Sanders · Rating 4 out of 5]

The premise of the book is ok but it does not seem to get down to the raw nature that is needed when being assertive. This is for tame situations and does not dig into when things go red and you really have to be an assertive savage. I did take away a few key concepts like body language and taking time before directly responding. Its just not directly more on the charged end on the spectrum. I will have to keep searching.

[Layla A. · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first chapter of this book was good. The Bill of Rights was useful. Other than that though, the book was not that great.

The body language tips are general ones you read about everywhere. The other chapters we're all examples of situations and how you could react to them assertively. While a few examples are helpful to let you know what to do in a real life situation, most of the chapters in this book were examples. The book hadn't much substance.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this on Audible. Informative and empowering. Helpful to those who struggle with passivity, and want to become more respectfully assertive. This is a book that one can return to several times to allow the concepts to sink in. People are encouraged to observe, practice, and keep trying until one improves. There is a learning curve, but can be mastered in time. We are all worth it!

[Katarina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I tend to be shy and passive when it comes to conflict, so I thought this book would be helpful. And indeed, it was. in particular I liked the advice about affirmations, body language, and assertive communication at the office. However, some chapters were less interesting or applicable for me. Still, I learned some good lessons.

[Ray Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read

I am in my 30’s and I have struggled with speaking up for myself. I have been told to speak up and stop mumbling for years. This book has given me to the necessary tools to speak up for myself and to say what I want to say unapologetically. This book transformed my life. I highly recommend

[mark bellini · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful tips for greater assertiveness and esteem

This book provides many practical tips for not only being more assertive, but also for building lasting self- esteem.

You will find yourself consulting this book to help you deal with many common situations where people usually struggle with being assertive.

[Helfren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative books but most of the information already exists in other book.

The book does not really add up any new information but in case a reader just want to recap everything about assertiveness training, this book is a good one since it's short quick read and no lengthy with some maybe useful examples.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful

Something this book offered that many similar titles do not is sets of concrete exercises for each chapter/type of situation. Many of these exercises can be done on one’s own, which is also a bonus.

[fj baggins · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is some very good advice in the self-help book on assertiveness. The suggestions I connected to most were concerning posture and the use of "I" statements in asserting yourself in a non-threatening manner. Yes, these can be found in other sources, but it was good to be reminded of them.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good start to make steps to being assertive

I’ve been feeling too passive this past year. It’s slowly occurred over time but noticeably worse during the pandemic. I decided to do more to work through it and this book was a great help

[Amna · Rating 5 out of 5]

an excellent book for anyone looking to improve their emotional wellbeing by being an assertive communicator. this helped me so much since i have been dealing with passivity for a long time now and needed this change. thanks to the author for writing this book and compiling such great examples!

[Evie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some very useful ideas here.

I found that there was quite a bit of useful information. There is applicable data for all aspects of life.
The trick is, applying them.