I Dare You Not to Bore Me with the Bible

by Michael S. Heiser

The Bible is filled with passages that are so baffling we tend to ignore them. Yet the passages that seem weird might be the most important. This collection of essays from Bible Study Magazine will shock you, intrigue you, and completely change the way you view the Bible. Dr. Michael S. Heiser visits some of the Bible's most obscure passages, unveiling their ancient context to help you interpret them today. Read this book, and you'll never be bored by the Bible again.

Part Old Testament
The Ancient's Guide to the Galaxy
Walk Like an Israelite
Even the Bible Needed Upgrading
Spellchecking the Bible
Why Circumcision?
The Abandoned Child and the Basket Case
A Tale of Courage We Never Teach
Counting the Ten Commandments
Is There Really a Sin Offering?
There's a Devil in the Details
Love Numbers 5
Is My Bible Right?
The Most Horrific Bible Story
Righting a Wrong
When Giants Walked the Earth
The Divine Arrow
Promise Undelivered?
Sanctified Dirt
1003 BC Who Authorized It-God or Satan?
Cookin' the Books
Slaying the Sea Monster
Does God Need a Co-Signer?
The Witness in the Clouds
Who Wrote the Book of Proverbs?
Immanuel's Virgin or Not?
Standing in the Council
Double Vision?
Why the Ark of the Covenant Will Never Be Found
He, Him, Me, Myself, and I
Bizarre Visions for the Worst of Times
Do the Dead Sea Scrolls Answer the Canon Question?

Part New Testament
Burying Hell
My Guardian Angel
The New Testament Misquotes the Old Testament?
"I Saw Satan Fall like Lightning": When?
The Healing Serpent
Who Took Verse 4 out of My Bible?
What Walking on Water Really Means
Born Again ... and Again and Again?
Dumbledore Meets Philip & Peter
Paul's Lost Letters
Destiny & Destination
A Female Apostle
Signed, Sealed, and Delivered-to Satan?
Treason & Translation
Charlton Heston Had Company
When Abraham Met Jesus
How Many Times Is Jesus Coming Back?
What's Jesus Waiting For?
God's Right-Hand Woman? Wisdom in Hebrews
Baptism as Spiritual Warfare
Jesus Is Jude and Peter Tell Me So
When Angels Do Time
Tough Love
Jesus, God, a.k.a., The Name
666: What Theories Add Up?
Perspective Changes Everything
Constantine, Conspiracy, and the Canon

Genres: Theology, Christian, Christianity, Nonfiction, Biblical Studies, Faith, Spirituality

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 20, 2014

About the author

Mike Heiser is a scholar in the fields of biblical studies and the ancient Near East. He is the Academic Editor of Logos Bible Software. Mike earned the M.A. and Ph.D. in Hebrew Bible and Semitic Languages at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2004. He has also earned an M.A. in Ancient History from the University of Pennsylvania (major fields: Ancient Israel and Egyptology). His main research interests are Israelite religion (especially Israel’s divine council), biblical theology, ancient Near Eastern religion, biblical & ancient Semitic languages, and ancient Jewish binitarian monotheism.

Mike blogs about biblical studies at The Naked Bible, and fringe beliefs about the ancient world at PaleoBabble. He offers courses to the public in Old Testament, biblical theology, Israelite religion, ancient languages, the Book of Enoch through his online institute, MEMRA.

Mike's other academic interests include the paranormal and the occult. His UFO Religions blog discusses how the pop cultural belief in aliens shape religious worldviews. Mike has been a frequent guest on a number of radio programs such as Coast to Coast AM. He is best known for his critique of the ancient astronaut theories of Zecharia Sitchin and his paranormal thriller, The Facade, which intertwines many of his interests.

Reviews

[John Martindale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I must say Michael Heiser succeeded, this was anything but boring. The little book (Half of it, is footnotes and scriptural passages which were referenced) contains several mini-chapters, like blog entries that tackle some of the odd and bizarre passages throughout the bible, written for folks with a short attention span. Heiser often had something very insightful to mention, but often because of brevity he left one wanting much, much more, I sometime felt I was left hanging, wondering the implications of what he wrote.

One thing which is so unique about Heiser is that we have what appears to be an evangelical conservative Christian who is perfectly comfortable bringing up stuff in the bible and it's historical and cultural context, that normally only Liberals and skeptical scholars make mention of.He doesn't seem bothered in the least that biblical authors seem to be having God saying the sky is a solid dome, hard as a molten mirror with flood gates and that the earth rest firmly upon pillars sunk into a deep foundation and the stars moving on this dome are actually gods etc... etc.. view which parallel the views of Israelis pagan neighbors. Heiser seems comfortable with God communicating with the ancients using the cosmology they understood. Heiser isn't phased either by the many differences from the Septuagint, dead sea schools and the late MT Hebrew manuscripts, bringing some to light and sharing he reflections upon it all. But yeah, it is quite nice reading about such things from a believer, a scholar who actually managed to kept his faith. The typical route of evangelicals is to remain ignorant and avoid it all, and no wonder, since it is typically only those who seem hostel to all Christians hold dear, that talk about it. Heiser shows one can accept the facts and the substance of certain biblical difficulties without having to make the leaps towards the conclusions that secular scholars make.

[John Abrams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ich war nicht gelangweilt. Wie für Heiser zu erwarten z.T. sehr wilde Auslegungen.

[Emily Strickland Phillips]

Read on Logos app -- great distillation of the info in The Unseen Realm, in an easily searchable/referenceable format

[Jacob Aitken · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short introduction to Michael Heiser’s program. It covers slightly different ground than Supernatural, which is also seen as an introduction to his more scholarly Unseen Realm. This text works off the premise that “what is strange is probably important.”

If you’ve read Unseen Realm, there isn’t anything new here. But I think you should still get it. It’s only a few dollars on kindle and there are some neat exegetical insights which are perhaps easier to find here than in Unseen Realm.

Who is God’s Witness in the Clouds?

In Psalm 89 God swears by another, one who is presumably on the same level with God an in the clouds. Verses 35-37 form a chiasm:

A. Once for all I have sworn by my holiness;

B.I will not lie to David.

C.His offspring shall endure forever,

C’his throne as long as the sun before me.

B’ Like the moon it shall be established forever,

A’ a faithful witness in the skies.”

Psalm 89 requires an equal to God who is distinct from God yet not another God. God’s holiness (A), which is the same thing as God given divine simplicity, means that his “faithful witness in the skies” (A’) is also God. We see something similar in Revl. 1:4-5.

The Eyes of Ezekiel 1

The whole scene is connected with Babylonian astronomy. No, it is not copying Babylon. It is trolling Babylon. Cherubim have four faces. Possible connection with four cardinal directions. What happens in heaven affects what is on earth. Also, in the Hebrew it reads as if the wheels are covered with eyes (ayin).

Satan’s Fall

Similar material found elsewhere. When Jesus said he saw Satan fall, it wasn’t in the context of a Miltonian pre-history, but as a result of his sending the 70 (The New Table of Nations, Genesis 10) out to get rid of demons. This event is connected with the kingdom. If this happened in the past, then why wasn’t the Kingdom established then?

There is nothing new in this book but it is a good primer to his work. Each chapter is only a few pages long. My only qualm is that sometimes Heiser avoids giving his own conclusion.

[Jeff McCormack · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great little book that turned out to be shorter than expected. What I mean is, as I read the Kindle edition, I could see I was only 40% done, and then a few pages later, the END. The whole last half of the title is an extensive collection of footnotes and scriptural references (written out fully) so it took up a lot of space. So I finished this in half the time I thought it would take.

This title is made up of a bunch of short articles Heiser wrote for publications in order to show people interesting tidbits of overlooked and usually misunderstood aspects of the Scriptures. Bringing in cultural, historical and Ancient Near Eastern understandings he makes commonly obscure verses and stories come to light for the modern less informed reader.

A great title to start with for people who may not want to jump right into his larger and more complex scholarly titles - you'll most likely still learn quite a lot here.

[Spencer R · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can read my full review here: spoiledmilks wordpress com

"If it's weird, it's important" (p 39).

Heiser has written a book for the less-learned to show how the is Bible interesting. The information here comes in in snippets and comes from Bible Study Magazine. Different features in the Magazine were called “I Dare You Not to Bore Me with the Bible,” “Weird, but Important,” and “What They Don’t Tell You in Church.” This book is a compilation of Heiser’s contributions.

There are really only two sections. Part One is on the Old Testament, and Part Two, the New. Part One consists of thirty sections, and Part Two of twenty-seven sections.

Heiser explains that, as he discovered in school, he “needed to think like an ancient Israelite to understand the Old Testament. Israelite religion had some significant divergences from the religions of other surrounding nations, but on the whole, there were more similarities than differences…. [T]he context for understanding the Bible is the historical, literary, intellectual and religious context in which it was written” (p 9).

God didn’t change Israel’s culture when He gave them His law and His truth. God chose to communicate to Israel in a way that was similar to the ways everyone else lived, the only difference was that Israel had the one, true God. When there are differences in Israel’s theology from the rest of the culture, those very differences are pulling the reader in to discover the author’s intentions.

Overall I enjoyed the Old Testament section more than the New. Some of the snippets seemed either unnecessary, or weren’t very interesting. And with 57 different sections, it’s reasonable that not every section can be mind-blowing.

“Counting the 10 Commandments,” “How Many Times is Jesus Coming Back?,”and “What’s Jesus Waiting For?,” are a few that I felt were lacking.

Unfortunately, there’s no bibliography or external resources at the end of the book.


WIthout getting too technical, he very deftly puts the cookies on the bottom shelf. Dr. Heiser’s ministry, or “heart,” is for those “whose worldview is molded by occult, paranormal, and esoteric beliefs” (p 218).

I encourage you to look up Heiser’s blogs and see what you think. They are linked at the bottom of the page.

[Daniel Wiedrich · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book full of interesting strange stories and ideas from the bible, explained by someone who seems to be an expert in the field of translating and understanding the history of the bible and just ancient history in general. If you have complete faith in the bible and all it's teachings this book would probably further cement your faith with Heiser's explanations. To someone who has some doubts in their faith, I could see how reading a bunch of very strange stories with somewhat convoluted answers as to why they make sense as a whole within the bible, could lead to further doubting as there are some weird things to learn about. The variety of cross referenced non biblical texts is impressive and this Heiser guy must have done some serious amounts of reading. At times though the explanations seem to be a stretch to my mind.

[Jordan Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been going at a much slower pace this year when it comes to my reading. Reflecting more than consuming. This was not only the first book I read this year, but also the first from Michael Heiser I’ve ever read. It was really a fun, and fascinating way to look at odd lines of scripture with newfound understanding. I can’t wait to read more of his theories and dig deeper into his spiritual worldview.

[Bonnie Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truth be told, I've been a little bored with my book choices lately. But this one delivered on holding my interest in each section, and making me want to dig deeper into many. I appreciate a scholar who can talk like a normal person. In retrospect, I should have read this before Unseen Realm.

[Randy Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful compilation of short essays by Heiser, covering a variety of absolutely wonderful gems. Take what you learn here and run deep with them

[Lauren Wuthrich · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great (and grounded) tour through passages in the Bible typically labeled as "weird" or "confusing". The language is rich in research but easy to understand. Some sections left me wanting more, which I believe is meant to spur further reading. Overall a great read and one I've been meaning to get to for several years.

[Trace · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such fascinating read!!! I thoroughly enjoyed it! It gave some explanations for some questions I've had over the years about some of the more baffling portions of scriptures. It also provided some explanations that I didn't even know I had until I read this book! LOL!!

[Justin Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The premise of the book is to illustrate some things in the Bible that we normally skip over because they are weird or we don’t understand them and to add commentary to what they might actually mean. Dr. Heiser is well qualified for such a task: he has his PhD in Hebrew Bible and Semitic Languages and is scholar-in-resident at FaithLife corporation which gave us Logos Bible Software.

This wasn’t a difficult book to read. I read it in under a couple of hours but it is definitely interesting. Some of the different Biblical passages he fleshes out are: Genesis 1, ancient cosmology; Exodus 4, the circumcision of Gershom and Zipporah strange act of putting the foreskin at Moses’ “feet”; Numbers 5, the love potion and why the woman was not killed for adultery (the common punishment for an act); 1 Samuel 21 and 1 Chronicles 20, the giants living in Palestine; 2 Kings 5, Namaan and the dirt; Jeremiah 23, standing in the Council of God; the visions of Ezekiel; Luke 10, when Satan fell from the sky; 1 and 2 Peter and Jude and the angels in “gloomy darkness” (chapter title: When Angels Do Time ha); among others.

I think this is a great book for three reasons: it debunks some of our cultural perceptions that we place upon the Bible. It’s interesting to read about how the culture would have viewed such things as Exodus 4 and the circumcision of Gershom. We wouldn’t know that unless we 1) read Hebrew and 2) understood the culture. The Bible was written to a specific group of people at a specific time in a specific language, so we have work to do than just taking some things at face value. Second, I think this helps us when we read the Bible and we read something weird. Like I just mentioned, some of what is in the Bible cannot just be discovered. There has to be a process in which we interpret certain sections of scripture and have to do that with scholarship. As much as we don’t want to admit that, the other option we have is just to be in ignorance every time we read our Bibles. And I certainly don’t want to do that. 3) I think this book is a great reference for these passages. I know I’ll get a lot of good use out of this book because I have already referenced it a couple of times when trying to explain these hard texts.

So if you want to gain some insight on these weird passages, I’d recommend taking a look at this book!

[Leanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had stumbled upon this Biblical scholar and started listening to Naked Bible Podcasts because this author helps me connect the dots - in particular - I never understood Noah's flood and so I went on a search and Michael Heiser started to provide me with puzzle pieces that were missing from my brain's puzzle. This particular book was a cheap Amazon Kindle buy that I wanted to put on my Kindle for vacation reading. The chapters are not long, so I did finish it on vacation, but the research notes would cause me to still show this book as unread. It is my goal to make my way through them this summer in my Bible study.

I love that this book takes weird passages of the Bible and illuminates them. So many times, I will read the commentary to a verse and it doesn't always explain the deeper questions that I will have. I think too many times we are given a simplistic answer to a theological concept and this author is the first one that I have found that takes the complex and provides an in-depth answer in the context of the ancient cultures of the Bible and backs it up with references. I love his non-denominational approach to understanding the Bible. This book provides articles compiled that may spark an interest and lead you to his website and podcasts.

[Bob Priest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heiser takes his extensive knowledge of biblical culture and times and applies them to various biblical accounts. Working through both Old and New Testaments Heiser tackles topics 666, Satan falling from heaven, giants, sea monsters and about 50 other passages.

Each section is a short breakdown of the passage and comparing popular interpretations to how the original reader would have understood the passage.

This was a good look into the worldview of biblical times.Some of my original understanding of,passages was expanded and even clarified.

Do not,worry though, nothing in Heiser’s work challenges or contradicts Biblical orthodoxy. There are no new theologies here. No heresy to be found.

In truth there are times that Heiser, instead of drawing a firm conclusion, helps us understand the challenge of biblical interpretation and translation. In the end he will show that even at times where there may be multiple,ways to look at a passage there is room to consider another viewpoint without compromising orthodoxy.

I do wish at times he went further into his explanation, but this is a good intro to understanding how the original readers of Scripture would have understood these accounts.

[Evan Minton · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the essential truths of The Bible can be understood by anyone of any age at any level of education, some of the more peripheral parts of The Bible can be a bit confusing. In "I Dare You Not To Bore Me With The Bible", Michael Heiser deals with the "weird" or "boring" parts of The Bible and explains them by examining of the biblical text and it's cultural context. You'll be stunned at how some of those parts of The Bible that seemed to not make a lick of sense, actually do.

The chapters are short and succinct, and read just like blog articles. So you could actually spend a short amount of time reading one chapter a day as part of your daily devotions if you wanted to, or you could just read large chunks in one setting as I did. In any case, you'll see those bizarre parts aren't really so bizarre at all after reading this book.

I highly recommend this book along with Heiser's other book "The Unseen Realm".

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting little book. The premise here is Heiser tackling confusing, troubling, or obscure passages of Scripture -- seeking to bring illumination to modern readers in light of his vast knowledge of ancient Middle Eastern languages and cultures. The result is that you learn a lot of things that feel very different than you have ever been taught before about the Bible.

The format is a collection of online blog posts (or articles) that Dr. Heiser has written in the past. That format has its advantages and disadvantages. On the plus side, it enables Heiser (and his readers) to cover a lot of varied ground quickly. On the down side, the book doesn't feel as meaty as his other works -- since the treatment of each subject is not very deep.

Heiser is a refreshing scholar and writer. He comes through as humble, brilliant, and friendly.

[Ben Smitthimedhin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a magnificent introduction to the cultural contexst surrounding the Bible (Ancient Near Eastern culture, Greek influences, Second Temple Judaism, etc.). Heiser is pretty close to where I stand when it comes to biblical hermeneutics (very close attention to backgrounds), and he did a fantastic job of breaking complicated historical subjects down to interesting tidbits for the layman here. The book is divided into two sections: Old and New Testament. The chapters are only a couple pages long, but they contain great summaries that are very easy to follow along, and they are packed full of interesting stuff!

[Christian · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s a primer type book. Many topics, Short coverage.

This is a good little work that touches briefly on parts of the Bible people have questions about. It sometimes produces new questions, intentionally, as a point to thinking about the Bible differently. It is helpful, as an introduction to challenging oneself to reading the Bible differently, but it lacks the specific tools to do so and doesn’t go deep. Heiser’s other work does that. So, it is a great introduction to Dr. Heiser and his work contextualizing the Holy Scriptures within itself and its writers’ lifetimes’ respectively.

[Caleb Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book with perfect length chapters. I spent about 4 months reading this at night before bed. It was perfect reading for that time of night and I almost always woke up thinking about the implications to what I read the night before. The book is broken into perfect nuggets of fascinating Bible weirdness...Heiser does a great job taking the weirdness out of it and making it more understandable. I highly recommend this for Christians and skeptics alike. It’s a great and easy read packed full of insightful takes on Biblical passages. Anyone interested in weird Bible passages will find this well worth your time.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Heiser's books just keep challenging and informing me. While I do not think I'll suddenly be able to read Leviticus any more easily than before, Heiser continually draws out lesser-known correlations between the various books of Scripture. He shows how the Angel of the Lord of the Old Testament is Jesus to come and vice versa -- how the New Testament Jesus is revealed to be the Angel of the Lord. I especially like that Dr. Heiser steps into difficult subjects that other believers have dodged. Then he explains them succinctly. After having read five books by Dr. Heiser, I can say he is my favorite living author. Angels will be my next Heiser read.

[Rye Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! It's basically essays concerning Scripture, Bible, and church topics compiled into a book. This makes for an easy read over interesting material, which explains many confusing, interesting, and odd topics throughout the Bible with cross-references, cultural understanding, and connecting many passages from the Old and New Testaments. I really enjoyed this book and read through it quickly after being turned onto it from a guy at work. I'm glad I did! Very interesting. Very insightful. Very enlightening. Highly recommended.

[Jeremiah Griffin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great little book, excellent kindle design!

Great little book. some topics are touched on and maybe are put there just to make people study more. The kindle version is perfectly laid out and the notes are beyond excellent. I was spending time looking up scripture and it made it much faster. Points you to the Gospel over and over.

[Ken Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Questions Answered

The Bible is an exciting living book which at times can be confusing since we do not think as a Jew in 30 C.E. or have the context considered in which it was written. This book takes some rather specific items and brings clarity. You will not be bored...at all.

[Nick Woodall · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a Bible reader, then this book is for you. Michael Heiser has a way of taking Scripture and setting it in it's context historically, and then pulls out the Hebrew and Greek linguistics for words that may be hard to understand, and then wraps it all up in a very easily read synopsis. Beautiful!

[La Oveja · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting and light read. You will find good explanations to some difficult passages of the Bible, although you should not expect much deepness. Which is understandable since that is not the focus of the book.

I would recommend this to those interested in bible study groups as a way to study and discuss strange parts of the Scriptures with the group. I'm sure that would be fun.

[Brett · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good introduction that teases and tempts further study

Heiser covers a wide range of topics that casual readers of the Bible likely will not be aware of, or have contributed large amounts of thought to. While not exhaustive, he does invite further study for those who want to know more. A good read!

[Karolina Skórska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book, and reality check - makes you think on how many things we are missing by interpreting bible in our own context instead of the original.Now I'm waiting for the The Unseen Realm (quite impatiently).

[Leandro Dutra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reread after three years. Will have to reread it again, unless I delve deeper in the information it provides elsewhere, as it is so out of our common frame of reference. Essential, I would say, to keep us honest about Biblical exegesis.

[Aaron Bolin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read that consists of a series of short (2-3 pages) chapters on little oddities in the Bible. I enjoyed it, and Michael Heiser does a nice job of writing with energy and engagement. I feel like a learned a lot, but the topics were light and not too dense with detail.