As an adult, L. E. Kinzie realized that obeying what she thought her religion required of her made her unsatisfied and disheartened. She believed she was always obligated to give while not expecting appreciation or acceptance. She focused on what she wasn’t doing correctly according to her interpretation of the Bible and believed she deserved punishment because she wasn’t perfect. She stayed in an emotionally abuse relationship for a decade, beginning while she was sixteen, because she thought that loving anyone else, even as a friend, was tantamount to adultery even though she wasn’t married. She felt she was addicted to her religion but “the way I was using it in my life, it was a destructive and debilitating crutch.”
UNDAMNED My Escape from the Old Testament is her story of how she was eventually able to reconcile her personal religious needs with what was available in the religious community. First she had to learn what was important to her. She had to ask herself “why” something mattered to her before trying to find out if it was important. She realized she couldn’t trust God because she was afraid of Him. She had to learn to accept and love herself as an individual and step away from the “one-size-fits-all” church, focused on marketing to attract the biggest, most financially supportive congregation. Her book tells the steps she took and tools she used to reach her place.
She questions whether people are worshiping their religion instead of worshiping God. She includes several poems reflecting her thoughts at various times. The opening one, “The Wizard of Oz” describes why and how she set out upon her journey.
I think the subtitle, My Escape from the Old Testament, shows a lack of total understanding of the Old Testament. She writes about the restrictions and rules that bound her but doesn’t mention the positive portions such as those in Leviticus and Deuteronomy telling how to treat others (e.g., not using false weights, releasing slaves, consideration for other life forms, teaching children). She says the women in the Bible were “models of submission” ignoring the many times they acted independently and sometimes against their husband’s wishes. She refers to a 2000-year-old book, but it is the Christian Bible that is that age. As a positive example, she cites Jesus saying to “Love the Lord...with all your heart and ...Love thy neighbor as yourself.” The first quote can be found in Deuteronomy 6:5 and the second in Leviticus 19:18 and 19:34 She mentions the Pharisees twice. They are not part of the Hebrew Bible.
She advocates people put themselves in God’s care to learn what is right for them. That could also be an excuse for people committing acting against society’s standards. For example, her first boyfriend could have claimed that he was doing what God wanted him to do even though it was so harmful to her.
While L. E. Kinzie has some excellent ideas and states that this is what worked for her, she repeats those ideas much too often. Her writing is generally coherent and the book is well-edited except for misspelling “exile” on page 30 and not explaining the transition between her first boyfriend and the man she later married.
I received this book as a Goodreads Early Reader.