This is about “mood science” (I didn’t know there was such a thing). According to the author, this book is above all an attempt to elucidate the relationship between mood and depression. Our model is broken. We need to usher in a new diagnostic and therapeutic paradigm, one based in the science of mood. We are losing the fight against depression in part because our fundamental description of it – as reflecting defects – is wrong. The first step to finding more effective solutions is getting that fundamental description right. Someone wrote a book called “Listening to Prozac,” but this author believes that instead we should “listen to depression.” In other words, just accept the fact that at certain times in life we will be sad, and that is a normal part of life.
We should resist the urge to explain why we are in a bad mood. You might think you are in a bad mood because something bad happened in your life, when in reality you just have a cold or got a bad night’s sleep. It is normal for people to have high and low moods, and there isn’t necessarily any need to expound upon it. Fantasizing about a world without low mood is a vain exercise. Low moods have existed in some form across human cultures forever.
From an evolutionary perspective, there are benefits and costs to being bold and energetic, and there are benefits and costs to being depressed and withdrawn. Animals that are daring might discover new things that benefit them, but they are also more prone to encounter dangerous situations. Animals that are timid and “worry” about danger are more likely to stay out of trouble, but also might miss out on positive opportunities. It actually makes sense for animals in general to become “depressed” during dangerous times, but then to be more outgoing when there are no threats.
It is totally normal to be depressed when life-changing bad events happen, such as the loss of a loved one or a job that you have invested a lifetime of energy into maintaining. Or when you go through a transition period during which you need to adjust to the fact that your life is not how you expected it to be. Other animals besides humans become depressed when they experience great loss. So again, it is totally unrealistic for people to believe that they should never be sad.
Contemporary routines contribute to bad moods. Compared to 100 years ago, we are exposed to much less natural light from the sun, get less sleep, and engage in more activities that are out of kilter with the body’s natural rhythms.
Thinking about why you are sad is not always a good idea. Some problems are not best solved by trying to think about a solution. In the case of depression, thinking about why you are sad can lead to endless rumination, which can make the problem worse. It is often a better approach to just try to distract yourself and “forget about it.”
The author agrees with many others who advocate mindfulness meditation. Rather than ruminating, it is better to engage in a daily practice of just focusing on your breathing and trying not to hold on to any thoughts. When you start to think about something, just acknowledge to yourself that you’re having a thought and then let it pass by like a cloud. In this way, you can learn to detach from your thoughts, rather than engaging in rumination.
One cause of depression seems to be that people are overcommitted to goals that are failing. People have an idea of what their life should be like, and they just cannot accept that their actual life does not match the idea they had. Even if their actual life is perfectly fine and normal, they just cannot let go of their self-perception that they are a worthless failure. Perfectionists are more likely to become depressed than non-perfectionists. Perfectionists literally can’t accept that nobody’s perfect, including themselves.
The profusion of self-help books may increase the number of people who are depressed. People come to believe that there is something wrong with being sad, when it’s totally normal to be happy sometimes and sad sometimes. People believe that all sadness can be “fixed” rather than just accepting that sometimes they are in a low mood and that’s just a completely normal part of life. Being able to accept negative feelings – rather than always striving to make them disappear – is associated with feeling better, not worse, in the long run.
People who have happiness itself as a fundamental goal are less likely to be happy. People who spend their lives pursuing goals other than the goal of happiness itself are more likely to report that they feel happy. And this difference is much more pronounced for people who have objectively non-stressful life situations. So if your life situation is basically normal, you are best off focusing on some life goal other than the goal of happiness itself. You need to create some purpose in your life other than the mere goal of being happy.
The key is accepting a low mood with equanimity. People should strive for equanimity, or contentment, not the type of happiness that is associated with excitement. Sure, you are going to have moments of excitement in life, but that is not the constancy of life. It is interesting that in many Asian cultures, it is not the norm to strive for excitement. Rather, people are more likely to seek personal peace and tranquility. The American emphasis on constant thrills is more likely to lead to people feeling depressed. Eastern religion and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy use meditative practices to help a person tolerate and accept episodes of low mood while avoiding an endless loop of negatively toned cognition.
People who are in deep depression become insensitive to what is happening around them and inflexible. They become flat. Not only do happy events not make them happy, sad events don’t make them cry. In an extreme case, they can even become catatonic. Also, for some people, depression outlasts its apparent source. For example, a person who becomes depressed when they become homeless might stay depressed even after they find a place to live. Some people only have one episode of depression in their lives and then after a period of time are no longer depressed and don’t become depressed again (like the author of this book). Other people, come out of depression and then relapse. Also, some peoples experience post-traumatic growth; they are happier after a really bad thing happens in their lives, because they have more appreciation for when nothing bad is happening.
This book gives a really good first-hand account about how someone named Suzie Henderson broke out of her depression: A doctor recommended I take fish oil, so I started taking it, and didn’t really notice changes until a couple months of consistent use, and then I perceived a more even keel attitude shift within myself. I started meditating, and doing yoga. I began slowly, maybe a class once a week. I started educating myself about nutrition and eating balanced meals. Here is a key ingredient to my recovery, I am constantly observing my thoughts and using positive self-talk. I use a mantra when my mind chatter is especially negative, and it’s really simple. I just remind myself that I am strong, healthy, and beautiful. I say it many times throughout the day, not necessary to keep count. I have done it for years now. Basically crowd out negative habits with positive ones. It is not a quick fix, but if you have the patience, it really helps. Other helpful methods, getting to know how to have work-life balance, enough sleep, eating well, being grateful for the gifts I have. You know it’s easy to focus on the negative, but even keeping a journal where you just write about things you noticed during the day that stirred a sense of gratitude inside you is helpful. Get support from friends and therapists. Work towards goals. My depression has allowed me to declare who I am and screw anybody who doesn’t like it or approve of me. No one’s opinion of me matters. I no longer seek approval AND I will go the extra mile to reassure others, to do no harm, to own my own behavior and apologize first and deeply because I recognize how frail everyone truly is and I must not push anyone else near their tipping point in my life because it is way too dangerous and difficult to come back. I am much more comfortable being wrong and backing off of my point when I see someone getting upset. I will just shut down the discussion or conflict. It is never worth it. Forgiveness comes easily and so does acceptance – no judgment of others. I am so much more loving to others, and I watch out for myself fiercely.
Our culture needs to have more acceptance and support for people who are depressed, the same way that we support people who have HIV or cancer. It is odd that there are so few public displays of support for people suffering from depression, no parades, no walks, no bike rides, no ribbons or bumper stickers, nothing. People should be able to admit to themselves and others that they are depressed and to get support. Depression is so pervasive yet there seems to be so little acceptance of this common human condition.