Pretty Good Catholic: How to find, date, and marry someone who shares your faith

by Rachel Hoover Canto

Want to find a pretty, good Catholic? Looking for a person who is attractive, interesting, and faithful to Christ and the Church? This is the most realistic guide to the bewildering Catholic dating scene. New author Rachel Hoover Canto tells her own amazing story while offering fresh, sharp-witted insights for both women and men. Learn how to set aside your checklist, date real people, and open your mind without lowering your standards. If you’re looking for a modern, relatable, orthodox guide to dating—with advice that actually works—this is the book!

• Why you should “default to yes” and date a lot of people

• How to open your mind without lowering your standards

• How to quit online dating and start online meeting

• When to ditch digital platforms in favor of in-person events

• Why it's okay to go to church events looking for love

• Why to stop conducting "spouse interviews"

• Why it’s rude to date if you’re discerning priesthood or religious life

• How to think about dating non-Catholics. Should you "flirt to convert"?

• How to consider dating a Catholic from another "tribe" (Can a rad-trad marry a charismatic?)

• How to be physically affectionate without having to go to Confession afterwards

• Why relationships are sometimes essential for true inner healing

• How to survive long-distance relationships

• How to handle smothering "no-distance" relationships

• How to prioritize your own growth in holiness while dating

• How to hope in God, even in the loneliest depth of singlehood

• How to know when you've found "the one" and make a peaceful decision

Genres: Catholic, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published February 13, 2024

Reviews

[Tierney Chabot · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, mainly because it starts from a premise of hope. The book relied on sources besides just, "I think, I feel, I know," and it looked at practical, measurable actions a person can take to move forward with their goal.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars

I'm so glad I took the plunge to read this one when a friend highly recommended it. And I was also sold when I saw the review by Michael Knowles. I figured this would be a great read for me, and I was NOT disappointed!

As someone hoping to continually become a better Catholic, finding, dating, and marrying someone who shares my faith is pretty important to me. Like, it's a nonnegotiable. But with the state of dating right now? I was definitely interested to see what advice Canto had to offer that I already hadn't heard before.

I really appreciated that this book was written in the voice of another Catholic girl who also takes her faith seriously in that it informs her life choices, especially when it comes to dating. I had the confidence while reading this book that Canto wouldn't be telling me to compromise on my values just to find someone to date in the modern world. And unlike advice from social media, I didn't have to sort through what does and doesn't fit with my beliefs.
Another thing I appreciated was that Canto encouraged her readers to be challenged by her advice while also validating the faith-based convictions shared between author and reader. And her tone was always compassionate, empathetic, and joyful among wittiness and hard truths.

It was a joy to read, and I will most definitely be leaning on her advice!
Highly recommend!

[Liz Archer · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom bought me this book to read two weeks after a pretty bad breakup. So I waited two months to read it as I was not ready to read it at that time (and would be suggest the same for anyone if a well-intentioned person bought this to help before you’ve finished processing a break-up). Overall though, I would say it was a beneficial read. Definitely pointed out a lot of the issues in the Catholic community with dating (ie. Catholics participating in hook-up culture, or Catholics being so determined to not participate in hook-up culture that they want to bypass dating altogether if they are not immediately sure about marriage). This book clearly showcases how both ends of the pendulum have affected the dating scene in a negative way and how we can overcome it. Giving four stars because I wish there were more statistics involved with some of the points instead of personal anecdotes or specific stories. Although, I guess as the book states everyone’s story is different so maybe there are not too many across the board statistics.

I will definitely use some of the methods in my future dating experiences, and am even thinking of trying to start a speed dating event with one of the young adult groups I go to :)

For reference, I am 25 years old and a practicing Catholic.

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author did a nice job of balancing Catholic teachings and providing practical advice for the current dating scene. I enjoyed that she brought up real stories that detailed the struggles of her dating life (spoiler, she didn’t get engaged until her late twenties). I loved that she didn’t just boast of her deliriously happy relationship while being “holier than thou” (although she does modestly express her happiness in her relationship and clearly is a very good Catholic). The book is very hopeful, practical, and realistic. It took me a while to finish this book simply so I could truly digest the chapters (some were more thought-provoking than others). Most of the book re-affirmed that I wasn’t unrealistic/ insensible about the Catholic dating scene. For those wondering/interested, the author does provide a blurb for teenagers and has an entire chapter on discernment for religious life, as well as the usual dating topics from meeting someone to marriage preparation.

[Rachel Weidner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this after listening to Canto introduce her book on Lila Rose’s podcast. I was hoping that it would be a book I could recommend to my friends and siblings who are dating (or trying to), and it was!! It was refreshing, easy to read, and different than other Catholic dating books I’ve read. She uses research and statistics to back up and support many of her claims. Canto offers practical advice, including some of the best tips I’ve read about setting boundaries in relationships, especially when it comes to chastity. She’s realistic about all that goes into looking for and choosing a spouse and her language reflects the love Christ has for each of us. She emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and of fortitude in all relationships—dating or otherwise. I’d challenge my dating friends to follow the (sometimes bold) advice laid out in the book. If every Catholic looking for a spouse read it, I believe we would see dramatic improvements in the dating culture.

[Matthew Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’d recommend this to Catholics in their twenties figuring out how to navigate the dating scene. If only everybody could read this and then we’d have a defined set of ground rules!

The first four chapters of the book are largely a guide on how to ‘put yourself out there’ and be open to meeting new people. Canto encourages readers to ‘default to yes’ – which seems like good advice for people struggling to find a match but would be difficult for those concerned about juggling too many potential dates.

Her solution for filtering through these candidates is to date non-exclusively – an idea which seems logical but might be hard to implement in a culture where this is not the norm.

Further sections provide sensible guidance on dealbreakers, discernment, and physical boundaries.

[Laura Bakeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great, practical guide for young Catholics navigating a difficult social scene. The author encourages readers to have high standards, yet also to have an open mind to people who come into their lives (after all, the Lord knows better than you do and is likely to surprise you!) This is the first time I actually related to what an author had to say about Catholic dating. She acknowledges that there are some real weirdos within the Catholic YA community, which is discouraging when one is trying to find a partner that shares the same faith. But she goes on to give realistic advice for readers to expand their social network.

[VictorianSarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars. I suppose I could try to find a bunch of great words to describe this books, but suffice it to say, it was excellent! (Even if you're not Catholic, btw.) I bought it after hearing that Lila Rose's brother-in-law called it "the best dating book I've ever read." Go read it. I encourage you!

[David M · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really great book for beginners. An alright book for those who have been around the block more than a few times.
I do highly recommend it. Probably best for people in their early 20s.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read, even for non-catholics!

[Vendea]

Sort of skim read, so I won't rate it but it seemed like there was some good advice.

[Jeena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the most practical dating book I’ve ever read. The author does a great job of looking at all angles and possibilities.

[Vicente · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel does an excellent job in Pretty Good Catholic summarizing the modern realities and challenges of dating and progressing in relationship toward marriage. As a man in his 30s who has struggled with dating and getting himself out there and meeting more people, I found Rachel's wide variety of sources and perspectives to be authentic, balanced (female and male perspectives), encouraging, and empowering. Having read this, I feel significantly more equipped in my dating lingo and ability to do "the dating thing" well.

This book is arguably a modern must-read for young Catholics wanting to date and enter into the sacrament of matrimony, but are confused by all the perspectives on what to do, or are overwhelmed by all the resources, or are afraid of their lack of experiences, or are ashamed or discouraged by their past dating experiences. The book is somewhat humorously titled "Pretty Good Catholic" with the idea of discouraging perfectionism and encouraging the reader to find and pursue someone attractive enough (pretty) and with enough character (good), while having "a blend of idealism and realism, action and prayerful discernment" (pg. 6).

I feel like everything in this book is the "secret sauce" that "successful" couples, in my perspective, had gained or worked through throughout dating and eventually getting married. It covered everything from praying for your future spouse whoever that may be (starting now!), to getting outside of "your type" and being more open to just meeting people as people, to stages of relationship (non-exclusive vs. exclusive), to becoming the "list" you want in your future spouse, to being really honest with yourself about where you are in your dating journey and relationship with God.

Rachel does not shy away from bringing up tough conversations and hard truths like deal breakers vs "it depends," divorce being a plague society and what annulments are, abstinence and NFP, dating people outside your Catholic "tribe", chastity, and setting proper boundaries throughout the stages of relationship. While doing so, she is also clear about which things she may not go more deeply into for the purposes of her work, and points to other helpful resources.

I believe Rachel's work will greatly aid many people in their human and overall formation. It has already served to be a key resource for groups like the Little Dates Club in the greater DC-area. I have recommended it to many others, as it was recommended to me through that club.

[Rinu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coming from the Indian Catholic background and navigating both secular and religious spaces, I found myself largely agreeing with this book, thanks to a friend who shared it during a visit. It's left me wondering if my calling as a matchmaker has been rekindled. Only time will tell.
It's unsurprising that a lukewarm faith often mirrors lukewarm interpersonal relationships, particularly between men and women. Even same-gender friendships seem to be superficial these days. This makes me wonder: what hope is there for an organic dating mindset that blossoms from genuine friendship into a relationship?
As they say, God doesn't show you gold and give you silver! Romans 8:28 :)

[Sandy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cute like I’m listening to a good friend giving relationship advice