When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing

by Alan D. Wolfelt

Affirming a pet owner's struggle with grief when his or her pet dies, this book helps mourners understand why their feelings are so strong and helps them overcome the loss. Included are practical suggestions for mourning and ideas for remembering and memorializing one's pet. Among the issues covered are understanding the many emotions experienced after the death of a pet; understanding why grief for pets is unique; pet funerals and burial or cremation; celebrating and remembering the life of one's pet; coping with feelings about euthanasia; helping children understand the death of their pet; and things to keep in mind before getting another pet.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Animals, Grief, Dogs, Death, Psychology

98 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Rebekah Giese Witherspoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Myth: You don’t need to grieve because it was just a pet.
Truth: If you give love and receive love in return, you are in a relationship. If that relationship is severed by death, you will grieve. This is normal and natural.

Myth: It hurts less because it was just a pet.
Truth: How much it hurts in death is a product of how much love and attachment there was in life…. If you deeply loved your pet and felt a strong bond with him, you will probably hurt deeply.

This book was given to me by the kind veterinarian who came to my home to end the suffering of my little dog, Cody, and put him to sleep. I’m so grateful that she gave me this book because it never would have occurred to me to read about mourning the death of a pet, and this compassionate little book has helped me so much.

One of the gems in this book is a concept that applies to the loss of any loved one, human or animal, and I don’t remember finding it in any of the other literature that I’ve read about grief: grieving and mourning are different, and both are necessary for healing.

Grief is the constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies. In other words, grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. Mourning is when you take the grief you have on the inside and express it outside of yourself. Mourning is the outward expression of grief…. Over time and with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.

That concept has helped me so much because I have the tendency to internalize my thoughts and feelings, lock them up, and throw away the key. Now that I understand how vital mourning is, I’ve been trying to purposefully mourn by expressing these thoughts and feelings outside of myself to move toward healing: crying, talking, inflicting photos and videos of my dog on my friends and family, creating a photo album, journaling, etc. Speaking of journaling, Part 2 of this book is called “Remembering” and it gives you lined pages to write about your pet, with questions to get you started, such as:

What was your pet’s personality? Write about her special behaviors, quirks, facial expressions, and habits.

How did you spend time with your pet? Write about your daily rituals.

Make a list of all the things you learned from your pet.

I recommend this little treasure to anyone who has lost a precious companion animal.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read (covered in an evening) that was on a list of grief support resources provided by the emergency animal hospital that treated my dog in his final days. Because I process everything through reading, I wanted to try at least one of the books on the list, and this was the only one even offered by the library. I took a number of notes, and while I didn't do the journal prompts in real time, I wrote them down for later as I think they'll be therapeutic and help retain memories. Overall comforting and helpful

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

It really feels like I've been losing my mind lately. It's been almost a month since we lost our boy but I'm crying harder every day and overthinking more than ever before. I think I've been really needing an outlet and I feel like I found a good one in this book.

This is a sweet little book that came with lots of prompts to encourage writing and memorializing your pet through words. There's a section for you to paste in a photo of your pet, and simple questions about your pet's appearance, personality, when you first met, their quirky habits, etc. I thought I wasn't going to fill them in so I could eventually give the book away, but it turns out that writing can be healing. And with as bad of a memory I have, I might as well try to preserve my deep love and bonding with my pet now before I start to block things out. It'll either be nice to look at every now and then or I'll eventually move on and be able to remove this book from my library.

There's a lot of practical advice, including a very helpful lesson on mourning vs. grieving, and even how to discern grief vs. depression. While it doesn't make me feel better to know that I will always live with grief, it does help me feel more normal to know my feelings now are a reflection of the joy and warmth I had in my life when he was around.

I'm thankful for all of these writers who truly exemplify incredible compassion in writing these books.

[Jennifer Frost · Rating 5 out of 5]

My dog Hitch passed away yesterday and the pain is horrible. I have never experienced a great loss and I needed advice to know I was not losing my mind. This was an amazing book. I feel as I am where I need to be and it is a process. I am just beginning.

[degelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just what someone needs during this kind of thing. It's not only a guide, but a place to memorialize memories and process what you're going through.

[Marina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This felt like a warm hug and made me feel very seen, I recommend it to anyone experiencing the loss of a pet ♡

[Tristan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely little book on pet loss. The short and to the point writing style made an overwhelming subject feel manageable enough to read in one sitting, although make sure you have plenty of tissues nearby! While it is not entirely agnostic, this book is one of the more secular books on pet loss I've encountered and would recommend it to someone seeking a book on pet loss with less of a religious angle.

[Tara Kruck · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good read for anyone who has lost a pet.

My sister-in-law recommended this book to me and I’m glad she did. It had been very helpful during this very difficult time for my husband and I.

[Digger's Mom · Rating 5 out of 5]

After we lost Hermes so suddenly, this book gave me permission to grieve openly without judging myself. It reminded me it is normal to tear up after losing such an ever-present, loving dog.

And then Auggie died -- and the book came out again. Sigh.

[toriannereads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I lost my Minnie a month ago and I have been beating myself up and feeling crazy for the deep and profound grief I have been experiencing. This was a giant gentle reminder that grief is directly correlated to the love you experienced. The journaling parts were hard but helpful and I ugly cried while reflecting on my life with my cat and how much she means to me. Lots of good ideas on how to honor your pet and continue your relationship with them.

[Natalle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comforting and helpful, this book has some gems of stories from others who are grieving their best friends. It is a good guide on what to do with all the pain and grief, it can also be used as a general grief help beyond just pet loss.

[Irene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and affirming!

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a extremely helpful read for me this year as I dealt with losing two of my beloved pets within a few months of each.

[Laurla2]

"not only has a companion you dearly loved been taken from you, but a key piece of the ritual of your life suddenly is no longer there."

"a study by the american pet products manufacturers association found that having a pet in the office results in better motivation, more productivity, and decreased absenteeism."

"pets give us that rarest of affirmations, unconditional love."

"if you give love and receive love in return, you are in a relationship."

[Jodi Clark-Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read and normalizes feeling of grief and sadness that stem from such a loss

Provides practical advice on how to cope with the grief and sadness that stems from losing a non human loved one.

[Siarra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book neither attempts to diminish the grief felt by those who experience pet loss, nor does it try to diminish the intelligence, personalities, love, or feelings of pets themselves, which is unfortunately somewhat unique when compared to other books about pets.

[Susan Cronin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful to understand my feelings at the loss of my dog.

[Jakob · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering, and Healing by Alan D. Wolfelt, narrated by Manish Dongardive

Losing a beloved pet can be a super painful experience, and "When Your Pet Dies" by Alan D. Wolfelt offers compassionate guidance through this incredibly tough time. The audiobook, narrated by Manish Dongardive, provides a supportive and understanding listening experience that's like a warm hug when you need it most. Wolfelt totally gets the intense grief that pet owners feel, validating that these emotions are not just normal, but super significant. He explains why the bond with a pet is so unique and how this can really complicate the grieving process. The book distinguishes between grief (the internal, sometimes messy stuff) and mourning (the outward expression of grief), emphasizing how important it is to express those feelings to heal. The audiobook covers a range of important topics, including understanding the complex and sometimes overwhelming emotions associated with pet loss, why grief for a pet can be particularly challenging and feel, frankly, like your heart is breaking, practical suggestions for mourning and expressing grief - even the stuff that feels weird, ideas for memorializing and remembering your pet in ways that truly honor their unique awesomeness, guidance on coping with those really tough feelings about euthanasia, and how to help children, with their own unique perspectives, understand and process the death of a pet.

[Ham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw this book at the bookstore the day I put Nikki down. I went for a walk because I couldn’t go home just yet after that, and I literally went to the nature section in the bookstore and saw this book immediately. A little too fitting, but I thought I’d read it given the circumstances. And I’m glad I did. I took a lot away from the book, and honestly, it probably helped me relate to other people who have gone through this. I felt kinda silly to ‘grieve a cat,’ but she wasn’t just a cat, she’s Nikki. Anyway, great book, and it’s a super short read too.

[Amy Grossman · Rating 4 out of 5]

We lost our beloved dog two days ago. After a year long battle with cancer. He was sick but he recently rallied and we were so sure “we had more time.” That’s one of the hardest parts of living a four legged family member so much. They never live long enough.

This was a compassionate and insightful book to read during the most difficult time. It helps with bit the love and the painful loss.

[Carol McGillivary Rodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

My fifteen year old Bitty died in my arms April 30, 2025. My grief for her has been intense and hard. She was my best beagle girl, friend and companion as well as my comfort as I was hers. I found this little book in the library yesterday and read it through. Grief needs to be mourned. I got her washed and stored away blanket and sobbed while hugging it. It will remain out where it belongs.

[Lynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book gave great advice on how to deal with the loss of a oet. Everyone grieves in their own way. All pets are special. May they always be in our hearts,

[Mike Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brief but effective

This book is very brief but extremely effective. I had to euthanize both my cats of almost 17 years within two months of each other. I suffer from clinical major depression and social anxiety. I've always been a "loner" and my cats were the therapeutic that allowed me to function. This also happened during the COVID pandemic. This book clearly states much of what I am still feeling. RIP Simba and Miss Kittin (2004-2020).

[Samantha Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been having a hard time reconciling the intensity of my grief after the loss of my dog Charlie. This book helped me to better contextualize my grief, and express my mourning.

[David Coffield · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book when my book died years ago. It's designed to help in healing and as a keepsake. I love it so much I plan to buy a second copy to have on hand.

[Lydia Medina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Last week I lost my beloved dog. He was my first pet and we have been though everything together. 3 months ago I found out he had a large mass in his body which couldn't be removed. I tried preparing myself for the time of his passing but when it came I was devastated. I didn't know how to handle it. I decided I wanted my pet soulmate cremated. The place I cremated him at gave me a brochure and the back of it recommend this book. This book has helped me so much and understand the pain and emptiness I feel but at the same time helping me tap into my most joyful memories and feeling I had when my dog was alive. The writing exercise is the best thing out of this book. It helped me express and remember my loving dog. I recommend this book for anyone who has lost their beloved pet.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very good book for anyone dealing with the loss of a pet. The writing style is sensitive and comforting, yet at the same time the explanations of the grieving process are objective enough to help the reader feel that his/her emotions are validated. It includes anecdotes from the author and other bereaved pet owners, ideas for how to memorialize one's pet, and it discusses common questions such as when the right time is to consider getting a new pet. I'm glad the author took the time to write this important book, and I think anyone dealing with pet bereavement could benefit from it.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been reading a lot of grief books since my dog died. This is a very good one. It is short, but full of good information and advice. It is easy to read and not full of professional lingo. It is pocket sized, so I guess you could carry it around with you. I like it because it has lots of lists; some "assignments" but not too corny, as some grief books can be. As a professional and a pet owner, I highly recommend

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first book I read after Peach died on advice of a pet loss counselor. Excellent - short and helpful. The author is a renowned grief counselor.

"Remember - getting help is a sign of great strength, not a sign of weakness. You deserve to live and love wholly again."

[Lorrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

We had to say goodbye to our 16 year old jack russell recently and I've been incredibly sad without him here. My aunt sent me this book and I gave it a read. I cried during the first chapter because it did address how sad I was feeling and the author had experienced the loss of a pet as well. It did help and I liked that there were pages where I could write about what I was feeling and what I missed about our dog. It's a short read; only three chapters, but it is very helpful and written with an understanding of what our animal family members mean to us.