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I Find Solace While Loving Your Chaos
Hidup Hiraya sentiasa berpaksikan trauma sejak kecelakaan yang menimpanya di usia muda. Impak yang ditelan memaksa dia tumbuh bertemankan depresi dan rasis terhadap diri sendiri. Hiraya benci setiap kali takdir berbicara tentang seisi hidupnya, jadi dia memilih untuk berbohong setiap kali ada yang menawarkan ‘pertolongan’. Dan itu termasuklah Nadim yang datang merobohkan prinsip hidupnya ‘jangan jatuh cinta selagi tak mampu menyayangi diri sendiri’.
“Awani binti Astro.”
“Awani? Macam channel tv tu?”
“Ya. Puas? Boleh aku jalani hidup aku dengan aman?”
“You don’t look like you’re living. You look like you’re drowning.”
Oh tak. Ini bukan petanda baik. Hiraya lebih setia dengan ‘kesakitan’ berbanding dibuai rasa cinta. Namun pergaulan ringkas mereka membenihkan rasa nyaman yang Hiraya tak pernah alami. Setiap curiga, perhatian dan sayang yang Nadim hulurkan memenuhkan jurnal memori Hiraya. Meskipun sebahagian besar daripada jurnal itu merupakan satu penipuan besar yang Hiraya sembunyikan daripada pengetahuan Nadim.
“Don’t have faith in me. You’ll get hurt.”
“What should I do to make you feel less hurt, then? Because I don’t mind if you hurt me. If hurting me means you’ll be happier, then okay.”
Tetapi mampukah Hiraya jaga rahsianya sehingga akhir muka surat jurnal itu? Adakah penipuan itu lambat-laun membawa bala dalam hubungan mereka? Atau Nadim yang merungkai segala-galanya?
“Awani binti Astro.”
“Awani? Macam channel tv tu?”
“Ya. Puas? Boleh aku jalani hidup aku dengan aman?”
“You don’t look like you’re living. You look like you’re drowning.”
Oh tak. Ini bukan petanda baik. Hiraya lebih setia dengan ‘kesakitan’ berbanding dibuai rasa cinta. Namun pergaulan ringkas mereka membenihkan rasa nyaman yang Hiraya tak pernah alami. Setiap curiga, perhatian dan sayang yang Nadim hulurkan memenuhkan jurnal memori Hiraya. Meskipun sebahagian besar daripada jurnal itu merupakan satu penipuan besar yang Hiraya sembunyikan daripada pengetahuan Nadim.
“Don’t have faith in me. You’ll get hurt.”
“What should I do to make you feel less hurt, then? Because I don’t mind if you hurt me. If hurting me means you’ll be happier, then okay.”
Tetapi mampukah Hiraya jaga rahsianya sehingga akhir muka surat jurnal itu? Adakah penipuan itu lambat-laun membawa bala dalam hubungan mereka? Atau Nadim yang merungkai segala-galanya?
238 pages, ebook
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
September 15, 2025
lepas baca cerita ni buat aku tak habis persoalkan kenapa takdir diorang macam tu😔 i feel numb and rasa susah betul nak move on. kisah nadim-aya ni sumpah sakit namati. cerita ni punya angst memang tak rilek siaoo
September 11, 2025
dah baca setahun lepas. baru nampak ebook ni ada dekat gr so paste balik review sini
genre - angst, melo, slice of life, hurt comfort
trope(s) - stranger to lover, neighbour to lover, midnight rain fix sunshine ml, he fell first and harder, right person but....
TW - depression, social anxiety, physical abuse, mental health issue, survivor guilt
Hidup Hiraya Manawari berubah dengan kehadiran jiran baru depan rumah, Nadim Latief.
"Nama aku pelik, kau tak nak tahu."
"It's okay, aku open minded."
THIS STORY HAD ME CRIED SOBBING SCREAMING KICKING BLEEDINGGG DAMN PLEASE PRAY FOR ME BOLEH MOVE ON
plot; mendung yang damai thats how i describe this story dari awal sampai akhir left me hooked. TOLONG.BACA.
watak; i sayang Nadim Aya so much they deserve the whole world!! I faham why Aya jadi terlalu defensive dengan hidup dia but the effort and chance she gave to Nadim untuk masuk dalam hidup dia. her character development >>> nak hug Aya'((
Nadim!! OH MY GOD THIS MAN RIGHT HERE TOO GREEN TO HANDLE he excel in act of service and act of affirmation. sekecil kecil detail dia akan buat untuk Aya🥹 even for many times Aya pushed him, dia bukan jenis yang mengalah and always gave her assurance she needed. how he respects Aya boundaries but still loving her and we stan smart and clean guy HAHAH Aya panggil dia clean freak🤣 tolong i boleh buat a whole essay nak cakap pasal Nadim Latief ni dah la swiftie ish afterall, his advices are indeed for him'((
i suka ending dia sebab sedih yang menusuk huaaaa this kind of ending somehow left bigger impact will engrave in my brain forever. will be my biggest roman empire☝🏻 the message is well delivered oso, untuk tolong orang lain, kita kena tolong dan sayang diri kita dulu. its okay to get help, its okay to let someone who sincerely love us into our life to help us, its okay to feel down, its okay to find our own happiness, ikhlas melepaskan bukan bermaksud kita melupakan, its okay to give our ownselves a chance. a chance to breath and live.
"Don't be scared to live again"
to Hiraya Manawari and Nadim Latief, i found solace in your journey. hurt but beautiful truly i love this story with all of my heart
genre - angst, melo, slice of life, hurt comfort
trope(s) - stranger to lover, neighbour to lover, midnight rain fix sunshine ml, he fell first and harder, right person but....
TW - depression, social anxiety, physical abuse, mental health issue, survivor guilt
Hidup Hiraya Manawari berubah dengan kehadiran jiran baru depan rumah, Nadim Latief.
"Nama aku pelik, kau tak nak tahu."
"It's okay, aku open minded."
THIS STORY HAD ME CRIED SOBBING SCREAMING KICKING BLEEDINGGG DAMN PLEASE PRAY FOR ME BOLEH MOVE ON
plot; mendung yang damai thats how i describe this story dari awal sampai akhir left me hooked. TOLONG.BACA.
watak; i sayang Nadim Aya so much they deserve the whole world!! I faham why Aya jadi terlalu defensive dengan hidup dia but the effort and chance she gave to Nadim untuk masuk dalam hidup dia. her character development >>> nak hug Aya'((
Nadim!! OH MY GOD THIS MAN RIGHT HERE TOO GREEN TO HANDLE he excel in act of service and act of affirmation. sekecil kecil detail dia akan buat untuk Aya🥹 even for many times Aya pushed him, dia bukan jenis yang mengalah and always gave her assurance she needed. how he respects Aya boundaries but still loving her and we stan smart and clean guy HAHAH Aya panggil dia clean freak🤣 tolong i boleh buat a whole essay nak cakap pasal Nadim Latief ni dah la swiftie ish afterall, his advices are indeed for him'((
i suka ending dia sebab sedih yang menusuk huaaaa this kind of ending somehow left bigger impact will engrave in my brain forever. will be my biggest roman empire☝🏻 the message is well delivered oso, untuk tolong orang lain, kita kena tolong dan sayang diri kita dulu. its okay to get help, its okay to let someone who sincerely love us into our life to help us, its okay to feel down, its okay to find our own happiness, ikhlas melepaskan bukan bermaksud kita melupakan, its okay to give our ownselves a chance. a chance to breath and live.
"Don't be scared to live again"
to Hiraya Manawari and Nadim Latief, i found solace in your journey. hurt but beautiful truly i love this story with all of my heart
September 9, 2025
in my version, there are only 10 chapters in this book, and the rest is history
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews