The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart

by Tina B. Tessina

Whether it's for deployment overseas or cross-country trucking, commuting to "the city" during the week or seizing an opportunity on the other coast, you've found yourself in a commuter marriage. You and your spouse are happily married but suddenly living apart, causing you to worry about what that distance will do to you and to your marriage.

Author and psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina has designed a program to help couples like you survive and thrive in long-distance relationships. In The Commuter Marriage, Dr. Tessina answers questions you will face about everyday living situations, such as how to:

Keep the passion burning Communicate effectively Resolve conflicts Raise healthy kids Overcome jealousy and suspicions Manage your homes With quizzes, exercises, and real couples' stories from Dr. Tessina's practice, you will see what works-and what doesn't. So, whether the decision to commute is voluntary or mandatory, you and your partner can keep the romance alive, your marriage intact, and your bond even stronger while you are apart!

243 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

I'm a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with 40+ years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page), How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page) and The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley)

I also publish an e-mail newsletter: "Happiness Tips from Tina" and the "Dr. Romance" blo.g

"

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you are in a commuter relationship, worthwhile. Otherwise, not so much.

[Gwen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Also applicable for non-married couples

But sadly, there's very little substance in this book that directly relates to the title and to people in long-term, partially separated commuting relationships. The final two chapters ("Personal and Emotional Growth in a Commuter Marriage" and "How Commuter Couples Find Resolution") were the only sections that seemed to directly relate to what I thought this book was going to be about. The rest of the book was general purpose "how to deal with stress and change," not necessarily about how to manage--and thrive--in a commuter relationship.

Other gripes:

Too many couples. I lost track of who each couple was. There was good variety, but it was hard to keep everyone straight.

Too much religion. Nearly everything felt to circle back to religion (Christian-centric). Talk to your pastor. Say a prayer. Join a church choir, etc. Tessina, to her credit, did give other examples of non-religious activities, but I would have appreciated a far more toned-down perspective on religion as a coping mechanism.

A good quote:

Loneliness is a valuable emotional clue that you are feeling abandoned by yourself, because when that happens you also feel abandoned by others. No one else can meet your internal needs for intimacy and love more effectively than you can, because only you know exactly what you want and exactly how satisfying the different kinds of interaction are to you. When you meet your own needs for conversation, companionship, and attention, you free yourself from anxiety about being alone and simultaneously reduce your neediness around others. Then when you do have an opportunity to be with your partner, you can be relaxed and open. Developing internal intimacy also means you will be free to choose your companions because being with yourself feels so good you won't settle for less from others. (170)

[Talia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent for a self-help book; talks a lot about communication issues, issues with children (skipped those parts), and dealing with transition periods.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

With Karen working in Italy I found this an interesting and informative read. Several good tips to make the time go quicker.