〝because no one can know.
because they would hate me forever.
because they would never forgive me for shaming them.
because they would kill me.
because it was my first time, what he made me do.
because it was only that once. because it is not fair!
because I am afraid of how it will hurt to have a baby, I am so afraid.
because they will know at school. they will send me home.
because my grandma is very sick, it will be a shameful shock to her.
because I sam too old. I have my babies, I have five babies that lived. if there is another now I think I will die.
because I told my husband, it was a risk. because he did not listen.
because I hate him. because I am so tired.
because I am not well...
because I am out of breath and there is pain in my chest, sometimes I think that I will faint.
on the stairs at work I will faint, I will fall and everyone will know.
because if they lift me, and my shirt is lifted, they will see the belly, and the waist of the jeans that no longer snap shut.
because my husband will know it was not him.
because it will be the end of our family.
because I will have to kill myself before that.
because there is diabetes in our family, I am afraid to have a blood test.
because I have never been to a hospital. no one in our family has.
because we do not believe in blood transplants—(is that what it is called?)—the bible forbids.
because that father is gone. because he is not coming back.
because the father would kill me, if he knew.
because the father is married.
because the father has too many children already!
because the father would deny it, he would say that I am lying.
because the father would say it was my fault, that I did not stop him.
because he has called me bitch, slut when he was angry, when there was no reason.
because he would never love me again.
because I am too young doctor! because I want to finish school.
because I don't know how this happened. I did not want it to happen.
because it is the same man as with my sister.
because he is engaged to my sister. because my sister cannot know!
because it is a secret, he said he would strangle me if I told.
because I would loose my job. because I can't keep lifting heavy sacks, if they find out they will fire me.
because I won't be able to commute ninety minutes a day.
because I can't afford to lose my job, I will be evicted.
because I have three children already, they would be shamed.
because he is so old!
because he is too young, he is immature and shiftless.
because he went away into the army. because he could not come home out of shame.
because he is my best friend's father.
because he lives next door. because we would see him all the time and his family would see the baby.
because they would not believe me if I told his name.
because he is a "man of god", they would believe him, anything he said.
because he has made me promise, no one can know.
because it was not my fault!
because I did not want to be with him in that way but he made me to prove that I loved him. because if there is a baby he will never love me again.
because we might become engaged. if this goes away.
because nobody will love me again and I would not blame them.
because everyone who knows will speak of me in scorn and disgust. because they will say of me, she has broken her parents' heart, she is a
whore.
because I tried to do it myself with an icepick. but I was too afraid, I could not.
because I hit myself with fists in the stomach. because I was sick to my stomach, vomiting and choking, but it did not help.
because there is no hope for me, doctor. if you do not help me.
because god will understand. it is just this one time.〞
★★★★.5
covering subjects big and small, and written in an immediate and engaging style, this collection touches on both the personal and political. loss, love, and memory are investigated, along with the upheavals of our modern age, the reality of our current predicaments, and the ravages of poverty, racism, and social unrest. joyce carol oates is one of our most insightful observers of the human heart and mind, and, with her acute social consciousness, one of the most insistent and inspired witnesses of a shared american history.
this was my first time reading anything from oates and I'm officially obsessed. this collection left me speechless. I always find it hard reviewing collections because you always find some poems you don't really like but that wasn't the case with this one. all the poems give such a strong imagery; I was engrossed the whole way through. what I think was especially clever was the theme. it's very strong and you understand it right away but it's also really broad. there are a lot of issues with america both current and historical which helped every poem feel unique since it could take on a different problem compared to other collections I've read with narrower themes where all the poems almost start to blend together and feel like deja vu towards the end.
while I loved all the poems; I haven't been able to stop thinking about "doctor help me". I don't know what it is but it just struck me deep and have stuck with me since. the themes, the repetition, the imagery and all the different voices is just perfection combined. I've gone back and reread it multiple times and I just love it more for every time. it's a strong contestant for becoming my favorite poem even though I will never fully abandon winter rain by christina rossetti.
this collection is perfect for those of you who already love or want to explore modern poetry, like themes of politics and social issues or want something easy to understand to start of your poetry journey.
cawpile: 8.71
ig: @winterrainreads