When I Die

by Asher Dark

Jamie has always wanted a best friend.

When Hank's friend Travis, pulls up to their house and drags a flailing woman out of his car, her life changes.

Jamie quickly becomes obsessed with the woman. What is it about her that she can't shake?
Her life has always been full of violence and death.
Is there room in all that for love? Or what she thinks is love?
Can she shake off the blood that stains her life or will dive deeper into depravity?

Warning-This is an extreme horror story that contains violence, gore and SA. Read at your own discretion!!!

Genres: Horror, Splatterpunk

103 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 12, 2024

Reviews

[Janie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This author is new to me, and I am greatly enjoying her work and her straightforward style. This book is not for beginners taking an experimental peek into extreme horror. It is brutal and graphic, exploring abuse and how the cycle is passed on. I hope that there will be a sequel. Despite the darkness that surrounds this story, it just might still break your heart.

[Vicki Herbert · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I Die...
I Want Stuart to Eat My Body

WHEN I DIE
by Asher Dark

4 stars. Lisa and Jeff were having relationship problems, so Jeff suggested a family vacation with their daughters...

As Lisa climbed the twisty road up the mountain to their cabin in her old car, black smoke from the engine oil rose from under the car's hood...

Traveling with her younger daughter Lucy in the back, Lisa pulled off the road and onto an overgrown gravel side road...

A heavy snow was falling...

They were in a thick forest...
And it was getting dark...

Jeff and their eldest daughter wouldn't be there until much later. What was she going to do?

Years later...

It was autumn in the dense forest, and Hank was going into town for supplies, leaving 20 year old Jamie on the old wooden porch of his cabin...

Hank owned Jamie...

He beat her more times than she could count over the years and sexually abused her since age 11...

But one day, Hank returned from town with a little puppy for her. She named her new dog Stuart...

Sometimes...

After returning from town, Hank brought someone back to the cabin with him. He usually took them straight back to the small shed...

Inside the shed was a butcher's table and cages for humans. Hank kept the keys to the cage locks around his neck...

In a corner was a filthy brown mattress. A camera set-up was angled toward the mattress...

The shed smelled of sh*t and blood...

Chains for wrists and ankles were attached to the walls. A stench of desperation filled the small space...

Then came the day...

Jamie was 14, and Hank took her out to the shed to teach her how to butcher human meat...

Then gave her cooking lessons...

One day, Jamie decided it was time to kill Hank. She also had made up her mind that when she died, she wanted Stuart to eat her body...

This is the story of a young child who lived through horrendous abuse until adulthood and how she dreamed of escape.

The book was similar to NEAR THE BONE by Christina Henry, with different twists and turns.

I started to rate this story 3 1/2 stars but, in the end, bumped it up to 4 stars because, although I I don't like stories about child abuse, I couldn't put the book down until I saw how it was going to end.

Warning to some readers: This is an extreme horror story, but no animals were hurt for those interested.

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I am a huge fan of extreme horror and splatterpunk. A fair amount of the time, authors of these subgenres fall into a particular trap where they seemingly write the goriest scenes, trying to piece together some semblance of a story around it. What results are books that feel very haphazard and disjointed. Asher Dark walked that fine line here fairly well. Not perfectly, but pretty well. Plenty of nasty, gory scenes, but still a good story behind it all. Jamie, our lead, is a really great character. She is abused, abusive, cunning, bloodthirsty and has all the makings of a memorable character. So focusing the story around her was a very wise move. One of my biggest critiques was the brevity of everything here. I wanted to spend a lot more time with Jamie and felt that there was a ton more territory to explore with her. This little syndicate that Sherriff Travis and Jamie's captors and their victims needed a lot more development, all because it was really interesting, too. Now the violence and sexual content felt a bit much at times, which took me away from the more interesting portions of this story. Again, I wish that the author expanded on everything more or trimmed down on the aforementioned scenes to make more room to focus on Jamie and, to a lesser extent, Heather. But, that's how stories like that tend to go, so it was not necessarily a surprise. I am curious to see what Asher Dark's future works look like. Fans of Sam West will really soak up this book.

[Lia's Haunted Library · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I mean, it almost feels wrong to say I loved this book. Seriously, fuck Hank, fuck Travis—this is a wild ride. I don’t even want to give away what it’s about, but let’s just say it’s not for the faint-hearted. Gruesome, intense, and absolutely yikes. Even the dog has a dark side, but somehow, you still can’t hate him. Thankfully, he makes it out alive.

[Phrique · Rating 5 out of 5]

✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️/5

I became a fan of Asher Dark when I first saw this cover. Then I actually read her book & now I’m a little afraid of her…but even more of a fan.

Quick Synopsis:
Jamie wants a bff, a gal pal that she can gab to all day & maybe “have tickle fights with” if you get my drift. Lucky for her, one lands on her doorstep. Supplied by the same abductors who delivered HER to that very doorstep. Now that she has what she’s always wanted…will their relationship blossom or has her time spent among her captors influenced her more than she knows?

This book is FUCKED UP. Not beyond, but Asher keeps her pinky toe RIGHT on that line. But I can’t even front, that ending slapped my ass & called me Sally. I have not been bamboozled by an ending like this in a whiiiile. I’m a little shook still & I finished this last week. She got me good, I had to go all the way to the front and skim parts like 🙊. I did actually message her after I was done, asking her where to send my therapy bill to. So that’s all I can say without giving away too much. Get your hands on this depraved lil bundle of trauma & papyrus asap.

[Mique Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

HELL. TO. THE. YES.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the writing in this wasn’t my favorite, I still enjoyed it. Plus, the ending definitely made up for it.

[Stephen Cooper · Rating 4 out of 5]

A depraved, violent, gross story, but intriguing throughout and written in a fun aggressive style. Makes me think even more that Asher is one to watch in the future.

[Kathleen · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone who enjoys horror & gore, do not pick up this book.

If this sick stuff is your cup of tea, I’m not judging you. I always tell my students, don’t yuck somebody’s yum. I am super into horror, true crime etc. and this was not for me. Honestly we should all cheer because I thought I was completely desensitized. It’s not that it was too gorey, the language was so foul. It’s the kind of disturbing that makes you sick & angry & honestly want to throw up. It just made me sick to my stomach which obviously is the point. I just think it’s too twisted to actually enjoy. I want to give 1 star but I’m giving 2 because the writing wasn’t terrible and the story’s twist was crazy. But yeah, not my cup of tea.

[Shernell Joseph · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's such an amazing story with too many nasty scenes.

After everything this woman/child been through the most unbelieve thing she said

"She is my very own fairy princess, my Feyre, High Lady of The Night Court."

WHAT!!!! Be for real, you just said in the book that she can barely read, but she read not just the first but the second book of acotar. Unless in that world there was a tv show and she watched it. I DON'T KNOW

The prologue is so disturbing that nothing really happened.But the fact that that same child at the beginning of the book is Jamie makes me want to vomit. Jamie, been through it, I still don't even understand how she's still alive.

The ending was truly amazing.I kind of wish it wasn't in this type of genre and more of a thriller/suspense genre because it had an amazing emotional twist( which I already saw coming).

[Veronica ☠️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jamie has lived a hard and fucked up life but the hands of Hank and his friends. One day, when Hank and his buddies bring home the prettiest girl Jamie's ever seen, she's completely hooked! She's always wanted a best friend 🖤

Wow wow wow!! This was fucked and I truly loved it 😅 Chapter 3 really grossed me out! REALLY nasty but damn, I couldn't stop lol This was my first Asher book and won't be my last! The ending left me wanting more ....maybe 😉 (if you know, you know) Highly suggest!!

[Sarah Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really hope Asher Dark writes more stories like this one! Holy shit, this was a good one!

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phew...That was some sadistic read.
What this book lacked in character development it made up for in brutally, torture and extreme gore,it literally oozed, tricked and gushed out from every page.
The force of the story drew me in like a magnet and it didn't let go of me until the very end...which I must say was awesome.
Could there possibly could be a "When I Die 2" in the pipeline?? Travis would certainly hope so!!
I loved this book...but it lacked 1 star because I would have liked a little background information on some of the characters.
⭐🌟⭐🌟 Stars 🤩 well earned 😀

[Paige Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my second read from Asher (technically third since I got to ARC read one of her short stories in an upcoming anthology) and again she didn’t disappoint! This story was filled with heartbreak and sadness but also darkly funny at times and the writing was so descriptive and captivating! Loved the backstory and how the story ended. And perhaps a second book?! ;)

[B.J. Swann · Rating 1 out of 5]

Come on guys, even the blurb is badly written and full of typos

[Matthew Vaughn · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first time reading Asher Darks and I chose When I Die. It was a brutal and extreme story, which is everything that I love! But, I also thought it was written really well and I was invested from page one. The characters in this book get put through the wringer in the most gruesome ways. It was fun all around! I definitely recommend picking it up if you don't have any triggers, cause this one has a lot going on!

[Amanda Noel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Woah! 🤯 parts of this book had me laughing, which I love when a splatterpunk has spots of humor. This one was so effed up in the best ways, and took turns I did NOT see coming! Loved it

[The Yeti Reads and Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man, I was going to write a synopsis on this one, but honestly I think you need to go into this one blind. I will say this though, buckle up. This is a dark and twisted tale. Gory, violent and at times heartbreaking. Asher is new voice in the extreme/splatter genre and let me tell you she's on her way to be a queen of extreme. She's kicked the extreme genre door in and I am here for it. If you like your horror fucked up, this is the title to read! Check it out!

5 severed fingers out of 5

[William Becker · Rating 4 out of 5]

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

When I Die by Asher Dark is one of those books that when people ask what you're reading, you don't really want to say on the off chance that they check it out and discover you're a degenerate.

That's not an insult. This sub 100 book is NASTY, gross, and depraved. Centered around a girl named Jamie who has been abducted and has endured a life of abuse, both physical and sexual, you know you're in for a disturbing ride through hell. This is made evident from the trigger warning which reads:

"This is extreme horror. If you do not know what that means then just put the fucking book down

THIS IS THE TRIGGER WARNING. THAT'S IT. LOOK AT IT FOR TEN SECONDS AND MOVE THE FUCK ON.

If you are mentally unstable you probably shouldn't be reading this. Actually I shouldn't even be writing this. Enjoy!"

That trigger warning is great because for all of its cheesiness and tongue-in-cheek comedy, it lets you know exactly from the get-go what to expect. What I particularly enjoyed about When I Die is that it really captures this cycle of abuse motif in a short way without overstaying its welcome. It's a short splatterpunk work and really representative of the genre. If you like the subgenre, you'll like this, but if you don't, you'll find it obtuse and gratuitous. This is the books perhaps biggest shortcoming (outside of some light manuscript errors) Don't believe me?

See this excerpt:

"I have never been a clean girl. I normally don't wash my pussy for weeks at a time. Hank likes the smell of my stank."

Nuff said. 3.5/5 stars. Check it out.

[Lisa Hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not one who usually reads extreme horror, but thought I would give this a try.

If you are sensitive or have triggers, this may not be for you.

I personally found the story really interesting. It was brutal and gruesome throughout. It covered the topic of how abuse can change and mould a person, and was handled fantastically. I did not expect it to end the way it did! 😱 The story was really well written, and kept me so engaged that i read it in one sitting. I highly recommend to anyone who loves extreme books.

[mamaket · Rating 5 out of 5]

Asher is amazing!! She's done it again with this one!! The emotions I felt while reading this were intense and it was a ride. She always nails the details and I could see it playing out in front of me.

The twists, I was not expecting them at all. Literally, it was like someone smacked me with the book bc I was that unprepared for them.

I don't want to spoil anything so all I'm saying is give it a read and see for yourself. 🙌

[shyra ☾ · Rating 4 out of 5]

bonus points for the tiny texas chainsaw scene. 🪚🩸

this oozed into my bloodstream for being such a gruesome, vile & bleak short splatter story.
the ending? i know some people seen it coming but for me i nearly got whiplash.
stuart was a good boy and ate up the flesh.

i enjoyed the depravity that is this book.
seriously though, this is in fact not for the weak.

[Overlook Hotel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I WISH I could read this twice. Absolutely brilliant Read.So foul 🤣

[Splatter Axe Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was an absolute wild ride of a story. Jamie has grown accustomed to how she is treated while living under Hanks roof. Abuse is how one shows love. But Jamie is all alone, her only friend in the world is a puppy named Stuart, but she needs more. Her wish is granted when Travis (Hanks friend and sheriff) brings Heather into their care... and after Travis and Hank do things their way, Jamie takes care of her new best friend. Going so far as to remove harmful variables from Heather's life. But, she cares for Heather the only way she knows how...


Asher has done an excellent job with this story. It's as wonderful as it is twisted and brutal!

[Nick Scarbrough · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book I've read from Asher and I can already see progress in her writing. The story is strong and the imagery is on point.

This story is about a girl who is kidnapped by a greasy old hillbilly and forced to do atrocious things for years until the girl is finally gifted a plaything of her own.

The story starts out with a bang and never lets up. I read the entire book in one sitting. It checks all the boxes. Violence, gore, gross, erotic, and some funny parts that actually made me laugh out loud.

While the surface is a splatter book there is another element to the tale. The curse of generational abuse. The evil cycle that never seems to end. The sad reality that so many people face. Victims of abuse often turn into abusers themselves.

I loved this book. It is written in a way that it feels "fun" to read. It wasn't overly complicated or long. The characters were easy to follow and the shifts between them were flawless. Top that with a nice ending to seal the deal and you have an instant classic. I can truly see this book being read by the masses as it is so easy to read. The flow and pace are perfect.

[Andrew Harden · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a way to start reading this author! I see now how she has carved a name for herself in the splatterpunk community!

With a story that is like poetic prose full of ferocity, Asher Dark has created a mythology in her work that breaks down barriers and cements her status as an icon in this field. Dripping with melancholy and sorry from the very first page, I was immediately sucked into the life of the protagonist Jamie and wanting to know more of her backstory, as well as reading more about her canine best friend (seriously, I fell in love with the dog Stuart and felt for him more than I did in Jack Ketchum's Red).

The threat in the story is pure evil, and this title is a blistering treatise on perpetuating cycles of violence from the opening line to the soul-shattering gut-punch of an ending.

I also appreciate the wit in the story, with a nice meta joke and all the references to films Jamie loves (what does that say about me that I appreciate all the recommendations?!).

There is no trigger warnings for this, so if you can handle never looking at a pool noodle the same way ever again, I give this one a high recommendation!

[Becki 🤎 · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 🌟

When I die

I’m fast becoming a massive fan of Asher Dark! Her writing style scratches all the itches in the best way! Obviously being a lover of all things unhinged I was drawn to this on first sight

Our FMC has been brought up only knowing abuse, she doesn’t hate it though she absolutely thrives off it. Watching her “dad” brutally torture people (and her) was just a fun game but with only the 2 of them & everyone else ending up 😵 she was lonely for companionship, someone for herself…until the perfect person came along & the infatuation was real!

Let me tell you I gagged so many times reading this! Unexpected little bits had me 🤢 but it was such a good read!! The twist at the end 🥹 I really loved it!

4🌟 check your triggers!

[Erika Horton · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars.

Whooo this book 😅 where do I even start?

Hank is an awful person and absolutely deserved what he got. Everybody that got killed deserved what they got! I don’t remember Lucy mentioning any siblings throughout the story, only her mom and dad. I was betting on Heather being her mom and I was close🤮

The fact that I thought Lucy was actually going to help and nourish Heather 💀 When Lucy left to go get the dildo while Heather was in the tub I was like “chile, wtf🤦🏼‍♀️”

An after thought: was there no paper/pencil around??? Heather could have wrote down her name and relation to Lucy 🤣

[K.L. Allister · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely vicious!

Asher’s sophomore work is brutal and unrelenting as we follow Jamie and her sordid state of affairs under Hank’s watchful eye. Debauchery and depravity ensue when Hank’s friend, Travis, brings a young lady into the mix. Jamie’s world is drenched in gore and slathered with unspeakable acts as this gut punch takes you on a wild ride from start to finish. Asher has cemented herself as a splatter powerhouse in short work, and with this splatter must-read, it’s incredibly hard to see how she couldn’t.

🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 out of 5

[Alexandra Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

When I Die by Asher Dark

What a fun, twisted ride this was with a twist I did not see coming!

Jamie and Hank have an unconventional relationship. Hank "owns" Jamie and uses her as his personal slave and victim, along with the participation of his vile friends. Through the many abuses Jamie suffers, she turns into something just as twisted as her abusers - "a monster of their own making."

And what role does Heather, Jamie's new obsession have to play in this nightmarish tale?

Read it and find out!!