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Horse Barbie: A Memoir of Reclamation
“A moving chronicle of trans resilience and joy” (Vogue) from one of Out100’s Most Impactful and Influential LGBTQ+ Storytellers
“Groundbreaking . . . [Rocero] quite literally models what triumph can look like.”—Glamour (Women of the Year)
WINNER OF THEM’S AWARD FOR LITERATURE • A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: Book Riot, Elle, Esquire
As a young femme in 1990s Manila, Geena Rocero heard, “Bakla, bakla!,” a taunt aimed at her feminine sway, whenever she left the tiny universe of her eskinita. Eventually, she found her place in trans pageants, the Philippines’ informal national sport. When her competitors mocked her as a “horse Barbie” due to her statuesque physique, tumbling hair, long neck, and dark skin, she leaned into the epithet. By seventeen, she was the Philippines’ highest-earning trans pageant queen.
A year later, Geena moved to the United States where she could change her name and gender marker on her documents. But legal recognition didn’t mean safety. In order to survive, Geena went stealth and hid her trans identity, gaining one type of freedom at the expense of another. For a while, it worked. She became an in-demand model. But as her star rose, her sense of self eroded. She craved acceptance as her authentic self yet had to remain vigilant in order to protect her dream career. The high-stakes double life finally forced Geena to decide herself if she wanted to reclaim the power of Horse Barbie once and for all: radiant, head held high, and unabashedly herself.
A dazzling testimony from an icon who sits at the center of transgender history and activism, Horse Barbie is a celebratory and universal story of survival, love, and pure joy.
“Groundbreaking . . . [Rocero] quite literally models what triumph can look like.”—Glamour (Women of the Year)
WINNER OF THEM’S AWARD FOR LITERATURE • A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: Book Riot, Elle, Esquire
As a young femme in 1990s Manila, Geena Rocero heard, “Bakla, bakla!,” a taunt aimed at her feminine sway, whenever she left the tiny universe of her eskinita. Eventually, she found her place in trans pageants, the Philippines’ informal national sport. When her competitors mocked her as a “horse Barbie” due to her statuesque physique, tumbling hair, long neck, and dark skin, she leaned into the epithet. By seventeen, she was the Philippines’ highest-earning trans pageant queen.
A year later, Geena moved to the United States where she could change her name and gender marker on her documents. But legal recognition didn’t mean safety. In order to survive, Geena went stealth and hid her trans identity, gaining one type of freedom at the expense of another. For a while, it worked. She became an in-demand model. But as her star rose, her sense of self eroded. She craved acceptance as her authentic self yet had to remain vigilant in order to protect her dream career. The high-stakes double life finally forced Geena to decide herself if she wanted to reclaim the power of Horse Barbie once and for all: radiant, head held high, and unabashedly herself.
A dazzling testimony from an icon who sits at the center of transgender history and activism, Horse Barbie is a celebratory and universal story of survival, love, and pure joy.
336 pages, Paperback
First published May 30, 2023
102 people are currently reading
13535 people want to read
About the author
Geena Rocero
4 books46 followersGeena Rocero is a Filipino-born American model, TED speaker, and transgender advocate based in New York City. Rocero is the founder of Gender Proud, a media production company that tells stories of the transgender community worldwide to elevate justice and equality.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 254 reviews
August 27, 2024
Pride Month
It's always difficult to rate memoirs, especially when the authors themselves aren't usually writers. However, Geena's story captivated me from start to end. The amount of pain and sadness involved in hiding your true self really got to me. But there is also happiness. I'm interested in following her career now, and will be watching her famed TED Talk.
📱 Thank you to NetGalley and The Dial Press
It's always difficult to rate memoirs, especially when the authors themselves aren't usually writers. However, Geena's story captivated me from start to end. The amount of pain and sadness involved in hiding your true self really got to me. But there is also happiness. I'm interested in following her career now, and will be watching her famed TED Talk.
📱 Thank you to NetGalley and The Dial Press
May 19, 2023
In the Philippines, Rocero was a star: she was known throughout the country as a pageant queen, and her regular winnings kept her in comfort, if not in luxury. She could help support her parents just as they always supported her. She could be open about who she was. But there was a limit to how far pageants in the Philippines could take her—financially, but also, crucially, in terms of having her gender legally recognized.
In the US, Rocero could have it all: the magical F on her government documents, a modeling career (with a rise nearly as rapid as her pageant rise in the Philippines), relationships and steady income and recognition. But in the US, it was not possible to both be openly trans and to work as a mainstream model—the few who had come before her and been outed had been shunned, demonized, and excluded. And thus began years upon years of going "stealth," keeping the sex on her birth certificate a secret so that she could live the high-fashion life in front of the cameras that she had dreamed of.
It's so easy to forget just how far things have come since the early 2000s—there's still so far to go that sometimes it feels like there's been no progress, but of course Rocero is painfully on point, and I'm grateful to have this reminder of how complicated identities are for so many. There's some fascinating basic background on the Philippines here that makes me want to read more about that—a Catholic country because of its colonizers, but with a rich cultural history that included acceptance of something much broader than a binary gender system. The Philippines of Rocero's childhood, then, was a place where it was not always accepted to be trans—but where the trans community was so visible that there was at least always a baseline understanding. It sort of boggles my mind that she could be so successfully "stealthy" in the US (side note: "passing" is not really a term she uses in the book, so I won't either, and Janet Mock's Redefining Realness is as relevant a read as ever) but also be so sure that anyone from her homeland would be able to clock her in short order.
Horse Barbie details years full of joy and successes, but also a heavy load to carry. It's one thing to know who you are, but another thing to know how badly people might treat you for something as simple as your identity. Rocero never lingers on the heavy parts, but she also doesn't let the reader sit back and think that it was all easy. I'm grateful for that, too, because one of the reasons I read memoir is to be catapulted into someone else's life for a while, with all its complications, and I'd be remiss to come away thinking that the Philippines was a bastion of acceptance, or that success in the US made having to hide okay—because it might have been worth it to Rocero, to a point, but she should have been able to live her life without fearing what discovery might mean.
As is not uncommon, there's so much more that I want to say than will fit in a review of reasonable length, so I will leave it with just two notes: first, whoever is doing memoir acquisitions at the Dial Press has killer taste—all of the memoirs I've read from them in the past couple of years have been somewhere between excellent and exceptional. And second, a round of applause for Rocero's mother, who sounds like the sort of quiet champion every kid figuring out their identity should have.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
In the US, Rocero could have it all: the magical F on her government documents, a modeling career (with a rise nearly as rapid as her pageant rise in the Philippines), relationships and steady income and recognition. But in the US, it was not possible to both be openly trans and to work as a mainstream model—the few who had come before her and been outed had been shunned, demonized, and excluded. And thus began years upon years of going "stealth," keeping the sex on her birth certificate a secret so that she could live the high-fashion life in front of the cameras that she had dreamed of.
It's so easy to forget just how far things have come since the early 2000s—there's still so far to go that sometimes it feels like there's been no progress, but of course Rocero is painfully on point, and I'm grateful to have this reminder of how complicated identities are for so many. There's some fascinating basic background on the Philippines here that makes me want to read more about that—a Catholic country because of its colonizers, but with a rich cultural history that included acceptance of something much broader than a binary gender system. The Philippines of Rocero's childhood, then, was a place where it was not always accepted to be trans—but where the trans community was so visible that there was at least always a baseline understanding. It sort of boggles my mind that she could be so successfully "stealthy" in the US (side note: "passing" is not really a term she uses in the book, so I won't either, and Janet Mock's Redefining Realness is as relevant a read as ever) but also be so sure that anyone from her homeland would be able to clock her in short order.
Horse Barbie details years full of joy and successes, but also a heavy load to carry. It's one thing to know who you are, but another thing to know how badly people might treat you for something as simple as your identity. Rocero never lingers on the heavy parts, but she also doesn't let the reader sit back and think that it was all easy. I'm grateful for that, too, because one of the reasons I read memoir is to be catapulted into someone else's life for a while, with all its complications, and I'd be remiss to come away thinking that the Philippines was a bastion of acceptance, or that success in the US made having to hide okay—because it might have been worth it to Rocero, to a point, but she should have been able to live her life without fearing what discovery might mean.
As is not uncommon, there's so much more that I want to say than will fit in a review of reasonable length, so I will leave it with just two notes: first, whoever is doing memoir acquisitions at the Dial Press has killer taste—all of the memoirs I've read from them in the past couple of years have been somewhere between excellent and exceptional. And second, a round of applause for Rocero's mother, who sounds like the sort of quiet champion every kid figuring out their identity should have.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
August 24, 2023
This was great! A fascinating life story from a gifted storyteller who just oozes charm and charisma. Recommended in audiobook format!
June 15, 2023
A really good celeb memoir. The earlier sections are best. I loved the ways she talked about race in the Philippines. The book feels rushed toward the end as she lays out her post coming out accolades. Generally the book is too long.
June 12, 2024
This is what I consider classic memoir material: someone with an incredibly unique life story, doing epic shit with just the right amount of self-reflection and encouragement to readers. I mean, do you need to know anything more than "trans Filipina model & U.S. immigrant rags-to-riches story"? Umm, I didn't! I read this book with a quickness.
I was drawn to it for the model story - I was fascinated to learn that the Philippines has a whole culture around trans pageants, and of course, Geena (as "Assunta") dominated. And the fact that she lived stealth so long and was a successful model in the U.S. - like, NICE ONE! You know?? You love to hear it - and I wanted to hear all about it.
But surprisingly, I quickly realized that I'm around Rocero's age and much of her journey in the U.S. overlapped the same locales as mine - California in the early 00s, and NYC from 2005 onward. She was in a young, exploratory, clubbing phase at the same time I was. Her venues were way beyond my reach (I am, ahem, neither a model nor a finance bro). But the names and vibes are familiar. I like to think we passed each other on the street in Chelsea at 3am some night when she was leaving Cain and I was leaving Crobar.
I could also relate hard to how she wrote about how "not out" so many queer people were, even in big cities, not that long ago - to say nothing of trans folks. It was heartbreaking to read about how living stealth gave her deep anxiety.
But Rocero is certainly not one to dwell on bad feelings and the book certainly shows her figuring out a way forward even in the most unlikely of circumstances. It definitely gives a vibe of "I basically willed this thing into happening" - up to and including her last-minute inclusion on the main stage of TED Talks for her coming out speech.
I don't think I'm great at evaluating memoirs, but I was entertained. And I really enjoyed learning about trans Filipino culture in the Philippines and in the U.S. Rocero's story is tilted toward the inspiring side, so if that's why you pick up a memoir, I can definitely recommend this one.
I was drawn to it for the model story - I was fascinated to learn that the Philippines has a whole culture around trans pageants, and of course, Geena (as "Assunta") dominated. And the fact that she lived stealth so long and was a successful model in the U.S. - like, NICE ONE! You know?? You love to hear it - and I wanted to hear all about it.
But surprisingly, I quickly realized that I'm around Rocero's age and much of her journey in the U.S. overlapped the same locales as mine - California in the early 00s, and NYC from 2005 onward. She was in a young, exploratory, clubbing phase at the same time I was. Her venues were way beyond my reach (I am, ahem, neither a model nor a finance bro). But the names and vibes are familiar. I like to think we passed each other on the street in Chelsea at 3am some night when she was leaving Cain and I was leaving Crobar.
I could also relate hard to how she wrote about how "not out" so many queer people were, even in big cities, not that long ago - to say nothing of trans folks. It was heartbreaking to read about how living stealth gave her deep anxiety.
But Rocero is certainly not one to dwell on bad feelings and the book certainly shows her figuring out a way forward even in the most unlikely of circumstances. It definitely gives a vibe of "I basically willed this thing into happening" - up to and including her last-minute inclusion on the main stage of TED Talks for her coming out speech.
I don't think I'm great at evaluating memoirs, but I was entertained. And I really enjoyed learning about trans Filipino culture in the Philippines and in the U.S. Rocero's story is tilted toward the inspiring side, so if that's why you pick up a memoir, I can definitely recommend this one.
July 2, 2023
A compelling, illuminating, and inspirational story. In her memoir Horse Barbie, model and transgender rights advocate Geena Rocero takes us from the city streets of the Philippines, to Filipino transgender beauty pageants, to San Francisco cosmetics counters and bars, to New York photo shoots and clubs, to exotic vacation destinations around the world, and to podiums and political events across North America. As a reader, you see and learn so much.
Rocero’s life story is certainly a unique one. She shares the difficulty of not being fully embraced in either her home country or her adopted one. In the Philippines, gender fluidity has roots in pre-colonial culture and teenaged Rocero was able to publicly embrace her femininity and rise to the top of the trans beauty pageant circuit; however, the conservative political climate meant she couldn’t be legally recognized as a woman. After emigrating to the U.S. at 17 years old, she saw the flip side of this—she was able to change her name and gender marker on legal documents and earn enough money for gender affirming healthcare and surgeries, but she felt she had to go back into the closet as a trans person in order to have a successful modeling career. While she did have the support of family and a small circle of friends, Rocero struggled with difficult dualities—with being confident and bold in her career yet paranoid and fearful her secret would come out and destroy her success, and with the joy of having her outer body match her inner self but also the burden of hiding her scars and her past.
For the most part, I did enjoy Rocero’s memoir and found the book fascinating. The writing style did become a bit slow and uneven during her chapters about modeling in New York. Given the internal conflicts she was experiencing, this could have been the most interesting section; however there seemed to be emotional distance and repetitiveness as she recounted her modeling jobs and dating life. Nonetheless, Horse Barbie is still very much worth the read because of its international and spiritual journeys and its message of self-acceptance and social equality.
Rocero’s life story is certainly a unique one. She shares the difficulty of not being fully embraced in either her home country or her adopted one. In the Philippines, gender fluidity has roots in pre-colonial culture and teenaged Rocero was able to publicly embrace her femininity and rise to the top of the trans beauty pageant circuit; however, the conservative political climate meant she couldn’t be legally recognized as a woman. After emigrating to the U.S. at 17 years old, she saw the flip side of this—she was able to change her name and gender marker on legal documents and earn enough money for gender affirming healthcare and surgeries, but she felt she had to go back into the closet as a trans person in order to have a successful modeling career. While she did have the support of family and a small circle of friends, Rocero struggled with difficult dualities—with being confident and bold in her career yet paranoid and fearful her secret would come out and destroy her success, and with the joy of having her outer body match her inner self but also the burden of hiding her scars and her past.
For the most part, I did enjoy Rocero’s memoir and found the book fascinating. The writing style did become a bit slow and uneven during her chapters about modeling in New York. Given the internal conflicts she was experiencing, this could have been the most interesting section; however there seemed to be emotional distance and repetitiveness as she recounted her modeling jobs and dating life. Nonetheless, Horse Barbie is still very much worth the read because of its international and spiritual journeys and its message of self-acceptance and social equality.
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August 12, 2023disclaimer if you’ve read other reviews by me and are noticing a pattern: You’re correct that I don’t really give starred reviews, I feel like a peasant and don’t like leaving them and most often, I will only leave them if I vehemently despised a book. I enjoy most books for what they are, & I extract lessons from them all. Everyone’s reading experiences are subjective, so I hope my reviews provide enough information to let you know if a book is for you or not, regardless if I add stars or not. Find me on Instagram: @bookish.millennial or tiktok: @bookishmillennial
This memoir is short and reads as conversational but so well written & I loved Geena’s voice 🩷
Beyond the layered representation we get of Geena’s trans, Filipino & immigrant identities, she also graciously dives into so much more!
Geena touches on religion, colonization, sexuality & orgasms post-surgery, the modeling industry, her body’s response to the suppression she was putting it through, colourism, pageantry, acceptance & affirmation from her parents, and more! I especially enjoyed the way she ruminated on her religion, & sought information on pre-colonial Filipino spirituality. Geena presented the information with curiosity, enthusiasm, & reverence.
I adored this memoir -which is told in a mostly linear fashion, which makes sense for her story- and I thank Geena for her transparency and generosity in sharing this story with us. She describes so many instances of anxiety, stress, & dread as she spent nine years “in the closet” as a trans woman in America during her modeling career. She saw the way past trans models’ careers tanked after they were outed, & she was terrified that at any point, it could be her turn. Yet, she also dissociated by thinking, “it won’t happen to me” or at least, “not yet.” Her body had other plans, which led her to an epiphany of “I must honor my _______” (not trying to spoil it for you haha). I was so proud of the journey that led her to her TED Talk in March 2014.
Another thing I was intrigued by were the ways she discussed the differences in American societal attitudes in 2005, compared to 2014, contrasted with today’s climate. I recognize it’s a dark time in America with book bans, policy continually taking away rights from trans folks, or actively perpetuating harm towards the trans community. However, during these times especially, I think we need to center trans joy too, to show it’s possible, and to remind people that their stories are still being written, and they deserve to be told!
Geena gave us a nuanced memoir full of her own internalized biases, beautiful childhood memories, & so much gratitude & hope.
This memoir is short and reads as conversational but so well written & I loved Geena’s voice 🩷
Beyond the layered representation we get of Geena’s trans, Filipino & immigrant identities, she also graciously dives into so much more!
Geena touches on religion, colonization, sexuality & orgasms post-surgery, the modeling industry, her body’s response to the suppression she was putting it through, colourism, pageantry, acceptance & affirmation from her parents, and more! I especially enjoyed the way she ruminated on her religion, & sought information on pre-colonial Filipino spirituality. Geena presented the information with curiosity, enthusiasm, & reverence.
I adored this memoir -which is told in a mostly linear fashion, which makes sense for her story- and I thank Geena for her transparency and generosity in sharing this story with us. She describes so many instances of anxiety, stress, & dread as she spent nine years “in the closet” as a trans woman in America during her modeling career. She saw the way past trans models’ careers tanked after they were outed, & she was terrified that at any point, it could be her turn. Yet, she also dissociated by thinking, “it won’t happen to me” or at least, “not yet.” Her body had other plans, which led her to an epiphany of “I must honor my _______” (not trying to spoil it for you haha). I was so proud of the journey that led her to her TED Talk in March 2014.
Another thing I was intrigued by were the ways she discussed the differences in American societal attitudes in 2005, compared to 2014, contrasted with today’s climate. I recognize it’s a dark time in America with book bans, policy continually taking away rights from trans folks, or actively perpetuating harm towards the trans community. However, during these times especially, I think we need to center trans joy too, to show it’s possible, and to remind people that their stories are still being written, and they deserve to be told!
Geena gave us a nuanced memoir full of her own internalized biases, beautiful childhood memories, & so much gratitude & hope.
May 27, 2023
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
My Selling Pitch:
Do you want to read a memoir about a trans Filipino supermodel’s life?
Pre-reading:
I fully requested this book for the title and the cover, and knew nothing about the subject matter, but now I’m intrigued. How on earth did this book get its title?
Thick of it:
See, this is what is so frustrating with today’s conservative critics because it’s like it’s not just now that trans models are coming into the culture. They’ve always been there. They’ve always existed. You just personally didn’t know that they were there, but now that you know that this woman you wanted to fuck doesn’t have the right parts for you, you feel like it’s a bait and switch and like it’s an attack on you. It has nothing to do with you. She wasn’t yours to fuck and objectify to begin with. Not every advertisement has to be catered to your preferences.
The more I learn about the 2000s, the darker it seems for women, and I can’t believe I grew up in that and came out like this. No wonder all the girlies of this generation are so mad.
sampaguita
eskinita
kembot
palengke
apparador
daster
banderitas
isaw
lumpia
sisig
kuya
chismis
That’s so interesting that people think of tee shirts as their hair because it’s a thing on TikTok where men do skits impersonating women and they put a towel or they put a shirt on their heads, but like I’ve never thought of towels or shirts as my hair. I’ve had long hair my whole life though.
baklas
This is such an interesting history to me. I know nothing about pageantry.
They said gay horse. (Love those Try Guys)
Tikbalang
I wish I could see pictures of her pageant wins. I’d love to see this hairstyle. I googled her and she’s a stunning model.
japanera
wa buking
What the actual fuck Evan?
I dunno masturbating in front of your friend to reassure them is a wild concept to me.
Jersey is the armpit of America, but the body needs an armpit.
I understand why she’s not disclosing to her partners because she doesn’t want to jeopardize her career, but I think it’s fundamentally wrong not to tell your partner something like that. I understand the danger that comes with telling people that you’re trans, which is shit, but I think that’s a conversation that you really need to have because if they react badly to it, why on earth would you want to be with them? Otherwise, you’re living in willful ignorance, which seems disingenuous. And then, if you do tell your partner after you’ve been together for a while, I think a lot of people would have a hard time letting go of the fact that they’ve been lied to, even if it’s a lie of omission. There’s a big problem nowadays with dating apps and how people lie about their height or they Photoshop their pictures. I think all of that is wrong. You can’t get into a healthy relationship without representing who you are authentically. There’s this whole misguided, unspoken rule that you shouldn’t discuss politics on a first date, but I wanna know if you’re a piece of shit from the get-go. Moral compatibility should be one of the first conversations you have in my opinion. Get those relationship deal-breakers right out front. Give people the opportunity to show you who they are, and if it’s not something compatible with you, then they shouldn’t be your partner.
colazione
Even her mindset here, she’s so preoccupied with losing this man, and I’m like if he doesn’t accept you, you’re not losing him. You weren’t meant to have him. He doesn’t deserve you, if he can’t accept you. You deserve someone that loves all of you.
It’s wild to me that surgery has come so far that you could not notice.
Pretty privilege is real.
Her closing lines are really strong.
Post-reading:
Memoirs are so impossible to rate.
Because it’s not that someone’s life isn’t interesting enough or their perspective on their own life isn’t good enough, but like I crave some oomph, I crave some bite to my books. This doesn’t have that. It’s musey. It’s reflective. It somehow lacks emotion for me. There’s no anger in this book, and that feels impossible to me given her story and the state of the world. And then I sit here like is that even a fair criticism because I don’t wanna tell her how to feel about her life? From a narrative structure though, this book doesn’t really have any tension because there’s no problem to resolve. It’s essentially a timeline of her life. And I think it’s bland and anesthetized into not saying anything. This book has no hot takes. It doesn’t rail against the fashion industry, or racism in America, or transphobia in the church. It almost feels willfully ignorant at times of pretty privilege and the problems within those industries or communities. I think there’s a rather pointed absence of feminism discussion in the book. The only bits of other women in this book that we get to see are friends supporting her career or competition being envious of her. I feel like this book has ignored the mindsets and morals of the people she’s working with. Like what do the other models think about her status? What are their opinions on it? There’s no answering back to any people that would criticize her. Especially in the current environment that this is being published in, I don’t understand why there isn’t a chapter or two where she justifies herself to her critics. There’s no discussion about why she’s a fit model to advertise for “women’s products” like lingerie or makeup or whatever. (Which don’t get it twisted. She’s absolutely a fit model. She’s stunning. Products are for whoever wants to buy them.) Bud Lite and Target and so many other brands are dealing with the backlash from transphobic consumers. That conversation needed to be in this book. And then I think it’s irresponsible to have a book that talks about the modeling industry without acknowledging how inherently sexualized and objectified it makes people. Where is the eating disorder and body dysmorphia talk? Where are her opinions on that? I just wanted more.
This book is very much like thank you for sharing your story, but we need to have further conversations.
Who should read this:
People interested in human experience stories
People interested in hearing a trans experience
Do I want to reread this:
No
Similar books:
* Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young-memoir about a girl who grew up in a cult and learned to think for herself and advocate for others
My Selling Pitch:
Do you want to read a memoir about a trans Filipino supermodel’s life?
Pre-reading:
I fully requested this book for the title and the cover, and knew nothing about the subject matter, but now I’m intrigued. How on earth did this book get its title?
Thick of it:
See, this is what is so frustrating with today’s conservative critics because it’s like it’s not just now that trans models are coming into the culture. They’ve always been there. They’ve always existed. You just personally didn’t know that they were there, but now that you know that this woman you wanted to fuck doesn’t have the right parts for you, you feel like it’s a bait and switch and like it’s an attack on you. It has nothing to do with you. She wasn’t yours to fuck and objectify to begin with. Not every advertisement has to be catered to your preferences.
The more I learn about the 2000s, the darker it seems for women, and I can’t believe I grew up in that and came out like this. No wonder all the girlies of this generation are so mad.
sampaguita
eskinita
kembot
palengke
apparador
daster
banderitas
isaw
lumpia
sisig
kuya
chismis
That’s so interesting that people think of tee shirts as their hair because it’s a thing on TikTok where men do skits impersonating women and they put a towel or they put a shirt on their heads, but like I’ve never thought of towels or shirts as my hair. I’ve had long hair my whole life though.
baklas
This is such an interesting history to me. I know nothing about pageantry.
They said gay horse. (Love those Try Guys)
Tikbalang
I wish I could see pictures of her pageant wins. I’d love to see this hairstyle. I googled her and she’s a stunning model.
japanera
wa buking
What the actual fuck Evan?
I dunno masturbating in front of your friend to reassure them is a wild concept to me.
Jersey is the armpit of America, but the body needs an armpit.
I understand why she’s not disclosing to her partners because she doesn’t want to jeopardize her career, but I think it’s fundamentally wrong not to tell your partner something like that. I understand the danger that comes with telling people that you’re trans, which is shit, but I think that’s a conversation that you really need to have because if they react badly to it, why on earth would you want to be with them? Otherwise, you’re living in willful ignorance, which seems disingenuous. And then, if you do tell your partner after you’ve been together for a while, I think a lot of people would have a hard time letting go of the fact that they’ve been lied to, even if it’s a lie of omission. There’s a big problem nowadays with dating apps and how people lie about their height or they Photoshop their pictures. I think all of that is wrong. You can’t get into a healthy relationship without representing who you are authentically. There’s this whole misguided, unspoken rule that you shouldn’t discuss politics on a first date, but I wanna know if you’re a piece of shit from the get-go. Moral compatibility should be one of the first conversations you have in my opinion. Get those relationship deal-breakers right out front. Give people the opportunity to show you who they are, and if it’s not something compatible with you, then they shouldn’t be your partner.
colazione
Even her mindset here, she’s so preoccupied with losing this man, and I’m like if he doesn’t accept you, you’re not losing him. You weren’t meant to have him. He doesn’t deserve you, if he can’t accept you. You deserve someone that loves all of you.
It’s wild to me that surgery has come so far that you could not notice.
Pretty privilege is real.
Her closing lines are really strong.
Post-reading:
Memoirs are so impossible to rate.
Because it’s not that someone’s life isn’t interesting enough or their perspective on their own life isn’t good enough, but like I crave some oomph, I crave some bite to my books. This doesn’t have that. It’s musey. It’s reflective. It somehow lacks emotion for me. There’s no anger in this book, and that feels impossible to me given her story and the state of the world. And then I sit here like is that even a fair criticism because I don’t wanna tell her how to feel about her life? From a narrative structure though, this book doesn’t really have any tension because there’s no problem to resolve. It’s essentially a timeline of her life. And I think it’s bland and anesthetized into not saying anything. This book has no hot takes. It doesn’t rail against the fashion industry, or racism in America, or transphobia in the church. It almost feels willfully ignorant at times of pretty privilege and the problems within those industries or communities. I think there’s a rather pointed absence of feminism discussion in the book. The only bits of other women in this book that we get to see are friends supporting her career or competition being envious of her. I feel like this book has ignored the mindsets and morals of the people she’s working with. Like what do the other models think about her status? What are their opinions on it? There’s no answering back to any people that would criticize her. Especially in the current environment that this is being published in, I don’t understand why there isn’t a chapter or two where she justifies herself to her critics. There’s no discussion about why she’s a fit model to advertise for “women’s products” like lingerie or makeup or whatever. (Which don’t get it twisted. She’s absolutely a fit model. She’s stunning. Products are for whoever wants to buy them.) Bud Lite and Target and so many other brands are dealing with the backlash from transphobic consumers. That conversation needed to be in this book. And then I think it’s irresponsible to have a book that talks about the modeling industry without acknowledging how inherently sexualized and objectified it makes people. Where is the eating disorder and body dysmorphia talk? Where are her opinions on that? I just wanted more.
This book is very much like thank you for sharing your story, but we need to have further conversations.
Who should read this:
People interested in human experience stories
People interested in hearing a trans experience
Do I want to reread this:
No
Similar books:
* Uncultured by Daniella Mestyanek Young-memoir about a girl who grew up in a cult and learned to think for herself and advocate for others
September 8, 2023
A moving, heartfelt memoir from a famous Filipino trans woman beauty pageant queen who immigrates to America and becomes a famous super model. Heartfelt and incredibly moving, this is perfect for fans of authors like Amanda Jette Knox, Meredith Talusan or Alicia Roth Weigel. Great on audio read by the author, my only complaint was that she spoke VERY slowly and I wished I was able to speed up the narration. Many thanks to @prhaudio for a complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest review!!
June 12, 2023
.
“Sometimes the things that go unsaid are more powerful than anything that can be uttered aloud: emotions that pierce your soul, moments of connection that mean so much more than binary answers, indirect responses.”
This book, omg ! If I could give one rec for #pridemonth it would be Geena Rocero’s recently published memoir, Horse Barbie.
Rocero is an award winner producer, model, and Transgender Rights Activist who immigrated from the Philippines to the US when she was a young adult.
Before moving to the states she had risen to the top of the pageant world and was recognized in her culture as transgender, but after coming stateside, she lived her life in secret for about 9 years before coming out to the world in 2014 during a @ted talk.
In the book Geena describes “learning to be trans in the Catholic Church” , her parent’s acceptance, the cruelty that can offer be found on the pageant circuit, her amazing support system, and her life as a successful yet stealth model.
I thought her commentary on the dichotomy of being culturally visible in the the Philippines with no legal gender rights verses her being legally recognized in the US but still feeling unseen and not visible was interesting and gave me much to think about . Her story is bold and she is brave for sharing and speaking out and advocating for affirmation for trans youth.
Her message is clear :
“That’s the thing about trans joy: It can never be fully extinguished. People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even and them, but our spirits will always expand to feel whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us.”
I am so thankful that @phenomenalbooks chose to highlight Horse Barbie for June. It was a pleasure to read Geena’s journey. If this book has been on your radar, here’s your sign to read it. If not, here’s your sign to find a copy and read it.
“Our stories can soothe with an almost meditative gentleness. And if we can just hang on long enough, they will one day reshape our reality. There is power in queer people recognizing and amplifying and documenting one another’s voices, finding happiness among one, another, and celebrating ourselves.”
“Sometimes the things that go unsaid are more powerful than anything that can be uttered aloud: emotions that pierce your soul, moments of connection that mean so much more than binary answers, indirect responses.”
This book, omg ! If I could give one rec for #pridemonth it would be Geena Rocero’s recently published memoir, Horse Barbie.
Rocero is an award winner producer, model, and Transgender Rights Activist who immigrated from the Philippines to the US when she was a young adult.
Before moving to the states she had risen to the top of the pageant world and was recognized in her culture as transgender, but after coming stateside, she lived her life in secret for about 9 years before coming out to the world in 2014 during a @ted talk.
In the book Geena describes “learning to be trans in the Catholic Church” , her parent’s acceptance, the cruelty that can offer be found on the pageant circuit, her amazing support system, and her life as a successful yet stealth model.
I thought her commentary on the dichotomy of being culturally visible in the the Philippines with no legal gender rights verses her being legally recognized in the US but still feeling unseen and not visible was interesting and gave me much to think about . Her story is bold and she is brave for sharing and speaking out and advocating for affirmation for trans youth.
Her message is clear :
“That’s the thing about trans joy: It can never be fully extinguished. People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even and them, but our spirits will always expand to feel whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us.”
I am so thankful that @phenomenalbooks chose to highlight Horse Barbie for June. It was a pleasure to read Geena’s journey. If this book has been on your radar, here’s your sign to read it. If not, here’s your sign to find a copy and read it.
“Our stories can soothe with an almost meditative gentleness. And if we can just hang on long enough, they will one day reshape our reality. There is power in queer people recognizing and amplifying and documenting one another’s voices, finding happiness among one, another, and celebrating ourselves.”
June 24, 2023
"People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even end them, but our spirits will expand to fill whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us."
Horse Barbie by Geena Rocero is a triumphant, beautifully introspective memoir exploring the trans experience.
Growing up in the Philippines, Geena knew she felt different. Not feeling like she matched her assigned gender at birth, she chooses her female identity at a young age. A striking beauty, she finds her success in trans beauty pageants where she was referred to as Horse Barbie. At the height of her pageant success, her mother brings her to the US for better opportunities.
What she finds there is a culture shock. The US is supposed to be the land of dreams but she feels pressured to be more secretive about her identity. An immigrant in a new country, she works hard as a model while grappling with the constant anxiety of being outed as a trans woman and losing everything. The more success she finds, the riskiest it feels to be truthful about who she is and the more she struggles with her connection to her own identity.
Geena writes beautifully, with a candidness and familiarity that immediately connects the reader with her and her story. I found myself equal parts inspired and wanting to be her friend; her charming personality leaps off the page. I appreciated her introspectiveness, and the way she conveyed this in her storytelling.
I loved how Geena added color to her story by including details like historical and cultural anecdotes. Ideas pertaining to colourism, colonialism and religion in the Philippines, make her experiences even more vivid.
Horse Barbie is the perfect read for Pride Month. It will touch your heart, make you laugh, make you feel hopeful and more connected to yourself and to those around you, especially to our queer community. You'll want to read this one.
Horse Barbie by Geena Rocero is a triumphant, beautifully introspective memoir exploring the trans experience.
Growing up in the Philippines, Geena knew she felt different. Not feeling like she matched her assigned gender at birth, she chooses her female identity at a young age. A striking beauty, she finds her success in trans beauty pageants where she was referred to as Horse Barbie. At the height of her pageant success, her mother brings her to the US for better opportunities.
What she finds there is a culture shock. The US is supposed to be the land of dreams but she feels pressured to be more secretive about her identity. An immigrant in a new country, she works hard as a model while grappling with the constant anxiety of being outed as a trans woman and losing everything. The more success she finds, the riskiest it feels to be truthful about who she is and the more she struggles with her connection to her own identity.
Geena writes beautifully, with a candidness and familiarity that immediately connects the reader with her and her story. I found myself equal parts inspired and wanting to be her friend; her charming personality leaps off the page. I appreciated her introspectiveness, and the way she conveyed this in her storytelling.
I loved how Geena added color to her story by including details like historical and cultural anecdotes. Ideas pertaining to colourism, colonialism and religion in the Philippines, make her experiences even more vivid.
Horse Barbie is the perfect read for Pride Month. It will touch your heart, make you laugh, make you feel hopeful and more connected to yourself and to those around you, especially to our queer community. You'll want to read this one.
August 20, 2024
Filipino Author Spotlight 🇵🇭✨
Horse Barbie is a powerful and inspiring memoir by a Filipino transgender pageant queen who became a successful model in NYC and an advocate for the transgender community. She also became the first transgender woman that spoke about trans identity on the TED talk main stage.
“That’s the thing about trans joy: It can never be fully extinguished. People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even end them, but our spirits will always expand to fill whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us.”
I loved this book. I laughed, I cried, I was angry for her, I felt scared for her and I was rooting for Geena all throughout reading her memoir.
The storytelling was great — I loved the stories on her pageant days in the Philippines and how she vividly described life in the streets of Manila. I really felt like I was back there, watching her perform on stage. The found family and sisterhood in this book was very touching!
She then talked about her life moving here in America, working at Macy’s and how she got to modeling in New York. She also talked about her dating life and the challenges that transgender community faces everyday. But what moved me the most was her coming out to the world as a transgender woman using the TED talk platform. I teared up in this part of the book! I remember watching it when it came out and just feeling pure happiness for her.
Overall, this was well-written, very emotional and inspiring! Highly highly recommend picking this one up! 💖
Horse Barbie is a powerful and inspiring memoir by a Filipino transgender pageant queen who became a successful model in NYC and an advocate for the transgender community. She also became the first transgender woman that spoke about trans identity on the TED talk main stage.
“That’s the thing about trans joy: It can never be fully extinguished. People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even end them, but our spirits will always expand to fill whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us.”
I loved this book. I laughed, I cried, I was angry for her, I felt scared for her and I was rooting for Geena all throughout reading her memoir.
The storytelling was great — I loved the stories on her pageant days in the Philippines and how she vividly described life in the streets of Manila. I really felt like I was back there, watching her perform on stage. The found family and sisterhood in this book was very touching!
She then talked about her life moving here in America, working at Macy’s and how she got to modeling in New York. She also talked about her dating life and the challenges that transgender community faces everyday. But what moved me the most was her coming out to the world as a transgender woman using the TED talk platform. I teared up in this part of the book! I remember watching it when it came out and just feeling pure happiness for her.
Overall, this was well-written, very emotional and inspiring! Highly highly recommend picking this one up! 💖
Read
January 25, 2024Huge thank you to The Dial Press for providing me with a copy of this book.
I've just decided to stop giving star ratings to memoirs simply because it feels a little strange to rate someone's experiences/memories.
Geena is a brave, beautiful, intelligent, and fascinating woman. Her memoir was funny, engaging, and interesting. She is not someone I was familiar with at all before reading this, and it's wonderful to see such a successful trans woman.
I've just decided to stop giving star ratings to memoirs simply because it feels a little strange to rate someone's experiences/memories.
Geena is a brave, beautiful, intelligent, and fascinating woman. Her memoir was funny, engaging, and interesting. She is not someone I was familiar with at all before reading this, and it's wonderful to see such a successful trans woman.
March 22, 2024
Wow, wow, wow. Geena’s story offers such a unique perspective on being a trans woman. From being a famous out trans pageant Queen in the Philippines to a widely recognized but closeted model in America to an out and proud public speaker and advocate for trans rights she has done it all. She is truly inspiring and I honestly really hope she continues to write as I would love to read more from her. Highly HIGHLY recommend🥰
April 6, 2024
Keeping this at four stars on StoryGraph, actually! I won’t be doing a long review because I don’t do that for memoirs(unless they’re phenomenal or terrible), but I will say that the storytelling was engaging and I liked how Rocero detailed the differences in trans culture in the USA and the Philippines. I also loved the photos at the end of all the pageants, it was nice to assign images to different segments and faces to the names mentioned!
My only gripes were that the ending segments felt a little rushed, sometimes it felt repetitive, and I thought some momentum was lost towards the middle. Easily, the strongest part of the novel was the first segment! Geena’s backgrounds as a Catholic, transgender woman(originally growing up being registered as, mostly, a “femme boy”), and Filipina had equal importance in different parts of her journey and I liked how she used that to talk about her cultural upbringing(and also growing into her female self).
While not perfect IMO, I’d still recommend checking this out, it’s an interesting read!
My only gripes were that the ending segments felt a little rushed, sometimes it felt repetitive, and I thought some momentum was lost towards the middle. Easily, the strongest part of the novel was the first segment! Geena’s backgrounds as a Catholic, transgender woman(originally growing up being registered as, mostly, a “femme boy”), and Filipina had equal importance in different parts of her journey and I liked how she used that to talk about her cultural upbringing(and also growing into her female self).
While not perfect IMO, I’d still recommend checking this out, it’s an interesting read!
March 31, 2024
i love geena and it was so nice to listen to her tell her story! this was very inspiring and hopeful and honest; really touching and thoughtful about how it feels to hide your true self. only gripe is it felt a bit too long sometimes!
September 27, 2024
This is a powerful truth telling of the struggles many women feel around the world. This is a truth telling of the struggles both the past and current political climates provide for people on the rainbow. Truth telling of colonialization, bias, and more. The book is so well written- great job Geena Rocero!
January 23, 2025
I loved this book! I don't remember being aware of Geena Rocero before this memoir was published, and I relished learning about her full and storied life. A gorgeous and thoughtful memoir from someone who has experienced so many different stories, and has a strong message and sense of self. I loved her narration of the audiobook and how much her voice seemed to come through in this book.
September 8, 2023
Beautiful, moving story. I love how Geena's goofy side shone through the pages!
As someone whose parents will never understand or accept their identity, I was especially moved at how loving and accepting Geena's parents were. It was especially difficult for me to read some of those excerpts, but I know that I can and will do better for our future LGBTQIA+ generations.
What a wonderful story of self-discovery and self-love.
As someone whose parents will never understand or accept their identity, I was especially moved at how loving and accepting Geena's parents were. It was especially difficult for me to read some of those excerpts, but I know that I can and will do better for our future LGBTQIA+ generations.
What a wonderful story of self-discovery and self-love.
July 11, 2023
I read memoirs for a peek into the lives of others who are very different from me. This book is exactly that. I really enjoyed the first half of the book, I have to admit to skimming through a lot in the middle. The book is a confirmation of living your best life by being your authentic self.
March 29, 2025
This was amazing - such a heartfelt memoir and beautiful! She really has lived so many lives which was crazy to read and I can’t imagine living it
July 30, 2024
Beautiful story from Geena Rocero, Filipina trans model & activist and author. The writing is so-so, but as always I enjoyed reading about a country while I’m in it! Learned so much. Also so emotional as to be expected.
“That's the thing about trans joy: It can never be fully
extinguished. People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even end them, but our spirits will always expand to fill whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us.”
“That's the thing about trans joy: It can never be fully
extinguished. People can try to narrow the possibilities for our lives, even end them, but our spirits will always expand to fill whatever space we are given. We will find the power in us.”
June 17, 2023
You know a book is good when you’re able to finish most of it in one sitting. This was such a heartfelt and empowering memoir, easily in the top 10 of memoirs I’ve read.
April 7, 2025
One of the best memoirs I’ve read. Geena is so unbelievably vulnerable and hilarious. You feel like you’re at a sleepover with her gushing all your dark thoughts and feelings. Her voice is sooo strong. She’s a natural born storyteller.
May 18, 2023
This book brought me so much joy. It was insightful, creative, and genuine. Rocero brings so much to the table; intimate details are shared as if they were to a friend. While this memoir had a clear point of view, there was never a moment where it felt like Rocero was preaching.
The book's construction was simple but highly intelligent and expressive. There were times references to earlier parts of the book were copied and pasted rather than acknowledging the connection and trusting the reader. That being said, ensuring the reader connected and understood the book's message was more important than playing with allusions and risking losing impact. There were a few moments where reductions could have been implemented by having a bit more trust in the reader: repetitive sequences (nightlife; noting that this is an important part of finding community, but not the only way), the copy-paste references, and/or moments of rote explanations.
"Horse Barbie" had a significant spiritual element to it. I felt connected to Rocero and was eager to learn more. The discussions of organized religion, colonization, and political oppression juxtaposed with the vivid, tenacious, creative, and colorful lives of the Author and the LGBTQIA+ community was a true gift.
The book's construction was simple but highly intelligent and expressive. There were times references to earlier parts of the book were copied and pasted rather than acknowledging the connection and trusting the reader. That being said, ensuring the reader connected and understood the book's message was more important than playing with allusions and risking losing impact. There were a few moments where reductions could have been implemented by having a bit more trust in the reader: repetitive sequences (nightlife; noting that this is an important part of finding community, but not the only way), the copy-paste references, and/or moments of rote explanations.
"Horse Barbie" had a significant spiritual element to it. I felt connected to Rocero and was eager to learn more. The discussions of organized religion, colonization, and political oppression juxtaposed with the vivid, tenacious, creative, and colorful lives of the Author and the LGBTQIA+ community was a true gift.
April 3, 2023
Very thankful to have gotten to read an advance copy of this memoir. Geena's storytelling was strong and I felt like I got to learn about worlds I would've have otherwise, particularly the modeling industry in the 2000s and 2010s. The only qualm I had with this is that I felt like once she reached the portion dedicated to advocacy, the pace sped up and she tended to leave several other aspects of her story on the side.
4.2/5 rounded down to 4 since this was an easy and interesting read but not the best I've read from this genre.
4.2/5 rounded down to 4 since this was an easy and interesting read but not the best I've read from this genre.
May 9, 2025
Very inspirational and loved the time spent considering decolonization and embrace to write dialog in Tagalog. Was able to have a couple of nuanced conversations with people who hadn’t spent time thinking about trans rights just by reading this in public.
March 26, 2024
This is the second book that I am reading for the TransRightsReadAThon. I thought this book had a beautiful cover before I even knew what it was about. And I had to know where a title like Horse Barbie came from.
This was an interesting read from German River about her life growing up never quite fitting in and then realizing she was trans and where that lead her. I was extra interesting in German because she’s from the Philippines and that’s where my girlfriend is from as well. I liked seeing Tagalog sprinkled in. Sometimes I do wish that we got more details on certain things but at the same time obviously Geena’s privacy about certain aspects of her life is more important than my curiosity. After I read the book o did some googling just so I could hear some of Geena’s speeches. She’s an absolute treasure and such a beautiful person.
I would recommend this book to everyone. It is eye opening about both growing up in different cultures as well as trying to find yourself in the process.
This was an interesting read from German River about her life growing up never quite fitting in and then realizing she was trans and where that lead her. I was extra interesting in German because she’s from the Philippines and that’s where my girlfriend is from as well. I liked seeing Tagalog sprinkled in. Sometimes I do wish that we got more details on certain things but at the same time obviously Geena’s privacy about certain aspects of her life is more important than my curiosity. After I read the book o did some googling just so I could hear some of Geena’s speeches. She’s an absolute treasure and such a beautiful person.
I would recommend this book to everyone. It is eye opening about both growing up in different cultures as well as trying to find yourself in the process.
May 17, 2025
Wow! Insightful, informative, and raw. If you want to understand the ideology of a trans-women or anyone identifying a part of the LGBTQ+ community, read this! EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH GEENA, YOU DO. Geena faced suppression, racism, and moral dilemma's many privileged white men and women will never face.
Her style of writing reminded me of a diary entry explaining the thoughts, feelings, and emotions as if they are happening at the present time THEN reflecting back as if re-telling of the story as an adult. The autobiography doesn't prolong events - she keeps the book moving a nice pace and you don't feel rushed as if we are racing towards the end.
Her style of writing reminded me of a diary entry explaining the thoughts, feelings, and emotions as if they are happening at the present time THEN reflecting back as if re-telling of the story as an adult. The autobiography doesn't prolong events - she keeps the book moving a nice pace and you don't feel rushed as if we are racing towards the end.
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