✰ 3.5 stars ✰
“You think your life is solid and can never change but then something happens and you realize it isn’t that way at all. Everything is balanced on a narrow edge.
Things can change at any time. Your life can change. Or you can change it.”
If there was one artist I drew more than any during art class, it would have to Vincent Van Gogh - the sheer number of times my hands were stained with oil paints as I tried to capture just the right hue of color in his Starry Night is a memory I look back on with much fondness. 😆 But, Searching for Van Gogh isn't about the artist himself. It is a poignant and heartfelt coming-of-age story of seventeen-year-old Nate, who at the cusp of adulthood is searching for what exactly it is in life that he hopes to achieve - his raison de vivre. 🧑🏻🎨
Dividing his time between working as an electrician in a Michigan factory or setting up his artistic easel in the attempts to capture the city vibes of 1963, it is there he meets the slightly older mysterious and beautiful Audrey Brubaker. As the two of them become close friends, their lives slowly intertwine while they attempt to help each other out in personal matters, while also trying to figure out the right step to take for the next stage in their lives.
“I thought I could learn something from it,” I blurted out before she’d reached the path. She stopped and turned around. “Painting. I thought it could—you know—let me see more deeply into life.”
It wasn't that the premise was entirely new to me; it's the way the writing kinda flowed into my system that satisfied my reading sensibilities. It was simple and direct but still emoted so many different emotions and feelings from the characters - almost calming and soothing. 👌🏻 Not too flowery, very clean-cut on dialogue and descriptions, and still managed to make me invested in reading it. The author did a great job in capturing the difficult struggles and the resilient lifestyles of the workforce, while also developing both characters' respective storylines.
It was the tough challenges that either of the two young people faced together that compelled me to continue. 'So it’s a painting about struggle. 😥 Trying to hold your place when something’s trying to take you somewhere else.' Nate's story, in particular, was a gripping one; growing up he's always been in the shadow of his much more demure older brother, Gray, but it's that sudden impulsive yet compassionate request of his mother's that really captured me. It's such a gravitas request - so much that drives Nate's story into different lanes - one that involves assisting Audrey through our own difficult burdens. ❤️🩹
“Like how I told you yesterday about color theory. Helping people is one of the rules, as long as it’s something easy for you to do. Another rule is using a person’s name a lot when you talk to them. Dale Carnegie says that for most people their name is the most beautiful sound in the world.”
I really liked their interactions; it felt so natural and their friendship shined at so many various and unexpected stages. Audrey's past is no less bleak, but - it's like a sense of kindred spirit. One that sees a little something of themselves in the other that they are willing to drop anything at the snap of a finger to help the other out. 🥺 There were some really intense moments - some surprises and equally comforting touches that I was swept away by. The steady way in which they revealed hidden truths to one another was also very well done - for there are plenty.
They've had their fair share of tough times and tougher trials, but it is that hopeful and uplifting ending that reminds us that it is just one rough patch in one's life - it doesn't have to define it for you. I was definitely caught off-guard at certain revelations, but the gentle way in which the story cascaded back into reality - a helping hand that guides both of them to face their futures head-strong and steadfast was nicely done. There was humor, there was compassion, but there was also heartbreak and painful truths that made their friendship even stronger in the heat of the moment. 😢
“I knew now that I’d never find Van Gogh’s passion, but it—that failure—didn’t seem to matter.
The world as it existed was enough. For me and for that time it was enough.”
Nate was 'a regular boy, I guess—a regular boy who liked mathematics and electricity and other things most people don’t care about', with an artistic flair -'a boy who doesn’t know if he’s Thomas Edison or Pablo Picasso' that didn't quite know what direction he wanted his life to take. At odds with his heart and himself, I liked how his paintings would often depict what he was feeling at the time - the wall of emotions that threatened to overflow if he wasn't able to find an outlet for it. 😟 It’s interesting. It makes you look at things in a different way. Like trying to see beneath the surface. Beneath the way things seem to be on top.' He was so passionate about his artistic approach, so keen and adamant of making it work - not entirely convinced that a college life of studies was what he wanted.
His argumentative determination has put him at odds with his parents, and yet, some of my favorite moments were with his parents. There is a tentative ground to cover between them, but it is still laced with love and heart. A well-to-do family who suffered an unspeakable loss, the author still leaves us with the hopeful note that things will work out for them. 🤍🤍 And for Audrey, as well. Friendship can be an adventure, too; and Nate went on one heck of a journey with her. They were partners in crime and keepers of secrets and aiding and abetting - all rolled into one. Yes, they could be cruel and unkind, but they could also be considerate and helpful and it was with their fair share of heart-breaking moments that definitely paved the way for their search for a better future was within reach. ✨✨
*Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.