Women Who Love Sex: Ordinary Women Describe Their Paths to Pleasure, Intimacy, and Ecstasy

by Gina Ogden

Wonderful sex does more than melt both body and soul; it brings power, energy, and deep satisfaction to all aspects of our lives. In this unique book, women who consider themselves highly sexually responsive talk in intimate detail about what gives them the greatest pleasure. They redefine sex—based on how women really experience sexual pleasure—confirming what every woman knows instinctively, while creating a new language that every woman will understand.

Based on extensive one-on-one interviews conducted by Dr. Ogden with hundreds of women, this thought-provoking, wise, and unprecedented book transforms how we view sex by giving us new ways to think about sexual pleasure.

To learn more about the author, Gina Ogden, go to www.ginaogden.com.

Click here to read an interview with Gina Ogden on Oprah.com.

Genres: Sexuality, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Womens

272 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1994

Reviews

[Britta Stumpp · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was interesting in the sense that the author pointed out through her years of education to become a sex therapist that nearly all studies surrounding human sexuality are built on the basis of male norms. Most of the studies have been conducted by men and what has been deemed sexuality abnormalities are according to male standards. Therefore, when a woman is classified as having a sexual "problem" it has been almost exclusively looked at from the point of view that failure to be aroused must be a stimulation issue i.e. all of the genital parts are being stimulated properly so why are you not having an orgasm or even self-lubricating or enjoying yourself? And also almost all studies have to do with these so-called problems. What does it even mean to be a healthy sexual being if all the studies are surrounding problems, a very Western approach to all things relating to the body indeed. Our medical field devotes so much time to putting band-aids on broken things when really the emphasis should be on how to keep it healthy in the first place. Ogden, interviews hundreds of women to find out what they actually enjoy about sex and (big surprise) it's not all about having our genitals stimulated. Ogden's thoughts being that women cannot learn what it means to be healthy sexual beings if the only models are based on women with "problems." We have to actually know what it looks like to be happy about sex. As a gift book, I read it and found the first few chapters intensely interesting. I was like "That's right! Women have been subjected to male norms and damnit it's about time someone actually asks women what they like about sex!" And the emphasis on connection was spot on. I was like, "Yes, this is soooooo what men need to know about us." But then all of the interviews following were rather tedious. I found myself getting bored. So, my recommendation would be to read the first few chapters closely (especially with your partner) and the rest if you feel like it.

[Ryann]

I'm reading the 2007 Edition, which is called "Women Who Love Sex: Ordinary Women Describe Their Paths to Pleasure, Intimacy & Ecstacy" and is described as:

"Wonderful sex does more than melt both body and soul; it brings power, energy, and deep satisfaction to all aspects of our lives. In this unique book, women who consider themselves highly sexually responsive talk in intimate detail about what gives them the greatest pleasure. They redefine sex—based on how women really experience sexual pleasure—confirming what every woman knows instinctively, while creating a new language that every woman will understand.

Based on extensive one-on-one interviews conducted by Dr. Ogden with hundreds of women, this thought-provoking, wise, and unprecedented book transforms how we view sex by giving us new ways to think about sexual pleasure.

To learn more about the author, Gina Ogden, go to www.ginaogden.com."

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author angered me when she referred to those of us women who live within heterosexual relationships as being "victims of invasive penetration." (This statement was made in either chapter 4 or 5). I don't consider any woman who is in a loving relationship with her male partner as a "victim". This is just as inconsiderate and inaccurate a view of a heterosexual females as the claim that lesbians are lesbians because they were sexually molested by men as children.

[Liaken · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm glad Gina Ogden wrote this book. It has a lot of good in it. She mostly doesn't sensationalize, but I did get irritated at how "wise" each of the women she talked about were. She presented them as sort of "beyond the rest of us." I don't think this was her intent; I think she was trying instead to give women and their experiences some validation, but sometimes it grated on me.

[Ashley Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, I loved this book!
If you are female I highly recommend!!!

[Bonita Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

another good book that I found out about after reading an online article.. wanna read this one too!

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting topic, boring writer.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started reading the book, I did not want to put it down. It is beautifully and succinctly written by a woman who has had to deal with her own inner ‘ghosts’ and discomforts with sexuality, who has sat with countless numbers of women, from the 1970s up to the early ’90s to understand their perspective, and who has and is leading the way for the many others to follow.

I was so engrossed with the book that I took it everywhere with me, even on the subway. Consequently, I received many curious looks by other commuters. I know this because I would, on occasion, look up to reflect on a point, only to find somebody, usually a woman, quickly lower their gaze, or abruptly turn away in embarrassment having met my eyes. I didn’t care. I wanted to shout from the rooftops: ‘Read this book! There is nothing to be ashamed about sex.’ Instead I silently evangelised and went about my business – holding onto Women Who Love Sex, feeling the pain and struggles of the women profiled and endeavoring to do more towards positive sexuality, specifically for females.

Published in 1994, Women Who Love Sex tackles the paradox of how ‘good girls’ are not supposed, not encouraged and/ or not taught to enjoy sex. We have all matter of conversations and discussions about female empowerment and gender equality, just not positive sexuality. Ogden has put in the work, having interviewed hundreds of real women over a span of twenty years. The ‘Alice’, ‘Maya’ and ‘Iris’ of the chapters are composites of individual women she met.

Ogden mentioned the handful of pioneers who produced sex- and woman-positive books including Betty Dodson on masturbation (Sex for One), Shere Hite on female sexuality studies (The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality), Lonnie Barbach on achieving the female orgasm (For Yourself), and then her struggle with finding more resources to recommend her clients. Indeed, there were few that emphasized on women connecting and integrating their sexual responses with the rest of their lives.

The interview questions of Ogden’s study were included. The academic side of me would have wanted to read the quantitative summary of the study leading to the book. I will be using the script for the guided imagery to induce orgasm in women found in Appendix B for my female workshops.

Ogden shared her insights on lust (and its role to a woman’s connectedness in their relationship), satisfaction (as a flowing continuum of pleasure, orgasm and ecstasy), extragenital stimulation (explorations beyond the vulva to all over the body), spontaneous orgasm (without physical touch), sexuality nurturing (need to give and receive), sexual intimacy (integrating romance, love and commitment). Each chapter elaborated on each of these insights.

The interview questions of Ogden’s study were included. The academic side of me would have wanted to read the quantitative summary of the study leading to the book. I will be using the script for the guided imagery to induce orgasm in women found in Appendix B for my female workshops.

Ogden concluded by saying that until we start defining pleasure for ourselves, we can be controlled by culture, and instead of waiting for culture to catch up with us, we can create a sexual revolution through our own critical mass of support. Change happens on a bigger scale when we change – when our understanding and reality of sex is not out of myth, coercision, moral proscriptions, and media hypes.

The Journal of Sex Research called this book “a masterpiece of affirmation-refreshing, moving, and extraordinarily liberating.” This book is certainly groundbreaking in moving beyond academic theories and concepts about sexology, to that of the way we approach female sexuality.

Though the book was published more than 10 years ago, I am not sure if much else has furthered the discussions of female sexuality. I would say this book was probably ahead of its time, and therefore an essential and necessary work for human service professionals and sexologists to read –probably more than once. I found it difficult to read the book straight through – being so emotionally affected, usually saddened, by what the women had to share.

[Clarita · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met this book in a serendipitous manner, but for anyone who studies to become a therapist, psychologist, or in women's studies, I would highly recommend you provoke that encounter and read it.

Especially with the current context (2026, in which allusions to a WWIII are emerging), negative biases and gloomy speeches are permeating many spheres of our lives, influencing (I believe) our outlook on life.

A focus on the threats, traumatic, negative experiences surrounding the feminine experience of sex, and the consequences of it, and the response to it from a medical and institutional perspective are highly important to study. They do help recognize situations at hand and how to best respond to them.

But I do also believe, as this book made me realise, in the importance of having equally detailed study on the positive experience of things, in this matter, the feminine experience of sex.

Chapters did resonate with my personal journey, others made me reflect in the subway on my own journey, how I would change my relationship to sex, but also how sex does permeate more than my bedroom life. Memories came up of moments sex had been present (not necessarily in the form of an intercourse) and had given it a nurturing energy.

I read comments regarding the style of the author or the way the topic was talked about. I would argue that for such an important yet unrepresented matter, the scarcity of people talking about it means it is more important to shed aside the writer and absorb the content. If, even doing so, nothing sparks insights, then I guess it's understandable to judge the writer's writing quality.

[Beth Haynes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting. I don't think I would have liked this book a year ago. Just the title was intimidating. But who knows? It definitely speaks to me now.
Ogden interviewed a number of women who self- identified as “easily orgasmic" (which was the closest research term she could find close to "women who love sex." )
The book explores some wonderful questions like:
just what is sex? (and what isn't?)
What is it about sex that these women love? (The answer is quite varied, so chances are most women will relate to at least one the categories.)
When given the chance to open-endedly describe their own sexuality, rather than focusing on quantitative and/or physiologic measures, what do women have to say?
Turns out - quite a lot, and much of it is very different than the emphasis on arousal-intercourse-orgasm more characteristic of traditionally described male sexuality.
Topics explored include experiencing orgasm without genital stimulation, the primacy of satisfaction over orgasm, the emotional and spiritual aspects of sexual pleasure, and much more.
If you love sex and want ways to grow, or if you wonder what the fuss is al about and feel like you are missing out – this book may be for you.