Re A Bride for the Taking - Sandra Marton does plucky girl reporter h sent to some semi-medieval country with the billionaire H, who may or may not be the next ancient king of the place.
Put all trays in their upright positions and please fasten your seat belts, we're goin' on an SM HPlandia road trip. All I wanna ask is, "Are we there yet?"
So our plucky, gorgeous, twenty-something, wanna be star reporter instead of Midwest dairy farm girl h is sent by her boss on an emergency assignment. Her mission is to get the inside scoop on an elusive billionaire who just happens to be next in line for some vague medieval country's throne.
The country is in Eastern Europe kinda, but really we just need to think of a land like Turkey 300 years ago and we will have the right mindset. Women are chattel, bandits abound everywhere and there is danger just breathing. No running water, limited electricity and harems are the order of the day.
The elusive billionaire is the cousin of the current King of this land, but the King hit his head and is in a coma and so the King in Waiting is being flown out by special jet to be on hand if a coronation proves to be a necessity.
There is also a contingent of reporters going out on the same flight and the h is on the shortlist to be on that plane, mainly cause she has bombshell looks and fantastic legs and her editor thinks maybe she can use those legs in creative ways to get the big story.
The h has a limited time to get to the airport, so without a bag or much of a background on anything, it is off to LaGuardia we go. But the cab has a flat on the way and the h is within a mile or two of the airport, so she decides to hoof it. She pounds the pavement on the side of the expressway in the pouring rain and a very nice Porsche pulls up.
The h is no fool, even tho the very wealthy and attractive driver thinks she looks just like a little wet kitten and offers her a ride. He calls himself Jake and she can be his Kitten. On the way to meet her destiny, Jake offers a side trip to Martinique instead.
Our plucky h feels she is sharper than that, guys offer to take her places all the time and she isn't signing on for their one way tickets to nowhere. So she snapily declines Jake's offer, but not without a little shiver of remorse, cause darn, Jake is really, really HOT.
We all get to the airport and we find out Porsche's have really nice heaters. The only problem is the cranky, but warm h has no idear where she is supposed to meet her plane at. Jake asks her what she is going for and Kitten fumbles her words for a little, then admits she is a reporter and going to the barbarous medieval country.
Jake is NOT amused, he is a dual citizen of that 'barbarous' country filled with peasants and he HATES reporters, a former lover sold him out for a big exclusive and made a ton of money off of him. But he gets her to the right plane and our Kitten thinks he might be part of the elusive billionaire's staff.
The plane takes off, repartee between Kitten and the other reporters is bandied about and then the plane lands in some dinky airfield nowhere near their final destination. Kitten has been wondering about the man who gave her a ride and having little daydreams about the glorious career that awaits her if she can just get that EB interview.
Then she sees Jake leaving the plane and even tho she has been warned not leave the plane herself, she follows him. Then she gets a huge shock when the plane takes off and she is left facing a furious Jake.
Jake has another plane ready for his personal piloting and with much bickering, we all take off again. This time we get to crash land in the neighboring, bandit and human trafficker filled country next door to the fabled medieval kingdom.
The h stubbornly refuses to leave the plane and for some reason thinks she knows all about the situation when it is very, very clear she has less knowledge and common sense than your average pretty colored pebble.
Jake takes off, warning about the traffickers in the area and the h refuses to believe he just abandoned her. Hours pass and the h gets attacked by some cows. Finally Jake returns, a group of dubious men are on the way and the h is threatened with being bodily hauled off the plane.
The h reluctantly and with great arguments about her American Civil Rights, follows Jake and we get three days of trekking through mountainous terrain, finding Kitten some concealing clothes to cover her magnificent legs and long blonde hair and Jake repeatedly telling Kitten that she is to keep her eyes down and stay mute.
It is very clear that Jake knows what he is talking about when he warns Kitten. Based on the groups of men we meet, Kitten would be a very valuable prize. That proves to be the case when Kitten and Jake make it just inside the border of the mythic kingdom and the town they are in is the biggest lady selling marketplace in the area.
Jake goes to buy horses and Kitten manages to get a local lady to send a telegram to her editor promising a big scoop. It has finally dawned on Kitten that Jake is the elusive billionaire. But fate intervenes in the form of the local Warlord's elite guards who spy Kitten's blonde hair and she and Jake are forcibly hauled off to the Warlord's Court.
Kitten is panicking, this isn't good and the tone of the men is very, very dire - Party favor passing around is mentioned and Kitten has no doubt that they mean her. We finally get to the local stronghold and Jake and Kitten are separated.
Kitten gets a mean lady guard and baths are forcibly administered. Then it is time for Jake and Kitten to meet the local ruler and Kitten is warned repeatedly that this is an EXTREMELY DIRE SITUATION - Jake has no weapons and these men are heavily armed and not very nice.
Kitten decides that once again, it is time to assert her American Female Civil Rights and things seem to get even worse. Jake is not a billionaire for nothing tho, he manages to negotiate with the local ruler to marry them instead of passing Kitten off for a round or thirty with his men.
So Kitten and Jake have a little three sentence ceremony and Jake sweeps Kitten off to his tent for a night of Purple Passion Transcendent Bliss. Kitten and Jake are on their way the next day and a helicopter stops by to pick them up.
Jake figured a helicopter ride was better than two days on horse, so we all go off to the medieval country's capital city. Tho Jake is now furious cause Kitten's telegram about the big scoop has been discovered and reporters are rioting in the streets for the story.
Then another lovely lady steps off the helicopter and Kitten is told she is the Fiancee, Kitten has a huge mopey moment and is grounded in the local hotel as the press corp pushes for details and makes lascivious suggestions about just how she got her story.
Kitten doesn't care really, she just wants to go home because Jake has a fiancee and she loves him and they are supposed to be married and now she will have to write a huge expose about him for her fame and fortune instead.
Kitten has some more mopey moments and then decides to sneak home. She books a flight out and on the way to the plane, she gets stopped by Customs. Kitten is in the country illegally and now she is in big trouble.
Kitten has to wait around for Jake to show up and there are fighting words before the Lurve Force Mojo roofie kissing begins. Jake tells Kitten he loves her, Kitten tells Jake she will give up being a famous reporter to his even more famous and really rich wife and Jake is off the hook for coronation, the King has survived the Fiancee is actually his.
We leave Jake and Kitten supposedly really married and ready to head back to those shores of Purple Transcendent Bliss for another SM HPlandia HEA.
This one was just too dated to make it in the modern world. Not so much because of the theme, but because this h was the epitome of Very Ugly American travelling abroad and really, it was only through the machinations of SM that she even survived.
In the middle of a group of armed and very medieval thinking men is NOT the place to argue your American Civil Rights - particularly when you are not IN America and these particular people are renown for the high ransoms they extract from their hostages and for the amount of ladies they sell off every year.
The H definitely had his half-hearted domineering chauvinistic moments, but this h would drive a nun to drink. (Not being a nun myself, I had half a bottle and only stopped cause I have to work in the morning.)
SM had a good idear that went badly, badly off the rails with this one and while it is very vintagey in it's way, it doesn't age well into the modern era and was rather a disappointing HPlandia outing.