Prepare to Love: 100 Questions and Answers

by Leonard Adams

This book takes 100 real-life questions from actual people and endeavors to bring us back to the self-love and self-worth we didn't have to be convinced of before we were talked out of it by the cruelties and pains of life and circumstances. The goal of this book (and others before and to follow) is to advocate for this and that, instead of this or that. Cruelties and pains have taught us so much, but the goal is to learn the lessons without the price being paid by love.

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It's tempting to see the world as a counselor in terms of us and them, as in they're the ones with the problems, and we're the ones with the solutions—especially as a young counselor. But I quickly realized that the tools I was given to help others were tools I could use to help myself.

Because I didn't trust anyone, thus making myself accountable to no one, the process of recovery was very slow, tedious, laborious, frustrating, and there were many times I lost hope. But it didn't take long for me to realize that this process was exactly what I needed, though at the time I wasn't sure why. For me, in the beginning, it was just a way to face and overcome the pain that I had called life. It was answers to all the whys I had. Over the decades, though, it became much more.

I began to realize that there were moments that shattered me, incident by incident, but that there were times before any of those incidents. Times when I wasn't afraid to love or be loved. Times before my heart was broken—times when my heart was whole. Granted, they were in very early childhood, but they existed. Even when the abuse and neglect began, I still yearned to love and be loved, but pain and disappointment slowly chipped away at hope, till all hope for being loved was lost. It became a self-fulfilled prophecy for me to keep people away, thus "proving" that I was unloved and, indeed, unlovable.

Understanding the need to forgive to regain my life and my power took decades. I thought that, reaching that place, I was whole.

But I wasn't.

I still spent additional decades denying myself the love I deserved from me while I worked to make others feel the love I wish I had. This still resulted in my feeling lonely, incomplete, angry at myself for not insisting on maintaining boundaries, and frustration at others for not loving me the way I loved them.

Then, over time, it slowly dawned on me like the beauty of nature that surrounds me unnoticed, decade after decade, until time, life, and circumstance conspire to create an epiphany out of what had been taken for granted, that I missed the most important part. The part where it all began. The part that had no question.

That part began with me—loving myself with a gentle tenderness, and from that love I was able to love others. Knowing, without being taught, that I was worthy, before cruelty convinced me I wasn't. Realizing that cruelty was wrong, and life was right. Cruelty lied to me, but love was my first teacher.

Healing from pain is beautiful, but the objective is to relearn how we loved before the pain while remembering the lessons pain taught us.

302 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 16, 2024

Reviews

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fun read with practical advice to integrate into your relationship with a partner or yourself. Leonard covers just about every relationship dynamic possible. 10/10!

[Danay Pérez Pérez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Versátil, vale la pena para regalarlo.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not what I expected—it was like reading a whole book of Dear Abby columns. Most of the advice seemed spot on.