Almost, Texas

by James Bailey

Charmer Lewis had the looks of a male model and the smarts of a Harvard student. One would think he would be on top of the world, but that was not the case. Even as a small boy, he was always wondering why he was on this planet and the true meaning of his existence. He excelled in sports, but never enjoyed them. Not really. A home run or a strikeout never affected him like his peers. He was a beautiful man, with many female admirers, but had no real interest in anyone or anything His whole family died in a car crash when he was in his late teens, and, although saddened this happened, he really never had a deep connection with any of them. All of these things started to go round and round his brain until one morning, he got up and decided he had to do something drastic. Hence, he walked out of Harvard and stuck his thumb out at the nearest highway. Not soon after his trip takes him to uncharted territory when an escaped mental patient he encounters at a local diner accidentally shoots and kills the waitress who serves them. Now he not only has an unwanted guest to accompany him, but the fiancé of the now deceased waitress, who just happens to be the local sheriff, in hot pursuit. During this journey he runs into a cast of quirky and unforgettable characters who believe that happiness for them could be found at the 50th anniversary of the Roswell UFO crash or in a pint of Vodka.

350 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 18, 2013

Reviews

[Walt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bailey offers his readers a quick and witty introduction to American culture. This is a humorous story, part comedy, part fantasy, inspired by real life. The writing style is crisp and engaging. The story, and all of its many threads, move at a quick pace. The entire narrative builds to a massive climax; but instead suddenly ends on something like a cliffhanger.

Charmer Lewis has it made. Rich, smart, and handsome. Everyone says so. He is bored with life at Harvard. So one day he decides to just walk out and hitch-hike across the country. He is looking to be picked up by a blonde woman driving a Mercedes. It is a strange sign, and a strange fact that readers quickly forget. This book takes place on the road between Louisiana and New Mexico. Hi-jinks happen in one spot after another. Lewis builds a fellowship of larger-than-life characters who are all showing signs of insanity. Lewis thinks of them as social outcasts, something like himself, except everyone wants Charmer to join them.

The fellowship of weirdos separates and comes together again and again. Some chapters focus on individuals as they have their own side quests. The absurdity builds as more and more outrageous characters fall into the orbit of the fellowship. Fans of Seinfeld will easily recognize the comedy trope of a normal male surrounded by insanity. In this case, the side quests, the growing cast of characters, and the elusive goals of all of the characters slowly coalesce into a single hive-minded goal. Well, hive-minded for everyone except Charmer.

Bailey does a lovely job with the insanity and the absurdity. It is beautifully written. The interactions between the many characters slow smoothly and believably. A lot of stereotypes are uncomfortably on display (self-loathing gay man, stupid rednecks, prostitute with a heart of gold, lawman outside the law, etc). The only ethnic stereotype being "Cajun." Their stupidity must be accepted because they are white. He deftly avoids trouble with his stereotyping by making the Muslim hotel owner into a Hindu, and the African-Americans into used car salesmen. But over-indulging stereotypes is exactly what makes this novel funny and engaging.

The only criticism is the ending. It rather falls flat. The entire novel introduces a lot of people whose stories gradually come together with a single-minded purpose, only to suddenly end. Even the climatic showdown between the fellowship and the lawman is disappointing. Predictable, but disappointing. A sandstorm leaves the ending open to interpretation. As Charmer leaves the fellowship and moves on to another chapter in his wild ride. Why did Bailey suddenly drop the absurdity and become serious?

Overall, it is a fun adventure. Charmer's journey from Almost, LA (the locals in this Louisiana town think it is almost Texas, and give the book its title) to Roswell, NM is fun and quick. The novel moves at a rapid pace with short chapters and a lot of comedy. Gradually, the books abandons the comedy and turns more serious. Why? Readers are likely to identify and relate to the many characters who are visible in the book, building connections between Bailey and the reader.

[Sarah Butland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious and comical, a showcase of the bizarre and how many characters can tell a great story.

Though it needs a bit more editing, Almost, Texas was a great read once I committed to it. From big ears and humongous noses, the story of Charmer Lewis and his adventures takes the reader on the ride of a lifetime. Certainly not the story I was expecting, complete with former Harvard student turned hitch hiker, James Bailey knows how to spin a tale of imaginary proportions.

With the many characters including Bozo and Leroy, Sunny, Lydia, Sheriff Hogg and Big Honey, the hero of this tale will surprise you as they all find their way to Roswell, New Mexico to meet an even more bizarre conclusion.

Bailey mastered the ability to introduce us to many characters and have me curious and caring about each one, even the elusive Wil Rogers who wound through this book without showing his face.

A definite read for anyone looking for a good chuckle.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah Butland

[Kevin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Finished it

This book was extremely cheesy but I slogged through and finished anyway. The story was ridiculous and the writing elementary.