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Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set You Free
In•vin•ci•ble: incapable of being overcome
“When you grow up living with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesn’t know how to deal with that.”—From the Foreword by Tony Robbins
According to UNICEF, growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than a billion people. Yet, too few people are aware of the profound impact it can have.
Invincible seeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violence—and those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them.
Through powerful first-person stories, including the author’s own experiences, as well as insightful commentary based on the most recent social science and psychology research, Invincible not only offers a deeper understanding of the concerns and challenges of domestic violence, but also provides proven strategies everyone can use to reclaim their lives and futures.
What did you learn growing up with domestic violence? Do you know how this has had an impact on your life? How have you dealt with it?
Today, are there certain things about yourself that you wish weren’t true? Many of them aren’t. They are lies you learned.
Invincible exposes the lies, reveals the truths, and offers the insight and the skills you need to go from feeling and acting:
Guilty to Free
Resentful to Compassionate
Sad to Grateful
Angry to Passionate
Hopeless to Guided
Worthless to Accomplished
Fearful to Confident
Self-Conscious to Attractive
Unloved to Loved
The truth is, no obstacle you will ever face can compare to what you went through as a child and have already conquered. The author is donating all net royalties to the Children of Domestic Violence Foundation (CDV).
“When you grow up living with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesn’t know how to deal with that.”—From the Foreword by Tony Robbins
According to UNICEF, growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than a billion people. Yet, too few people are aware of the profound impact it can have.
Invincible seeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violence—and those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them.
Through powerful first-person stories, including the author’s own experiences, as well as insightful commentary based on the most recent social science and psychology research, Invincible not only offers a deeper understanding of the concerns and challenges of domestic violence, but also provides proven strategies everyone can use to reclaim their lives and futures.
What did you learn growing up with domestic violence? Do you know how this has had an impact on your life? How have you dealt with it?
Today, are there certain things about yourself that you wish weren’t true? Many of them aren’t. They are lies you learned.
Invincible exposes the lies, reveals the truths, and offers the insight and the skills you need to go from feeling and acting:
Guilty to Free
Resentful to Compassionate
Sad to Grateful
Angry to Passionate
Hopeless to Guided
Worthless to Accomplished
Fearful to Confident
Self-Conscious to Attractive
Unloved to Loved
The truth is, no obstacle you will ever face can compare to what you went through as a child and have already conquered. The author is donating all net royalties to the Children of Domestic Violence Foundation (CDV).
288 pages, Hardcover
First published September 30, 2014
118 people are currently reading
905 people want to read
About the author
Brian F. Martin
2 books15 followersBrian F. Martin is one of the billion people alive today who grew up living with domestic violence. The impact of this experience lasted into adulthood, but his quest for answers to long-unasked questions eventually led him to a revelation: the unlikely gifts and hidden truths that the experience gave him—and has given others who have lived through the same circumstances.
By rejecting the lies that he believed throughout his life, he set himself on a course to reach his full potential. He founded several multimillion-dollar global businesses, cultivated a confident mind-set, forged loving relationships, and developed a deep connection with his children.
In 2007, he founded CDV—Children of Domestic Violence—an international non-profit organization dedicated to connecting and supporting anyone who grew up living with domestic violence.
Brian and his work have been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, the Wall Street Journal, and Forbes. He has testified before Congress, appeared on national television programs including Dr. Phil, and produced the award-winning documentary The Children Next Door.
He was born in Newark, New Jersey, and today lives a few towns away with his two most favorite people in all the world: his daughter, Ella, and son, Frank.
By rejecting the lies that he believed throughout his life, he set himself on a course to reach his full potential. He founded several multimillion-dollar global businesses, cultivated a confident mind-set, forged loving relationships, and developed a deep connection with his children.
In 2007, he founded CDV—Children of Domestic Violence—an international non-profit organization dedicated to connecting and supporting anyone who grew up living with domestic violence.
Brian and his work have been featured in the New York Times, USA Today, the Wall Street Journal, and Forbes. He has testified before Congress, appeared on national television programs including Dr. Phil, and produced the award-winning documentary The Children Next Door.
He was born in Newark, New Jersey, and today lives a few towns away with his two most favorite people in all the world: his daughter, Ella, and son, Frank.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 473 reviews
August 6, 2014
"I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review."
Domestic Violence affects more people you will meet everyday than you can even begin to realize. You may meet adults who are childhood survivors of domestic violence or meet people currently in an abusive situation. It is important to understand the things that all of these people have in common in able to help them to move past the abuse and become productive members of our society. This book helps you gain an understanding of people who have grown up with domestic abuse as well as ways to become free. I recommend reading this book if you have suffered from abuse, witnessed abuse or love anyone who has been or is in this situation.
Domestic Violence affects more people you will meet everyday than you can even begin to realize. You may meet adults who are childhood survivors of domestic violence or meet people currently in an abusive situation. It is important to understand the things that all of these people have in common in able to help them to move past the abuse and become productive members of our society. This book helps you gain an understanding of people who have grown up with domestic abuse as well as ways to become free. I recommend reading this book if you have suffered from abuse, witnessed abuse or love anyone who has been or is in this situation.
August 30, 2014
As a girl who grew up living in domestic violence situations her whole life, I must say, this book is a revelation. I've had years and years of therapy which did not even touch the tip of the iceberg of problems I still face. However, after receiving this book in exchange for a review, I must say, THANK YOU for the opportunity to read this.... It definitely touched my soul. I received this book for free from Smiley360!
September 7, 2014
I was given this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
You all know that I mostly read Young Adult books and am a pediatrician by trade. Both of these are reasons why I agreed to read this book because domestic violence is pervasive in our society, and I felt this was a topic that really needs to be highlighted. After reading this book, I'm moved and want to share this book with everyone I know-- those who have had domestic violence in their childhood, and those who know people who have. I think even the general public can learn from this book as well.
Brian F. Martin bravely reveals his own story of abuse as he opens up Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set you Free. He has become very successful and wants to pass on his story to other survivors. Each chapter is about another lie these children learn to believe growing up with this history and how they can break out of the vicious cycle of abuse. One factor that was key in this book was the fact that children are more affected by the abuse they see done to their loved ones than the abuse they suffer to their own bodies because they are overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that they were unable to "save" others. This resonated with me because I never realized how much worse that was, although the public always seems more horrified by the bruises they can actually see.
I feel like anyone who has dealt with trauma, mild or severe, in their lives will be helped by the good tips in this book. We've all had negative experiences, and although we may not have been directly abused or seen a loved one abused, no family is perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone alive believed one of these lies in their lives. The tips Brian has provided to overcome these lies can be used by anyone. I personally have never been physically abused, but I could definitely identify with some of these lies and the stories that Brian shares of other abuse victims.
The setup of the book is very effective, seamlessly weaving personal stories with messages of hope and tips to break out of negative cycles, as well as providing data and medical evidence to back up his findings. I found myself reading from cover to cover in a day, which actually hasn't even happened with fiction recently.
If I have anything negative to say about this book, it's that its scope may be too narrow. There is no doubt that this book is a personal letter to those who have been directly affected by physical or psychological abuse in their childhoods. But I feel like this book is more universal than the author probably thought. Like I said above, I think that this can be applied to people who have seen others affected by abuse, and that medical professionals and those in schools can really be helped by this book. Brian talks about the biggest reason that people break out of negative molds and their personal histories is by finding The One, the person who gives them hope and makes them realize that they aren't worthless and that they can become successful, powerful individuals who can change the lives of people around them in a positive manner. In fact, I think that educating people on how they can be The One for others is such a valuable tool. Perhaps this is fodder for an entirely new book. I'd like to know how to identify children/adults who need our help, and how best to help them, because I know silence and not talking about things are a large way in how these people isolate themselves.
Overall, I think this is an extremely important book, and fills a niche that hasn't yet been filled. I laud Brian for his bravery and commitment in making other lives better, and I want him to continue writing books and articles to forward this powerful message.
You all know that I mostly read Young Adult books and am a pediatrician by trade. Both of these are reasons why I agreed to read this book because domestic violence is pervasive in our society, and I felt this was a topic that really needs to be highlighted. After reading this book, I'm moved and want to share this book with everyone I know-- those who have had domestic violence in their childhood, and those who know people who have. I think even the general public can learn from this book as well.
Brian F. Martin bravely reveals his own story of abuse as he opens up Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set you Free. He has become very successful and wants to pass on his story to other survivors. Each chapter is about another lie these children learn to believe growing up with this history and how they can break out of the vicious cycle of abuse. One factor that was key in this book was the fact that children are more affected by the abuse they see done to their loved ones than the abuse they suffer to their own bodies because they are overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that they were unable to "save" others. This resonated with me because I never realized how much worse that was, although the public always seems more horrified by the bruises they can actually see.
I feel like anyone who has dealt with trauma, mild or severe, in their lives will be helped by the good tips in this book. We've all had negative experiences, and although we may not have been directly abused or seen a loved one abused, no family is perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone alive believed one of these lies in their lives. The tips Brian has provided to overcome these lies can be used by anyone. I personally have never been physically abused, but I could definitely identify with some of these lies and the stories that Brian shares of other abuse victims.
The setup of the book is very effective, seamlessly weaving personal stories with messages of hope and tips to break out of negative cycles, as well as providing data and medical evidence to back up his findings. I found myself reading from cover to cover in a day, which actually hasn't even happened with fiction recently.
If I have anything negative to say about this book, it's that its scope may be too narrow. There is no doubt that this book is a personal letter to those who have been directly affected by physical or psychological abuse in their childhoods. But I feel like this book is more universal than the author probably thought. Like I said above, I think that this can be applied to people who have seen others affected by abuse, and that medical professionals and those in schools can really be helped by this book. Brian talks about the biggest reason that people break out of negative molds and their personal histories is by finding The One, the person who gives them hope and makes them realize that they aren't worthless and that they can become successful, powerful individuals who can change the lives of people around them in a positive manner. In fact, I think that educating people on how they can be The One for others is such a valuable tool. Perhaps this is fodder for an entirely new book. I'd like to know how to identify children/adults who need our help, and how best to help them, because I know silence and not talking about things are a large way in how these people isolate themselves.
Overall, I think this is an extremely important book, and fills a niche that hasn't yet been filled. I laud Brian for his bravery and commitment in making other lives better, and I want him to continue writing books and articles to forward this powerful message.
August 15, 2014
I feel very fortunate to be a part of Smiley360.com because I was lucky enough to be able to read the first chapter of this book for FREE for the sole purpose of my review. I am proud to say that this review is my own, honest opinion. First, I love the fact that author is donating all future royalties to CDV!! This is definitely THE MOST emotional and humbling missions to date. But it opened up the doors for some conversations that my siblings and I haven't had in many years. So, for that I'm very thankful. In a very special way, this has brought us all a little closer together. CDV is an issue very close to mine and my siblings heart as we suffered (and witnessed) more abuse than any child should ever suffer or witness. I'm so thankful to the author, Brian Martin, for bringing CVD to the forefront of conversation. As children, we were taught to be ashamed and to hide the abuse. For us, learning to speak the truth was one of the hardest things. However, as we grew up, learning to share our experiences and to learn to live with what happened to us was a struggle for each and every one of us. For me, personally, learning how to share with people what happened to me and learning to accept it was just as hard as the abuse itself. I'm so thankful that CDV is discussed in such honesty and openness in this book. And I honestly can not wait to read the rest of the book. I HIGHLY recommend this book to everyone. Because whether you suffered through abuse or not, we ALL know someone who has. This book will help both sufferers and those helping those of us who have suffered.
August 16, 2014
I'm a member of Smiley360 and I received a free sample chapter for my review. I liked the first chapter so far. However, I'm not quiet sure I understand the message. I'm a survivor of Childhood Domestic Violence. I went through an extreme case and by the grace of God I'm still here. Some things are harder to overcome than others. I forgave my father for what he did, but I can't forget especially since I see a daily reminder of his abuse every time I look in the mirror. I guess I would be considered a success story. I'm 45, with a child that is 26 years old. I broke the cycle so he did not ever see or go through the hell that I did. Once I realized what happened was not my fault. I became empowered to stop the abuse and not become a statistic or just another number. My family tell me that I'm the strong one. I have four sisters and two brothers. I took most of the abuse along with my mother. We finally said enough is enough when I turned 12 years old. I think that if I had this book and the resources available now that my situation would not have been so extreme. I believe that this book will help those that weren't so lucky to have been able to get out and see a life without violence. Thank you for allowing me to read this chapter. I look forward to reading the rest of the book.
September 7, 2014
Growing up I didn't know the things I went through weren't "normal". While I realize now that my family definitely isn't that different from many others, not everyone lived with violence. My mother dealt with physical and verbal abuse for about 9 years of her marriage to my father. He did leave and during that time my mother grew strong enough that when he came back, she stood up to him. Domestic violence truly knows no bounds and happens in poor homes and rich homes. I think it was great read and really let me affirm that I wasn't alone. It would be great for adults to read as well as teens and even pre-teens if they are ready for it. Anyone who has dealt with domestic violence should read this. While I received an excerpt of this book for free to read and review, all opinions are my own.
August 14, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review, but the opinions here are solely my own. I read the excerpt and was amazed at how many people are affected by Domestic Violence. Invincible is great for someone who has been affected or knows someone who has, because Brian Martin does a good job at showing that you are not alone and how others have dealt with and overcome the pain. I personally haven't been affected and feel like Invincible would help others who haven't be able to learn how to help people who have. This would definitely be a great book to read fully through and I say this after reading only the first chapter of Brian Martins book. I highly recommend it, and can see this book being used and talked about for many years to come.
August 20, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review.
I have spent over 6 years volunteering at a domestic violence shelter for women and also worked with male abusers for over 5 years. It is rare that a book like this comes along that really grabs my attention where I just sit back and say "wow this author really understands the struggle".
I have to say that this was one of those books. I believe it to be an amazing tool that can be used to show people who have not suffered through domestic violence a complete picture as to how deeply it affects those that have. I highly recommend this book.
I have spent over 6 years volunteering at a domestic violence shelter for women and also worked with male abusers for over 5 years. It is rare that a book like this comes along that really grabs my attention where I just sit back and say "wow this author really understands the struggle".
I have to say that this was one of those books. I believe it to be an amazing tool that can be used to show people who have not suffered through domestic violence a complete picture as to how deeply it affects those that have. I highly recommend this book.
August 29, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review. This book really touches home to me. As a child I grew up in a home with Domestic violence a situation that I was embarrassed about and which I always kept silent about. I really love this book because it makes an advocacy for awareness of domestic violence and for those that maybe did not go through this be able to understand. What really is touching about this book is that yes! people that went through this as a child are able to reclaim their lives and move on. I definitely recommend this book it is inspiring and a good read. This book can help transform your life.
August 7, 2014
I was FORNUATE enough to be able to learn about this book through Smiley360.com where I was giving the chance to review this on a mission by reading a free excerpt from the book.. to prevent and discuss Childhood Domestic Violence and the affects it has on children and their families. I read the excerpts and was amazed by the bravery the author Brian Martin had to write about such a sensitive and often times taboo topic. Most people don't understand what goes on behind the scenes when someone grows up in a household of domestic volience and what a negative impact that could have on them growing up into adulthood. The shame, guilt, confusion and pain all expressed by Brian Martin in this book Invincible. Brian says it best in the book "When you grow up with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesnt know how to deal with that". Thats EXACTLY true and it can be so difficult to seperate yourself from what you see into what is healthy.. It shatters my heart to read about the "worthlessness" one feels when they have spent their childhood watching such degrading behavior take place. The sheer courage to write this book is something we all can applaud. I have shared this with some loved ones of mine in whom I know have also had experiences with Domestic Violence. I hope it brings them some comfort to know there are others who have battled this affliction as well.. I am honored to have read part of this and look forward to reading the entire after I have purchased it.
August 6, 2014
I was able to read the first chapter of this book as part of a mission for Smiley360. I received this portion of this book for the purpose of my opinions, all these opinions are completely my own. After reading the first chapter of this book I really wanted to read more. I am very glad I was not a child of Domestic abuse. I see and hear of way too many children being raised in homes where this is going on and it truly breaks my heart. I think too many children and adults suffer in silence and it is time we put an end to this. I look forward to reading the full book when it comes out in February. Thank you Brian Martin for writing this book and helping so many people out there that are suffering and afraid to speak and Thank you Smiley360 for standing up for a cause!
August 11, 2014
I am a member of Smiley360 and I received an excerpt of this book for the purpose of my review. My opinions are completely my own. This book seems like it is great for someone who grew up and was affected by domestic violence. Invincible seems like it offers a lot of information on domestic violence and how you can change the course of your life. Your life and what is to become of it doesn't have to be negatively effected by your experiences. I can't wait to read the whole book that I know is filled with inspirational stories about people and their lives. I think this book makes it clear that you don't have to let your past define you. What is also really great is that all of the money made from this book goes to the Children of Domestic Violence.
September 4, 2015
i was very lucky to have the chance to read a sample of this book from Smilely360 for the purpose of this review and just by reading the foreward the preface and the first chapter it has really opened my eyes to how serious this subject is. The number of people affect is crazy and i am glad i wasnt apart of it but i know many who were and i didnt relize what they go through. i was able to base this off of the first chapter alone and i am so ready to read the rest of this book when it comes out! thank you so much for the opportunity to read this sample!
September 9, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review. The Excerpt I read was great. Had no idea how badly children growing up seeing domestic violence first hand affect them. The piece I read actually took me back. I myself saw my mom become a victim, and never realized how it impacted my life until now. Although I have only read a small portion, my opinions of this book are VERY HIGH. I recommend this read to EVERYONE. This is a REAL and is happening everyday. *Opinions are 100% my own.
August 13, 2014
I was able to read part of this book for Smiley360 for the purpose of this review. Growing up as a child of domestic abuse between my own father and mother and then again with my mother and stepfather, I completely connected with the book. I would love to get this book and finish reading to see what other kids have gone through and learn how I can help kids. It was a bit hard reading it because it brought back old memories but I look forward ot reading the whole thing.
August 22, 2014
I read some of the previews to Invincible .it looks to be an honest view if a terrible trend in America .i had a friend go through it .i think the part about lying to yourself is true people need to escape this horrible situation and get away as far as possible I found the book from Smiley360 which I am a long time member I will surely want to read it when I get the book thanks for being open and honest. I read the free excerpts from a link Via Smiley360. Thanks
September 9, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review from Smiley360. I have to say that this is a great book. After reading it and growing up in a household with domestic violence it touched many areas of my life. It is a great read for anyone on the outside looking in and for those who are unfortunately on the inside. Everyone knows someone affected by domestic violence, this book does a great job of helping you relate and help them as well as how they can help themselves.
September 9, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review, but the opinions here are solely my own. I read the excerpt and was amazed at how many people are affected by Domestic Violence. I myself was a victim of domestic violence and I think he covered the subject very well. Recommend that others read this book.
September 7, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review. However, the opinions are 100% mine. The book is touching on something this is plaguing are community. It's almost like a silent killer. I am so glad someone wrote a book to help those that are seeking freedom from the demons.
August 21, 2014
i was lucky enough to find out about this book through Smiley360. I'm so glad I did! This is an amazing read & I will be recommending it to everyone!
June 11, 2020
As a child that grew up in a home with domestic violence, this book resonated with me on all levels!! The lies consumed me and I sought out many many therapists throughout my 5 decades of life. Bravo Brian Martin for writing this book! What a God send for me! So many of my truths, you wrote about. I have highlighted so much in the book and wept many tears understanding the pain and truths of it all.
I am certain I will pick it up to read again and have shared many words in the book with my therapist.
I am certain I will pick it up to read again and have shared many words in the book with my therapist.
August 25, 2018
Very enlightening
This book has been very helpful to me. It’s cleared up,a lot of misconceptions and helped me to understand myself. Strongly recommended for anyone who’s experienced growing up in a home where domestic violence happened.
This book has been very helpful to me. It’s cleared up,a lot of misconceptions and helped me to understand myself. Strongly recommended for anyone who’s experienced growing up in a home where domestic violence happened.
July 9, 2020
I wish I had a copy to give to all my clients: past, present and future.
January 23, 2021
One of the best books I've read.
October 10, 2022
Very relevant and painfully true and empowering for adult children of domestic violence. Highly recommended
October 13, 2014
‘Can a childhood filled with violence and pain be transformed into one filled with strength, love and freedom?’
According to UNICEF (as quoted in this book’s description), growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than one billion people. What are the impacts on those children who survive to adulthood? Is it possible to (somehow) move beyond those impacts, and break out of what can so often become a self-perpetuating cycle of abuse? When we think of abuse, we often think of physical violence. But abuse takes many forms, and the effects of abuse are not always obvious.
‘For a child, witnessing domestic violence is as psychologically damaging as being physically abused.’
In this book, Brian Martin (himself a survivor of abuse) sets out to uncover the ten lies that abused children learn to believe (including how the abuse is their fault and their sense of guilt for not being able to save others). Each chapter addresses one of these lies, and includes a path from the lie to its corresponding truth. What I particularly like about Mr Martin’s approach is that he provides an explanation for why (and how) the lie becomes accepted as truth. For example, we believe as children that we are responsible for the violence we lived with because while the emotional brain is fully developed, the neocortex (the logical thinking centre of the brain) is not fully developed until adulthood. Over time, this belief becomes ‘true’ and we do not challenge it.
‘Guilt driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future.’
While those interested in (but not personally directly affected by) domestic violence as children may be able to read this book straight through, I’d recommend that domestic violence survivors deal with one chapter at a time, and undertake the exercises suggested in each chapter, before moving to the next chapter. While each chapter is important and has its own wisdom to impart, for me the reading order is less important than tackling and completing one chapter at a time. And, for some of us, it may well be necessary to revisit some chapters more than once.
There is hope in this book: the possibility of learning how to break out of negative (and self-destructive) cycles. For me personally, a key phrase is that: ‘Between a stimulus and a response there is a gap in time.’ And that gap provides an opportunity to consider which response might be most appropriate (for you) to the stimulus. You may not be able to change the stimulus, but there may be a more appropriate response to it.
I would recommend this book to anyone who cares about their fellow human beings. If you were fortunate enough not to suffer as a consequence of childhood domestic violence, this book will help you to better understand some of the actions of those who have. If you have suffered, this book will provide you with some very useful tools for taking control of your life rather than reacting to the pain of your past. It takes courage to make changes.
Note: My review is based on an uncorrected galley proof which was provided to me prior to publication.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
According to UNICEF (as quoted in this book’s description), growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than one billion people. What are the impacts on those children who survive to adulthood? Is it possible to (somehow) move beyond those impacts, and break out of what can so often become a self-perpetuating cycle of abuse? When we think of abuse, we often think of physical violence. But abuse takes many forms, and the effects of abuse are not always obvious.
‘For a child, witnessing domestic violence is as psychologically damaging as being physically abused.’
In this book, Brian Martin (himself a survivor of abuse) sets out to uncover the ten lies that abused children learn to believe (including how the abuse is their fault and their sense of guilt for not being able to save others). Each chapter addresses one of these lies, and includes a path from the lie to its corresponding truth. What I particularly like about Mr Martin’s approach is that he provides an explanation for why (and how) the lie becomes accepted as truth. For example, we believe as children that we are responsible for the violence we lived with because while the emotional brain is fully developed, the neocortex (the logical thinking centre of the brain) is not fully developed until adulthood. Over time, this belief becomes ‘true’ and we do not challenge it.
‘Guilt driven people are manipulated by memories. They allow their past to control their future.’
While those interested in (but not personally directly affected by) domestic violence as children may be able to read this book straight through, I’d recommend that domestic violence survivors deal with one chapter at a time, and undertake the exercises suggested in each chapter, before moving to the next chapter. While each chapter is important and has its own wisdom to impart, for me the reading order is less important than tackling and completing one chapter at a time. And, for some of us, it may well be necessary to revisit some chapters more than once.
There is hope in this book: the possibility of learning how to break out of negative (and self-destructive) cycles. For me personally, a key phrase is that: ‘Between a stimulus and a response there is a gap in time.’ And that gap provides an opportunity to consider which response might be most appropriate (for you) to the stimulus. You may not be able to change the stimulus, but there may be a more appropriate response to it.
I would recommend this book to anyone who cares about their fellow human beings. If you were fortunate enough not to suffer as a consequence of childhood domestic violence, this book will help you to better understand some of the actions of those who have. If you have suffered, this book will provide you with some very useful tools for taking control of your life rather than reacting to the pain of your past. It takes courage to make changes.
Note: My review is based on an uncorrected galley proof which was provided to me prior to publication.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
September 27, 2014
I was very lucky to have received a free excerpts of Invincible and participate in this activity.
I think this book is wonderful, it is a mix of facts, personal experiences, and helpful advice for everyone, whether you were affected by childhood domestic violence or not.
I started reading and immediately got hooked, Brain Martin reaches out in a very relative, personal and genuine way.
I felt like this book is a journey that is very beneficial, a journey that is therapeutic, healing, provides self revelation and growth. His book is amazing, and a toolbox that I think everyone should have.
"At the end of each chapter there are simple "exercises" that will guide you to take one simple action that will create a habit, and the habit will create the outcome that you are seeking"
Brian provides and summarizes extremely effective "tools and strategies to create change so you can realize what you were meant to experience in this life, your dreams and desired outcomes (not goals, because goals are hopes and outcomes happen).
So take this journey with me and receive this genuine message of possibility, delivered through the authentic voices of those
who have successfully fought hard against the darkness. Their
stories may not be complete. We all have more growing to do, but
we are now moving toward our most important desired outcomes,
as opposed to away from them and doing so happily. Our thoughts
are pleasant most of the time.
Even if you didn’t get those same opportunities, even if you
haven’t been able to change your environment or encountered
someone caring and insightful enough to intervene and help you
see through the lies, you have the power to take those first steps
on your terms.
Anyone can create the life he or she desires. You too can join
the ranks of courageous men and women who have decided to
see themselves not as victims but as whom they really
are free,
compassionate, grateful, trusting, passionate, guided, accomplished, confident, attractive, and loving. Your time is now.
You deserve this; your loved ones deserve this. This was who you were
meant to be"
September 9, 2014
Invincible discusses the pervasive issue of Childhood Domestic Violence. The author, Brian F. Martin uses his own childhood as a way to enlighten others concerning a delicate subject that most often has a profound effect on the lives of those who live through it. Personally, I have relatives and friends whose lives have been marred by CDV. It often causes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has done so even for my own mother. I believe that Invincible will be able to deliver on it's promise to help raise awareness of CDV. Children deserve to live without stress and pain marring their young existence.
The book aims to give survivors of CDV the tools and strategies to deal with the lies that they have learned about themselves as children. These untruths can be turned around and dealt with so that the person can live a productive life. Resilience and compassion are two qualities that can be most effective in dealing with Childhood Domestic Violence. I believe this book can help survivors of CDV to be more aware of this resilience within themselves.
I have no doubt that Invincible will enable survivors of CDV to examine their lives and learn to deal with the aftermath in a more effective manner. I cannot wait to read the rest of the chapters. I am hoping to learn how to assist my own family members in dealing with the backlash of the domestic violence they have experienced. The chapters seem to be laid out in a way that will allow for exploration and further understanding of the subject of CDV. I am hoping to convince other family members to read it as well.
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review that included: a Foreword by Tony Robbins, the Preface, the Introduction, and the entirety of Chapter One. I took advantage of the special offer to pre-order Invincible that came with my Smiley360 Mission acceptance and am looking forward to reading the rest of this extraordinary book.
The book aims to give survivors of CDV the tools and strategies to deal with the lies that they have learned about themselves as children. These untruths can be turned around and dealt with so that the person can live a productive life. Resilience and compassion are two qualities that can be most effective in dealing with Childhood Domestic Violence. I believe this book can help survivors of CDV to be more aware of this resilience within themselves.
I have no doubt that Invincible will enable survivors of CDV to examine their lives and learn to deal with the aftermath in a more effective manner. I cannot wait to read the rest of the chapters. I am hoping to learn how to assist my own family members in dealing with the backlash of the domestic violence they have experienced. The chapters seem to be laid out in a way that will allow for exploration and further understanding of the subject of CDV. I am hoping to convince other family members to read it as well.
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review that included: a Foreword by Tony Robbins, the Preface, the Introduction, and the entirety of Chapter One. I took advantage of the special offer to pre-order Invincible that came with my Smiley360 Mission acceptance and am looking forward to reading the rest of this extraordinary book.
August 12, 2014
As a #Smiley360 member I received a free Excerpt of #Invincible for the purpose of my review. Invincible by Brian F Martin. Is a book on Domestic Violence. invincible is a great book for people who are victims of Domestic Violence to read to know how to cope with different issues that they have grew up with are growing up with .I relate to many of the issues spoken in the book. I grew up in a family of Domestic Violent protecting my mother and my sister at the age of 10 .My father who is deceased now would go out drinking and gambling and come home yelling and pushing my mother around . I had to become the big one of the family and learn to defend my mother and bigger sister as life went on. At the age of 13 thinks got worse my Dad abuse My sister and I . Finally as life went on I begged my mother to get out of the life she was living .Finally when we all married and she was by herself . she came to live with me I was 17 when she realized it was time to move on I highly recommend if you are living a life in family violence to buy this book and read it now one deserves to be abuse life is beautiful and there is help out there to get you threw what you are going threw. As he say in the book about sleeping with a knife under pillow I did that many of night as a Child. Now as a grown adult I still suffer the effects . I was so impressed about being given the opportunity to read this book it's awesome I will continue my readings with other books offered thanks #Smiley360 hope to change the life of my family and friends say NO to domestic violence.
August 7, 2014
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review. The opinions following are completely of my own free will. After reading through the Foreward, Preface, and Read me First I was instantly drawn to figure out what else was waiting in the book. What I had read through gave me a sense of enlightenment being a child who grew up witnessing domestic violence on occasions. There are statements in there that are completely true. One statement that stuck out to me was in the first chapter, “To build self-control you must first have self-awareness.” It also discusses the thoughts that went through our minds at that young age and how it makes us feel and impacts us now. In the short few chapters that were available to read I was really impressed in the knowledge I've gained that this is a serious issue and it's completely silent and is immensely common. I'm really looking forward to purchasing this book and reading more about it, and looking more into the CDV.org to learn more information on this subject. I really didn't know that I would be so deeply moved and motivated to learn more about a subject that I've honestly always felt should be kept to ourselves. Honestly we shouldn't be keeping this to ourselves or letting it affect our lives negatively as adults. It's been a real eye opener and honestly I've changed my thought process a little in the few days I've read this and I do feel that I shouldn't let that define who I am NOW.
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