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After Elias
A tragedy shatters Coen’s carefully constructed life.
When the airplane piloted by Elias Santos crashes one week before their wedding day, Coen Caraway loses the man he loves and the illusion of happiness he has worked so hard to create. The only thing Elias leaves behind is a recording of his final words, and even Coen is baffled by the cryptic message.
Numb with grief, he takes refuge on the Mexican island that was meant to host their wedding. But as fragments of the past come to the surface in the aftermath of the tragedy, Coen is forced to question everything he thought he knew about Elias and their life together. Beneath his flawed memory lies the truth about Elias — and himself.
From the damp concrete of Vancouver to the spoiled shores of Mexico, After Elias braids the past with the present to tell a story of doubt, regret, and the fear of losing everything.
When the airplane piloted by Elias Santos crashes one week before their wedding day, Coen Caraway loses the man he loves and the illusion of happiness he has worked so hard to create. The only thing Elias leaves behind is a recording of his final words, and even Coen is baffled by the cryptic message.
Numb with grief, he takes refuge on the Mexican island that was meant to host their wedding. But as fragments of the past come to the surface in the aftermath of the tragedy, Coen is forced to question everything he thought he knew about Elias and their life together. Beneath his flawed memory lies the truth about Elias — and himself.
From the damp concrete of Vancouver to the spoiled shores of Mexico, After Elias braids the past with the present to tell a story of doubt, regret, and the fear of losing everything.
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First published September 1, 2020
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About the author
Eddy Boudel Tan
5 books117 followersEddy Boudel Tan has been a finalist for the Edmund White Award, the ReLit Best Novel Award, and the Ferro-Grumley Award for his novels After Elias and The Rebellious Tide. He was named a Rising Star by Writers’ Trust of Canada in 2021. His short stories can be found in Joyland, Yolk, and various literary journals and anthologies. The Tiger and the Cosmonaut from Penguin Canada is his third novel. Follow Eddy on Instagram (@eddyautomatic) and at eddyboudeltan.com.
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August 27, 2021
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From its heartbreaking first pages, to its lump-in-your-throat epilogue, After Elias is an emotionally charged novel.
Grief, guilt, regret, and fear dominate Tan’s narrative. Coen Caraway and Elias Santos are meant to have a fairy-tale wedding and live happily ever after. One week before their big day, the airplane piloted by Elias crashes into the Arctic Ocean, leaving Coen, who had just arrived on the idyllic Mexican island that was meant to host their wedding, bereft.
When the authorities begin speculating whether the crash wasn’t accidental, Elias becomes a prime suspect. His cryptic final words, “Pronto dios” (“soon god”) disconcert an already grieving Coen.
While his family and friends plead for him to return home, to Vancouver, Coen refuses. His stay on the island however does not keep his doubts at bay. In spite of his insisting that “he is fine”, Coen finds himself spiralling. In the passing days he tries to make sense of this unimaginable tragedy and of his own relationship with Elias.
As the narrative moves from past to present, readers begin to gain a picture of both Coen and Elias.
Coen's grief, confusion, and uncertainties feel strikingly authentic.Tan allows his readers to witness and understand the depth and magnitude of Coen's discordant feelings. Coen’s thoughts, emotions, and impressions are articulated in a subtle yet lyrical language.
I was often surprised, and spellbound, by Tan’s arresting imagery.
Tan renders Coen's pain with exceptional compassion, without sensationalising Coen's—and other characters’—grief and desperation. What particularly struck me was how ‘real’ Coen felt. His fears and anxieties are depicted with incredible authenticity. The way he simultaneously wants and doesn’t want to confront the darkest aspects of his relationship with Elias, his dormant yet inherent conviction that he will never be happy, his inability to express how he feels...everything about him felt real.
Other characters, such as his two best friends, Vivi and Decker, his brother, Clark, the hotel’s bartender, Gabriel, are just as believable. Decker in particular has a complex relationship with Coen, one that will undoubtedly make some readers tear up (I certainly did). These characters are flawed yet capable of change. While readers may not come to know them as well as they do Coen, they will get an impression of what kind of person they are (or want to be). There was one character who wasn't as credible as the others and plays an unnecessary role in Coen's story (but I could easily overlook her given that she is a mere blip in this otherwise stunning novel).
Although Tan doesn't provide lots of descriptions when it comes to the appearance of his characters or the island itself, his narrative is remarkably atmospheric. Tan's discerning prose relays the mood or quality of a certain conversation or moment.
The distinctive and deceptively dream-like setting of the island, as well as Coen's own dreams, reminded me of certain novels by Ann Patchett, in particular State of Wonder and The Magician's Assistant. The way in which Tan approaches painful themes bear resemblance to Benjamin Alire Sáenz's own approach in his more adult novels, such Last Night I Sang to the Monster and In Perfect Light.
Through his prose, which is in turns lucid and opaque, Tan showcases his capacity for empathy and compassion. He offers insights into grief, loneliness, abuse, mental illness, and trauma.
After Elias is an artful and heart-wrenching novel. Although it doesn’t make for ‘easy’ reading material, its cathartic narrative and underlying message of hope are guaranteed to leave a lasting impression.
PS: I'm so grateful to NetGalley for having accepted my request to read After Elias. I'm not sure I would have ever read this novel if I hadn’t spotted on NetGalley’s ‘recently added’ page.
Read more reviews on my blog / / / View all my reviews on Goodreads
From its heartbreaking first pages, to its lump-in-your-throat epilogue, After Elias is an emotionally charged novel.
“People can bring you pain, but nothing will hurt more than the pain you inflict on yourself.”
Grief, guilt, regret, and fear dominate Tan’s narrative. Coen Caraway and Elias Santos are meant to have a fairy-tale wedding and live happily ever after. One week before their big day, the airplane piloted by Elias crashes into the Arctic Ocean, leaving Coen, who had just arrived on the idyllic Mexican island that was meant to host their wedding, bereft.
When the authorities begin speculating whether the crash wasn’t accidental, Elias becomes a prime suspect. His cryptic final words, “Pronto dios” (“soon god”) disconcert an already grieving Coen.
While his family and friends plead for him to return home, to Vancouver, Coen refuses. His stay on the island however does not keep his doubts at bay. In spite of his insisting that “he is fine”, Coen finds himself spiralling. In the passing days he tries to make sense of this unimaginable tragedy and of his own relationship with Elias.
As the narrative moves from past to present, readers begin to gain a picture of both Coen and Elias.
“Life is nothing more than an elaborate house. It starts out small, a simple shelter. Then we build upon it, room by room, believing in the necessity of every expansion, every renovation. By the time we realize it is no longer a shelter but a tomb, it’s too late.”
Coen's grief, confusion, and uncertainties feel strikingly authentic.Tan allows his readers to witness and understand the depth and magnitude of Coen's discordant feelings. Coen’s thoughts, emotions, and impressions are articulated in a subtle yet lyrical language.
I was often surprised, and spellbound, by Tan’s arresting imagery.
“The only sounds in the room are my pounding heart and fitful breathing. I am Lazarus returning from the land of the dead, a corpse trapped by life.”
Tan renders Coen's pain with exceptional compassion, without sensationalising Coen's—and other characters’—grief and desperation. What particularly struck me was how ‘real’ Coen felt. His fears and anxieties are depicted with incredible authenticity. The way he simultaneously wants and doesn’t want to confront the darkest aspects of his relationship with Elias, his dormant yet inherent conviction that he will never be happy, his inability to express how he feels...everything about him felt real.
Other characters, such as his two best friends, Vivi and Decker, his brother, Clark, the hotel’s bartender, Gabriel, are just as believable. Decker in particular has a complex relationship with Coen, one that will undoubtedly make some readers tear up (I certainly did). These characters are flawed yet capable of change. While readers may not come to know them as well as they do Coen, they will get an impression of what kind of person they are (or want to be). There was one character who wasn't as credible as the others and plays an unnecessary role in Coen's story (but I could easily overlook her given that she is a mere blip in this otherwise stunning novel).
Although Tan doesn't provide lots of descriptions when it comes to the appearance of his characters or the island itself, his narrative is remarkably atmospheric. Tan's discerning prose relays the mood or quality of a certain conversation or moment.
The distinctive and deceptively dream-like setting of the island, as well as Coen's own dreams, reminded me of certain novels by Ann Patchett, in particular State of Wonder and The Magician's Assistant. The way in which Tan approaches painful themes bear resemblance to Benjamin Alire Sáenz's own approach in his more adult novels, such Last Night I Sang to the Monster and In Perfect Light.
Through his prose, which is in turns lucid and opaque, Tan showcases his capacity for empathy and compassion. He offers insights into grief, loneliness, abuse, mental illness, and trauma.
After Elias is an artful and heart-wrenching novel. Although it doesn’t make for ‘easy’ reading material, its cathartic narrative and underlying message of hope are guaranteed to leave a lasting impression.
PS: I'm so grateful to NetGalley for having accepted my request to read After Elias. I'm not sure I would have ever read this novel if I hadn’t spotted on NetGalley’s ‘recently added’ page.
Read more reviews on my blog / / / View all my reviews on Goodreads
May 26, 2025
2.1 "two violas are more powerful than eighty seven violins" stars !!!
Thank you to Netgalley, the author and Dundurn Press. This was released October 2020. I am providing an honest review.
First a huge shout....where the bloody heck was the editor...Mr. Tan has beauty and talent in ooodlefulls and I mean oooodlefulls....but this first attempt has absolutely no self control, engaging in saccharine overindulgence and then rainbow vomiting....
The first third was a tender exploration of acute grief with a melodramatic flair that left me teary. I believed in the emotional reactions, the questions, the spirituality....the novel could have stayed here and become a very impactful meditation on gay love and loss....
As more characters become known in the second third...I lose my grounding....a sense of falseness pervades to the point where I no longer believe in the main character or his grief....the dialogue is strange....the connections jarring
The last third becomes a histrionic trauma-fest....I am completely out now and just so very disappointed that this novel completely spun out of maudlin control to the point of nausea....
This could have been amazing but alas....oh alas....
I have another of his novels and will give him another chance....this will sit on my two star shelf and I will keep my fingers and toes crossed....
Thank you to Netgalley, the author and Dundurn Press. This was released October 2020. I am providing an honest review.
First a huge shout....where the bloody heck was the editor...Mr. Tan has beauty and talent in ooodlefulls and I mean oooodlefulls....but this first attempt has absolutely no self control, engaging in saccharine overindulgence and then rainbow vomiting....
The first third was a tender exploration of acute grief with a melodramatic flair that left me teary. I believed in the emotional reactions, the questions, the spirituality....the novel could have stayed here and become a very impactful meditation on gay love and loss....
As more characters become known in the second third...I lose my grounding....a sense of falseness pervades to the point where I no longer believe in the main character or his grief....the dialogue is strange....the connections jarring
The last third becomes a histrionic trauma-fest....I am completely out now and just so very disappointed that this novel completely spun out of maudlin control to the point of nausea....
This could have been amazing but alas....oh alas....
I have another of his novels and will give him another chance....this will sit on my two star shelf and I will keep my fingers and toes crossed....
Read
January 18, 2023«Después de Elías» es una novela sobre la pérdida y sobre cómo no hay una única manera de enfrentarse al luto.
Cuenta la historia de una pareja gay a punto de casarse. A pocos días de la celebración en un lujoso complejo hotelero de una isla mexicana, y cuando Coen, uno de los novios, ya está allí preparándolo todo, las noticias dicen que un avión cargado de pasajeros se ha estrellado en extrañas circunstancias en pleno Ártico. El piloto era el otro novio, Elías.
A partir de aquí se desatan un montón de emociones y recuerdos que nos narran cómo ha sido la vida de ambos durante su noviazgo y antes del mismo. Los distintos orígenes étnicos, sociales y económicos, así como las circunstancias vitales y familiares de ambos, son elementos esenciales en su vida, en su salud mental y en su forma de enfrentarse al mundo. Cuando, a pesar de las sospechas infundidas por los medios de comunicación, Coen decide quedarse en el resort y convertir lo que iba a ser su boda en un homenaje a la vida de su (casi) viudo, sus seres queridos no se lo pueden creer.
Esta novela me ha parecido muy adictiva. Creo que habla de cosas muy importantes y profundas, y que tiene la gran habilidad de suavizarlas gracias al entorno en el que sucede. Además, me ha gustado mucho cómo el autor maneja cierto tono de misterio y cómo la historia está protagonizada por dos hombres gays, pero (como en la vida real) no toda la trama gira en torno a ello. Me ha parecido un entretenimiento estupendo.
Cuenta la historia de una pareja gay a punto de casarse. A pocos días de la celebración en un lujoso complejo hotelero de una isla mexicana, y cuando Coen, uno de los novios, ya está allí preparándolo todo, las noticias dicen que un avión cargado de pasajeros se ha estrellado en extrañas circunstancias en pleno Ártico. El piloto era el otro novio, Elías.
A partir de aquí se desatan un montón de emociones y recuerdos que nos narran cómo ha sido la vida de ambos durante su noviazgo y antes del mismo. Los distintos orígenes étnicos, sociales y económicos, así como las circunstancias vitales y familiares de ambos, son elementos esenciales en su vida, en su salud mental y en su forma de enfrentarse al mundo. Cuando, a pesar de las sospechas infundidas por los medios de comunicación, Coen decide quedarse en el resort y convertir lo que iba a ser su boda en un homenaje a la vida de su (casi) viudo, sus seres queridos no se lo pueden creer.
Esta novela me ha parecido muy adictiva. Creo que habla de cosas muy importantes y profundas, y que tiene la gran habilidad de suavizarlas gracias al entorno en el que sucede. Además, me ha gustado mucho cómo el autor maneja cierto tono de misterio y cómo la historia está protagonizada por dos hombres gays, pero (como en la vida real) no toda la trama gira en torno a ello. Me ha parecido un entretenimiento estupendo.
March 17, 2021
Such a beautiful story that will have you wondering what’s really happened right until the very end (and beyond)
December 6, 2020
Wow, I still have tears in my eyes writing this review. This is an incredible debut, a well deserved 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️, wonderfully written with beautiful descriptions. An underrated book, not in stars but in number of ratings and readings. I accidentally found it. I was searching on NetGalley to request books and stumbled upon ‘The rebellious tide’ by Eddy Boudel Tan. Then I searched on Goodreads and found ‘After Elias’ and saw people gushing about it. So when I could get ‘After Elias’ for free on Koboplus I immediately downloaded it. And requested the other one on NetGalley.
I loved this book. The premise and the way it’s build up reminded me of ‘Hideous beauty’ by William Hussey, one of my most favorite YA books this year. Going from now to then and back again, revealing small things that don’t seem to matter but finally do. Connecting the dots between now and then and realizing you never really know someone:
You can never truly know anyone other than yourself.
It’s a sad story. Two men who truly loved each other, two men with their own past and followed by their own demons. One who desperately wanted to have a normal and happy life, one who desperately wanted to be free. Two men in pain:
People can bring you pain, but nothing will hurt more than the pain you inflict on yourself.
The first half of the story leads to questions, the second half little by little to answers. It’s a dark story but I want to compliment the author for the beautiful and captivating writing. The characters which come so easily to life, the description of the island and Coen who felt so real.
In the second half of the story I had to put my ereader down from time to time because tears blurred my eyes. Sometimes almost every other page. At the same time I wanted to pick it up so badly again. At times I gasped because of the plot twists I didn’t see coming. Things I took for granted but meant something completely different.
The part that touched me most was:
Life is nothing more than an elaborate house. It starts out small, a simple shelter. Then we built upon it, room by room, believing in the necessity of every expansion, every renovation. By the time we realize it is no longer shelter but a tomb, it’s too late.
I’m still crying and I know I found another favorite author. NetGalley and the publisher haven’t granted my request for ‘The rebellious tide’ yet but I really, really hope they do. Because I can’t wait to read another book by Eddy Boudel Tan!
I loved this book. The premise and the way it’s build up reminded me of ‘Hideous beauty’ by William Hussey, one of my most favorite YA books this year. Going from now to then and back again, revealing small things that don’t seem to matter but finally do. Connecting the dots between now and then and realizing you never really know someone:
You can never truly know anyone other than yourself.
It’s a sad story. Two men who truly loved each other, two men with their own past and followed by their own demons. One who desperately wanted to have a normal and happy life, one who desperately wanted to be free. Two men in pain:
People can bring you pain, but nothing will hurt more than the pain you inflict on yourself.
The first half of the story leads to questions, the second half little by little to answers. It’s a dark story but I want to compliment the author for the beautiful and captivating writing. The characters which come so easily to life, the description of the island and Coen who felt so real.
In the second half of the story I had to put my ereader down from time to time because tears blurred my eyes. Sometimes almost every other page. At the same time I wanted to pick it up so badly again. At times I gasped because of the plot twists I didn’t see coming. Things I took for granted but meant something completely different.
The part that touched me most was:
Life is nothing more than an elaborate house. It starts out small, a simple shelter. Then we built upon it, room by room, believing in the necessity of every expansion, every renovation. By the time we realize it is no longer shelter but a tomb, it’s too late.
I’m still crying and I know I found another favorite author. NetGalley and the publisher haven’t granted my request for ‘The rebellious tide’ yet but I really, really hope they do. Because I can’t wait to read another book by Eddy Boudel Tan!
September 4, 2020
“You look so happy. I want to believe it. I really do. But I know how good you are at pretending.”
A plane crashes into the ocean, and Coen Carraway loses the man he loves. He and Elias are due to get married just one week later on a paradisal Mexican island. Among rumours and suggestions in the news that the crash could have had a sinister cause, Coen decides to go ahead with the celebration planned for their wedding day, turning it into a celebration of Elias's life.
Friends and family of Coen share many of the same doubts and discomfort that the reader does, making much of this book an uncomfortable read. It is an ugly and honest exploration of grief and denial, and the author does an excellent job of creating doubts in the reader's mind.
I spent a lot of the first half of the book being made to feel uncomfortable by Coen, and also by Elias via flashbacks. I found that I could put little trust in either of them.
These doubts caused me to debate leaving a more critical review, however when part 2 is reached – over halfway through the book – there is a sudden dark turn, one which makes a lot of these doubts that have been cast suddenly make sense.
The second half of the story in particular is beautifully written – once the reader understands the perspective of the characters more, everything feels more fleshed out. Supporting characters, in particular Vivi, Decker, and Clark, coax the story along with conflict and resolve, and play a big part in making the story so relatable – several times they are there to show the reader that other people are questioning Coen's actions and motives.
For a debut novel in particular, this book is very impressive. I look forward to reading Eddy Boudel Tan's next work, due for release next year.
Content warnings for the book: a rape scene, self-harm, discussions of suicide.
(An ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Thoughts are my own.)
A plane crashes into the ocean, and Coen Carraway loses the man he loves. He and Elias are due to get married just one week later on a paradisal Mexican island. Among rumours and suggestions in the news that the crash could have had a sinister cause, Coen decides to go ahead with the celebration planned for their wedding day, turning it into a celebration of Elias's life.
Friends and family of Coen share many of the same doubts and discomfort that the reader does, making much of this book an uncomfortable read. It is an ugly and honest exploration of grief and denial, and the author does an excellent job of creating doubts in the reader's mind.
I spent a lot of the first half of the book being made to feel uncomfortable by Coen, and also by Elias via flashbacks. I found that I could put little trust in either of them.
These doubts caused me to debate leaving a more critical review, however when part 2 is reached – over halfway through the book – there is a sudden dark turn, one which makes a lot of these doubts that have been cast suddenly make sense.
The second half of the story in particular is beautifully written – once the reader understands the perspective of the characters more, everything feels more fleshed out. Supporting characters, in particular Vivi, Decker, and Clark, coax the story along with conflict and resolve, and play a big part in making the story so relatable – several times they are there to show the reader that other people are questioning Coen's actions and motives.
For a debut novel in particular, this book is very impressive. I look forward to reading Eddy Boudel Tan's next work, due for release next year.
Content warnings for the book: a rape scene, self-harm, discussions of suicide.
(An ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Thoughts are my own.)
July 18, 2020
I received this book for free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest critique.
I had not heard of the book or the author before coming across the this LGBTQ+ title while “browsing” through NetGalley. It was a quick read, but not for any luck of substance, quite the opposite. There was a great mix of universal truths and “home truths” along the way, many heartbreaking moments, often leavened with hard-won humor, and some interesting twists along the way. Ultimately, I would say that this book about death offers up a lot of needed hope, and I look forward to reading more from this author.
I had not heard of the book or the author before coming across the this LGBTQ+ title while “browsing” through NetGalley. It was a quick read, but not for any luck of substance, quite the opposite. There was a great mix of universal truths and “home truths” along the way, many heartbreaking moments, often leavened with hard-won humor, and some interesting twists along the way. Ultimately, I would say that this book about death offers up a lot of needed hope, and I look forward to reading more from this author.
April 16, 2020
I was very lucky to read an advanced copy of After Elias. First of all stop what you’re doing and read this book. And let me grab some tissues. Wow. I honestly only chose to read this because of the cover (I love planes) but what a surprise. I read the whole thing in 2 days. After Elias tells the story of Coen who is Elias’s fiancé dealing with the aftermath of Elias’s sudden death in a plane crash. The scenes in Vancouver gave me nostalgia for the time I spent living there a few years ago. It was really interesting to delve into the complexities of Elias and Coens relationship due to their individual tragic pasts and how it affected them and their relationships with others. This story isn’t a happy one but it is beautiful and heartbreaking and really you should stop reading this and read After Elias.
November 3, 2023
I had initially thought that this would be a gay version of Truly, Madly, Deeply but set in a Mexican holiday island resort. I was wrong - and whilst the book seemed to start off being all about the partner who never turned up to the wedding, it ended up being more about the partner who was left to pick up all the pieces in the aftermath. Progressively throughout the read, we readers are given snippets/clues from Coen's recollections and some observations /concerns from his friends/family. In the final part, Coen's narrative (and even some recollections) are cast into doubt - is the unreliable narrative due to denial or some degree of darker psychopathy. This engaging read kept my full attention throughout.
January 26, 2020
I read this book before it was published and it is amazing! I promise it will make you gasp, cry, long and I don't want to give anything away, but you will definitely have a moment of shock where you flip the pages back reread a few because you can't believe what happens. I strongly recommend it.
September 12, 2020
AFTER ELIAS by Canadian debut author Eddy Boudel Tan promises from the start to be a puzzle: an airline pilot about to be married is killed in a crash and immediately pegged as the main suspect in the disaster. But this is no simple mystery, and the layered psychological struggles and revelations of Elias's grief-stricken fiance kept me furiously turning pages until the very end. With chapters that shift through time along with the narrator's emotions, a cast of very real but relatable secondary characters, and a haunting sense of the past, After Elias gifts the reader with gorgeous, economic prose and the pace of a thriller. I couldn't put it down.
October 11, 2020
1.0 Stars.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a free e-arc.
While reading this novel I was diligently taking notes on my phone for the purposes of drafting this review; sadly, none of these notes reflect much praise or enjoyment on my part concerning this novel.
First off, I need to mention that I did not realise that the author, Eddy Boudel Tan, took heavy inspiration from the widely publicised tragedy of 2015, when the co-pilot of Germanwings flight 9525 intentionally crashed the plane in the French alps, killing hundreds of people, for reasons that will never be known to us.
A very sensitive, emotional, dramatic topic like this, even if only referenced to as ‘inspiration’, needs very careful and tactful handling, in my opinion. This is why I strongly disagree with the entire concept of this novel, which Boudel Tan has turned into, well, let’s call it a love story.
The thing is, I felt this book was lacking seriousness exactly where and when it mattered most. We encounter the protagonist, Coen, who learns his airline pilot fiancé Elias, who he was supposed to meet and marry in a matter of days on a dreamy Mexican island, crashed his plane. The media covering the tragedy instantly speculates whether Elias caused the accident on purpose, due to some audio recordings found on the Blackbox. What follows is … just weird.
Coen is a very irrational characters; his entire reaction to his fiancé’s unexpected death is cold, unfeeling, plainly unbelievable. I also could not understand how there were no authorities involved, at no point in this entire novel. It seems unlikely in any case that no-one would inform Coen of this tragedy (he only learns about the crash and its consequences through the news) and also that no investigators would search out Coen for information on Elias, etc.
In flashbacks, the love story of Coen and Elias is recounted, while in the ‘now’ Coen plans a ‘celebration of Elias’ life’ to take place on the island instead of the wedding. While the latter might just be granted to Coen, however strange it seems (even to the other characters in the book), let’s talk about the love story, which ... Is it really a love story? Not only were both characters supremely unlikable separately, they furthermore had no chemistry in union. At times I was actually wondering if this novel was culminating in the reveal of an abusive relationship, because that is how the story read. While this was, to my surprise, not the case, I honestly would not describe the relationship as healthy, happy and steady, although I felt that this was meant to be portrayed.
Coen, in dealing with the loss, ventures on several random quests that did not overly interest me, of course also in an attempt to figure out whether Elias intentionally crashed the plane, thus killing himself, his crew and passengers. (I was so disengaged from the story, plot and characters by the end of the book that now, weeks after reading, I don’t even remember whether Elias was guilty or not, oops.)
I have lots of points I disliked that I could build up on, but since I don’t have anything ‘nice’ to say, that does not feel right. I’m sure there are people out there who might find pleasure in this novel, but it certainly wasn’t me.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a free e-arc.
While reading this novel I was diligently taking notes on my phone for the purposes of drafting this review; sadly, none of these notes reflect much praise or enjoyment on my part concerning this novel.
First off, I need to mention that I did not realise that the author, Eddy Boudel Tan, took heavy inspiration from the widely publicised tragedy of 2015, when the co-pilot of Germanwings flight 9525 intentionally crashed the plane in the French alps, killing hundreds of people, for reasons that will never be known to us.
A very sensitive, emotional, dramatic topic like this, even if only referenced to as ‘inspiration’, needs very careful and tactful handling, in my opinion. This is why I strongly disagree with the entire concept of this novel, which Boudel Tan has turned into, well, let’s call it a love story.
The thing is, I felt this book was lacking seriousness exactly where and when it mattered most. We encounter the protagonist, Coen, who learns his airline pilot fiancé Elias, who he was supposed to meet and marry in a matter of days on a dreamy Mexican island, crashed his plane. The media covering the tragedy instantly speculates whether Elias caused the accident on purpose, due to some audio recordings found on the Blackbox. What follows is … just weird.
Coen is a very irrational characters; his entire reaction to his fiancé’s unexpected death is cold, unfeeling, plainly unbelievable. I also could not understand how there were no authorities involved, at no point in this entire novel. It seems unlikely in any case that no-one would inform Coen of this tragedy (he only learns about the crash and its consequences through the news) and also that no investigators would search out Coen for information on Elias, etc.
In flashbacks, the love story of Coen and Elias is recounted, while in the ‘now’ Coen plans a ‘celebration of Elias’ life’ to take place on the island instead of the wedding. While the latter might just be granted to Coen, however strange it seems (even to the other characters in the book), let’s talk about the love story, which ... Is it really a love story? Not only were both characters supremely unlikable separately, they furthermore had no chemistry in union. At times I was actually wondering if this novel was culminating in the reveal of an abusive relationship, because that is how the story read. While this was, to my surprise, not the case, I honestly would not describe the relationship as healthy, happy and steady, although I felt that this was meant to be portrayed.
Coen, in dealing with the loss, ventures on several random quests that did not overly interest me, of course also in an attempt to figure out whether Elias intentionally crashed the plane, thus killing himself, his crew and passengers. (I was so disengaged from the story, plot and characters by the end of the book that now, weeks after reading, I don’t even remember whether Elias was guilty or not, oops.)
I have lots of points I disliked that I could build up on, but since I don’t have anything ‘nice’ to say, that does not feel right. I’m sure there are people out there who might find pleasure in this novel, but it certainly wasn’t me.
July 13, 2020
What is life anyway if not merely a collection of stories we tell ourselves?
This a debut book that drips with melancholy and dread. Intentionally so I might say. Though, to Tan's credit there is also some levity, and love flickering within the darkness. Hope and healing are just beneath the surface, and for much of the novel they are out of Coen Caraway's reach. You see, he's just lost the love of his life, his life line, in a deadly plane crash. Mere days before their wedding. And for many of the days after he is adrift in a sea of sorrows and self-loathing. We see him through all of this. We see him come to reconcile who he was to Elias, who Elias was to him, and who he will be after Elias. It's a suffocating thing, being with Coen has he goes through such a profound grief, but as the novel concluded I was glad to have gone on the journey Tan mapped out for me. It ended up being incredibly cathartic and left me feeling hopeful in a way I can't quite put into words.
It also made me think of another question I was asked last week by a different piece of art: "Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?"
Many thanks to Dundurn Press for an advanced reader copy, and much luck to Tan on the upcoming release!
This a debut book that drips with melancholy and dread. Intentionally so I might say. Though, to Tan's credit there is also some levity, and love flickering within the darkness. Hope and healing are just beneath the surface, and for much of the novel they are out of Coen Caraway's reach. You see, he's just lost the love of his life, his life line, in a deadly plane crash. Mere days before their wedding. And for many of the days after he is adrift in a sea of sorrows and self-loathing. We see him through all of this. We see him come to reconcile who he was to Elias, who Elias was to him, and who he will be after Elias. It's a suffocating thing, being with Coen has he goes through such a profound grief, but as the novel concluded I was glad to have gone on the journey Tan mapped out for me. It ended up being incredibly cathartic and left me feeling hopeful in a way I can't quite put into words.
It also made me think of another question I was asked last week by a different piece of art: "Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?"
Many thanks to Dundurn Press for an advanced reader copy, and much luck to Tan on the upcoming release!
July 16, 2020
What are these feelings? They have no name.
Thank you so much Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this book before its release in exchange of a review.
I picked up this book because it sounded heart wrenching and bittersweet, and it was just that, but in a very unexpected way.
We follow Coen, a man who lost the love of his life and fiancée in an airplane crash few days before their wedding and we see how we tries to cope with grief in his own way.
But then, many truths started coming out to surface and they’re just devastating, I won’t talk about them because feel that each person should discover them by themselves while reading it.
The book book covers dark themes such as death, depression, guilt and regret and while it ends in a higher note, I still felt really conflicted with my feelings when it ended.
Definitely, a story that stands out for its amount of emotions.
Thank you so much Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this book before its release in exchange of a review.
I picked up this book because it sounded heart wrenching and bittersweet, and it was just that, but in a very unexpected way.
We follow Coen, a man who lost the love of his life and fiancée in an airplane crash few days before their wedding and we see how we tries to cope with grief in his own way.
But then, many truths started coming out to surface and they’re just devastating, I won’t talk about them because feel that each person should discover them by themselves while reading it.
The book book covers dark themes such as death, depression, guilt and regret and while it ends in a higher note, I still felt really conflicted with my feelings when it ended.
Definitely, a story that stands out for its amount of emotions.
January 11, 2024
I was not prepared for how absolutely heartbreaking this book is😭
September 19, 2020
I loved this book! This is a debut author and I am so impressed with this book. This is a character driven story with some elements of suspense. Coen has planned the perfect destination wedding for him and his fiancé Elias. Coen heads from his Vancouver home to wait for Elias and their family and friends to join him in Mexico. Elias has one more flight as a pilot before he arrives for the wedding. Horrifically Elias’s plane crashes and there are no survivors. Coen decides to turn what would have been their wedding into a celebration of life for Elias. There has always been an element of mystery surrounding Elias since he was never very forthcoming about his family or childhood. We begin to learn so much about the relationship between Coen and Elias as well as more about their individual lives. I loved Coen from page one and was captivated with his story. I found that the pacing of this book was great and the character development kept me very interested throughout. I was so invested in finding out how this book would play out. Thank you to the author for sending this wonderful book my way.
October 6, 2020
I was lucky enough to read an advance copy of After Elias. I was instantly drawn into the story as Coen learns about his fiance's death days before their wedding, eager to see his reaction to such a devastating tragedy. The events that follow (the suspicion cast on Elias after a mysterious message is revealed, Coen's determination to proceed with the wedding as a celebration of life despite everyone's apprehensions, the memories that allude to a darker truth beneath the surface) had me captivated, and the story unfolded in ways that were shocking, exciting, and impossible to predict. The beauty of the writing, the depth of the characters, and the intriguing setting on an island in Mexico made this book a pleasure to read, but above all else, Coen's voice and humanity made this one I won’t forget.
October 29, 2020
AFTER ELIAS by Eddy Boudel Tan is an unpredictable, queer, emotional ride delivered in prose so smooth and controlled, even the pages that break your heart do so with slick, polished ease.
Though it features a series of escalating reveals that stick the landing, (no spoilers), one flawlessly executed example is a contender for best “book moment” ever for this reader. Cannot wait to read Boudel Tan’s next one because this debut is a powder keg 💔 6 outta 5 stars!
Though it features a series of escalating reveals that stick the landing, (no spoilers), one flawlessly executed example is a contender for best “book moment” ever for this reader. Cannot wait to read Boudel Tan’s next one because this debut is a powder keg 💔 6 outta 5 stars!
April 17, 2020
Though I can't think of many times the words tender and thriller would go together, a tender thriller is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of how to describe AFTER ELIAS. Through learning of the tragedy that ruins Coen's perfect wedding day, we fall in love with some characters, fall out of love, then fall back into a more complicated sort of love with them. AFTER ELIAS is ultimately a story of healing and realizing that all our loved ones are far more complicated than we would like to think. The narration shifts between past and present, letting us see all the reasons Coen fell in love with Elias in the first place, even as his reputation falls apart in the present and doubt creeps into even Coen's steadfast hope.
I didn't know what to think for most of this. I knew that I was loving the novel and I knew that I adored Coen as a protagonist and just wanted the best for him, but I had no idea what to think about whether Elias was guilty or about the people who surround Coen. I started to question whether Elias was ever even a good person to begin with. But as the novel continued, I saw that was the point. It's hard to ever know anyone fully and when we take off our love tinted lenses, everyone has flaws. Coen's lesson, and one we could all do with, is that healing requires us to confront our pain.
Tan's writing does a wonderful job of transporting us to Mexico and Vancouver and providing a window into Coen's pain, so we all join him on his downwards spiral. The whole cast of characters serves a purpose, whether to steer Coen to the road of recovery or to show us who Coen and Elias really are without Coen's clouded judgement. My absolute favorite part of Tan's writing, and what I think helps create such a riveting plot and setting, was his characterization and how he sets all these characters in motion with each other. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing more from Tan after such a stellar debut!
Some content warnings for future readers: These are there to bring the plot along and explain some of the character's actions, not for senseless shock value, but please take care of yourselves while reading this, as I know it can be difficult to come across such scenes.
Overall, I would give AFTER ELIAS four and a half stars. I'm rounding up to five, because the lost half a star is due to my personal preference that scenes like the ones mentioned above be warned about whether proceeding the book or, to give an option to those who would like to avoid spoilers, in a section at the end. However, I know that's a practice that's not entirely widespread right now and often falls on publishers, so I don't fault the novel or the author for it. Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced review copy of this!
I would definitely recommend this to any reader looking for a novel featuring queer characters, that doesn't revolve around their identity.
I didn't know what to think for most of this. I knew that I was loving the novel and I knew that I adored Coen as a protagonist and just wanted the best for him, but I had no idea what to think about whether Elias was guilty or about the people who surround Coen. I started to question whether Elias was ever even a good person to begin with. But as the novel continued, I saw that was the point. It's hard to ever know anyone fully and when we take off our love tinted lenses, everyone has flaws. Coen's lesson, and one we could all do with, is that healing requires us to confront our pain.
Tan's writing does a wonderful job of transporting us to Mexico and Vancouver and providing a window into Coen's pain, so we all join him on his downwards spiral. The whole cast of characters serves a purpose, whether to steer Coen to the road of recovery or to show us who Coen and Elias really are without Coen's clouded judgement. My absolute favorite part of Tan's writing, and what I think helps create such a riveting plot and setting, was his characterization and how he sets all these characters in motion with each other. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing more from Tan after such a stellar debut!
Some content warnings for future readers: These are there to bring the plot along and explain some of the character's actions, not for senseless shock value, but please take care of yourselves while reading this, as I know it can be difficult to come across such scenes.
Overall, I would give AFTER ELIAS four and a half stars. I'm rounding up to five, because the lost half a star is due to my personal preference that scenes like the ones mentioned above be warned about whether proceeding the book or, to give an option to those who would like to avoid spoilers, in a section at the end. However, I know that's a practice that's not entirely widespread right now and often falls on publishers, so I don't fault the novel or the author for it. Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced review copy of this!
I would definitely recommend this to any reader looking for a novel featuring queer characters, that doesn't revolve around their identity.
August 5, 2020
Coen Caraway is waiting for his fiancé Elias to arrive in Mexico at the hotel where they plan to get married within the week. Then, the news arrives that the commercial airliner that Elias was co-piloting crashed into the ocean and that all 300+ people aboard are presumed dead. To make it worse, the last thing heard over the radio was Elias saying a mysterious phrase. People begin the suspect that Elias may have made the plane crash. Coen can't believe that Elias would purposely crash the plane but through a series of flashbacks, we realize that Coen may not know Elias very well.
This was an emotional ride! I really felt Coen's pain and his need to carry-on despite this upheaval in his plans. He feels guilt and confusion over the loss of his love and the perception of Elias held by the rest of the world. His friends and family question Coen on how he is processing his grief, but Coen insists on doing things his own way.
I read this one in less than a day. The book was loaded with emotional suspense, so I wouldn't quite call it a thriller, but it still had me on the edge of my seat to see how things would turn out.
Thank you to the publisher for the review copy!
This was an emotional ride! I really felt Coen's pain and his need to carry-on despite this upheaval in his plans. He feels guilt and confusion over the loss of his love and the perception of Elias held by the rest of the world. His friends and family question Coen on how he is processing his grief, but Coen insists on doing things his own way.
I read this one in less than a day. The book was loaded with emotional suspense, so I wouldn't quite call it a thriller, but it still had me on the edge of my seat to see how things would turn out.
Thank you to the publisher for the review copy!
July 18, 2020
Leído gracias a NetGalley (English below!)
Este libro me rompió el corazón.
No puedo decir mucho porque siento que cualquier cosa que pueda decir podría ser un spoiler. Les lectores necesitan experimentar la historia y ser felices, estar enojades, tristes y con el corazón roto.
Amé todos los sentimientos que tuve leyéndolo, y disfruté de las dudas que me despertó: ¿Elias causó el accidente de avión? ¿Fue un accidente? ¿Sus últimas palabras fueron el mensaje de un suicida? ¿Y la nota que dejó?
Las dudas de los personajes fueron las mías, y creo que la pluma del autor fue perfecta para esto. Me encantó su novela debut y sin dudas leería su segundo libro :D
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This book was heartbreaking.
I can't say much because I feel like anything I'd say would be a spoiler. Readers need to experience the story and be happy, angry, sad and heartbroken.
I loved every single feeling I had reading this, and I enjoyed the doubt I felt: did Elias crash the plane? Was it an accident? Were his last words a suicidal last message? And the note he left behind?
The characters' doubts were my own, and the writing regarding this was on point. I really enjoyed the author's debut and would definitely read his next book!
Este libro me rompió el corazón.
No puedo decir mucho porque siento que cualquier cosa que pueda decir podría ser un spoiler. Les lectores necesitan experimentar la historia y ser felices, estar enojades, tristes y con el corazón roto.
Amé todos los sentimientos que tuve leyéndolo, y disfruté de las dudas que me despertó: ¿Elias causó el accidente de avión? ¿Fue un accidente? ¿Sus últimas palabras fueron el mensaje de un suicida? ¿Y la nota que dejó?
Las dudas de los personajes fueron las mías, y creo que la pluma del autor fue perfecta para esto. Me encantó su novela debut y sin dudas leería su segundo libro :D
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This book was heartbreaking.
I can't say much because I feel like anything I'd say would be a spoiler. Readers need to experience the story and be happy, angry, sad and heartbroken.
I loved every single feeling I had reading this, and I enjoyed the doubt I felt: did Elias crash the plane? Was it an accident? Were his last words a suicidal last message? And the note he left behind?
The characters' doubts were my own, and the writing regarding this was on point. I really enjoyed the author's debut and would definitely read his next book!
April 16, 2020
I enjoy reading ARCs and I enjoy even more reading a debut novel. I usually read romance and I didn't really know what to expect from this book, even if I didn't find the cover alluring, I was intrigued by the blurb. The writing is very good, I liked the setting and idea behind the book. The story is heartbreaking and touched me deeply, maybe it is because of my own demons but I didn't cry so much reading a book in a long time.
May 8, 2020
After Elias is an impressive story with an important message. This Eddy Boudel Tan novel is an interesting one for sure.
It truly reminds you that we don't fully know anyone other than ourselves. We often forget this, think we know people, and when you really think about it, we don't.
This story starts with Elias' death. What follows is Coen's story, as he deals with, or doesn't deal with his fiancee's death. The mystery is well done, definitely keeping the reader intrigued throughout.
That said, I am sure some readers will struggle with Coen's reaction to everything. But it's a good read when you're looking for a mystery, that although heavy, is not very heavy in it's telling.
The author does a wonderful job exploring the power one's past has over someone; how easily one remains burdened by their pain and guilt. This is a story that includes mental health issues, family issues, and guilt. It is a story with doubts and struggles with the unknown.
This multi-layered read is full of twists and turns throughout. Overall, it's a memorable tale of learning about the past and learning to put one's past behind them.
After Elias is an accomplished tale. This Eddy Boudel Tan book is amazing for a debut novel. The author will take you along on a remarkable journey that tests the main character's resolves throughout. Be sure to check it out when you're looking for a serious and thought-provoking novel.
It truly reminds you that we don't fully know anyone other than ourselves. We often forget this, think we know people, and when you really think about it, we don't.
This story starts with Elias' death. What follows is Coen's story, as he deals with, or doesn't deal with his fiancee's death. The mystery is well done, definitely keeping the reader intrigued throughout.
That said, I am sure some readers will struggle with Coen's reaction to everything. But it's a good read when you're looking for a mystery, that although heavy, is not very heavy in it's telling.
The author does a wonderful job exploring the power one's past has over someone; how easily one remains burdened by their pain and guilt. This is a story that includes mental health issues, family issues, and guilt. It is a story with doubts and struggles with the unknown.
This multi-layered read is full of twists and turns throughout. Overall, it's a memorable tale of learning about the past and learning to put one's past behind them.
After Elias is an accomplished tale. This Eddy Boudel Tan book is amazing for a debut novel. The author will take you along on a remarkable journey that tests the main character's resolves throughout. Be sure to check it out when you're looking for a serious and thought-provoking novel.
April 11, 2020
Thank you, NetGalley, for providing me with an advance copy of "After Elias" in exchange for an honest review.
Coen is a wealthy young Canadian with a severe depressive disorder who has traveled to the Mexican resort island where his luxurious wedding will be held when he learns that his fiance, a gruff, mysterious pilot, has died in an airplane crash that kills 317 other people, and which he might have planned. It's a set-up absolutely dripping with potential. "After Elias" could be a book about mourning, which would make it a literary novel. "After Elias" could be a book about the man who was supposed to marry a potential mass murderer, which would make it a crime novel. "After Elias" could be a book about mental illness, about class, about imperialism, about . . . well, a score of topics that would be more interesting (to me, at least) than its real theme: healing. My disappointment is magnified by the fact that the Mr. Boudel Tan's writing is competent enough, and his plot a canny enough combination of the familiar and the exotic, to have kept me intrigued until everyone starts baring their souls. I should have known as soon as the author introduced the narrator's supernaturally attractive and supportive best friends that the climax would be annoyingly cathartic, but . . . I'm hopelessly optimistic about doom.
Coen is a wealthy young Canadian with a severe depressive disorder who has traveled to the Mexican resort island where his luxurious wedding will be held when he learns that his fiance, a gruff, mysterious pilot, has died in an airplane crash that kills 317 other people, and which he might have planned. It's a set-up absolutely dripping with potential. "After Elias" could be a book about mourning, which would make it a literary novel. "After Elias" could be a book about the man who was supposed to marry a potential mass murderer, which would make it a crime novel. "After Elias" could be a book about mental illness, about class, about imperialism, about . . . well, a score of topics that would be more interesting (to me, at least) than its real theme: healing. My disappointment is magnified by the fact that the Mr. Boudel Tan's writing is competent enough, and his plot a canny enough combination of the familiar and the exotic, to have kept me intrigued until everyone starts baring their souls. I should have known as soon as the author introduced the narrator's supernaturally attractive and supportive best friends that the climax would be annoyingly cathartic, but . . . I'm hopelessly optimistic about doom.
June 26, 2020
After Elias is fantastic. I know “I couldn’t put it down” is cliche, but I carried the book around with me instead of my cell phone and snuck in stray minutes of reading whenever I could.
Coen Caraway’s wedding to handsome and accomplished pilot Elias Santos was supposed to mark the beginning of the rest of their lives. Seven days before the wedding, the plane Elias is flying crashes into the sea, which is suspected to be an intentional act. Through the aftermath, as well as within narratives of Coen and Elias’ past, we learn about trials and traumas that shape each character and their search for answers amid the chaos.
One of my favorite aspects of this book was how much care Tan took in shaping each character. I found myself so frustrated, heartbroken, and joyful with his characters as if they were real people, and every time I felt like I had them figured out the author provided another unexpected piece of the puzzle. I am absolutely looking forward to his future work and would recommend After Elias widely.
Note: I received a free eBook copy of After Elias from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Coen Caraway’s wedding to handsome and accomplished pilot Elias Santos was supposed to mark the beginning of the rest of their lives. Seven days before the wedding, the plane Elias is flying crashes into the sea, which is suspected to be an intentional act. Through the aftermath, as well as within narratives of Coen and Elias’ past, we learn about trials and traumas that shape each character and their search for answers amid the chaos.
One of my favorite aspects of this book was how much care Tan took in shaping each character. I found myself so frustrated, heartbroken, and joyful with his characters as if they were real people, and every time I felt like I had them figured out the author provided another unexpected piece of the puzzle. I am absolutely looking forward to his future work and would recommend After Elias widely.
Note: I received a free eBook copy of After Elias from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
July 15, 2020
Most authors, especially debuts, go to great lengths to fully describe the physical characteristics of their characters and the location where the story takes place. Yet, Eddy Boudel Tan seems to sidestep these descriptions but never leaves the reader guessing. He gives you everything you need to know with the emotion his words instill.
Tan's characters are fully formed and flawed, and you will (at least I did) alternate between loving and hating them. This story is beautiful and sad, and you will laugh and cry, and really, who can ask for more?
Thank you to NetGalley, and the publisher for this early peek at what is bound to be a hit.
Tan's characters are fully formed and flawed, and you will (at least I did) alternate between loving and hating them. This story is beautiful and sad, and you will laugh and cry, and really, who can ask for more?
Thank you to NetGalley, and the publisher for this early peek at what is bound to be a hit.
January 27, 2021
MAGNIFICENT novel. This novel is full of contrasts in the most powerful and beautiful way. It’s heartbreaking but full of hope. It’s emotional but intriguing. It’s about love and depression.
I was very impressed with how Tan managed to capture the essence of Mexico across the whole novel, even when the main characters aren’t Mexican and just happen to be in the country. As a Mexican living away from Mexico, it was very nice feeling back home through the pages of this book.
I also think Tan manages to talk about and portrait depression in a very unique and real way, far from stereotypes and common places.
I was very impressed with how Tan managed to capture the essence of Mexico across the whole novel, even when the main characters aren’t Mexican and just happen to be in the country. As a Mexican living away from Mexico, it was very nice feeling back home through the pages of this book.
I also think Tan manages to talk about and portrait depression in a very unique and real way, far from stereotypes and common places.
June 29, 2021
After Elias is heartbreaking but I loved it so much. After finishing it, I sat for a moment and then started crying. I felt so much for Coen, he was relatable and raw, the author made me feel like I was there going through everything with Coen.
I didn’t realize this was the authors debut novel, you wouldn’t think it was with how beautifully well written it is. I’m also happy to have found a Canadian author. I’m definitely going to pick up their next book when it comes out. I can’t recommend After Elias enough.
I didn’t realize this was the authors debut novel, you wouldn’t think it was with how beautifully well written it is. I’m also happy to have found a Canadian author. I’m definitely going to pick up their next book when it comes out. I can’t recommend After Elias enough.
May 9, 2020
Powerful and compelling, this was an introspective and poignant look at life and trauma and survival.
May 14, 2020
“Sometimes we try to control so much of ourselves that we are bound to become undone. Our emotions and instincts are not designed to be controlled. It is okay to not hold on so tightly”.
Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Ugh. UGH. THIS BOOK. I have not been this wrecked by a novel, let alone a debut novel, in a very long time. This book is equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming...which doesn’t sound like it should make sense but it SO does. I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I cried some more, I smiled while I cried. After I finished this, I literally put my kindle down on my chest and then stared at the ceiling for a solid 20 minutes.
***
On the surface, Coen Caraway has the perfect life. That is, until his life as he knew it comes completely apart. Just days before he is set to marry the love his life on an idyllic island in Mexico, Coen learns that his pilot fiancé Elias Santos is killed in an airplane crash. Instead of cancelling the wedding and returning home to Canada (much to his family/friends dismay), Coen chooses to remain on the island and hold a celebration of Elias’ life instead. As more details began to emerge surrounding the accident, Coen is left with more questions than answers. Transmitted just moments before the plane crashed, Coen hears Elias’ haunting last words - “Pronto dios”. What follows is a moving tale of love, grief, regret, mental illness, doubt, and self-discovery.
***
I absolutely adored this book. I normally don’t love shifting timelines/perspectives, but felt that it served a necessary purpose for the development of this story. Coen was so beautifully and tragically flawed, like so many of us are. While I’ve obviously had very different life experiences than him, I felt like I could completely relate to Coen at some many points throughout his journey.
Speaking of characters, I usually find myself glossing over side characters or just simply placing them in the back of my mind in a lot of books I read. Side characters are hard, to not only to make them feel whole but to make them feel just as worthy/important as the main characters. But this book blew me away. Every single character felt fully developed regardless of air time, and every one felt so important and needed. I think I pretty much highlighted every word that came out of Gabriel’s mouth. I felt like I was actually friends with Vivi and Dexter. I could feel the years of tension and hurt that developed between Coen and Clark. Every character was fully faceted and contributed something essential to the plot and Coen's growth.
I also felt that the topics of mental health and grief were handled in such a careful and honest way. Having worked in the mental health field for almost 5 years now, I’ve witnessed firsthand how people grieve so differently even when faced with the same trigger/loss. This book showcased that there isn’t a right or wrong way to cope with grief.
All in all, what an impressive debut from Eddy Boudel Tan. Can’t wait to read more in the future! .
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