Ever Since I Did Not Die

by Ramy Al-Asheq, Levi Thompson (editor), Isis Nusair (translator)

“I gathered these texts like someone collecting body parts. Here are the pieces of my body, haphazardly brought together in a paper bag. It looks like me with all my madness and sickness—how the revolution made me grow up, what the war broke inside me, and what exile chipped away.”

The texts gathered in Ever Since I Did Not Die by Syrian-Palestinian poet Ramy Al-Asheq are a poignant record of a fateful journey. Having grown up in a refugee camp in Damascus, Al-Asheq was imprisoned and persecuted by the regime in 2011 during the Syrian Revolution. He was released from jail, only to be recaptured and imprisoned in Jordan. After escaping from prison, he spent two years in Jordan under a fake name and passport, during which he won a literary fellowship that allowed him to travel to Germany in 2014, where he now lives and writes in exile.

Through seventeen powerful testimonies, Ever Since I Did Not Die vividly depicts what it means to live through war. Exquisitely weaving the past with the present and fond memories with brutal realities, this volume celebrates resistance through words that refuse to surrender and continue to create beauty amidst destruction—one of the most potent ways to survive in the darkest of hours.

Genres: Poetry, Nonfiction

96 pages, Paperback

Published August 5, 2024

About the author

Ramy Al-Asheq is a Berlin-based Syrian-Palestinian poet, journalist and curator. He has published five poetry collections in Arabic, and many of his texts have been translated into Bosnian, Czech, English, French, German, Kurdish, Polish and Spanish. He launched the German-Arabic magazine FANN in 2017, and was recently selected as a fellow at the Academy of Arts in Berlin and Academy Schloss Solitude.

Reviews

[Rakhi Dalal · Rating 4 out of 5]

For years I have tried to imagine the despair that was felt by people who lived through world wars, oppressions and invasions. The recent war between Ukraine and Russia and closer home the hatred seeping through the fabric of our country, has left me with an acute sense of disquiet.

I realise this is how the world has lived so far and this is how it will till the end of time. The powerful seeking control over the weak, countries at war, apartheid and oppression. It will remain so.

"War is vast. It reaches across horizons, loftier and older than peace" says the author in a chapter.

Unfortunately, how true is that. War is loftier than peace and it will always keep humankind captive.

Perhaps recounting the stories related to them is the only way to keep guarding the ideas which can make this world a just place for all of us.

In this book Al-Asheq recounts the tragedies brought about by wars and oppression, by militarisation which seeks to replace the God of people by God of death, resulting in a place inhabited not by those living but by people dead-alive, turning a paradise into a wasteland.

I reviewed this book for Borderless Journal here:
https://borderlessjournal.com/2022/04...

[Joseph Schreiber · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of 17 short, pieces that land somewhere between prose and poetry speak to life under occupation, in refugee camps, on the move and in exile. The author, a Palestinian poet born in a Syrian camp who was jailed after the Arab Spring, escaped to Jordan and now resides in Germany, channels a multitude of voices—young, old, living, dead and dying—to evoke an often devastating portrait of a people trying to hold on to some kind of normal, uprooted again and again, shattered by senseless violence. At times disturbing, yet always delivered with a lyrical intensity, this is a powerful work that intentionally defies easy classification.
Longer review can be found here: https://roughghosts.com/2022/12/17/no...

[Bogi Takács]

My Twitter thread reviewing it:

https://twitter.com/bogiperson/status...
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Source of the book: Lawrence Public Library, who ordered it on my request (thank you!)

[Taghreed Jamal El Deen · Rating 1 out of 5]

يذكر الكاتب في المقدمة أنه قد كتب هذه النصوص بعد حصوله على منحة تفرغ للكتابة من قبل مؤسسة هاينريش بول الألمانية، صراحةً أتمنى لو أن المؤسسة احتفظت بالمنحة لشخص آخر.!

لنتفق أولاً أنه لا معنى لأن يأتي كل شخص مر بمأساة ويفرغ غضبه وسخطه على الإله؛ الإله الذي من علينا باليوم الذي أستطيع فيه أن أقرأ به هذا الكتاب وأمثاله وأنشره علناً.

ثانياً، يحاول المؤلف أن يكتب نصوصاً ذات طابع شعري، لكن النتيجة كانت عبارات على وزن " أرنبنا في منور أنور، وأرنب أنور في منورنا. "

ثالثاً، العديد من النصوص لا يربطها أي شيء بالموضوع السوري، بعضها نصوص تصلح للمراهقين، ولا أدري لماذا نشرت ضمن سلسلة تحمل اسم " شهادات سورية "، أعتقد أن وجود كلمات مثل " دمشق " أو " الحرب " أو " تبولة! " لا يجعل النص شهادة سورية.

وأخيراً، كون الكاتب شريكنا في المعاناة - التي لا أظن أن من عايش الكثير منها فعلاً سيكتب نصوصاً بهذه السذاجة - لا يعني أن نجامله، وبما أن النصوص كتبت بين عامي ٢٠١٤- ٢٠١٦ أتمنى أن تكون كتابته قد نضجت بعد هذه السنين - وهو أيضاً -.

[Renee Eshel · Rating 3 out of 5]

some beautiful bits in this just couldn’t quite get INTO it. nevertheless Free Palestine <333

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book starts with the most beautiful preface I have ever read. The emotion held within these words makes me wish I knew Arabic so I could read them in their native language. This is some of the most stunning writing I have ever encountered. It reminds me of Rilke but more violent. Which makes sense when you consider the life of the Ramy Al-Asheq. I understand why he had a hard time calling this poetry. A difficult time calling it essays. It is a piece of writing that does not really fit within the set boundaries of the writing we encounter in our everyday lives. It is its own entity born of the most intense emotions that exist within a single human.

This is the bearing of a human soul. To witness these words is to see to the core of another human and they stare back. I feel different that I did before reading this. I am not able to fully portray the change in words but I will go forward in my life altered now.

[Akankshya · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that bears witness to the suffering wrought by war, displacement & death - Al-Asheq's collection truly crosses boundaries in its reflections on the refugee experience, the yearnings for a homeland, the constant presence of death.

Impossible to categorise this text as anything other than a conversation between the writer & the reader, endlessly poetic & political.

[Phiona Kari · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is as if you set a love story amidst the flames of hell.It hits like an emotional ton of bricks!
A prose that haven't quite shed the skin of poetry, convey us the double pain of seeking the safe haven.