Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Stopping Words That Hurt: Positive Words in a World Gone Negative

Rate this book
Communication expert offers groundbreaking, practical strategies for identifying, counteracting, and responding biblically to gossip, criticism, and negative words, and for delivering words that bring life.

242 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 1, 2013

29 people are currently reading
126 people want to read

About the author

Michael D. Sedler

9 books5 followers

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
19 (32%)
4 stars
23 (39%)
3 stars
10 (17%)
2 stars
4 (6%)
1 star
2 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
Profile Image for Melanie.
2,215 reviews598 followers
February 22, 2019
Stopping Words That Hurt was a convicting read. I think we all have said things in the heat of the moment that we regretted...or had negative comments said to us that hurt. This book really spotlighted how negative words can have a lasting affect. I felt at times that this book was a little too idealistic, but its message was sound and I recommend it.

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.*
341 reviews
March 5, 2014
Fair warning! If you are going to read this book you will have to put your big girl/ big boy pants on! I guarantee you the Holy Spirit is going to convict you! It isn’t a book to be read just once or even twice, but many times and studied along with the scriptures. It isn’t going to give you a quick read it, fix it solution. . It does give you the tools to make a lifelong pursuit of making your words pleasing to God, written, spoken or even listening to others. Be ready to get serious!
I have read many books on the subject of the tongue and this is by far the most thorough and extensive. As soon as you begin reading you will think of someone who is offensive and cruel in their speech. The gossip, the slanderer, the critic, will all pop into your head, probably with people’s names attached. Stop yourself and focus on looking at yourself. After all, by reading this book, you are the only one you can help change.
Words can be a slippery hole of transgression we easily fall into, damaging not only our lives but the lives of others. The sad part is we so easily excuse ourselves, thinking it really isn’t that important, then “corrupt communication” becomes an
unconscious way of life. Mr. Sedler covers so many areas that one rarely thinks to look at. He also helps you view our communication from God’s perspective. At the end of each chapter are questions for self-examination.
This book is well written and easy to read. I like the multitude of scriptures the author uses to guide you, and also the answers he gives to help you apply them. A powerful book!
I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own




Profile Image for Yari.
368 reviews11 followers
December 31, 2019
I recommend this book for all, especially leaders. They can model and teach others to do all Dr. Sedler is teaching, all of which aligns with scripture. I've come to understand how evil your words can be and how it can defile a life and eventually an entire organization - including a church! I've also come to "judge myself" so much more- much repentance will follow its reading! The intentions of the heart is on display & it's all ugly. A must read for all seeking to mature in their walk with God.
Profile Image for Leslie Yong.
361 reviews40 followers
August 1, 2020
This book has been very helpful in increasing my awareness of (such thing as) defiling situation and how it can impact and affect us (negativism).
Oh how I wish I would have read this long ago to avoid all the pitfalls, headache and problems...

On any given day, we can be confronted by careless words coming from friends or strangers. Some words are directed at us and others we just happen to overhear. Regardless, we will be affected by the gossip, the murmuring, the evil reports. And each day we have decisions to make as to whether we will allow these words to pollute our spirits or not.
And most importantly, the author provides solid recipe - according to Psalm 51- for reconciliation and restoration.

Read it for life change
Profile Image for Violet.
Author 5 books15 followers
July 8, 2013
We all know it’s not a good thing to gossip. But have we ever considered that listening to gossip, negative talk or an “evil report’ about an individual or situation might be just as bad? That’s the premise of Stopping Words that Hurt: Positive Words in a World Gone Negative by Michael D. Sedler.

“It’s the purpose of this book to define and emphasize the magnitude of injury that takes place when we are involved in negative conversation,”
says Sedler early in the book.
“Just listening to an evil report can do tremendous damage to your perspective, viewpoint and overall spirit” – Stopping Words that Hurt, Kindle Location (KL) 39 & 150.


Sedler, a trained counselor, social worker, educator, and pastor builds his case with lots of practical insights. In one of the first chapters he lists eight ways that speakers let us know they are about to give us what he calls “defiling information.” These include:
- Looks for support from you for beliefs, attitudes, and actions.
- Attempts to create disunity and division.
- Flatters and praises the listener.
- Exaggerates a situation to make it worse than it is.

In a chapter titled “Why do we gossip?” (Chapter 5) he likens an evil report to a locomotive “barreling down certain ‘tracks.’” One of these tracks is confusion. This can flesh itself out in us taking up another person's offense and being overly concerned about the acceptance of those around us.

Confusion can shunt us onto the track of contamination (Chapter 7) where we are tempted to join in the negative conversation of backbiters, busybodies, complainers, slanderers, gossipers etc.

In other chapters Sedler unveils the cleansing process, the benefits of speaking healing words, and how to deal biblically with negative talk in various settings, including the church. In the final chapter he discusses the impact of our attitudes, words, and actions on our children and those who look up to us.

Sedler’s style is clear and easy to read. I enjoyed the illustrations he gives from his life. He quotes many Bible passages in their entirety and retells many Bible stories at length so sometimes I felt like I was reading sermons.

Though in the main I appreciated Sedler’s argument and the way he made his case, one of his tendencies bothered me. More than once when using a Bible example, he built his argument on a part of the story that he imagined or embellished from the Bible account. For example in the chapter “When Fear Talks” (Chapter 9), he retells the story of Mary and Martha and their response to Jesus not coming to heal Lazarus. Sedler interprets Martha’s conversation with Jesus as showing a lack of faith. He maintains this has been brought about through listening to the negative talk of neighbours:

“My impression is that Martha and Mary had been polluted by the words of those around them …. Mary and Martha were not able to seize upon their active faith because they had been polluted by discouragement and confusion …. Where did this ‘pollution and fear’ come from? The words spoken to Martha and Mary had indeed penetrated deeply. John 11:19 speaks of how people gathered around to ‘comfort’ them …. Was godly solace for the bereaved really taking place? More likely the comforters gave in to the temptation to speak negative comments about Jesus and his ‘unwillingness’ to come when He knew that His friends desperately wanted him” (KL 1422 and on).


These things may have been so but they really aren’t in the Bible. I take exception to writers spinning the Bible account to undergird their theories in such a way.

Aside from such quibbles, I would say that this is a book Christians young and old, new and mature, would do well to read. It contains practical wisdom that reveals how our negative attitudes and talk affect others and carries on to show how we can be contaminated by even listening to gossip, hearsay, complaining, and all kinds of “evil reports.” I would recommend this book for all those serious about safeguarding their spiritual health and the health of those whose lives they touch.

I received this book as a gift from the publisher (Bethany House – Chosen Books) for the purpose of writing a review.
Profile Image for Jennine G. (Living On Purpose).
66 reviews26 followers
June 1, 2013
I received this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for my fair and honest review.
Gossip

The title of this post caught your attention, didn't it? I'm betting I have people reading this post that don't usually read here just because they were curious about the title. (You're here now, you might as well keep reading.) Let's face it, there's nothing people like better than a juicy piece of gossip or the chance to speak their mind completely. I don't think there's anyone who can say they haven't been the giver or receiver of negative words, gossip being only one example of negative speech.

Enter Stopping Words That Hurt, by Dr. Michael Sedler, publication scheduled for July 1, 2013. In this revised edition of his 2001 book Stop the Runaway Conversation, Sedler discusses negative speech, why we do it, how it sneaks up on us, and the consequences of letting our tongues get the best of us. He even discusses a side we don't generally consider: how negative speech affects listeners. Yes, listening is the same as participating and will effect you just as much. Like any of the self improvement books I read, this one is categorized as Christian; therefore, all points Sedler makes are Biblically backed.

While the book has a big "Ouch" factor (as in, yikes, that's me he's describing), it is most helpful in allowing the reader to realize just how powerful words are. Although gossip is the first form of negative speech that comes to mind, it is not the only form, which the author makes clear as he discusses different problems people struggle with in their speech. So even if you are not a gossip, you can still have a negative speech pattern. Never fear though, Sedler doesn't leave you hanging. The last few chapters discuss how to remedy the problem of negative speech from your life. It's a process and it's expected that we will fall into the cycle of negativity again, but that doesn't mean we can't try to change our patterns.

Personally, this topic is a challenge for me. I don't consider myself an intentional gossip at all, but I call my problem "foot in mouth disease" because I don't always pay attention to what I'm saying, how I'm saying it, and to whom I'm speaking. I am prone to prattle and the more comfortable I am with someone, the worse I get. I made many highlights on my e-version of this book because I plan on revisiting key points in an effort to become a more positive speaking (therefore, life giving) person.
Profile Image for Mary-ann.
163 reviews3 followers
July 5, 2013
From the back of the book:

Words Can Hurt More Than Sticks and Stones--and the Wounds Can Last a Lifetime
From the evening news and our favorite television shows to friends' Facebook statuses and office gossip, hardly a day goes by that we don't come into contact with negative language. The issue isnot whether you can avoid hurtful words but how you will respond to them.


In Stopping Words That Hurt, communication expert Dr. Michael D. Sedler offers groundbreaking, practical strategies for identifying, counteracting and responding graciously--and lovingly--to gossip, criticism and negative words. He will show you how to

· discern why people relay destructive gossip
· identify a negative conversation or hurtful language and counteract it
· find freedom and reconciliation with those who have spoken harm to you
· speak life-giving words, even when you don't want to

Our words can profoundly hurt--or heal. Silence in the face of negativity is not enough. Whether you are a parent, leader, teacher, spouse or friend, it's time for building one another up--and stopping words that hurt.

In this book, it speaks of many ways that words can hurt us. We live in a world that tells us and teaches us that negative words are OK, and that it is normal to talk about one another. We as Christians know that this is wrong. Through gossip, and many other situations. Dr. Sedler teaches us how to gain control over our tongues, which is a very Biblical thing to be trying to do each and every day.

After each chapter there are exercises that help us to examine our hearts and see how we are doing in the area of taming our tongues.

All in all I think that this is a book that all Christians should read.

I received this book free from the publisher . I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
8 reviews
January 2, 2016
For Dr.Micheal D. Sedler's stopping words that hurt i give it a four stars out of five. The book itself is absolutely marvelous as it brings to light all amazing strategies for combating a serious problem in most, if not all, people's lives. This problem is hurting speech or gossip which seem small in the scheme of things, but take huge effect. He is able to give life or death senerios and use thrilling examples from the texts of the Bible. Often quoting Psalms, Exodus, and the like. It is easily identifiable to see the religious undertone in his book, but at same time even if you are not religious you can still take a huge message away from the book. While not the perfect book it is simply amazing on all fronts. As it proposes to you certain ethical and moral dilemmas that may or may not be plaguing your own life.

The ending I felt was done pretty well, at least for my expectations. The book itself read out almost as one big speech and for me usually hearing speeches there is one big cheesy ending that doesn't always hit home. I felt with his ending he took a different approach, instead he leaves us with two options/ stories, one of Johnathan and the other of Absalom. Both sons of kings who had gossip or defiling speech affect their lives. Johnathan serves as the positive role model in this situation as he is able to overcome the gossip and not let it control his life while Absalom does the opposite and lets it ruin his life forever. The author gives us two models to live by and in the final words of the book basically gives us a choice of following either path. I find this addition of choice and making the ending not about the book, but about what the reader can take away from the book inspiring.
Profile Image for Terri.
18 reviews
August 21, 2013
(I received a copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for a sincere review)

Stopping Words That Hurt: Positive Words in a World Gone Negative, written by Dr. Michael D. Sedler, examines that origins, methods and consequences of hurtful language.

Dr. Sedler begins by emphasizing the power of words, especially negative comments and gossip. He encourages the reader to contemplate how hurtful and destructive even casual comments can be. The impact on the speaker, listener, and absent victim is explored and explained in detail. Injury or contamination occurs to all parties. Dr. Sedler does a good job pointing out that even if I don’t listen to or participate in gossip, I cannot help but be impacted by the statements I hear. Dr. Sedler encourages listeners of gossip to do more than ignore or not contribute to the conversation, but to actively defend the absent party and steer all participants into a more positive conversational direction.

The problems Dr. Sedler describes and the strategies he suggests are universal, but non-Christians may be put off by the Christian language that is used in his writing. Dr. Sedler uses many personal anecdotes and Bible stories to support his work. I felt that the book was a little long, but ultimately I recommend it as a good reminder of the importance of positive communication.
1 review1 follower
July 12, 2013
I recently received Stopping Words that Hurt: Positive Words in a World Gone Negative by Michael Sedler from Chosen books. The title is pretty self-explanatory. The book deals with evil reports and how to avoid talking and listening to negativity.

Each chapter has discussion/reflection questions at the end. I think this would be a good book for a Sunday school class to work through together. I also believe youth leaders could pull out passages for discussion although I don't think teenagers would likely read this book. I'm fairly certain that was not the author's intent, but I could see good discussions from a youth group based off some situations presented in the book. The author presents biblical examples throughout the text, and he also provides "today" examples. In the first couple of chapters, the biblical examples seemed a bit remote from today's world (how many of us have the power to order a man to be killed?), but then he started incorporating more modern examples and more biblical examples that don't involve captial punishment. The book was a bit repetitive, but he makes many good points about the impact of negative speech on our daily lives.

I received this book from Chosen Publishing for the purpose of writing a review, but the opinions are my own.
Profile Image for IrenesBookReviews.
1,039 reviews28 followers
November 8, 2013
The theme of this book is pretty simple, words are powerful and can change a persons’ life. Stopping Words That Hurt is an updated version of a book this author wrote years ago. The principles he writes about are still very relevant and this book is definitely worth reading. I gave this book 4/5 stars. I thought the emphasis was mostly about the negative. The book went into great detail about gossip and not talking to each other with negative words. I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for ways to speak to others in a more positive way and needs a reminder of how much words can hurt others.

I would like to thank the publisher for the copy of this book I enjoyed reading. I gave an honest review based on my opinion of what I read.
Profile Image for David Owen.
34 reviews3 followers
February 8, 2016
Well Presented and Challenging

Our world is very full of negative thinking, comments, criticism, gossip and "words that hurt"! This books gives wise assistance in how to handle this and when not to give it. Also what to do when you are on the receiving end of it! It truly challenged me in being careful what I say as well as what I listen to. The material is very balanced and Sedler obviously has excellent people skills along with a godly heart. Take the time to read and learn from it!
Profile Image for Ashley.
6 reviews1 follower
August 7, 2013
Stopping Words That Hurt was really eye opening into why I allow people to hurt me and how I can learn to let it more or less roll off my shoulders.

This book offers strategies on how to overcome negative words, gossip, bullying, self destructive internalization, and gives the reader methods on how to turn things into positive motivations.
It really guides and directs the reader to learn to turn the negative thoughts into positive and motivate the reader into a healthy mindset.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.