Yearning to be Free

by Kerry Dashnaw

While still in her teens, Kerry Dashnaw meets a group of conservative Catholic nuns. Captivated by their flowing habits, deep devotion, and mysterious way of life, she enters the convent shortly after graduating from high school. Believing she has found the path that will bring her closest to God, she eagerly embraces a life of sacrifice, prayer, and obedience. But behind the convent walls, Kerry discovers a reality far different from what she had imagined. Instead of the peace and spiritual fulfillment she longs for, she encounters manipulation, emotional abuse, and increasing disillusionment. As the years pass, she struggles to reconcile her sincere faith with the painful experiences that challenge her understanding of God, authority, and herself. With remarkable honesty and courage, Kerry recounts her journey through her twenties and early thirties as she slowly finds the strength to leave behind the life she once believed was her calling. Through the guidance of a compassionate psychotherapist, she begins the difficult work of healing, reclaiming her voice, and rebuilding a life grounded in freedom, hope, and authentic faith. Yearning to Be Free is a deeply personal spiritual memoir of resilience and redemption. It invites readers into the vulnerable emotional journey of a young woman searching for God, discovering the courage to question, and ultimately finding the freedom to make her own choices. Her story offers hope to anyone who has wrestled with controlling relationships, spiritual abuse, or the challenge of beginning again

341 pages, Paperback

Published February 21, 2024

Reviews

[emma jordan]

The memoir of the woman who was my first grade teacher! She tells the story of becoming a nun at 17, her experience in a strict and hypocritical environment, and the circumstances that eventually led her to leave the convent and Catholic faith altogether and come to a true, saving faith in Jesus.
A sad, though fascinating and impactful read that ultimately ends with true hope.

[Christina Haas]

I have been looking for books about former Catholics and what experiences they had to cause them to leave. I was grateful to find this book, and was hooked from the first chapter.

It must have taken the author a great deal of courage to relive her days as a nun in order to share this story. I am grateful that she did. Her honesty, strength and beauty shine through.

[Lynne Powell]

A fascinating look into life in a convent. Kerry spent 14 years of her life in a very restrictive order. While this does not represent life in all Catholic orders, it is an in- depth look at this particular order. Well written and totally engrossing, it speaks to those trying to recreate themselves after trauma.

[Vicki Holt]

This book follows the life of Kerry Dashnaw as she becomes a nun in a very strict order when she graduates from high school at age 17 until she left the order 14 years later. I was fortunate enough to get to hear Kerry and her husband Peter speak at a book gathering at my church. She changed the name of the order and people’s names for legal reasons but the events in the book are true. She went through a lot of psychological issues and needed therapy to help her adjust. I was amazed by what was allowed to happen. It is an excellent read.

[Deborah L Lee]

Excellent read!!

Very interesting and informative account of life as a nun in this particular congregation during the time before the order made needed changes in its practices and treatment of members. Though a sincere effort is made to keep from identifying the specific order, I think it was probably the Carmelites based in the Los Angeles area.

[Debbie Levis]

This was so honestly and well written. I could not stop reading it. For anyone growing up Catholic during the Vatican II era (as I was) it is so familiar and brings back many (not good) memories. The author has written an honest and relateable memoir

[Amy]

I did not appreciate her reformation reference and insinuating that Catholics aren’t saved/going to heaven. Up until the last part I appreciated her experience and being vulnerable. She laid out well that other orders are joyful/peaceful which was a proper view but found (as a Jesus worshiping Catholic) the reformation slam at the end was incredibly insulting.