How to Avoid a Happy Life

by Julia Lawrinson

Some people are born into bad situations, some people have bad situations thrust upon them, and some people find bad situations through their dodgy choices, lack of information and personal idiosyncrasies. Julia' s life sits at the intersection of all three. From high school dropout on a psych ward to card-carrying lesbian on a motorbike, from enduring a controlling relationship with her ex-lover' s brother to being chased by a media scrum outside a Perth court, the life of beloved children' s author Julia Lawrinson is stranger than fiction – and she draws on all her power as a storyteller to turn a life of intense headlines into a wild, marvellous tale.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health, Australia

354 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 30, 2024

About the author

Julia Lawrinson is an Australian writer of children's and young adult fiction. Her debut novel Obsession (Fremantle Press, 2001) won the Western Australian Premier's Prize for Young Adult Writing: since then her work has been shortlisted for numerous awards. Her latest book for young adults is Before You Forget (PenguinRandomHouse 2017). Her latest novel for children is Mel and Shell (Fremantle Press 2021), and in 2023 she published her first picture book, City of Light (ill. Heather Potter and Mark Jackson) with Wild Dog Books. Her memoir, How To Avoid A Happy Life, is out with Fremantle Press.

Reviews

[Jedi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Britney Spears should've hired this author to write her biography. Absolute insanity what this woman has gone through in life and supremely well written. Didn't sleep last night to get thru it

[Judith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will start by saying I have known the author, Julia Lawrinson, for about 15 years, and she's one of my favourite people. I love her books for children and young adults, and we have hung out together at writers' festivals and conferences and had a great time. In 2017, I even took the first proper holiday I had had in years, and flew (for the first time) from Sydney to Western Australia to be at the launch of her novel "Before You Forget". Julia's husband, John, was diagnosed with early-onset alzheimer's about the time my dad's Lewy Body dementia was kicking in, and we shared a lot of commiserations over their condition, and so when she wrote her book about the experience, I wanted to be there to support her at the launch. Also, we both adore ABBA, and we super-trouper-fans have to stick together. So I am not a dispassionate reviewer. I knew a lot of what Julia writes about in this memoir, but not all of it. And I am so full of admiration for her courage and resolve in telling her truth, I could not be prouder.

The memoir uses its section headings to address the book's title, and as Julia weaves in and out of the stories of her own life, in not-strictly chronological order, themes of inter-generational dysfunction and damage begin to emerge, even before Julia herself was really aware of them in her own life. It came as no surprise to me how vividly she recreated the young Julia and the extraordinary experiences she had as a child, teenager and young adult: she brings the novelist's skills to these sections of the book — to the whole book, really, but in particular you can see how her own youth has informed her work as a children's and YA writer, and how her skill at evoking the challenges of youthful emotion in her novels has fed back into this memoir. Group houses, cross-country bus trips, drunken nights and ill-advised encounters are all brought to life with an intensity that can only come from memories forged at that particular time of life. There's a hopefulness amid all the terrible things that happen — and terrible things do happen — that only comes with youth, and despite the pain and chaos, somehow these scenes seem to have an almost desperate kind of sparkle to them, like a drunken night in Kings' Cross. I don't mean at all to glamourise what Julia experienced and captures here, and she certainly does not, but the energy of her memories here cannot be denied. Or maybe it's just in comparison to my own somewhat prosaic youth, but still.

Julia has experienced a huge amount of tragedy and loss in her life, and many people have written about the resilience and courage she shows in writing this book, and that is true. There's also a determination not to let herself off the hook, not to make excuses, but also not to apologise. I know Julia well enough to know that a.) she isn't going to change anyone's mind once they've made it up about her so why bother trying, and b.) she's so over their shit I am not sure she cares anymore. I think the clear sub-text going on here is Julia making her own reckoning with her story, and it's done with an enormous amount of love and compassion even for those people who some readers may come to conclude don't entirely deserve it. At times I had to stop reading in order to weep. And at times it's blackly hilarious. She has a fine hand in balancing emotion so the tragedy never gets mawkish, and the kind of outrageous piling up of awful things and bloody misfortune (truth IS always more bizarre than fiction) never tip over into oh-come-on disbelief.

I spoke to some Year 11 and 12 students about this book yesterday, when I was still half-way through it. I told them I couldn't wait to get home to finish it, and now I have, my admiration for its author, my friend, could not be higher. But even if I didn't know Julia, and know why she left out some of the stuff that would REALLY have made for good copy (because she's not silly), I would still have devoured this book. It's utterly compelling, frank and straightforward, with some lightness of touch and gorgeousness of observation to leaven the darker stuff. I loved it. And Julia, if you're reading this, I love you too. Big props my friend. More strength to your arm, and may the rest of your life bring you the happiness you so richly deserve.

[Dianne Wolfer]

Brilliant, and brave!

[Clare Snow]

November 2024
I found a second hand copy (5 mths after publication) I guess that person didn't like it, so I better make sure I finish reading.

And the cover hate I had, disappears when I hold a copy in my hand. The front is yellow, the back is part blue, part bleeding through green between the spine and back. The book as artifact needs to win design awards.

June DNF 64%

"There's always someone worse off than you. Sometimes that worse-off person is the self you are to become, living the life you'd avoid, if only you knew how."

This is hard to read. Julia Lawrinson has a lot of fodder for writing in her life. And it's made me want to reread some of her books, and first read some I haven't. I might get back to this

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

The structure and chapter headings are really what stands this memoir apart from others.

Told with humour and direct and honest speech, Julia Lawrinson relays the events of her personal life.

At times I wanted to gather this woman up and congratulate her on her strength and victories over adversity.

But, the intergenerational trauma, gender politics and role as carer are the greatest strengths of this memoir.

Bravo, Julia Lawrinson.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

picked this up as i felt like reading a memoir and this author is from Perth. initially, i was not into it at all, but i kept reading and I am glad I did. I think it is well written and damn she has suffered enough!!! i hope julia is having a happy life now

[Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

[Jeanette Stampone · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is raw and enthralling. Lawrinson takes the reader on a journey through her life which is dizzying and terrifying, yet conveys warmth and acceptance. I am in awe of Lawrinson’s bravery to write this book, revealing a little of her soul within each turn of the page.

[Cathryn Wellner · Rating 4 out of 5]

It takes courage to write a memoir as raw and honest as this one. Lawrinson's wry, breezy style doesn't mask the traumas she experienced. Rather, it makes them relatable and survivable. She never sugarcoats her wild youth, referring to her diaries as a sort of check on the adult looking back. Parents of teens who seem to be on a crash course with any kind of norms will find reassurance in the memoir. Their offspring—hormones raging, life decisions demanding attention, dealing with family traumas—will see themselves in Lawrinson and perhaps be reassured about their future paths.

[Kathryn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some people are born into bad situations, some people have bad situations thrust upon them, and some people find bad situations through their dodgy choices. Julia’s life sits at the intersection of all three.
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In How To Avoid A Happy Life, Julia reflects on her highly eventful life with humour and complete honesty.
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If you are a fan of memoirs, this is an incredible heartbreaking, honest, and resilient tale of Australian author Julia Lawrinson - so definitely be sure to read this!

[Sel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Guiltily picked this up based on the cover and title, but boy oh boy, what an engaging & heartbreaking memoir, and such a resilient person Julia is. When you have chapters titled "Marry your ex girlfriends brother" or "get yourself born into intergenerational misery or "experience vicarious trauma through your friend being r**** and murdered by a Japanese serial killer", you know you've got a unique book in your hands.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love a good memoir, and this is good! Read it!

[Alison Humble · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an intense life! Great read.

[Linda Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

So enlightening, couldn't put it down, amazing life

[Stephen Dedman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Aptly named. Interesting, but not for the easily triggered.

[Heather Zubek · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a book that is astonishingly honest, brutal and brave. Julia, you have such fire and strength within.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

SHORTLISTED for the 2025 WA Premier’s Book Awards.