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Thanks for Having Me
Mary Anne is painfully aware that she's not a good wife and not a good mother, and is slowly realising that she no longer wants to play either of those roles. One morning, she walks out of the family home in Wollongong, leaving her husband and teenage daughters behind. Wounded by her mother's abandonment, adolescent Vivian searches for meaning everywhere: true crime, boys' bedrooms, Dolly magazine, a six-pack of beer. But when Vivian grows up and finds herself unhappily married and miserable in motherhood, she too sees no choice but to start over. Her daughter Evie is left reeling, and wonders what she could have done to make her mother stay.
Emma Darragh's unflinching, tender and darkly funny debut explores what we give to our families and what we take from them—whether we mean to or not. The stories in Thanks for Having Me are like a shoebox full of old photos: they aren't in chronological order and few are labelled. Looking at a family this way reveals things we don't see when these moments are neatly organised. Except that within these pages are a few moments you wouldn't want to hold up to the light.
Emma Darragh's unflinching, tender and darkly funny debut explores what we give to our families and what we take from them—whether we mean to or not. The stories in Thanks for Having Me are like a shoebox full of old photos: they aren't in chronological order and few are labelled. Looking at a family this way reveals things we don't see when these moments are neatly organised. Except that within these pages are a few moments you wouldn't want to hold up to the light.
368 pages, Paperback
First published February 27, 2024
47 people are currently reading
1330 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 90 reviews
April 20, 2024
Now THIS is how you do Australian contemporary fiction. I wished it was twice as long.
Read
July 8, 2024Maybe it's just me, but the characters and stories are let down so significantly by the mental effort it took each new chapter/story to work out a) who's POV it was, b) where chronologically that story took place, and c) if it was now first or third person narration; just meant the whole thing was, on the whole, unenjoyable. The justification in the blurb that the stories are 'like a box of old photographs' (so, no justifiable order) is cute, but doesn't help make for an enjoyable read. Is it me? Am I not clever enough to enjoy the extra chore at the start of each story? Would it really have degraded the whole thing to have had a character and a date at the top? After all, even boxes of photos usually have captions denoting who is in the photo and when it was taken...
June 24, 2024
After seeing this author at NSW State Library’s Fresh Take Summer 2024 event, I was intrigued.
An inter-generational, female family story told in first person, but in an unusually structured way.
In the end I finished this book using the public library’s audiobook version (thank you, Libby app/Overdrive). This may have actually made the whole ‘thing’ a more intimate and emotional experience.
The three voice actors were brilliant - accents, age-appropriate-ness and affectations. I took a shine to Mary-Anne’s voice, mildly unhinged and struggling to hold it together.
Place and social class are virtually characters in this story also. Mt Kiera, The George, Corrimal Food Court - settings speaking of working class hopes, and, realities
Saddened the audiobook finished during this evening’s commute, I searched for podcasts featuring author, Emma Darragh. Tomorrow’s commute will be the Better Words episode, where I’m hoping I’ll hear another book is well underway.
More please, Emma Darragh.
An inter-generational, female family story told in first person, but in an unusually structured way.
In the end I finished this book using the public library’s audiobook version (thank you, Libby app/Overdrive). This may have actually made the whole ‘thing’ a more intimate and emotional experience.
The three voice actors were brilliant - accents, age-appropriate-ness and affectations. I took a shine to Mary-Anne’s voice, mildly unhinged and struggling to hold it together.
Place and social class are virtually characters in this story also. Mt Kiera, The George, Corrimal Food Court - settings speaking of working class hopes, and, realities
Saddened the audiobook finished during this evening’s commute, I searched for podcasts featuring author, Emma Darragh. Tomorrow’s commute will be the Better Words episode, where I’m hoping I’ll hear another book is well underway.
More please, Emma Darragh.
April 6, 2024
A lot of intergenerational trauma and women feeling that their lives are unfulfilled.
Susan is a gem
A decent read
Susan is a gem
A decent read
February 25, 2025
Thanks for Having Me by Emma Darragh was my latest audio book, and what an amazing listen it was. The structure of this one is what makes it such an absorbing read, for it follows three generations of women from the same family, but in pieces, with no chronological order - a novel in stories, as it is described on the cover. I didn't really know what that meant until I was in the thick of it.
The narration of this one was done by three different narrators, one for each of our main perspectives: Mary Anne, Vivian, and Evie. It's a novel where you can think of each story as a random puzzle piece in the history of this family, a jumble of stories when regarded separately, but a full and meaningful portrait when finished and regarded as a whole.
Thanks for Having Me is about mothers and daughters. There are readers who will connect with this novel on a whole other level and then readers who will not. I think it depends on your own experiences with the mother load. The mothers in this novel leave their children, are struggling, and have failed their daughter(s). But this is only the surface story. The deeper we go, the further in, we become aware of so much more.
This novel is deeply nostalgic for those of us who were children in the 1980s and teenagers in the 1990s, with so many cultural references and nods to the Australian lifestyle as it was back then. And sociologically, this one is an exploration on the lives of Australian women in the mid to late 20th century and the intergenerational impacts this had on women coming of age in a society that was giving them more freedom with one hand whilst continuing to limit their options with the other. There is so much that can be pulled out and examined from this novel, socially, psychologically, and culturally. I thought it was brilliant.
This novel reflects the complexity of families and their hidden inner workings. But most of all, it examines motherhood, the perceptions, the realities, and the human failings of those who hold that much revered and sometimes reviled title.
The narration of this one was done by three different narrators, one for each of our main perspectives: Mary Anne, Vivian, and Evie. It's a novel where you can think of each story as a random puzzle piece in the history of this family, a jumble of stories when regarded separately, but a full and meaningful portrait when finished and regarded as a whole.
Thanks for Having Me is about mothers and daughters. There are readers who will connect with this novel on a whole other level and then readers who will not. I think it depends on your own experiences with the mother load. The mothers in this novel leave their children, are struggling, and have failed their daughter(s). But this is only the surface story. The deeper we go, the further in, we become aware of so much more.
This novel is deeply nostalgic for those of us who were children in the 1980s and teenagers in the 1990s, with so many cultural references and nods to the Australian lifestyle as it was back then. And sociologically, this one is an exploration on the lives of Australian women in the mid to late 20th century and the intergenerational impacts this had on women coming of age in a society that was giving them more freedom with one hand whilst continuing to limit their options with the other. There is so much that can be pulled out and examined from this novel, socially, psychologically, and culturally. I thought it was brilliant.
This novel reflects the complexity of families and their hidden inner workings. But most of all, it examines motherhood, the perceptions, the realities, and the human failings of those who hold that much revered and sometimes reviled title.
November 25, 2024
I loved the ways Darragh plays with form to tell this multi-generational decidedly working class story of women who don’t particularly enjoy their roles as wives and mothers. In each short vignette we don’t immediately know which member of the three generations we’re with or where in her life we find her. But that’s the way this novel in stories works and it’s glorious.
dnf
March 18, 2025Dnf @ 31%
I really enjoyed the first few chapters then I just got so so bored. I don’t really care to finish.
I really enjoyed the first few chapters then I just got so so bored. I don’t really care to finish.
June 15, 2024
Described as a novel in stories, these tales interweave to paint a portrait of three generations of women as they grapple with growing up, motherhood and family bonds.
The stories that make up this book are not chronological and are also unlabelled, but they work together to reveal those moments that are often forgotten or swept aside as unimportant, but which are all impactful in their own way.
Mary Anne is struggling with being a wife and mother until one day she walks out of her Wollongong home, leaving her husband and teenage daughters behind. Her teenage daughter, Vivian, feels abandoned and seeks out answers through adolescent experiences of drinking, boys and Dolly magazine. As an adult she also finds herself unhappily married and struggling as a mother and she too leaves her daughter, Evie, behind.
The exploration of women’s roles as wives, mothers and sisters was raw and relatable. The writing did not flinch from painting these experiences in all their gritty and sometimes terrible reality. However, there were also beautiful moments of tenderness and hope and even some humour which made this story all the more meaningful.
I am certainly in my emotional reads era right now and this was another book that I found thought provoking and poignant. I highly recommend the audiobook, where each of the women was narrated by a different voice actor. This made it very easy to separate out the stories and to feel more connected to each of them.
I loved this book and felt that Emma captured the essence of what it is to be a woman trying to be everything to everyone and losing yourself in the process. I cannot wait to read whatever she writes next.
The stories that make up this book are not chronological and are also unlabelled, but they work together to reveal those moments that are often forgotten or swept aside as unimportant, but which are all impactful in their own way.
Mary Anne is struggling with being a wife and mother until one day she walks out of her Wollongong home, leaving her husband and teenage daughters behind. Her teenage daughter, Vivian, feels abandoned and seeks out answers through adolescent experiences of drinking, boys and Dolly magazine. As an adult she also finds herself unhappily married and struggling as a mother and she too leaves her daughter, Evie, behind.
The exploration of women’s roles as wives, mothers and sisters was raw and relatable. The writing did not flinch from painting these experiences in all their gritty and sometimes terrible reality. However, there were also beautiful moments of tenderness and hope and even some humour which made this story all the more meaningful.
I am certainly in my emotional reads era right now and this was another book that I found thought provoking and poignant. I highly recommend the audiobook, where each of the women was narrated by a different voice actor. This made it very easy to separate out the stories and to feel more connected to each of them.
I loved this book and felt that Emma captured the essence of what it is to be a woman trying to be everything to everyone and losing yourself in the process. I cannot wait to read whatever she writes next.
April 15, 2024
This book made me feel like messaging my mum. Huge.
November 3, 2024
This book was so hard to follow, 3 characters at all random time points jumping back and forth in their lives it was actually a headache to read. 0 character development from 3 selfish stupid women who were so awful to everyone around them.
Also I don’t want to read about 13 year olds having sex literally disgusting wtf, please don’t write that
Also I don’t want to read about 13 year olds having sex literally disgusting wtf, please don’t write that
March 16, 2024
Really enjoyed this, wanted more of each characters story.
April 28, 2024
4.5 stars. So fucking amazing!
September 3, 2025
DNF @ 76%. I'm only DNFing because I have other books to read for this subject and don't think I can find the time at the moment to finish this one. The writing was really good, so good it made me feel super uncomfortable as if I was reading a young girls diary at times and I did not like that at all. I'm giving it 3 stars because I did enjoy it but I was reading it so quickly I feel like I wasn't able to take it all in. Hopefully I can return to it and actually take the time to read and really enjoy it. The Twinhood was probably my favourite and I loved Susan.
May 21, 2024
The debut novel by Wollongong-based Emma Darragh. A great story of intergenerational struggles inherited from grandmother to mother to daughter, set in the Illawarra. There was a sub-theme in this book that I have been wanting to read for a while and that is the theme of regretting motherhood, maybe even jealousy between mother and daughter. It is such a taboo to discuss or write about but it was woven delicately through this novel. I also remember Wollongong as a happy and sunny place from my experience living in it, but it is a bleak and lifeless place in Emma's characters'' POV, a reflection of their colourless lives. I thought it was a great book.
I have recently also read the -Arabic- book "Banat Gulnar" (Daughters of Gulnar) which interestingly takes place in my other hometown Bahrain and also broaches the same main theme: inherited trauma, intergenerational women POV's. Interestingly, despite the huge difference in context, the forces affecting these women are consistent: Poverty and need compound abuse. It shows you how the astounding amount of hurdles and setbacks in the system. It is extremely hard for those left behind to catch up.
I have recently also read the -Arabic- book "Banat Gulnar" (Daughters of Gulnar) which interestingly takes place in my other hometown Bahrain and also broaches the same main theme: inherited trauma, intergenerational women POV's. Interestingly, despite the huge difference in context, the forces affecting these women are consistent: Poverty and need compound abuse. It shows you how the astounding amount of hurdles and setbacks in the system. It is extremely hard for those left behind to catch up.
May 24, 2024
5☆
I really love Australian fiction! It’s recognisable and more real to me than any book that features summer during August. I think this story was also hauntingly relatable, and not always in a good way. I too am a struggling young girl with a not perfect relationship with my mother and I’m deeply afraid of the future!
Also, I think this may be one of the only circumstances where I know the author! I don’t know Darragh extremely well, but hearing her speak about the land and creating stories for an entire uni semester, was amazing! Maybe bias has slightly skewed my rating for this book, but I would still say it’s a 4 star read.
I really love Australian fiction! It’s recognisable and more real to me than any book that features summer during August. I think this story was also hauntingly relatable, and not always in a good way. I too am a struggling young girl with a not perfect relationship with my mother and I’m deeply afraid of the future!
Also, I think this may be one of the only circumstances where I know the author! I don’t know Darragh extremely well, but hearing her speak about the land and creating stories for an entire uni semester, was amazing! Maybe bias has slightly skewed my rating for this book, but I would still say it’s a 4 star read.
October 22, 2024
This book depicts 3 joyless women - Kathleen, Mary Ann and Vivian and her child Evie. Every woman is forlorn, hates her life, hates her husband. All the women are absent, either literally or metaphorically. The plot describes the minutia of their day to day life in every excruciating detail however nothing of substance actually happens.
The book jumps chronologically as well as between characters so it’s unnecessarily difficult to follow whose story it is and in what time period. I found it rather dull.
The book jumps chronologically as well as between characters so it’s unnecessarily difficult to follow whose story it is and in what time period. I found it rather dull.
July 2, 2025
An absolutely beautiful book which I felt so connected to because it is set in my hometown !! It is presented so unaired through short cycles and POV’s- what an interesting way to unravel the generational trauma in this family. Emma Darragh has an eye for detail which really comes alive in this book!
March 22, 2024
Stunning book. One for the girls.
Read
September 27, 2024I really enjoyed this - I consumed it quickly as it cleverly engaged me while covers decades of cultural norms in the subject of being a woman and mother.
January 29, 2025
I loved this book. I read it in 2 days while on holidays.
It’s about three generations of women told in vignettes. The detail in this book! The cultural references of the 90s is spot on and complexity of these female relationships is done so masterfully.
It’s sad and yet funny. And for those of you (like me) who was a teen in the nineties & grew up in a working class family, it is very relateable!
An impressive debut!
It’s about three generations of women told in vignettes. The detail in this book! The cultural references of the 90s is spot on and complexity of these female relationships is done so masterfully.
It’s sad and yet funny. And for those of you (like me) who was a teen in the nineties & grew up in a working class family, it is very relateable!
An impressive debut!
April 13, 2024
I really loved this
February 21, 2025
I enjoyed this collection of multi-generational stories, but I think it ends rather abruptly.
October 5, 2024
What I liked was the way the author captured the angst suffered by many women at different life stages, all set within the backdrop of NSW.
But overall this book annoyed me. Following the changing story-lines made me focus so much concentration on trying to figure out what was what/who, that their stories all blurred. And I thought no, I'll hang in there and it will become better as I get more familiar with the characters. But it didn't and the characters just became more irritating and depressing... so many selfish people ... (So now I've got a new shelf/tag "Should've DNF!")
But overall this book annoyed me. Following the changing story-lines made me focus so much concentration on trying to figure out what was what/who, that their stories all blurred. And I thought no, I'll hang in there and it will become better as I get more familiar with the characters. But it didn't and the characters just became more irritating and depressing... so many selfish people ... (So now I've got a new shelf/tag "Should've DNF!")
May 23, 2025
really effectively summed up every anxiety I have about motherhood and every feeling I have ever had about my family.
cannot wait to uncomfortably trauma dump at the office book club about this one xxx
cannot wait to uncomfortably trauma dump at the office book club about this one xxx
April 27, 2024
A captivating and omniscient narration of deeply specific aspects of womanhood that are somehow also generationally universal.
June 20, 2024
Let’s pretend i’m age appropriate and could get away with saying this book slayed then i could get away with only saying that too.
June 23, 2024
Absolute genius. Funny, emotional, surprisingly and incredibly realistic. A joy to read.
July 14, 2024
the most beautiful book i have read this yr.
September 2, 2024
Took quite a while to get the hang of the structure. But was a nice intergenerational, nuianced story in the end.
April 27, 2025
Thanks for Having Me: Such a polite phrase, so many possible meanings …
What complex relationships we have with our mothers. As we navigate our way from total dependence to at least some degree of independence, the relationship changes. Do we thank our mothers for having us? Do we understand their choices and options? Hmm.
As described on the cover, this is a novel in stories. Three generations of women from within the same family: Mary Anne, Vivian and Evie. Their stories emerge piecemeal, like the pieces of a large complex jigsaw puzzle with irregular edges.
As I read this novel, I thought of my own experience as a mother (from the 1980s) and my own experience as a daughter (born during the 1950s). Because I don’t have a daughter, I moved back a generation and thought of my maternal grandmother (a mother from the 1930s). Each of the mother daughter relationships was fraught in different ways, and so I can relate (at least in part) to the stories that unfold in this novel.
Through the eyes of Mary Anne, Vivian and Evie, Ms Darragh paints a picture of the complexity of roles that women can occupy (and sometimes reject) during life. But to be abandoned by your mother must be a harrowing experience for any child. A child will believe that anything and everything that goes wrong is somehow their fault. And so, choices made in one generation can reverberate through subsequent generations.
I kept reading. I was reminded of the choices available to some of my generation which were not available to my mother and grandmother. And I was reminded that in the rush to ‘have it all’ (career, family etc) some found biology uncooperative.
I enjoyed this novel and found it challenging. The way in which Ms Darragh constructed her novel enables a reader to pause and reflect on choices and experiences. It is also a reminder that while possibility within society continues to evolve, expectations about individual roles within society still reflect constraints.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
What complex relationships we have with our mothers. As we navigate our way from total dependence to at least some degree of independence, the relationship changes. Do we thank our mothers for having us? Do we understand their choices and options? Hmm.
As described on the cover, this is a novel in stories. Three generations of women from within the same family: Mary Anne, Vivian and Evie. Their stories emerge piecemeal, like the pieces of a large complex jigsaw puzzle with irregular edges.
As I read this novel, I thought of my own experience as a mother (from the 1980s) and my own experience as a daughter (born during the 1950s). Because I don’t have a daughter, I moved back a generation and thought of my maternal grandmother (a mother from the 1930s). Each of the mother daughter relationships was fraught in different ways, and so I can relate (at least in part) to the stories that unfold in this novel.
Through the eyes of Mary Anne, Vivian and Evie, Ms Darragh paints a picture of the complexity of roles that women can occupy (and sometimes reject) during life. But to be abandoned by your mother must be a harrowing experience for any child. A child will believe that anything and everything that goes wrong is somehow their fault. And so, choices made in one generation can reverberate through subsequent generations.
I kept reading. I was reminded of the choices available to some of my generation which were not available to my mother and grandmother. And I was reminded that in the rush to ‘have it all’ (career, family etc) some found biology uncooperative.
I enjoyed this novel and found it challenging. The way in which Ms Darragh constructed her novel enables a reader to pause and reflect on choices and experiences. It is also a reminder that while possibility within society continues to evolve, expectations about individual roles within society still reflect constraints.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
Displaying 1 - 30 of 90 reviews