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Drink Me: A Relationship Memoir
You don′t fall in love with an alcoholic - you fall in love with a man. At least at first.
Why do women fall for ′damaged′ men?
Why do women keep looking for love to fix everything?
I knew what it was to poison oneself, the strange pleasure in the pain you could produce in your own body - the feeling of control that gave.
I knew that profound physical discomfort allowed no emotion, and that that had often been the whole point.
Dan′s drunkenness seemed comparatively joyous. He never got ill - not even a cold. There were no scars. If this was self-destruction, perhaps it wasn′t so bad after all.
Skye Rogers tells her moving story about the great love - and fight - of her life. Lyrically written and many-layered, Drink Me is a book everyone who has ever loved should read.
Why do women fall for ′damaged′ men?
Why do women keep looking for love to fix everything?
I knew what it was to poison oneself, the strange pleasure in the pain you could produce in your own body - the feeling of control that gave.
I knew that profound physical discomfort allowed no emotion, and that that had often been the whole point.
Dan′s drunkenness seemed comparatively joyous. He never got ill - not even a cold. There were no scars. If this was self-destruction, perhaps it wasn′t so bad after all.
Skye Rogers tells her moving story about the great love - and fight - of her life. Lyrically written and many-layered, Drink Me is a book everyone who has ever loved should read.
352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
April 27, 2017
I recently dated an alcoholic who freely confessed to his issues with the substance on our first date. We broke up not long after, for reasons not related to his alcoholism, and I was very hurt and upset, feeling robbed of the chance to get to know him better as I wasn't put off by his alcoholism. Everybody has their cross to bear (hell, I even shoplifted this book, I'm no angel). I was looking for a book about relationships with addicts to convince myself I had dodged a bullet by losing this man.
So many little things in this book matched up with my own experiences with an alcoholic; the complete disregard for his own health and wellbeing (like refusal to wear sunscreen while working outdoors in the height of summer or take medicine when sick, which really bugged me), the constant stream of new wounds which took forever to heal, fierce loyalty to the motley crew of 'mates' he got smashed with, complete lack of fear about anything, the jaded cynicism about therapy of any kind, the impulsive flashes of anger, partaking in dangerous behaviours, long-buried and suppressed issues within the family, a longing to be part of a group of some kind, childhood abuse, a short attention span, a magnetic charisma, and a bedroom strewn with empty bottles.
Now why on earth would anyone want to get tangled up with someone like that?! But the charm, oh my god, the charm. The author's love had as much of it as mine did, ladles of it. That rakishness, a cavalier attitude, an evident love of the good times, a pervading ability to see the positive in the situation and relish the moment! That's as intoxicating as booze and very, very attractive.
Skye Rogers' relationship was a hell of a lot longer than mine and so her honeymoon period, detailed lovingly here, tugged at my heartstrings, aware as I was of all that I missed out on. This takes up the first half of the book, so I was pretty impatient with it and anxious to get to the bit where it all begins to fall apart.
I did get there, the way you fall in love; slowly and then all at once. This is the bit I was lucky enough to miss out on in real life, for the most part. The endless rages, the embarrassment of public drunkenness, the verbal abuse and taunts, and finally, the admission into rehab and the beginning of the end. Eager though I had been to console myself over all the suffering I was spared, I was still shocked and deeply saddened to read about the breakdown of the relationship and the erosion of two people's self-respect as they struggled to stay together and to survive.
There were a fair few features of addict relationships I was mercifully spared but the author was not; the slow job of convincing the addict they have a problem, the thankless job of being the one to tell their family, and being on the receiving end of the blame for the problem. There but for the grace of God go I.
I can see how readers would get frustrated with this book, meandering and formulaic as the boy-meets-girl first half is. But I was holding back tears by the end because of how horrible things became for both of them. The author has my eternal respect for how long she managed to keep going in her own personal hell and how well she has apparently recovered (a quick google search shows her alive and well).
Since we parted ways, my guy has woken up three times in the homes of people he didn't know, unaware of how he got there with injuries he didn't know how he got, and been arrested for 'breaking and entering'. He's been crashing on friends' couches, and was finally asked to leave when the police delivered him home one morning. He told me all of this in a cheerful what-am-I-like fashion, his friends' reactions of mirth egging him on. All of this is due to booze. At the beginning of our brief affair when he told me doctors had said his heart was in trouble because of his hard-living I made him promise to take better care of himself, which he said he would. Obviously, talk is cheap. Also, you shouldn't try to get sense out of someone whilst making out with them. But you live and learn.
I have spent my time over the past two months trying to figure out which of his behaviours is a guy thing and which is an addict thing. His sense of entitlement to my body was a guy thing, his lack of concern for his own body (he let people put out cigarettes on him, for real) was an addict thing. His adorable scruffiness and messy bedroom was a guy thing, the clothes stained with nicotine and sheets stained with red wine were an addict thing.
This all sounds like a horrible experience but I swear he didn't seem at all like this when i met him, as I'm sure the author's boyfriend didn't either. It's easy to fall for someone who is so charming and fun, with such a zest for life. All the signs that things are not well just seem like adorable quirks before they show themselves not to be. I was recounting the whole story to my friend in the car the other day and she summed it up for me; 'When you're wearing rose-tinted glasses the red flags just look like flags."
So many little things in this book matched up with my own experiences with an alcoholic; the complete disregard for his own health and wellbeing (like refusal to wear sunscreen while working outdoors in the height of summer or take medicine when sick, which really bugged me), the constant stream of new wounds which took forever to heal, fierce loyalty to the motley crew of 'mates' he got smashed with, complete lack of fear about anything, the jaded cynicism about therapy of any kind, the impulsive flashes of anger, partaking in dangerous behaviours, long-buried and suppressed issues within the family, a longing to be part of a group of some kind, childhood abuse, a short attention span, a magnetic charisma, and a bedroom strewn with empty bottles.
Now why on earth would anyone want to get tangled up with someone like that?! But the charm, oh my god, the charm. The author's love had as much of it as mine did, ladles of it. That rakishness, a cavalier attitude, an evident love of the good times, a pervading ability to see the positive in the situation and relish the moment! That's as intoxicating as booze and very, very attractive.
Skye Rogers' relationship was a hell of a lot longer than mine and so her honeymoon period, detailed lovingly here, tugged at my heartstrings, aware as I was of all that I missed out on. This takes up the first half of the book, so I was pretty impatient with it and anxious to get to the bit where it all begins to fall apart.
I did get there, the way you fall in love; slowly and then all at once. This is the bit I was lucky enough to miss out on in real life, for the most part. The endless rages, the embarrassment of public drunkenness, the verbal abuse and taunts, and finally, the admission into rehab and the beginning of the end. Eager though I had been to console myself over all the suffering I was spared, I was still shocked and deeply saddened to read about the breakdown of the relationship and the erosion of two people's self-respect as they struggled to stay together and to survive.
There were a fair few features of addict relationships I was mercifully spared but the author was not; the slow job of convincing the addict they have a problem, the thankless job of being the one to tell their family, and being on the receiving end of the blame for the problem. There but for the grace of God go I.
I can see how readers would get frustrated with this book, meandering and formulaic as the boy-meets-girl first half is. But I was holding back tears by the end because of how horrible things became for both of them. The author has my eternal respect for how long she managed to keep going in her own personal hell and how well she has apparently recovered (a quick google search shows her alive and well).
Since we parted ways, my guy has woken up three times in the homes of people he didn't know, unaware of how he got there with injuries he didn't know how he got, and been arrested for 'breaking and entering'. He's been crashing on friends' couches, and was finally asked to leave when the police delivered him home one morning. He told me all of this in a cheerful what-am-I-like fashion, his friends' reactions of mirth egging him on. All of this is due to booze. At the beginning of our brief affair when he told me doctors had said his heart was in trouble because of his hard-living I made him promise to take better care of himself, which he said he would. Obviously, talk is cheap. Also, you shouldn't try to get sense out of someone whilst making out with them. But you live and learn.
I have spent my time over the past two months trying to figure out which of his behaviours is a guy thing and which is an addict thing. His sense of entitlement to my body was a guy thing, his lack of concern for his own body (he let people put out cigarettes on him, for real) was an addict thing. His adorable scruffiness and messy bedroom was a guy thing, the clothes stained with nicotine and sheets stained with red wine were an addict thing.
This all sounds like a horrible experience but I swear he didn't seem at all like this when i met him, as I'm sure the author's boyfriend didn't either. It's easy to fall for someone who is so charming and fun, with such a zest for life. All the signs that things are not well just seem like adorable quirks before they show themselves not to be. I was recounting the whole story to my friend in the car the other day and she summed it up for me; 'When you're wearing rose-tinted glasses the red flags just look like flags."
April 7, 2010
the covers said " you don't fall in love with an alcoholic - you fall in love with a man."
the book was half about herself who aint an alchie, one third about her honeymoon days with the man. one quarter about him being an alcoholic and the last bit was about herself with him out of her life.
the covers should say " me, my life, my confusion and a guy i used to date who drinks alot. "
the book was half about herself who aint an alchie, one third about her honeymoon days with the man. one quarter about him being an alcoholic and the last bit was about herself with him out of her life.
the covers should say " me, my life, my confusion and a guy i used to date who drinks alot. "
July 14, 2020
I read this book more than ten years ago but the fact that I still remember vividly many scenes, and even snatched of dialogue I could still quote you today- despite having no personal relationship with an addict myself- I think marks this out as a special book.
December 19, 2015
I loved this book in the same way that I loved "Eat Pray Love". Unlike other reviewers of this book, I thought this was a well written and, from what I could tell, painfully honest account of a fraught relationship with an alcoholic boyfriend/partner and the struggle to come to the realisation that she was "going down with him" unless she confronted herself and him with the reality of his addiction.
I also loved the way in which Skye Rogers balanced her account of Daniel's addiction and self-destructive behaviour with revelations of her own emotional problems and self-destructive and co-dependent behaviour, past and present.
The last thirty pages or so are particulary moving and well observed, I thought, where Skye describes life after Dan has gone into rehab and they are no longer together. For example, when reflecting on Daniel's loss of enthusiasm after the initial promise of rehab, Skye observes: "Dan's gorgeous epiphanies stretched well into their bleak opposites. Rebirth, it seemed, was boring after a while. I remembered this well from my own recovery years ago, how arduous and contingent 'getting well' seems. All that new learning is not innocent like a child’s; one is not simply a blank slate filled with new information, for this kind of learning requires so much forgetting. Dan's moods were like tides that washed up hope and joy and brought back hatred and despair in the one cycle."
I also loved the way in which Skye Rogers balanced her account of Daniel's addiction and self-destructive behaviour with revelations of her own emotional problems and self-destructive and co-dependent behaviour, past and present.
The last thirty pages or so are particulary moving and well observed, I thought, where Skye describes life after Dan has gone into rehab and they are no longer together. For example, when reflecting on Daniel's loss of enthusiasm after the initial promise of rehab, Skye observes: "Dan's gorgeous epiphanies stretched well into their bleak opposites. Rebirth, it seemed, was boring after a while. I remembered this well from my own recovery years ago, how arduous and contingent 'getting well' seems. All that new learning is not innocent like a child’s; one is not simply a blank slate filled with new information, for this kind of learning requires so much forgetting. Dan's moods were like tides that washed up hope and joy and brought back hatred and despair in the one cycle."
August 7, 2019
Beast
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 6, 2025
It's a frustrating read
October 11, 2008
While not outstanding writing, as someone who has experienced the flow on effects of substance abuse, I really found this resonated in a deeply personal way.
April 24, 2012
After living a relationship centred around my partners substance abuse the moments and movements of these people's lives resonated with me.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews