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Big Trouble In Little Ass: A Novella
From Bizarro master storyteller Wol-vriey comes a truly weird western tale that will leave you awe-struck and on the edge of your seat...
In the town of Little Ass, tight-assed prostitute Rosa overhears a gunman's plans to assassinate rancher Edison Bennett. Once the badass Bennett learns of the plot, he ensures there'll be hell to pay for any attempt on his life!
Yes, it's going to take all of gunslinger Jude's shooting prowess, his eclectic collection of strange firearms, a trusty horse that requires an owners' manual, and the help of the lovely and invigorating Nell (who's EXTREMELY odd when the going gets weird), to survive the Bizarro hell that Edison Bennett unleashes in order to hold onto the land he's stolen from Madam Zizi.
An excerpt from the book:
Edison returned with his drink. He and Valhalla studied Jude’s gun.
“It’s made of bone, Edison,” Valhalla said. “Smells like fish bone.”
Edison raised a startled eyebrow. He finished his whiskey, then broke the weapon open to check its ammo.
There were three shells in the cylinder, and no spent casings. Edison thought the three empty chambers odd. Even odder, the ends of the unfired shells looked like frayed meat.
He shook the bullets out into his hand.
Frowning, he held one up so Valhalla and Ike could see it. Lamplight glinted off the bullet’s fingernail.
“What sort of a weapon fires severed human fingers?” he asked.
In the town of Little Ass, tight-assed prostitute Rosa overhears a gunman's plans to assassinate rancher Edison Bennett. Once the badass Bennett learns of the plot, he ensures there'll be hell to pay for any attempt on his life!
Yes, it's going to take all of gunslinger Jude's shooting prowess, his eclectic collection of strange firearms, a trusty horse that requires an owners' manual, and the help of the lovely and invigorating Nell (who's EXTREMELY odd when the going gets weird), to survive the Bizarro hell that Edison Bennett unleashes in order to hold onto the land he's stolen from Madam Zizi.
An excerpt from the book:
Edison returned with his drink. He and Valhalla studied Jude’s gun.
“It’s made of bone, Edison,” Valhalla said. “Smells like fish bone.”
Edison raised a startled eyebrow. He finished his whiskey, then broke the weapon open to check its ammo.
There were three shells in the cylinder, and no spent casings. Edison thought the three empty chambers odd. Even odder, the ends of the unfired shells looked like frayed meat.
He shook the bullets out into his hand.
Frowning, he held one up so Valhalla and Ike could see it. Lamplight glinted off the bullet’s fingernail.
“What sort of a weapon fires severed human fingers?” he asked.
- GenresBizarro Fiction
96 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 24, 2014
2 people are currently reading
47 people want to read
About the author
Wol-vriey
70 books202 followersWol-vriey writes eXXXtreme horror fiction, and also some surrealist stuff.
To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.
His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.
On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.
To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.
His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.
On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
August 6, 2016
I think it's possible that one day a psychiatrist will give a name to the peculiar disease of the mind that makes one predisposed to truly enjoy Wol-vriey's books. Until then, I'll just have to live knowing that I'm afflicted with an as-yet-to-be-named mental disorder that, if I had to guess, impacts about 0.001 percent of the human population. But I don't mind, really.
Really, I don't.
And it's not like I'm looking for a cure.
Here's a little test to see if maybe you're a sufferer of this rare mental illness.
Would you like to read a book that features:
-strange, and yet quite useful, genital mutations?
-horrible puns?
-taboo sexual practices which have magical healing properties?
-impaling, decapitation, and dismemberment (all played for laughs)?
-cringe-worthy dialog written in the most insulting dialect imaginable?
-sex scenes that raise interesting philosophical questions on the subject of bestiality in fantastic literature?
If you answered 'yes' to ALL of the above, then you and I likely suffer from the same mental disorder, and you should read this book.
To those who answered 'no' to ANY of the above: you've been warned.
Note: I received a sticky electronic copy of this filthy book from this smutty author in exchange for an honest (non-reciprocal) review.
Really, I don't.
And it's not like I'm looking for a cure.
Here's a little test to see if maybe you're a sufferer of this rare mental illness.
Would you like to read a book that features:
-strange, and yet quite useful, genital mutations?
-horrible puns?
-taboo sexual practices which have magical healing properties?
-impaling, decapitation, and dismemberment (all played for laughs)?
-cringe-worthy dialog written in the most insulting dialect imaginable?
-sex scenes that raise interesting philosophical questions on the subject of bestiality in fantastic literature?
If you answered 'yes' to ALL of the above, then you and I likely suffer from the same mental disorder, and you should read this book.
To those who answered 'no' to ANY of the above: you've been warned.
Note: I received a sticky electronic copy of this filthy book from this smutty author in exchange for an honest (non-reciprocal) review.
March 9, 2014
So, another quick pass of the Wol-vriey grating machine over the frontal lobes of the reader. I was beginning to think the wait would be too long for the next installment of the man's legacy.
This time we are back in non-zombie and non-urban gangsta satire territory and back where Alice's Adventures in Steampunkland showed us the weird places mechanical horses can take us. And also close to my personal favorite by Wol-vriey--Guiltessa Dolores. But that remains unsurpassed.
So Jude, assassin for hire arrives into ye typical cowboy town to offer his services. Immediately we see undertakers, saloons, whorehouses. The local mountain/hills, which looks like the ass sticking out of a buried goddess. The 'Little Ass' in question that gives the town its name. A few paragraphs in, the psychedelic sex starts, natch. Another postmodern re-imagining that makes one vibrate in glee and grin like a hyena.
I was wondering the other day how to describe this style. Salvador Dali meets South Park is the best I can do for now.
This time we are back in non-zombie and non-urban gangsta satire territory and back where Alice's Adventures in Steampunkland showed us the weird places mechanical horses can take us. And also close to my personal favorite by Wol-vriey--Guiltessa Dolores. But that remains unsurpassed.
So Jude, assassin for hire arrives into ye typical cowboy town to offer his services. Immediately we see undertakers, saloons, whorehouses. The local mountain/hills, which looks like the ass sticking out of a buried goddess. The 'Little Ass' in question that gives the town its name. A few paragraphs in, the psychedelic sex starts, natch. Another postmodern re-imagining that makes one vibrate in glee and grin like a hyena.
I was wondering the other day how to describe this style. Salvador Dali meets South Park is the best I can do for now.
March 9, 2014
I was getting ready to review Cesar Aira's book "An Episode in the Life of a Landscape Painter" when I received a inbox from Wol-vriey asking me to read and review this novella. I am more than happy to read it, but I didn't want to start a review without this disclosure.
"Big Trouble in Little Ass" is a western that starts a very normal. A hired gun is called into town by the local whorehouse owner to kill the villains that stole her ranch. The generic quickly turns with a two foot tentacle clit, a cannon/horse that is triggered by pulling the horses erect penis, a guy with a rat shaped penis, and of course a lady who reads the future through semen. I have recounted the plot of this story a few times because it is so funny and fantastic that I like to think about it, tell the story, and make others shake their head at how insane it is.
The only problem I did have was that a few of the characters were a little stereotyped. The thugs said predictable, cliched lines, but the worst was Rosa, the Mexican whore. It is tradition that westerns have dialect as part of their dialogue, but Rosa really stops the progress of the story when she talks. It seems as if it would be much easier if she just talked without the Mexican slant.
As a whole, this is a great story, and I enjoyed it very much. I will look forward to reading other things by Wol-vriey in the future.
"Big Trouble in Little Ass" is a western that starts a very normal. A hired gun is called into town by the local whorehouse owner to kill the villains that stole her ranch. The generic quickly turns with a two foot tentacle clit, a cannon/horse that is triggered by pulling the horses erect penis, a guy with a rat shaped penis, and of course a lady who reads the future through semen. I have recounted the plot of this story a few times because it is so funny and fantastic that I like to think about it, tell the story, and make others shake their head at how insane it is.
The only problem I did have was that a few of the characters were a little stereotyped. The thugs said predictable, cliched lines, but the worst was Rosa, the Mexican whore. It is tradition that westerns have dialect as part of their dialogue, but Rosa really stops the progress of the story when she talks. It seems as if it would be much easier if she just talked without the Mexican slant.
As a whole, this is a great story, and I enjoyed it very much. I will look forward to reading other things by Wol-vriey in the future.
October 7, 2014
Bizarro Master Wol-vriey hits us with another masterpiece.
A Bizarro Western, "Big Trouble In Little Ass" is about a strangely armed cowboy hired by Zizi, a madam in the local brothel, to kill a vicious bigshot who took her ranch away from her. What follows is pure Wol-vriey madness.
We have guns that shoot fingers and teeth and even legs, a penis-living mutant god, and our urine-soaked hero Jude is the quintessential badass cowboy.
This novella is pure fun, recommended for anyone who likes the over the top absurdism that's present in every Wol-vriey story. Five stars.
A Bizarro Western, "Big Trouble In Little Ass" is about a strangely armed cowboy hired by Zizi, a madam in the local brothel, to kill a vicious bigshot who took her ranch away from her. What follows is pure Wol-vriey madness.
We have guns that shoot fingers and teeth and even legs, a penis-living mutant god, and our urine-soaked hero Jude is the quintessential badass cowboy.
This novella is pure fun, recommended for anyone who likes the over the top absurdism that's present in every Wol-vriey story. Five stars.
July 15, 2014
A golden shower becomes a liquid bandaid. That only Wol-vriey can apply.
A story set in the WILD west. Wild and bizarre. A planned assassination a small town had to be stopped. Jude is armed to the teeth with guns that comes out of apparatuses of her body. A side kick that defines the WEIRD theory of Wol-vriey's mind.
If you want a wild west story with prostitutes, guns, summoning and dead bodies. Then tip your hat cowboys & cowgirls, saddle up for one helluva ride.
A story set in the WILD west. Wild and bizarre. A planned assassination a small town had to be stopped. Jude is armed to the teeth with guns that comes out of apparatuses of her body. A side kick that defines the WEIRD theory of Wol-vriey's mind.
If you want a wild west story with prostitutes, guns, summoning and dead bodies. Then tip your hat cowboys & cowgirls, saddle up for one helluva ride.
March 12, 2014
I love these crazy bizarro westerns! Wol-vriey definitely delivered with a great story packed full of MaDneSS! A tentaclit .. hahaha awesome!
March 1, 2014
“Rosa, stop gawping like you’ve never seen a man with a fish skeleton stuck through him before."
June 13, 2018
Weird Western.
This was a pretty good weird western. It was fairly tame for a Wol-Vriey read (This is my 3rd one) but it still had his weirdness to it.
This was a pretty good weird western. It was fairly tame for a Wol-Vriey read (This is my 3rd one) but it still had his weirdness to it.
November 1, 2014
Full disclosure: I was asked by the author, Wol-vriey, to review this novella. I am a bit late due to unforeseen health issues.
The story is truly unique and quite bizarre. I must admit to some admiration of his creativity and imagination. I must also admit to nearly wetting myself laughing at the unpredictable twists and turns that the plot takes.
I find myself in a dilemma as I write this review. It is very difficult to tell or summarize the story without giving away spoilers, something I refuse to do.
So, here goes my attempt to summarize without giving away any spoilers.
A cowboy rides into town on a very unique horse and a reputation as a badass gunslinger. His mission is to drive the usurpers and reclaim the ranch for his client who has been reduced to running the local bordello. He quickly finds himself in very deep doodoo, having had both arms and legs shot off. How he gets out of that mess and those that follow come straight from the imagination of the author. From that point on, I leave the reader to decide whether or not to read on. What follows is pure bizarro fiction of the finest sort. If you are offended by bodily fluids, or any other types of bodily products, be warned. This novella takes the genre to the grossest and most hilarious extremes l have ever encountered. Definitely not for the squeamish, but a MUST READ for fans of the genre.
The story is truly unique and quite bizarre. I must admit to some admiration of his creativity and imagination. I must also admit to nearly wetting myself laughing at the unpredictable twists and turns that the plot takes.
I find myself in a dilemma as I write this review. It is very difficult to tell or summarize the story without giving away spoilers, something I refuse to do.
So, here goes my attempt to summarize without giving away any spoilers.
A cowboy rides into town on a very unique horse and a reputation as a badass gunslinger. His mission is to drive the usurpers and reclaim the ranch for his client who has been reduced to running the local bordello. He quickly finds himself in very deep doodoo, having had both arms and legs shot off. How he gets out of that mess and those that follow come straight from the imagination of the author. From that point on, I leave the reader to decide whether or not to read on. What follows is pure bizarro fiction of the finest sort. If you are offended by bodily fluids, or any other types of bodily products, be warned. This novella takes the genre to the grossest and most hilarious extremes l have ever encountered. Definitely not for the squeamish, but a MUST READ for fans of the genre.
April 21, 2014
This was my first reading experience with Wol-vriey and with the western side of the Bizzaro fiction world. The trip was surreal and strange and everything I'd expect from a Bizzaro story. Wol-vriey maintains a well written plot, while incorporating Bizarro elements that don't feel out of place.
The weapons were my favorite. Who doesn't love a wooden rifle that shoots teeth? But when the teeth grow instantly into living porcupines, you've hooked me. A revolver with human fingers as ammo that burst into shark carcasses, excellent!
Jude, while playing the part of the unfortunate hero, works well with Nell. Her healing golden-showers leave me thinking, I'd rather stink like a urinal than be dead. Valhalla was an excellent addition to the story, and her back-story was perfect.
Be ready for some bizzare sexual elements. After all, what western doesn't have a brothel?
If you like the Bizzaro genre, read it. If you like Bizarro westerns, what are you waiting for?
The weapons were my favorite. Who doesn't love a wooden rifle that shoots teeth? But when the teeth grow instantly into living porcupines, you've hooked me. A revolver with human fingers as ammo that burst into shark carcasses, excellent!
Jude, while playing the part of the unfortunate hero, works well with Nell. Her healing golden-showers leave me thinking, I'd rather stink like a urinal than be dead. Valhalla was an excellent addition to the story, and her back-story was perfect.
Be ready for some bizzare sexual elements. After all, what western doesn't have a brothel?
If you like the Bizzaro genre, read it. If you like Bizarro westerns, what are you waiting for?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 7, 2014
Extremely enjoyable and entertaining, this was my first experience reading a story by Wol-vriey, and I'm far from disappointed. I will be reading many more of his books in the future.
Take the time out to read this and you won't be sad you did.
It'll bring a smile, a laugh, a gasp and maybe a few other noises to you while reading, and if you fart, it's not the fault of the author.
Give Big Trouble in Little Ass: A Novella a go......
just because
Take the time out to read this and you won't be sad you did.
It'll bring a smile, a laugh, a gasp and maybe a few other noises to you while reading, and if you fart, it's not the fault of the author.
Give Big Trouble in Little Ass: A Novella a go......
just because
January 14, 2016
Another absurd oddity that I just could not put down. Absolutely brilliant.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews