Do Conversation : There's no such thing as small talk

by Robert Poynton

'In conversation, we don’t just talk with individuals, we encounter entire worlds.'

Conversation is about more than communication. It’s how we connect with each other and make sense of the world; it’s an essential part of being human.

So why do some flow, while others are stilted and awkward? Can we make difficult conversations easier?

In this book, Robert Poynton explores the ‘everyday miracle’ that leads to new ideas and deeper relationships. He offers simple ways to improve our natural ability so that we overcome any anxiety, converse more skilfully and have more meaningful interactions. You

Discover it’s not about being clever, witty or winning argumentsLearn to listen and hold spaceFind out how a simple bit of structure can make all the differenceCreate the conditions for more fruitful conversationsThe best conversations aren’t planned or one-sided; they are highly responsive, improvised exchanges. Let’s keep talking.

118 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 4, 2024

About the author

I live off grid in rural Spain, 3km outside a small town that no-one has heard of. My most recent book, 'Do - Pause', was shaped by this place and its rhythms - both natural and human. I continue to write about pause. I think we need constant reminding that our best ideas and best selves come from variation, not from being 'always on'. 'Do - Pause' received so much attention when it was published last year, that I also decided to create The Pause Project (for more information see: www.pauseproject.space).

'Do - Improvise' and 'Everything's an Offer', my two previous books, are both about improv and how the ideas and practices it rests on can help us in every day life and work. I believe that creating the conditions where good things can happen is more powerful than trying to control events or people. It is amazing to me that a body of ideas I first encountered nearly thirty years ago continue to be so helpful and so relevant.

Reviews

[Raphael Jerome Celestino · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably my favourite book of the year. As someone who struggles a bit in conversation, this book was enlightening but not because it gave practical tips and tricks (though it sometimes did) but because it gave an honest, meditative and philosophical thoughts on conversation.

I mostly view conversation as complex and mundane but this book helped me view it as a miraculous but simple feat that we often take for granted. The key lesson I learned here is to just let go.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone. you don't even have to be someone struggling with conversation as this book just provides a lot of great insights into the art of conversation.

[Hanka Jirovská · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't decide between three and four stars, but given that I copied out four pages worth of quotes and ideas, well, four stars it is :-)

It's obvious the author draws from the same inspiration as for his Do Pause book, and I have to admit that he convinced me that there are many similarities. Some interesting insights on how has technology affected conversation, things that one can try to experiment with in conversation, and clear links to improvisation (because let's be honest, good improvisation is about good conversation). In no way am I ready to start implementing all those things into my conversations now, and I don't think that's even the point -- maybe the point is to just show you at what levels you can even begin to appreciate conversation, and perhaps get you a little excited about the opportunities for experimenting. Maybe not as relevant as the Do Pause book felt for me, but still a nice reminder to appreciate connection with others.

[Someone Else · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite an easy and relaxing read. Part poetry, part philosophy intertwined with some thought-provoking nuances there are to having conversation. The books starts and ends with a sense of wonder about our collective capacity to communicate in the first place. There are some useful mental models/ideas inspired primarily from Improvisation which can guide reflection before, during and after a conversation. I also found the book written in quite an emphatic and inclusive tone - focus on self but not just self. The overall takeaway for me is to stay relaxed yet attentive in conversations. Nothing ground-breaking but still refreshing that the emphasis is not on the perennial self-optimisation but more on getting to know our changing self and others.

[Adam Whiting · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found that it was a concise and thought provoking read. I’ve struggled with having difficult conversations and while it didn’t directly give me a score to follow it helped me to understand the language of conversation. How the body relates, how it is a practice that should be encouraged. Steering away from where you think you need to end up can take you somewhere you didn’t know you needed to be. Of course there are times where this isn’t possible but it helped understand the parameters that certain conversations need and how external factors like, location, food and drink and even activities can enhance or kill a conversation. It is so much more than the words said. I’d definitely reccomend. I’ve just ordered 4 more books from the Do series!

[Anastasiya · Rating 3 out of 5]

wish i had quit this book sooner. about how to have good conversations but most points seemed very obvious.

the line that will probably stick with me most is ‘the aim isn't to become good at conversation, it is to become good at being you, in conversation.
later today you will have a conversation of some kind. when you do, you have the precious chance to connect with your own experience and the people you are talking with and, as a result, become more alive. never cease to be amazed by this. however common it may be, it is also extraordinary - miraculous even.’

[Richy Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting rumination and reflection on conversation and communication. In this seemingly atomised world, it reminds us of the potency and importance of conversation and guides the reader with actionable steps to male connections.

[Victoria Brimble · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book on why conversation should be desired more so than on how to have a good conversation.