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Confessions of an Amateur Saint: The Christian Leader’s Journey from Self-Sufficiency to Reliance on God
Confession Is Good for the Soul . . . and for Your Leadership
Why are so many Christian leaders burning out, losing faith, and abusing power? Rather than relying on our self-sufficiency and toughing our way through the tension, Mandy Smith invites us to confess it. As a pastor who also equips and encourages other pastors, Mandy feels the pain. Instead of offering more strategies to fix our problems, she reminds us of the call that first captured our imagination, directing our passions back to God and God’s people. In her book you the surprising freedom of grappling with a loving Godbe released from illusions of control into a lifestyle of healing hoperediscover your passion for ministry and your love for God and God’s people.Confessions of an Amateur Saint is a different kind of leadership book for a different kind of leader. And different is what we need these days—spiritual leadership refined by fire rather than burned out by it, a leadership unencumbered by unrealistic expectations, a leadership reconnected to the God who receives our confession with love and restores our soul for the task ahead.
In a time where all Christian leaders are required to be pioneers, let Mandy skillfully guide you to a fresh, spiritually-fueled integrity, not weighted by false expectations but leading your people as your faith is increasingly shaped like Christ.
Why are so many Christian leaders burning out, losing faith, and abusing power? Rather than relying on our self-sufficiency and toughing our way through the tension, Mandy Smith invites us to confess it. As a pastor who also equips and encourages other pastors, Mandy feels the pain. Instead of offering more strategies to fix our problems, she reminds us of the call that first captured our imagination, directing our passions back to God and God’s people. In her book you the surprising freedom of grappling with a loving Godbe released from illusions of control into a lifestyle of healing hoperediscover your passion for ministry and your love for God and God’s people.Confessions of an Amateur Saint is a different kind of leadership book for a different kind of leader. And different is what we need these days—spiritual leadership refined by fire rather than burned out by it, a leadership unencumbered by unrealistic expectations, a leadership reconnected to the God who receives our confession with love and restores our soul for the task ahead.
In a time where all Christian leaders are required to be pioneers, let Mandy skillfully guide you to a fresh, spiritually-fueled integrity, not weighted by false expectations but leading your people as your faith is increasingly shaped like Christ.
- GenresLeadershipChristian
211 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 8, 2024
13 people are currently reading
611 people want to read
About the author
Mandy Smith
5 books64 followersOriginally from Australia, Mandy Smith is a pastor, speaker and the author of "The Vulnerable Pastor: How Human Limitations Empower Our Ministry" and "Unfettered: Imagining a Childlike Faith Beyond the Baggage of Western Culture." Her next book, "Confessions of an Amateur Saint: The Christian Leader’s Journey from Self-Suffiency to Reliance on God" will release October, 2024. Mandy and her husband, a New Testament professor, live in the parsonage where the teapot is always warm.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 27, 2024
Let me first admit my bias: I work for the publishing program that released this book.
I can be biased, and a book can nevertheless be wonderful. Mandy is a lovely writer and a wise thinker. Her soul is centered. These qualities allow her to write a book that is bold and loving and sensible, all at the same time. It is edifying to readers in ways that many books aspire to be but struggle to achieve.
What I’m writing about is the title. I see a lot of buzz about this book online and it tends to organize around the first word of the title: “Confessions.” I understand why this would be so—“confessions” is a concrete word that is also provocative. A confession is apocalyptic in the classic sense of that word—it is revealing of things commonly held in secret, and the act of revelation is liberating and empowering. It’s also the first word in the title so it sets a tone for what follows it.
But “confessions” is only the fourth-most important word of the title. And I think people might make better sense of the book if they considered it from a different point of entry. I’d argue that the most important word of the title is “amateur.”
To be an amateur in anything is to make a practice of honesty. Amateurs know they are not experts; they make no pretense of being professionals in their craft. They aspire to excellence but recognize that their excellence is qualified; they operate outside the arena in which excellence for their craft is measured.
Amateurs thus are in it for the quest more so than the reward. They lean in, quietly honing their craft, diligently observing the tricks of the trade practiced by the professionals. They work this out mostly privately, only occasionally bringing what they’ve learned to an audience. They don’t quit their day jobs.
Don’t mistake this take on amateurism as a comment on quality. A colleague once told me about one of the most accomplished biblical scholars in the world; he was asked why he never pursued a PhD on the subject. “Who would grade my dissertation?” was his response. To be an amateur is not to be unqualified or substandard. It is to give careful attention to something that has taken root in the cracks and crevices of your everyday life.
If “amateur” is the most important word in Mandy’s title, and “confessions” is fourth, what take second and third place?
I’d argue for “Saint” getting the silver medal. Thomas Merton famously concluded (guided by wise and trustworthy friends) that “to be a saint is to be myself” and who among us doesn’t recognize that our true self is tucked somewhere in the cracks and crevices? The word “Saint” has the same etymological roots as “sanctification,” a reminder that to be ourselves truly is a sacred task, pursued under the caring supervision of a loving God. Mandy’s book is a book of sanctification; it’s about, in Eugene Peterson’s rendering of Romans 12, taking “your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life” and “embracing what God does for you” there.
In that sense, third place goes to “self-sufficiency,” tucked away there in the subtitle. Self-sufficiency is the besetting sin of all of us amateur saints. We become so focused on perpetual improvement that we forget that our true self was created by God. We rely on God because it is God who crafted us, who set us in a particular context. God is the only professional—clerical robes and divinity degrees notwithstanding. Human life is an apprenticeship. Self-sufficiency gets in the way of our growth.
Comedian Bob Hope titled his autobiography “Confessions of a Hooker,” a commentary on his golf swing. His titling strategy was misdirection, a shocking mix of words that only told the truth once you got inside it. “Confessions” in book titles often serves that sort of function, not signaling the act of confessing per se but announcing an apocalyptic undertaking: an effort to uncover something that will prove liberatingly revelatory. That is, in many ways, the work of a pastor, which happens to be Mandy’s profession. This is a pastoral book, a reminder to “professional” and lay Christians alike that the ground is level before the cross of Christ, that “we all live off [God’s] generous abundance, gift after gift after gift” (John 1:16-18, The Message). It’s okay to be amateur in your discipleship; that’s the way God planned it, and that’s the way we become saints.
I can be biased, and a book can nevertheless be wonderful. Mandy is a lovely writer and a wise thinker. Her soul is centered. These qualities allow her to write a book that is bold and loving and sensible, all at the same time. It is edifying to readers in ways that many books aspire to be but struggle to achieve.
What I’m writing about is the title. I see a lot of buzz about this book online and it tends to organize around the first word of the title: “Confessions.” I understand why this would be so—“confessions” is a concrete word that is also provocative. A confession is apocalyptic in the classic sense of that word—it is revealing of things commonly held in secret, and the act of revelation is liberating and empowering. It’s also the first word in the title so it sets a tone for what follows it.
But “confessions” is only the fourth-most important word of the title. And I think people might make better sense of the book if they considered it from a different point of entry. I’d argue that the most important word of the title is “amateur.”
To be an amateur in anything is to make a practice of honesty. Amateurs know they are not experts; they make no pretense of being professionals in their craft. They aspire to excellence but recognize that their excellence is qualified; they operate outside the arena in which excellence for their craft is measured.
Amateurs thus are in it for the quest more so than the reward. They lean in, quietly honing their craft, diligently observing the tricks of the trade practiced by the professionals. They work this out mostly privately, only occasionally bringing what they’ve learned to an audience. They don’t quit their day jobs.
Don’t mistake this take on amateurism as a comment on quality. A colleague once told me about one of the most accomplished biblical scholars in the world; he was asked why he never pursued a PhD on the subject. “Who would grade my dissertation?” was his response. To be an amateur is not to be unqualified or substandard. It is to give careful attention to something that has taken root in the cracks and crevices of your everyday life.
If “amateur” is the most important word in Mandy’s title, and “confessions” is fourth, what take second and third place?
I’d argue for “Saint” getting the silver medal. Thomas Merton famously concluded (guided by wise and trustworthy friends) that “to be a saint is to be myself” and who among us doesn’t recognize that our true self is tucked somewhere in the cracks and crevices? The word “Saint” has the same etymological roots as “sanctification,” a reminder that to be ourselves truly is a sacred task, pursued under the caring supervision of a loving God. Mandy’s book is a book of sanctification; it’s about, in Eugene Peterson’s rendering of Romans 12, taking “your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life” and “embracing what God does for you” there.
In that sense, third place goes to “self-sufficiency,” tucked away there in the subtitle. Self-sufficiency is the besetting sin of all of us amateur saints. We become so focused on perpetual improvement that we forget that our true self was created by God. We rely on God because it is God who crafted us, who set us in a particular context. God is the only professional—clerical robes and divinity degrees notwithstanding. Human life is an apprenticeship. Self-sufficiency gets in the way of our growth.
Comedian Bob Hope titled his autobiography “Confessions of a Hooker,” a commentary on his golf swing. His titling strategy was misdirection, a shocking mix of words that only told the truth once you got inside it. “Confessions” in book titles often serves that sort of function, not signaling the act of confessing per se but announcing an apocalyptic undertaking: an effort to uncover something that will prove liberatingly revelatory. That is, in many ways, the work of a pastor, which happens to be Mandy’s profession. This is a pastoral book, a reminder to “professional” and lay Christians alike that the ground is level before the cross of Christ, that “we all live off [God’s] generous abundance, gift after gift after gift” (John 1:16-18, The Message). It’s okay to be amateur in your discipleship; that’s the way God planned it, and that’s the way we become saints.
January 16, 2025
“Confessions of an Amateur Saint: The Christian Leader’s Journey from Self-Sufficiency to Reliance on God” by Mandy Smith is a book especially for those serving in ministry but with relatable aspects for all serious believers.
“Confessions” helps guide the reader to dependence on God, taking us on a journey of transformation by weaving stories from God’s Word and experiences from Smith’s life with confessional prayers and prompts.
The book begins by reminding us that instead of professionalizing—and potentially sterilizing—ministry from genuine connection with God, we can do life with those we serve from the very foundation and fountain of our own relationship with God. We can bravely walk together in community with depth, honesty, integrity, and authenticity.
Reading the confessions in this book, I felt seen. They were a balm to my heart, knowing I am not alone in such things. The writings are deep and transforming with much wisdom and insight, and the reflection questions were tremendously thought-provoking. I am grateful to have discovered this book.
Highlights:
“Our call is to be strong in our ability to turn to God, not to be strong in ourselves. To stretch out our roots and branches to take in life from God, not to be self-sufficient.”
“This leading from faith does not mean always feeling God's presence, always knowing God's direction, but rather making a faithful choice day after day.”
“For every question I don't bring to him, every meeting I don't invite him into, every crisis I try to resolve in my own strength, I don't believe.”
“Why does this thing that you promise will be the hope of the world so often break our hearts?”
“A cynical, postmodern world devoid of grand narratives will be intrigued by one person's subjective, messy, wonderful story of a God at work in their days.”
Total: 5
Readability: 5
Impact: 5
Content: 5
Enjoyment: 5
Thank you to NavPress for gifting me a copy of this book. I am leaving this review voluntarily and was not required to leave a positive review. All opinions are my own.
“Confessions” helps guide the reader to dependence on God, taking us on a journey of transformation by weaving stories from God’s Word and experiences from Smith’s life with confessional prayers and prompts.
The book begins by reminding us that instead of professionalizing—and potentially sterilizing—ministry from genuine connection with God, we can do life with those we serve from the very foundation and fountain of our own relationship with God. We can bravely walk together in community with depth, honesty, integrity, and authenticity.
Reading the confessions in this book, I felt seen. They were a balm to my heart, knowing I am not alone in such things. The writings are deep and transforming with much wisdom and insight, and the reflection questions were tremendously thought-provoking. I am grateful to have discovered this book.
Highlights:
“Our call is to be strong in our ability to turn to God, not to be strong in ourselves. To stretch out our roots and branches to take in life from God, not to be self-sufficient.”
“This leading from faith does not mean always feeling God's presence, always knowing God's direction, but rather making a faithful choice day after day.”
“For every question I don't bring to him, every meeting I don't invite him into, every crisis I try to resolve in my own strength, I don't believe.”
“Why does this thing that you promise will be the hope of the world so often break our hearts?”
“A cynical, postmodern world devoid of grand narratives will be intrigued by one person's subjective, messy, wonderful story of a God at work in their days.”
Total: 5
Readability: 5
Impact: 5
Content: 5
Enjoyment: 5
Thank you to NavPress for gifting me a copy of this book. I am leaving this review voluntarily and was not required to leave a positive review. All opinions are my own.
September 25, 2025
The target audience is "christian leaders," but the scope of the book, or at least its insights, manages to apply broadly enough to allow this to work for a general audience of Christian leaders (or really anyone curious about her journey tiowards transformation).
I came across this one after listening to an interview with the author, and I really loved her voice and her persepctive. This intimate portrait, which follows her through the ups and downs of her personal life and her career (which are meant to be held together in many respects) offers a window into that voice and perspective. It's easily accessible, beginning by setting the table by naming the "problem," which is not so much a crisis of faith as it is a crisis of a spiritual walk, and then framing the nature of her exploration in terms of the tension between her "wants," rooted as they are in unblief, and her promptings, rooted as they are in a purposeful and intentional act of belief. In many ways this tension reflects what it is to live as a christian and express such beliefs when your own sense of belief feels wildly inconsistent from day to day and moment to moment. Along these same lines, one of the biggest takeaways for me personally was the freedom she offers to exist within a given Christian community even if you carry your questions and doubts and struggles and uncertainties with you into that mix. It is not hypocritical to join to a confession that you might or might always side with 100 percent, or that you might change your view on or think a bit differently than the person beside you. If Christian community cannot contain this, what else can?
I came across this one after listening to an interview with the author, and I really loved her voice and her persepctive. This intimate portrait, which follows her through the ups and downs of her personal life and her career (which are meant to be held together in many respects) offers a window into that voice and perspective. It's easily accessible, beginning by setting the table by naming the "problem," which is not so much a crisis of faith as it is a crisis of a spiritual walk, and then framing the nature of her exploration in terms of the tension between her "wants," rooted as they are in unblief, and her promptings, rooted as they are in a purposeful and intentional act of belief. In many ways this tension reflects what it is to live as a christian and express such beliefs when your own sense of belief feels wildly inconsistent from day to day and moment to moment. Along these same lines, one of the biggest takeaways for me personally was the freedom she offers to exist within a given Christian community even if you carry your questions and doubts and struggles and uncertainties with you into that mix. It is not hypocritical to join to a confession that you might or might always side with 100 percent, or that you might change your view on or think a bit differently than the person beside you. If Christian community cannot contain this, what else can?
January 16, 2025
Ohhh, this book was such an insightful window into my own life of last 30 or more years!
I relished Mandy’s deeply honest, heartfelt thoughts and conversational prayers as she wrestled with life as a child of God, called into the Christian’s ministry context. Soooo many relatable moments and I found it a wonderful refreshment to experience the ‘yes, I so get that,’ time after time.
I listened to it twice in a row - and will now slowly work through writing my own confessions.
Thank you, Mandy! This book is such an encouragement as I (hope to faithfully and trustingly) continue this gloriously adventurous journey with Jesus, along with its myriad of emotions and challenges.
I relished Mandy’s deeply honest, heartfelt thoughts and conversational prayers as she wrestled with life as a child of God, called into the Christian’s ministry context. Soooo many relatable moments and I found it a wonderful refreshment to experience the ‘yes, I so get that,’ time after time.
I listened to it twice in a row - and will now slowly work through writing my own confessions.
Thank you, Mandy! This book is such an encouragement as I (hope to faithfully and trustingly) continue this gloriously adventurous journey with Jesus, along with its myriad of emotions and challenges.
September 30, 2024
This book is something different than you might expect, in a beautiful way. When the title said “Confessions,” I wasn’t expecting a book of spiritual practice. But that is what this book is — an invitation.
Do not go into this book expecting to consume it. This book is not that. This is a participation. If you have no interest in engaging the work of personal confession and reflection, you will miss out on everything Mandy is inviting readers to encounter. The book is a journey through seven chapters of multiple confessions. Each chapter has a handful of reflections with accompanying prayers and then prompts to write your own confession with each. This book could be returned to as a practice again and again.
The last chapter was worth the price of the whole book. It is just a great reminder of what we have to offer others and — maybe most importantly — what we don’t. A unique book to have in your “spiritual practices” toolbox.
Do not go into this book expecting to consume it. This book is not that. This is a participation. If you have no interest in engaging the work of personal confession and reflection, you will miss out on everything Mandy is inviting readers to encounter. The book is a journey through seven chapters of multiple confessions. Each chapter has a handful of reflections with accompanying prayers and then prompts to write your own confession with each. This book could be returned to as a practice again and again.
The last chapter was worth the price of the whole book. It is just a great reminder of what we have to offer others and — maybe most importantly — what we don’t. A unique book to have in your “spiritual practices” toolbox.
November 5, 2024
I won this book on Goodreads giveaway!
I really liked how it was written, the self confessions and how scripture was explained in current world explanations. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to dive into religion more
I really liked how it was written, the self confessions and how scripture was explained in current world explanations. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to dive into religion more
May 29, 2025
A poetic and reflective book written specifically for those in pastoral leadership. Mandy speaks aloud thoughts and questions many of us sit with whose faith in God is interwoven with our paid vocation. Each chapter includes a few reflective essays, a prayer, and some reflection questions. There was so much richness in it but I’m not sure how I’ll be able to come back to and reference it or find what I’m looking for. The last chapter is worth the entire read!
February 16, 2025
Amazing. Beautiful. Honest. I’ll likely pick it back up and re read soon because I feel there is so much I missed the first time. If you lead in ministry in any way. Or feel burned out or wounded by it. This book is for you.
October 9, 2024
Reminds me of the resurrectional cruciformity Michael Gorman talks about. A glimpse into a pastor's stumbling attempts at faith
November 13, 2024
The best book I've read on Christian Leadership. A hope stirring, faith building read.
February 9, 2025
I appreciated Smith’s honesty and story telling in this part memoir part spiritual formation part pastoral theology for a secular and struggling age.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews