I’d Rather Be Dead Than Deaf: A Young Woman’s Journey with Liver Cancer

by E. Adrienne Wilson, Andrea Wilson Woods (editor)

In her own words, this is the journal of Adrienne Wilson, a teenage artist, poet, and beloved sister. Before her death from liver cancer at the age of fifteen, Adrienne expressed her funny, bright soul in this prolific journal. Her musings on life, relationships, music, love, and the beautiful grime of her adopted hometown of Los Angeles leap off the page; her deep sensitivity and perspective are captured in full-color prints of her award-winning artwork. Steeped in late-90s nostalgia, this artistic journey through a teenage girl’s eyes is moving, often hilarious, and unforgettable.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

442 pages, Paperback

Published March 19, 2024

Reviews

[Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free copy of, I'd Rather Be Dead Than Deaf, by E. Adrienne Wilson, from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Adrienne Wilson has cancer, this is her own words, from her journal, her beautiful poems, and her journals. Cancer sucks, and way to many children and young adults are taken by this horrible disease.

[Max Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. I am leaving this review of my own accord.

This book was more of a testament to a life lived than anything else. I couldn’t help but be moved by this, especially since I am teaching 13-14 year olds every day.

Telling this through LiveJournal proved to be so intimate and sensitive, it’s hard to not imagine this being yourself or your own younger sibling as you read it.

The change that Adrienne experienced from pre- to post-diagnosis was so apparent, and we have so much to learn from someone as thoughtful and beautiful as Adrienne.

So thankful I picked up this book, and can’t wait to get my hands on ‘Better Off Bald’ soon.

[Marie Polega · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first heard of Adrienne Wilson when I read her sister/guardian Andrea Wilson Wood's book Better Off Bald: A Life in 147 Days, which is a memoir about Adrienne's life, battle with cancer, and death. I really liked the book, so I was interested in reading this book to get to know Adrienne better, through her own words and artwork. The first half or so of the book was journal entries of a typical teenager. The real strength of the book, to me, was the second half, including journal entries after Adrienne was diagnosed with cancer, poetry, and other writing of hers. Witnessing the change in Adrienne from a normal teenager to one facing a terminal illness was emotional and moving, especially having read previously about her death and knowing how little time she had left to live. Another highlight of the book was Adrienne's artwork and the photographs of her and her loved ones, which are scattered throughout the book. I feel honored to have gotten to know this passionate and talented young woman better.

I received a free copy of this book in exchange for a review.

[Translator Monkey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a bit tough to review, since I read it from my Kindle - I think that takes a lot away from the artwork and the layout of the book itself. Still, let's talk about it.

The book is just heartbreaking. The introduction from teenaged author Adrienne Wilson's sister, Andrea Wilson Woods (whose companion piece to this, 'Better Off Bald,' looks like it will be a must-read after this journey), provides us all of the information we need to guide us down the path of Adrienne's creative life leading up to her diagnosis with Stage 4 liver cancer, Adrienne's coming to terms with the diagnosis (spunky-ass fighter), and eventual passing from the cancer.

From the introduction, we get to know as much of Adrienne as the young woman allowed us to know through her diary and journal entries, both on paper and online through her LiveJournal account. We hear a lot of what you would expect from someone her age, struggling with the same issues we all did entering high school, dealing with the ups and downs of friends and frenemies, and really trying to come to grips with a sad family dynamic that has become all too familiar as we readers and survivors progress into the 21st century.

What's particularly striking for me is Adrienne's depth that peeks out from her sometimes crude, sometimes literally breathtaking artwork and poetry that is scattered throughout the book. Adrienne's death left a gaping hole in the future of what she could have achieved.

Reading her journal entries, particularly after her diagnoses, we come across some real heroes. The standout to me was how she came to befriend and meet Dave Navarro, her favorite guitarist, at the time playing with Jane's Addiction. Get to know how he treated this 15-year-old fan; amazing.

After the book deals with Adrienne's passing, we are treated with many tributes that were offered to her on her LiveJournal account, spanning years and years. Friends, fans, and family members came back to leave their thoughts as they dealt with the loss of this amazing young woman.

At times, while reading, I felt like I was getting a bit too much behind-the-scenes look at everything, and for me, it was a little bit of a cringe-fest. But it wasn't offered as a sideshow display, it was lovingly curated and offered by big sister and stand-in Mom Andrea, and the love shines through.

Four and a half stars.

I received a free digital ARC of this book through the publisher, NetGalley, and George Galvez at Blue Faery (who followed up when I was unable to open the copy originally provided) in exchange for this review. Neither my words nor my rating of the book are in any way influenced by this.

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my goodness. What an inspiration but heartbreaking insight into a yoing woman's short life. So much sadness but also happiness. Adrienne aka Xiola was so talented, troubled and inspirational throughout her life. Her drawings, poems and journal extracts were written in such a mature way you would think it was someone much older writing some of the entries. Her sister did so much for her and to read her part of this book broke me even more.
I received an advance copy of this book and I am leaving this review of my own accord.

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks for the ARC for a honest review.

Cancer sucks. I’d Rather Be Dead Than Deaf is the first book written from the perspective of a liver cancer patient who did not survive the disease. Author E. Adrienne Wilson was diagnosed with stage four liver cancer one month after her 15th birthday. This book is wrote in a journal, poem and drawing form. Her journey is moving, artistic, moving, sad, and unforgettable. I loved this book so much but broke my heart.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me preface this review by saying f#%K cancer! Nobody should have to suffer through this terrible disease, especially someone so young who hasn’t gotten a chance to really live.

Sometimes life isn’t fair and can be absolutely heartbreaking. A few years back I stumbled upon a book called Better Off Bald: A Life in 147 Days which was Andrea Wilson Woods’s beautiful love letter to her sister Adrienne, whom she was raising at the time, and who at the tender age of 15 would develop liver cancer which would ultimately claim her life. That book made me laugh, it made me cry, and it made me grateful for every day because some people don’t get that luxury.

It has been over 20 years since Adrienne passed and now Andrea has put together another amazing tribute to her sister. This book is filled with journal entries, stories, poetry, pictures, and artwork all in Adrienne’s hand. The tragedy here is that as you are reading these journal entries and looking at the art of this amazingly talented young lady leading her relatively normal teenage life with her love of dancing and music you know there is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and there is nothing you can do to stop it. In this tragedy though is such beauty because of how much of her magic Adrienne left behind. It is truly an honor that her sister decided to share this with the world. Cancer robs us of so many people every year and we must remember that there are very real people that deal with this monster every day.

I highly recommend this book if only to continue to help keep the memory of this young lady alive. Adrienne was several years younger than me but she was growing up in the 90s and her journal entries brought back so many memories of a time that is a bit hazy for me these days. I also highly recommend you read Better Off Bald to give full context to Adrienne and Andrea’s story. I can almost guarantee that you won’t leave either of these books with a dry eye. I certainly didn’t. But, as I said earlier, both of these books left me with a desire to do more with the time I am given.

*** Special thank you to Andrea Wilson Woods and the Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Foundation for a review copy of this book***

[Literary Titan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Andrea Wilson Woods has crafted this diary into a moving tribute, allowing readers to intimately experience Adrienne's world. The diary is rich with her notes, drawings, photographs, and poems, painting a vivid picture of a vibrant teenager with a distinctive sense of humor and a strong sense of self. It's through these personal artifacts that we come to know and appreciate Adrienne's unique personality and her journey of self-discovery. The authenticity and honesty in Adrienne's reflections are striking. Andrea, while forewarning readers of Adrienne's eventual passing, ensures that this knowledge does not overshadow the narrative. Instead, it provides a lens to better understand Adrienne's evolving perspective on life and her emotional and mental growth.

The diary is a raw and unfiltered portrayal of her experiences, from her artistic pursuits to the rigors of chemotherapy and transfusions. Her unadorned account presents life as it is, without any embellishments, making for a deeply affecting read. The structure of the book, devoid of a traditional narrative and chronological storytelling, offers a realistic and unvarnished look at Adrienne's life. Time jumps are part of its fabric, but they do not detract from the overall cohesiveness of the content. The diary chronicles Adrienne's continuous learning, her efforts to improve herself, and her reflections on her favorite music, alongside her struggles and triumphs. This inclusion of diverse elements, such as a poetry portfolio and short stories towards the end, further enriches the narrative.

I’d Rather Be Dead Than Deaf is not just a memoir; it's an exploration of a life lived with intensity and introspection. This book is a compelling account that speaks to the resilience of the human spirit, making it a significant read for a wide range of readers.

[Randal Dillinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d Rather Be Dead Than Deaf is an an extraordinary personal journey, related through art and journaling, of a young woman’s coming of age with all the glow of a bright and promising future, and no hint of the life-shortening circumstances that would come all too quickly.

Adrienne Wilson’s art and writings, beautifully and lovingly preserved by her sister, Andrea Wilson Woods, and prefaced by a short but moving personal family history, tells the story of a bright, creative, sensitive teen who is learning to navigate life. Adrienne explores a deep well of experience in her writings: relationships, music, self-discovery, spirituality. We watch her story unfold as a young woman whose talents and insights grow steadily, who finds her unique voice, and who learns to push against boundaries.

We watch the story shift dramatically as the scene cuts to a hospital setting, Adrienne recounting the month leading up to her hospitalization. Those pains: A dance injury? Or maybe the result of being in a crush of humanity at Coachella? If only that simple.

Adrienne faithfully recounts her experience with cancer, her writing taking on a depth of maturity beyond her years. How Adrienne approaches her illness and its effects not only on herself but on the community of friends and loved ones around her offers a roadmap for anyone, but especially adolescents and young adults, facing a cancer diagnosis.

It’s not hard to imagine how far Adrienne’s journey would have taken her, how many lives she would have influenced, had those post-Coachella pains only been a muscle pull. Thankfully, through Andrea Wilson Woods’ careful gathering and publication of Adrienne’s story, Adrienne will continue to touch many, many lives.

Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review.

[Rachel Schwarz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides the raw telling of a teenage girl’s life before, during and after her cancer diagnosis. I enjoyed reading Adrienne’s journal entries and seeing her incredible artwork, which give you an honest feel as to who she was, as well as her older sister’s comments throughout. They go into depth about her life as a teenager in California and grasp her love of music and art, as well as depict her goals and dreams for her future. The vulnerability with which she writes is compelling and relatable. The shift in her entries after her diagnosis and experiences with chemo give insight as to what she was going through. I felt compelled after reading, to reflect deeper on my own life and impact on the world. I am saddened that Adrienne was gone much too soon. I am grateful to have learned about her life and gotten to experience her artwork, poetry and journal entries through this book, I’d Rather Be Dead Than Deaf.

[Gina Rae Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

In I’d Rather Be Dead Than Deaf, we enter the world of Adrienne Wilson, a teenage artist and poet whose life and words burst vividly off every page.

Adrienne's journal is a heartfelt, funny, and wise chronicle, capturing her thoughts on love, friendships, music, and the gritty beauty of Los Angeles in the late '90s. Her humor, depth, and sensitivity shine through, painting a picture of a girl who, despite her battle with liver cancer, was fiercely alive in every sense.

With full-color reproductions of her award-winning artwork, this book isn’t just a journal; it’s Adrienne’s legacy—a soul captured in vibrant snapshots of life, loss, and enduring creativity. Her voice and art make for a poignant, unforgettable journey through a young artist’s lens.

[Princess TJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I experienced an incredible range of emotions while reading the pages of this book. The title alone drew me in. Later as the pages unfolded I learned of the life and death of a beautiful teen through the words and pictures she left behind. Cancer is all around us and I would often say, "If we live long enough we're all going to live and very likely die with cancer." The life and death of Adrienne serves as a reminder to live as she did because Cancer strips us of so many young people. I'm so happy to have stumbled upon this story and I both celebrate and grieve the loss of the young woman I met within the pages of this book.

[Toothpick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd Rather Be Dead than Deaf is a beautiful book full of life. Raw, emotional, caring, poignant and intelligent are just some of the words that describe the journals, poetry and art of Adrienne Wilson. I truly felt honored to read the book and get a glimpse of Adrienne, a beautiful soul.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very touching book about a young lady’s life leading up to her cancer diagnosis. Poems, drawings, photographs and diary entries give you a glimpse into her heart and soul. The book was compiled by her sister, offering a beautiful way to keep her memory alive.

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book. Unique style. Very personal and I could feel it through the pages.