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Hamsterdamned!
Amsterdam. The sex and drugs capital of the world. Where weed is legal and smoked alongside coffee in one of the city’s many koffiehuises. It’s Mike’s stag-do; one final weekend of debauchery before marrying – and along with four of his friends, he intends to paint the town red. Unfortunately, they’re not the only ones eager to paint the town red; six evil hamsters escape the delivery-truck and stumble upon a contaminated batch of space-cake. With the euphoria they experience comes a side-effect none of them could have anticipated. The hamsters start to grow. Hamsterdamned! is the action-packed and comical tale of gigantic rodents and sex-midgets; of one-legged prostitutes and inept Dutch policemen; of camaraderie and one man’s fight to stay alive so he can marry the woman of his dreams.
- GenresBizarro Fiction
140 pages, Paperback
First published February 22, 2014
1 person is currently reading
40 people want to read
About the author
Adam Millard
131 books177 followersAdam Millard is the author of twenty novels, twelve novellas, and more than two hundred short stories, which can be found in various collections and anthologies. Probably best known for his post-apocalyptic fiction, Adam also writes fantasy/horror for children and Bizarro fiction for several publishers. His work has recently been translated for the German market.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
September 29, 2020
Well, damn!
I'm so disappointed in this one. Hamsterdamned! is actually just the first half of the book. It was entertaining as hell - I laughed a lot.
Then the stories that followed were not to my taste, and at the end of the book, I wasn't laughing at all.
Rating it in the middle.
I'm so disappointed in this one. Hamsterdamned! is actually just the first half of the book. It was entertaining as hell - I laughed a lot.
Then the stories that followed were not to my taste, and at the end of the book, I wasn't laughing at all.
Rating it in the middle.
October 30, 2015
Millard presents a fine collection of short stories featuring wild animals, the wild west, wild thoughts of suicide, wild rabid asses, and wild chainsaw eroticism.
The highlight is undoubtedly the title story which concerns a bachelor party that is ruined when some pet shop escapees run amok, grow to enormous proportions and begin devouring every human in sight.
As far as tales featuring giant rodent attacks go, this one is right up there.
Suicide Bob was my favorite of the bunch. Bob's just a sweet guy looking to indulge in a little (okay, BIG!) frozen lasagna. Why can't people just leave him alone?
If you're looking for something different, there's plenty of delirious escapism here.
Not for the squeamish or followers of Bristol Palin.
The highlight is undoubtedly the title story which concerns a bachelor party that is ruined when some pet shop escapees run amok, grow to enormous proportions and begin devouring every human in sight.
As far as tales featuring giant rodent attacks go, this one is right up there.
Suicide Bob was my favorite of the bunch. Bob's just a sweet guy looking to indulge in a little (okay, BIG!) frozen lasagna. Why can't people just leave him alone?
If you're looking for something different, there's plenty of delirious escapism here.
Not for the squeamish or followers of Bristol Palin.
March 25, 2014
Adam Millard's HAMSTERDAMNED is a small novella with four other short stories. I plan on seeking out more of Millard's work based on this collection. I love his style and the characters voices. If you haven't read Millard or bizarro before I recommend this collection to jump start your love for this author. (I think he's English too so bully for that!)
HAMSTERDAMNED is a hilarious romp through a bachelor party gone bad....reallly bad...like midget strip tease dancing bad....or giant fucking mutant hamsters destroying the city bad...bad. This story doesn't star Ed Helms or Bradley Cooper, but Mike Dooley takes the cake on bachelor parties gone wild.
Mike has popped the question and soon he and his fiance Beth will be married and he'll grow up, and work his job, and have his 2.5 kids, and send them to college and then retire....the american dream. Well his friends aren't quite there yet and for his Stag-do, the four comrades have decided to take him to Amsterdam for one final weekend of debauchery. Mike's already hesitant given he had to lie to Beth has to where he was going but like a good bachelor, he follows the shenanigans.
Mike's not the only one with an exciting weekend! Old Guus Barnhart has just witnessed his wife's demise on the day of their anniversary. With a delivery truck crashed through his shop and his wife in pieces, the old man catches a glimpse of what he believes to be the culprit of this heinous accident. Six hamsters (ordered by Gus for the shop) scurry away from the scene with evil in their eyes and confirmation from the dying delivery driver has Guus on a mission to avenge his not really liked but none the less wife's death.
On the run from the sinister humans, the hamsters have taken up shelter. In the back of a smoke cafe, they find a bag of space-cakes. However it's a bad batch, and the addictive yummy is consumed by the hamsters with serious side effects. The treat has made the hamsters grow to enormous size and with this new knowledge of size matters, the hamsters decide to take a stand against the humans. What ensues, is a bloody rampage of monster mutant hamsters versus the Dutch police and military with a group of guys just trying to show their bud a good time before he ties the knot.
I loved this short story bunches! The hamsters "squeak" dialogue was super cute and the visuals of the corpses raining from the mouth of a huge hamster was disturbingly sick. I like that the story is broken up into parts based on the point of view of the buddies, the cops, the whores, the military (the cigar smoking generals and majors were really awesome caricatures "Nobody fucks with the Dam." HA!) all the segues were executed perfectly.
THE GREAT BRAIN ROBBERY: Duke isn't smart. He isn't bright, and he can barely remember his own name. On his way to meet up with his papa, Duke strolls into a small town on his horse looking for a place to stay before he heads back out. What he finds, his a town of hostile bar patrons not to keen on his arrival. When a sharp dressed man intervenes on an altercation that Duke has with the town bully, Big Bob, Duke is promised by the good doctor that he can make him smart. Smarter than anyone ever. Duke of course, wanting to be more intelligent goes ahead with the plan to rob the bank of the greatest mind that ever was. Doc believes he can transplant the brain of the late Sheriff McGinty into his volunteered re-tard and make him the smartest man alive. Is Duke too stupid to pull this off? Probably, but it's a fun read to find out.
Loved the western setting for this story and Millard does a great job with the voices of these characters (really all his characters are distinct and quite enjoyable). The ending line is great.
SUICIDE BOB. Bob is just a guy trying to buy his family sized lasagna that's to be shared but for Bob it's just for him. What should be a routine trip to the grocery store, turns into a violent mass suicide with Bob being the only witness. Now Bob, didn't kill these people, the cameras prove as such, but what did happen to them? Detective Wilkins is determined to get a confession out of Bob, but what he gets is a first hand account of what Bob is truly capable of.
Poor Bob, ha! I love that he goes about his day simply craving his family size lasagna knowing full well that he isn't quite right and for gods sake, Bob, remember your fucking gloves!
THE WRAXHAM CHAINSAW MASSACRE- I had read this short in another anthology , TALL TALES WITH SHORT COCKS VOL. 3. A man decides to chop down the large tree in his yard using his chainsaw. When he has an accident involving the severing of a finger, the physical reaction Seth has is not one of discomfort to say the least. What happens next his Seth's unhealthy obsession with the pain and pleasure leads him to lose more than just a finger.
I didn't mind the story the first time I read it, it fits better in this particular collection, mainly because I got to read Millard's style throughout this book and when I got to this, I had a new appreciation for his writing so this story is better the second time around. (TTwSC3 has a fantastic Douglas Hackle story in it worth picking up!)
HELP! MY ASS HAS RABIES!- First off...HA! With a title like that I was already hooked! Kevin works at a fast food rest. at the drive-thru window. Not a glamrous job, and the patrons are less than..well lets just say ordering a diet coke wouldn't save em. It's miserable but a job but it's a helluva lot better than relocating an ass-rabies monkey!
Agent 1 and Agent 2 have this task and when they stop for a bite to eat, the monkey takes it upon itself to do the same. This story was fun to read and reminded of an episode of South Park mixed with Poultrygeist.
Alot of the stories in here had side stories that interconnected with the other players. I love when that's done right. It's like a scene change in a movie and if you don't have the timing and the dialogue just right the scene change can interrupt the movie going experience. Adam Millard seamlessly side tracks and brings together a whole story of bizarre greatness.
HAMSTERDAMNED is a hilarious romp through a bachelor party gone bad....reallly bad...like midget strip tease dancing bad....or giant fucking mutant hamsters destroying the city bad...bad. This story doesn't star Ed Helms or Bradley Cooper, but Mike Dooley takes the cake on bachelor parties gone wild.
Mike has popped the question and soon he and his fiance Beth will be married and he'll grow up, and work his job, and have his 2.5 kids, and send them to college and then retire....the american dream. Well his friends aren't quite there yet and for his Stag-do, the four comrades have decided to take him to Amsterdam for one final weekend of debauchery. Mike's already hesitant given he had to lie to Beth has to where he was going but like a good bachelor, he follows the shenanigans.
Mike's not the only one with an exciting weekend! Old Guus Barnhart has just witnessed his wife's demise on the day of their anniversary. With a delivery truck crashed through his shop and his wife in pieces, the old man catches a glimpse of what he believes to be the culprit of this heinous accident. Six hamsters (ordered by Gus for the shop) scurry away from the scene with evil in their eyes and confirmation from the dying delivery driver has Guus on a mission to avenge his not really liked but none the less wife's death.
On the run from the sinister humans, the hamsters have taken up shelter. In the back of a smoke cafe, they find a bag of space-cakes. However it's a bad batch, and the addictive yummy is consumed by the hamsters with serious side effects. The treat has made the hamsters grow to enormous size and with this new knowledge of size matters, the hamsters decide to take a stand against the humans. What ensues, is a bloody rampage of monster mutant hamsters versus the Dutch police and military with a group of guys just trying to show their bud a good time before he ties the knot.
I loved this short story bunches! The hamsters "squeak" dialogue was super cute and the visuals of the corpses raining from the mouth of a huge hamster was disturbingly sick. I like that the story is broken up into parts based on the point of view of the buddies, the cops, the whores, the military (the cigar smoking generals and majors were really awesome caricatures "Nobody fucks with the Dam." HA!) all the segues were executed perfectly.
THE GREAT BRAIN ROBBERY: Duke isn't smart. He isn't bright, and he can barely remember his own name. On his way to meet up with his papa, Duke strolls into a small town on his horse looking for a place to stay before he heads back out. What he finds, his a town of hostile bar patrons not to keen on his arrival. When a sharp dressed man intervenes on an altercation that Duke has with the town bully, Big Bob, Duke is promised by the good doctor that he can make him smart. Smarter than anyone ever. Duke of course, wanting to be more intelligent goes ahead with the plan to rob the bank of the greatest mind that ever was. Doc believes he can transplant the brain of the late Sheriff McGinty into his volunteered re-tard and make him the smartest man alive. Is Duke too stupid to pull this off? Probably, but it's a fun read to find out.
Loved the western setting for this story and Millard does a great job with the voices of these characters (really all his characters are distinct and quite enjoyable). The ending line is great.
SUICIDE BOB. Bob is just a guy trying to buy his family sized lasagna that's to be shared but for Bob it's just for him. What should be a routine trip to the grocery store, turns into a violent mass suicide with Bob being the only witness. Now Bob, didn't kill these people, the cameras prove as such, but what did happen to them? Detective Wilkins is determined to get a confession out of Bob, but what he gets is a first hand account of what Bob is truly capable of.
Poor Bob, ha! I love that he goes about his day simply craving his family size lasagna knowing full well that he isn't quite right and for gods sake, Bob, remember your fucking gloves!
THE WRAXHAM CHAINSAW MASSACRE- I had read this short in another anthology , TALL TALES WITH SHORT COCKS VOL. 3. A man decides to chop down the large tree in his yard using his chainsaw. When he has an accident involving the severing of a finger, the physical reaction Seth has is not one of discomfort to say the least. What happens next his Seth's unhealthy obsession with the pain and pleasure leads him to lose more than just a finger.
I didn't mind the story the first time I read it, it fits better in this particular collection, mainly because I got to read Millard's style throughout this book and when I got to this, I had a new appreciation for his writing so this story is better the second time around. (TTwSC3 has a fantastic Douglas Hackle story in it worth picking up!)
HELP! MY ASS HAS RABIES!- First off...HA! With a title like that I was already hooked! Kevin works at a fast food rest. at the drive-thru window. Not a glamrous job, and the patrons are less than..well lets just say ordering a diet coke wouldn't save em. It's miserable but a job but it's a helluva lot better than relocating an ass-rabies monkey!
Agent 1 and Agent 2 have this task and when they stop for a bite to eat, the monkey takes it upon itself to do the same. This story was fun to read and reminded of an episode of South Park mixed with Poultrygeist.
Alot of the stories in here had side stories that interconnected with the other players. I love when that's done right. It's like a scene change in a movie and if you don't have the timing and the dialogue just right the scene change can interrupt the movie going experience. Adam Millard seamlessly side tracks and brings together a whole story of bizarre greatness.
December 2, 2021
4.5🌟 Hilarious!
October 11, 2015
We’ve all been to a bad bachelor party. Maybe the beer is skunky, maybe the strippers have one too many surgical scars, maybe Cinnamon and her Amazing Erotic Poodle Act all come down with the mange , maybe the groom’s or even worse the bride’s dad shows up and over stays their welcome. Regardless of the bachelor party mishap you’ve experienced, I guarantee it’s nothing like what Mike and his mates encounter while on stag do in Amsterdam. They’re menaced by gigantic ( Kaiji level) hamsters, all with a vicious case of the munchies.
I liked Hamsterdamned because it delivers exactly what I wanted from it. There’s creative gore, dark humor, dick jokes and a few nods to some classic giant monster movies and as a bonus, author Millard throws in a few random hamster-based fun facts. ( The white ones are plagued with shame and self-doubt!)
Hamsterdamned is a quick, fun, and psychedelic tale of friendship, hardship, love, redemption and decapitation by enormous rodent,
There are also several short stories of Millard’s served up as sort of a dessert tray after Hamsterdamned main course. THE GREAT BRAIN ROBBERY is a classic Western yarn with a scanners-esque twist. SUICIDE BOB shows us a bad day at the supermarket for Bob, a psychic who involuntarily causes people to commit suicide. Poor Bob, all he wanted was that frozen lasagna. THE WREXHAM CHAINSAW MASOCHIST examines the kind of pure and selfless love that can only exist between a man and his gas powered pruning appliance. And last but definitely not least HELP, MY ASS HAS RABIES is the funniest and most over the top story in this collection.
Hamsterdamned is a good book full of funny, gross, somewhat deranged stories that have significant re-read value. If this stuff sounds good to you, don’t hold back, buy it straight away.
Oh and one piece of advice that I’ve managed to glean from this book: Don’t you never, ever for any reason, throw attitude at a one legged ballerina prostitute. They poop corn kernels bigger than you.
I liked Hamsterdamned because it delivers exactly what I wanted from it. There’s creative gore, dark humor, dick jokes and a few nods to some classic giant monster movies and as a bonus, author Millard throws in a few random hamster-based fun facts. ( The white ones are plagued with shame and self-doubt!)
Hamsterdamned is a quick, fun, and psychedelic tale of friendship, hardship, love, redemption and decapitation by enormous rodent,
There are also several short stories of Millard’s served up as sort of a dessert tray after Hamsterdamned main course. THE GREAT BRAIN ROBBERY is a classic Western yarn with a scanners-esque twist. SUICIDE BOB shows us a bad day at the supermarket for Bob, a psychic who involuntarily causes people to commit suicide. Poor Bob, all he wanted was that frozen lasagna. THE WREXHAM CHAINSAW MASOCHIST examines the kind of pure and selfless love that can only exist between a man and his gas powered pruning appliance. And last but definitely not least HELP, MY ASS HAS RABIES is the funniest and most over the top story in this collection.
Hamsterdamned is a good book full of funny, gross, somewhat deranged stories that have significant re-read value. If this stuff sounds good to you, don’t hold back, buy it straight away.
Oh and one piece of advice that I’ve managed to glean from this book: Don’t you never, ever for any reason, throw attitude at a one legged ballerina prostitute. They poop corn kernels bigger than you.
March 21, 2014
If you thought the guys from I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL and THE HANGOVER had bad luck with their bachelor parties, then you've yet to meet Mike & Co. from this book. Mike's getting married, and his friends take him to Amsterdam for one last hurrah. Unfortunately, during their trip the city is overrun by giant killer hamsters, and they keep getting bigger. You will never look at King Kong the same way again. If there is justice in this world, SyFy will adapt this book into a movie starring Bruce Campbell as one of the military guys and Ray Wise as the Dutch pet store owner who has sworn vengeance against the hamsters that destroyed his shop (oh, and uh, killed his wife, too). There are also a few short stories at the back, one of which has the most amazing title I've seen in a while: "Help! My Ass Has Rabies!" But of the shorter pieces, the best is "Suicide Bob," the tale of an unfortunate guy who has an unfortunate superpower.
May 7, 2015
Hamster Kaiju Mayhem
Beneath a beautiful Bill Hauser cover lies a classic of hamster kaiju mayhem. This is actually a collection. The title novella is a crazed tale of a group of dudes on a bachelor party in Amsterdam whose night takes a turn for the psychotic when they encounter a bunch of hamsters that have gotten monster strong off some no good spacecakes. It's fast paced and wild. Following the novella is a handful of equally entertaining short stories. This is definitely worth a read.
Beneath a beautiful Bill Hauser cover lies a classic of hamster kaiju mayhem. This is actually a collection. The title novella is a crazed tale of a group of dudes on a bachelor party in Amsterdam whose night takes a turn for the psychotic when they encounter a bunch of hamsters that have gotten monster strong off some no good spacecakes. It's fast paced and wild. Following the novella is a handful of equally entertaining short stories. This is definitely worth a read.
November 22, 2016
Memorable short stories. I enjoyed them all equally.
I read most of this while in hospital as it was one of the few books I had not read yet with an 'acceptable' title and front cover LOL.
I would certainly like to read longer stories from this author.
Thumbs up.
I read most of this while in hospital as it was one of the few books I had not read yet with an 'acceptable' title and front cover LOL.
I would certainly like to read longer stories from this author.
Thumbs up.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews