My Father's Suitcase: A story of family secrets, abuse and betrayal - and breaking free

by Mary Garden

A gripping tale of resilience and survival that offers hope to others who have experienced family violence and suffered at the hands of a sibling.

A deeply personal and heartbreaking memoir that explores the troubled relationship between Mary Garden and her younger sister, Anna. (Anna died in 2023, after a short illness.)

Mary unpacks her life of growing up in New Zealand in the 1950s and ’60s, before making Australia home. She reveals complex layers of intergenerational trauma, including the baggage of her eccentric, deeply flawed father and the secret her mother kept from all of them, revealed only after her death. Mary deals movingly with her sister’s long battle with mental illness and how she once saved Anna’s life.

As she unravels these narratives, Mary touches on the guilt and shame familiar to anyone who has had to deal with secrets, violence and ‘madness’ in their family.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography

288 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 6, 2024

Reviews

[♥Milica♥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there's no doubt Garden suffered at the hands of her mentally ill sister (and many other people), it was a bit exhausting to read about how much she hated her.

It felt like it was mentioned on every single page, lest you forget that she's the biggest villain of all.

And that whole section about getting her sister's book pulled from shelves was a bit dragged out.

I'm all for her getting justice (which this book also is, in a way), and I completely understand why she felt the need to write this all out, I'm just speaking from a reader perspective.

Other than that, this was an interesting read, covering a topic not many talk about (sibling abuse). Anna continuously attacked Mary and their parents did nothing about it, if I had to grow up like that, I'm sure I wouldn't easily let it go either.

I'm really curious about Mary's time in India, so I'll definitely be checking out her other memoir when I get the chance. This one was pretty good as an audiobook, I don't think that one has an audio version though.

[Grace · Rating 1 out of 5]

i originally wanted to give this book 2 stars but changed my mind while writing this review. Typically i don’t like to give memoirs anything lower than a 4 because that is the author’s story to tell. However, i find this book to be extremely toxic and manipulative even for the reader.

The description of the book is extremely misleading. “Resilience”, “How she once saved Anna’s (her sister’s life),” “Mary touches on the guilt and shame,” and “breaking free”?! Considering this author likes to use dictionaries to define words, she should look into what resilience means. Garden is not resilient - dedicating an entire book to bash her sister (who passed away before this book was published) is not a show of resilience, it’s a disgusting move to have the last hateful word. She obviously is hurt because hurt people hurt people.

Throughout the entire book, Garden plays victim and begs the reader to be on her side. She is very much a grown woman who refuses to take responsibility for her actions and refuses to just let things be. She has zero empathy towards her sister’s mental illness and the disease that quickly took her life. She even basically celebrates predictions of her sister’s death. There is no peace in this book either. I understand this author has trauma and her own mental, and i genuinely hope she finds peace.

While I’m amazed how Garden was able to bring out so much hate in a book that the reader feels it, i highly recommend not reading this book. I now feel like i have to sage myself, etc. to be free of the author’s bad juju.

[Craig and Phil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Mary for gifting us a copy to read and review.
The old adage you can pick your friends but not your family rings very true in this very personal and fascinating account of life in Mary’s family.
A suitcase is the physical link to a father, that even in death he is the centre of controversy.
Sibling rivalry is common whereas sibling abuse is less known.
Younger sister Anna had her fair share of mental instability but she also had intelligence that she used to torment and create fear with.
Her actions, physical abuse and unpredictable nature had Mary on tenterhooks for most of her life.
A dysfunctional family upbringing, a brother that stayed indifferent and a lifetime of her own achievements are punctuated throughout this personal and heartfelt narrative.
Courage, resilience and distance helped Mary through the turbulence and her success dictates that Anna did not win.
But I am sure the legacy of hurt will last a lifetime.
I read the book about her father and his achievements and this cemented some of the hints of his strangeness and abusive control.
I was engaged, shocked at times and hoping for justice in this interesting memoir.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first thing I did on finishing reading My Father’s Suitcase was buy a copy of Mary Garden’s earlier memoir, The Serpent Rising, which I am going to read next. The pattern of Mary’s life was set in train not only by her sister’s mental and physical abuse, but also by her parents’ response to it, and I am keen to read about her reasons for going to India and what happened to her there.

Mary writes with heartbreaking honesty. When abuse happens firstly in a marriage and then in a family and so goes on to become almost a way of life, serious damage is going to be done. I’m trying very hard here not to give away too much of Mary’s story but I am still feeling sad for that little girl hiding in a tree or a cave to escape the injustices in her life.

I am speaking as a second-hand witness to a similar situation but I think, surely, so much damage to all members of a family could be avoided if they were taken more seriously by mental health authorities when asking for help. No favours are being done for anyone when the person causing the damage is cursorily examined and assessed as not having any problems. When physical conditions are mis-diagnosed, or not diagnosed at all, there can be tragic outcomes; the same can be said and should be recognised for mental conditions.

Bipolar and schizoaffective disorders when undiagnosed can ruin many lives.

This is an important book as well as an intensely personal look into the devastation which can be allowed to happen within a family. It is an absolutely riveting read and it will speak to a lot of people.

I wish Mary Garden a happy and peaceful future.

Published by Justitia Books.

[Amy Armitage · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book left me feeling torn. Torn between feeling sympathy and empathy for the author at how her siblings treated her, but also angry - the last half of the book sounds like Mary finally getting her revenge on her (deceased) sister.

Yes, I come from a dysfunctional family. Yes, I suffered sibling abuse and am estranged from my brother - his toxic attitude and verbal abuse was getting excessive and I wasn't going to tolerate it any more - but I do understand that stories like these have two or more sides.
The way I see the situation is very different from how my brother sees it, and my sister (the bystander) sees it from a third perspective. No one is going to truly understand how the victim feels, and retaliating in at attempt to get revenge just makes it so much worse. I know it's hard to let go and move on, but in the end, it's the best path for the victim's mental health.

In saying this, I agree with Mary's actions for getting Annamaria's book pulled from the shelves, it should never have been published - for various reasons - but trying to get her brother to see her point of view just created a rift that could have been avoided.

[Matthew Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a trauma therapist, I loved this book for not just telling us what relational trauma is like but for showing us. It’s in every sentence on every page, bound with such heart-wrenching care.

Mary Garden writes with dignity and compassion for others, but the book is a journey towards finding enough of both for herself. She seems to have lived several lifetimes worth of thinking and feeling, as is common in so many who survive early and subsequent adversity.

Garden reflects on her own behaviour in response to her sister’s abuse as at times unhinged, a judgement I found harsh. I felt keenly her loss of dignity as she grappled with how to defend herself against the abuse that so often goes under-recognised, underreported and dismissed as sibling rivalry.

So few whom Garden reached out to for validation and support provided what she was so desperate for. She felt so isolated, so cut off from everyone in her desperation.

The thing is, I think everyone has a desperation point. No one’s dignity is beyond slow corrosion or sudden theft.

That’s why I think Garden’s willingness to show how desperation is endured and dignity fought for and restored is a gift to all her readers.

Yes, all of them. Not just to fellow survivors of sibling abuse or any relational trauma, although that’s sadly a large enough chunk of us 8 billion. This book is a gift to anyone wondering: what does it take to heal?

That’s the question at the core of all my efforts as a psychiatrist, therapist, teacher and writer. But most of all it’s at the core of my fatherhood. Or rather, my kids’ fatherhood. It belongs to them first and foremost.

That’s how I navigate, and how I try to help other parents to navigate. When I am gone, my actions as a dad will live on in my kids, like a suitcase that sticks around long after I’ve been scattered (somewhere impractical, but probably worth it, like me).

The romance of the skies made Mary Garden’s dad a figure of public inspiration and intrigue. As for many high achievers, the prices paid by family for all that soaring were huge and largely hidden for so long. I am reminded that in French, prize and price are the same word.

I’m then reminded that the French author of a favourite book of mine, The Little Prince, was also an aviator. My wife once read a biography of his wife and advised me not to, lest my childhood literary hero be brought to earth by his treatment of his loved ones.

Reading My Father’s Suitcase has changed my mind. I will read about Antoine de St Exupéry warts and all. If I lose the little prince I have loved since my mother read him to me when I was 6, but gain truth necessary to justice for those who paid prices for the author’s prizes, then so be it.

Knowing what I am learning about trauma, I’m hopeful that the lost don’t have to stay lost, not if the loss was for truth. I’ll get the little guy back, for real this time I hope.

I haven’t read anything about the aviator Oscar Garden prior to this but am definitely keen to read Garden’s book about him and also her earlier memoir. You don’t have to have read these earlier books to appreciate this one.

I don’t doubt some readers will find Garden’s searing honesty about her pain uncomfortable reading at times.

This is not because she hands her suffering over to us unprocessed; there’s nothing gratuitous or unrestrained about her accounts of her mistreatment by her sister and the accompanying conduct of family, friends and professionals that denied and enabled the abuse.

No, it’s a tough read at times even with the storytelling wrapping artfully around the pain.

But it’s worth enduring, Garden makes sure of that. She doesn’t have to tell us it’s worth enduring, because she shows us.

My Father’s Suitcase flies because it shows not only the marks of mistreatment so authentically but also the marks where Garden took hold of herself and held on for dear life. For justice.

She fought back against the mind and body invasion of her sister’s abuse, risking so much for that desperately needed reckoning, and lived to tell the tale.

And it shows.

[Lily A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

“My Father’s Suitcase” is a heartfelt memoir that chronicles author Mary Garden’s struggle with sibling abuse, an understudied and rarely spoken kind of domestic violence. 

Garden’s life altered radically when her younger sister, Anna, began to physically abuse her during their childhood. Her reaction to this was one of fury and terror at what the sibling, who suffered from mental illness, might do to her next. Garden was always under the impression that her turbulent family life had a significant part in the disintegration of her connection with her sister since she had a violent father and a melancholy mother who was constantly running away from a past she could never bring herself to disclose to her spouse. Garden’s parents made her feel constantly alone by publicly supporting Anna’s actions and holding her responsible for all of her issues.

Her rivalry with her sister did not fade quickly; rather, it intensified throughout adulthood, leaving her deeply wounded and with a warped perspective on life. Garden was especially horrified to hear that her sister had embarked on a project that she believed to be an extension of her abuse. Her brother Robert and other family members were aware of the situation but opted not to notify her. This served as the last blow to her hopes of ending Anna’s pervasive hatred and rekindled her urge to exact reckoning—something she had long resisted doing.

The most prevalent type of domestic abuse today is the subject of this real, thoroughly researched story. Through it, the author exposes the behaviors and potential consequences experienced by those who attempt to conceal and repress their stress. This is the ideal book for people who have controlling or abusive siblings because it provides guidance on self-rescue and clarifies what many perceive to be typical sibling conflict. When sibling violence is ignored and persists in the lives of many individuals, society bears a heavy price.

“My Father’s Suitcase” effectively illustrates the need to close the knowledge gap that currently exists on sibling abuse. “My Father’s Suitcase” is highly recommended.

[Maggie Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Father’s Suitcase is the latest memoir from @garden.mary. It is a transparent and honest account of something that I was not aware of – sibling abuse.

This is an astounding story of the violence that the author lived through. From her sibling’s physical and emotional abuse to her family's unwillingness to step in and stop it – whether because of their own experiences or because they were reluctant to identify the abuse as more than sibling rivalry. It opens the door on a topic that is sorely misunderstood in our world.

But – for me – it was the author’s transparency in how this abuse affected her. As an adult, she was constantly drawn back into the relationship, acknowledging her desire to repair and hope for a better future with her sister. Garden’s authenticity in dealing with her hurt and pain over is what touched me the most – shedding a light on her human frailties. And more importantly, how the dynamics in our families often affect us more than we are willing to admit.

This is a necessary and sublime read.

[Pam G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary Garden addresses the very serious matter of sibling abuse, so often not spoken about. She tells her life story in such a thought provoking way, I couldn't put the book down. It's a conflict of emotions, from interesting stories such as her father's flying career, to the failure of her parents to address or even accept the sibling abuse. I highly recommend this book, as one that will give you reason to think deeply about some family dynamics. Maybe a sign of the era, but nevertheless bringing the issue out in the open can only help go forward.

[Simon Smallchua · Rating 5 out of 5]

What could possibly happen next?! How will each of them react? What are they thinking! This book reveals the complexities of families, the tangible and lasting effect of intergenerational trauma on people through their lives.

Such an engaging journey of a woman who endlessly seeks understanding, love and sympathy from people who aren't going to give it to her.

It makes me consider my parenting of two kids and be more mindful of perpetuation of comparison and 'rivalry' not matter how subtle.

And how a period of my childhood that was rough and tough, and I was weak and silly, may have serious long lasting impact on self worth, anger and my parenting style.

At times the author repeats her success, trauma, why her family don't support her, but I think that's exactly the insight into her real emotional/mental journey that makes this story so real. I feel a greater genuine understanding of how trauma can impact a person.

I also leave with compassion and empathy for all characters, and even the father, his parents, their parents, intergenerational trauma is so real.

[J. A. Lewis · Rating 1 out of 5]

It is quite obvious Dr. Garden is an intellectual, bright individual. However, I can't say there is anything I liked about this Memoir. It seems to jump about and I was never quite sure what the main theme of this book was supposed to be. Her publications (and her pats on the back for a job well done), her dysfunctional family, her childhood/adulthood, her sister's mental illness, her hatred of her sister? There are a lot of quotes from other authors/individuals that are difficult to read in a Kindle format. I grew up in a dysfunctional family myself and quite frankly, there is nothing to be gained from constantly rehashing things from the past. One can only pull up one's bootstraps and trudge forward. The one thing that constantly resurfaces is how much Dr. Garden hates her sister which only leads to the reader beginning to detest Dr. Garden's constant belittling of her sister. When her sister writes a book about their father, which mimics Dr. Garden's book, it becomes her obsession to remove the sister's book from the face of the earth, which she does succeed in doing.

[Reader Views · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sibling abuse is quite a controversial term, as many minimize its seriousness and cast it aside, claiming some discourse between siblings is normal. But those who have been a victim of relentless bullying and abuse know it is not normal and incredibly traumatizing. Author Mary Garden shares the heartbreaking truth of her dysfunctional childhood in “My Father’s Suitcase.”

In this absorbing memoir, Mary Garden is candid about the physical attacks from her younger sister Anna that carried on well into adulthood, as well as her dysfunctional childhood being raised by a father who was incredibly rigid and unstable, and an emotionally unavailable mother. Despite distancing herself from her family as she reached post-secondary age, Mary’s unresolved trauma bled into all areas of her life, including romantic relationships, friendships, and spirituality, proving you can never outrun the past.

“My Father’s Suitcase” is an emotionally driven memoir. Motivated to illuminate the far-reaching effects of sibling abuse, Mary delves deep into her troubled past, highlighting her parents’ turbulent marriage as the beginning point for dysfunction and the way she and Anna were deeply affected by their mother’s unwillingness to leave their controlling father. Themes of family, identity, and self-preservation are woven into the poignant but incredibly insightful recollections.

While our mental healthcare system is anything but perfect nowadays, many sufferers of psychological illnesses fare far better than they did thirty or more years ago. The author examines Anna’s wavering sanity and the lack of psychiatric assistance she received due to New Zealand’s closing of most psychiatric hospitals. Moreover, the Garden family seemed to sweep Anna’s mental health crisis under the rug, which further traumatized Mary, causing PTSD and depression. This was the most frustrating part of her recollection; why wasn’t Anna getting the help she needed? My heart just broke for Mary, imagining all the anxiety and fear she experienced, worrying that Anna may show up at any time and attack her. How terrifying!

The author calls writing “cathartic,” I commend her for her transparency. There is no doubt in my mind that Mary will pull on the heartstrings of many readers and inspire those who have endured the mental and physical toll of sibling abuse to begin their healing journey. She has done an excellent job of highlighting the inadequacies of mental healthcare, the generational cycle of abuse, and the long-term effects of the gaslighting and physical aggression she endured.

Readers, you don’t want to miss out on this eye-opening recount!

[Janvi Santwani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Garden’s My Father’s Suitcase is a deeply moving memoir that delves into family secrets, trauma, and resilience. From the very first page, it grips the reader with its exploration of intergenerational pain, sibling abuse, and hidden truths. Mary’s relationship with her younger sister, Anna, is at the heart of the story, set against the backdrop of a troubled family dynamic shaped by an eccentric father and a mother’s long-held secret. Through her journey, she reveals the profound impact of family violence and mental illness.

Garden’s writing is raw and powerful, drawing readers into her deeply personal experiences while shedding light on broader social issues. She masterfully intertwines her memories with important conversations about sibling abuse, guilt, and the unspoken struggles many families endure. Themes of survival, self-discovery, and breaking free from the past resonate throughout the book, offering a voice to those who have suffered in silence.

This memoir is both heartbreaking and hopeful, leaving a lasting impression. Mary’s journey toward healing and understanding is inspiring, making My Father’s Suitcase a must-read for anyone interested in stories of family trauma and resilience. It’s a powerful reminder that even the heaviest burdens can be overcome.

[Elaine · Rating 2 out of 5]

A sadly embittered account of a highly dysfunctional family. The author obsesses about her sister also writing a memoir of their aviator father. Strangely, the first part of this book describes what a terrible man he was, and the second half eulogises his flying career and is an extended rank about her sister also writing a memoir about him.

[J.M. Carmel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The dynamics of family violence are often misunderstood and heavily stigmatized. Violence often takes many forms and is multidirectional within family relationships. In My Father’s Suitcase, Mary Garden courageously provides us a glimpse into her life as a victim of abuse and neglect at the hands of her parents as well as her sister and then the ongoing twice victimization of stigmatization, gaslighting, and manipulation in her journey toward healing and learning to thrive.

This is an open and honest account of Mary Garden’s life. She does not shy away from the complex realities of childhood trauma and the resulting dysfunction of adult relationships. Childhood trauma has lifelong consequences. Along the way, Garden gives us snippets of research on this very complex issue.

The research on the neurobiology of trauma and best treatment practices is rapidly evolving. More biography than informational, some of Garden’s research is no longer considered accurate. Amongst the inaccuracies, Mary Garden perpetuates the myth that sibling abuse and child-to-parent violence always begin with parent-to-child abuse. This is not reflected in current research. It is important for the reader to understand that Mary Garden is speaking of her lived experience of multi-generational abuse and her experience may not reflect the experience of others.

This is a worthwhile read and a much-needed addition to our collective social understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics. Few have the courage to stand up against stigma and speak honestly about the abuse perpetrated by children. It is an unpopular concept, but ignoring reality does not erase abuse nor aid families struggling with violence.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Joelle Tamraz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book sheds a much needed light on sibling abuse. It is also the harrowing story of growing up in a dysfunctional family where violence and untreated mental illness took a heavy toll on the author. The section around her sister’s publication of a ‘rival’ book on their father was particularly tense and illuminating. It’s the heart of the memoir. There were many family details to bring us to this point, which might have been condensed. Nonetheless, My Father’s Suitcase is an original, thought-provoking read, and I look forward to reading the author’s other memoir about her time in yoga cults in India.

[Deep Choudhary · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Father’s Suitcase by Mary Garden is a profoundly moving memoir that brings much-needed attention to the painful reality of sibling abuse—a topic that is often dismissed or misunderstood. While many people assume sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, Garden’s story reveals just how damaging unchecked aggression within a family can be, especially when it is ignored or minimized by those who should be offering protection.

From the very start, Garden takes us deep into her childhood, where she endured both physical and emotional torment at the hands of her younger sister, Anna. What makes her story even more distressing is the complete lack of support from her parents. Her father, strict and domineering, controlled the household, while her mother remained emotionally distant, unable—or unwilling—to intervene. This neglect left Garden trapped in a toxic environment where she had no choice but to endure the abuse. Even as she grew older and managed to distance herself from her family, she found that the scars of her past followed her, affecting her relationships, self-esteem, and mental well-being.

One of the most compelling aspects of this book is its deep dive into the dysfunction that enabled the abuse to continue for so long. Garden doesn’t just recount her suffering—she thoughtfully explores the broader family dynamics that allowed it to persist. Her mother’s refusal to leave an unhappy marriage and her father’s authoritarian rule created an environment where neither Mary nor Anna received the emotional support they desperately needed. The dysfunction rippled through the entire family, affecting each member in different ways, but leaving Garden particularly vulnerable. A heartbreaking yet important theme in the memoir is the failure of mental healthcare systems, especially in addressing serious psychiatric conditions. Anna’s deteriorating mental health is evident throughout the book, yet she receives little to no help, partly due to the closure of psychiatric hospitals in New Zealand. The way her struggles were ignored not only made her condition worse but also left Mary in a state of constant fear and anxiety. The idea that her sister could appear at any time, ready to lash out violently, adds a chilling layer to the story. The sheer helplessness Mary felt—both as a child and later as an adult—will resonate deeply with readers who have ever felt unsafe in their own homes.

What makes My Father’s Suitcase so powerful is Garden’s willingness to be brutally honest, not just about the pain she endured but also about the lasting effects it had on her. She doesn’t shy away from discussing how unresolved trauma shaped her decisions, from the relationships she formed to her search for meaning in spirituality. It’s a deeply personal reflection on how past wounds don’t just fade away with time—they must be confronted in order to heal.

This book is a testament to resilience. Writing can be a form of healing, and Garden’s bravery in sharing her story is admirable. My Father’s Suitcase is an eye-opening and necessary read for anyone interested in family dynamics, trauma, and recovery. It challenges the idea that abuse between siblings is ever “just a phase” and underscores the importance of acknowledging and addressing childhood trauma. For those who have experienced similar struggles, Garden’s story will offer validation and perhaps even hope that healing is possible. This is a book that lingers in your mind long after you’ve turned the final page.

[Booksta.girl_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a memoir that stays with you long after you’ve turned the last page. Mary Garden takes us through the raw, messy parts of her life, starting from a childhood shaped by secrets and pain. At the heart of her story is the relationship with her younger sister, Anna. Their bond, which should have been one of love and protection, instead becomes a battlefield. The author doesn’t sugarcoat the abuse, the fights, or the emotional turmoil that defines their relationship. It’s not an easy read, but it’s honest in a way that’s hard to ignore.

Family dynamics play such a huge role in this book. Mary’s father is eccentric, unpredictable, and at times, frightening. His presence looms over the entire family, shaping the way everyone interacts and even how they view themselves. The author's mother, who carries a painful secret, isn’t strong enough to shield her daughters from their father’s control. This neglect and silence create a toxic environment that the author slowly starts to unravel as she grows older. You can feel her struggle to understand why things were the way they were, and it’s heartbreaking to watch her try to make sense of her family’s dysfunction.

What makes this memoir stand out is how the author tackles difficult subjects like sibling abuse and mental illness. The way the book explores the emotional scars left by these experiences feels so personal. She doesn’t just recount the incidents of abuse—she takes you into her mind, showing you how deeply it affected her and how those memories still haunt her. There’s a lot of guilt and shame woven into her narrative, and it’s clear that these feelings have been long-standing. Yet, at no point does she shy away from showing her vulnerability. Her writing is so raw and unfiltered that it feels like she’s speaking directly to you.

The memoir doesn’t offer a simple or neat conclusion. Healing is messy, and the author knows that. She doesn’t present her journey of survival as one that happened overnight. Instead, she shows the slow, often painful process of coming to terms with her past and trying to break free from it. It’s not a perfect resolution, but that’s what makes it feel real. You don’t always get to move on easily from something like this—it takes years, maybe even a lifetime, to truly heal. But the author's strength is inspiring. She keeps fighting, even when it feels like she’s standing alone.

There’s a thread of hope that runs through the book, too. Despite everything, despite the weight of her father’s influence and her sister’s anger, Mary finds a way forward. Her story is one of survival, of reclaiming herself from the trauma of her childhood. It’s about breaking out of patterns that no longer serve her, and it’s a reminder that even in the darkest places, there can be light.

What really makes this book special is how the author gives a voice to the silent struggles so many of us experience. Whether you’ve gone through something similar or just find yourself reflecting on your own family dynamics, there’s something here that feels universal. This isn’t just her story—it’s a story that can touch anyone who’s ever tried to make peace with a painful past. Her journey isn’t easy, but it’s one worth reading about, because in the end, it reminds us that healing is possible, no matter how long it takes.

[Jithendra Jithu · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Father’s Suitcase by Mary Garden

Rating:5/5

Review:

👉My Father’s Suitcase is an extraordinary memoir that courageously uncovers the hidden wounds of sibling abuse within a family fractured by trauma, secrets, and pain. Mary Garden’s story is not just a personal account—it’s a raw, unflinching exploration of the long-lasting impact of family violence, mental illness, and intergenerational scars that many endure in silence.

👉Growing up in New Zealand and later moving to Australia, Mary reveals a childhood and adulthood marked by emotional turmoil, complicated by her father’s deeply flawed nature and the haunting presence of her younger sister, Anna. The relationship between the sisters is fraught with physical and psychological abuse that persisted over decades, shattering the common misconception that sibling conflict is harmless “rivalry.” Instead, Mary powerfully exposes how sibling abuse can be devastating, often overlooked, and devastatingly real.

👉This memoir moves beyond the personal to shed light on broader issues: the stigma surrounding mental health, the failures of support systems, and the societal tendency to minimize or ignore sibling violence. Mary’s narrative is both heartbreaking and illuminating, guiding readers through a labyrinth of guilt, shame, and the search for truth amidst the chaos.

👉What makes My Father’s Suitcase truly impactful is Mary’s fearless honesty and resilience. Despite the darkness, her voice is imbued with hope and a fierce determination to reclaim her story and find healing. The memoir is a call to acknowledge the invisible wounds many carry and to confront the uncomfortable realities of family dynamics that are rarely spoken about.

👉Reading this book is an emotional journey that will stay with you long after the last page. It’s a vital, eye-opening read for anyone seeking to understand the complexities of familial abuse, trauma, and ultimately, survival and strength. Mary Garden’s story reminds us all of the power of truth, the necessity of breaking silence, and the possibility of rising from even the deepest pain.

Happy reading 😁 😁

#bookreview

[Brydie Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anticipating that Mary Garden's memoir would have challenging themes of familial abuse and trauma, I took a deep breath in before I opened the book's magnetic cover. I needn't have had any concern embarking on this journey, however, as I was quickly drawn into the world of the author's childhood in 1950s New Zealand. Her vividly drawn portrait of the larger-than-life Oscar Garden, and the authoritarian yoke by which he held his wife and eldest children, is fascinating, and a faithful reflection of its time. Into this engaging and frank account of an exceptional but deeply flawed man, enters the singular figure of Anna Garden, whose chaos casts a long shadow over her big sister Mary's life, and leaves a trail of emotional destruction. Anna is like that bully who takes an instant dislike to you, for no apparent reason, and never stops trying to get at you, ever. Mary Garden's authentically told, "warts and all" family history has confronting moments, undoubtedly, but it is her dogged determination to care for members of a family that have never quite appreciated her, and uphold her father's aviation legacy, that wins over the reader. We empathise with her very real human emotions of disappointment, betrayal, anger and the desire to be vindicated. Anna is a tragic figure, yes, if you consider the toll taken by her mental illness, but it's the toll on Mary that stays with the reader. The story of Garden's battle to protect her intellectual property and integrity, from a sibling whose jealousy and abuse marred their entire relationship, is a deeply compelling one and well worth the read. It has made me very keen to follow up with the author's biography of her father, Sundowner of the Skies. Mary Garden has a rare gift and passion for storytelling and a historian's eye that makes for an intelligent and enthralling read. A brave writer who is not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve and reveal the sometimes uncomfortable and ever complicated bonds we hold with those we call family.

[Vidhika Yadav · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review: My Father's Suitcase by Mary Garden

Mary Garden's My Father's Suitcase is a brave and chilling memoir that delves into the rarely covered territory of sibling abuse within the framework of a horrible family life. Interwoven in the fabric of the story is the sad saga of Garden's turbulent relationship with her younger sister Anna, whose physical and mental abuse lasted from childhood all the way into their adult years. The memoir gives a gripping account of the household steeped in silence, denial, and intergenerational trauma, where the author's suffering was minimized and her need for validation was met with chilly indifference.

On an academic level, another thing to admire about this work's clarity of emotion mixed with sociocultural consequence. She deconstructs how much psychological harm was done to her by people closest to her gaslighting her, while arguing against the well-established myth that sibling rivalry is no big deal. In agonizing detail, she discusses the breakdowns in family, community, and mental health systems concerning Anna's untreated mental health issues and the sustained fallout from that neglect.

Not merely thematically daring, this memoir is imbued with an undercurrent of humanity and horror. Garden's writing is personal yet urgent in bringing to light what has, for far too long, plainly gone out of sight: the invisible scars of sibling violence. Anyone who instantiates the contemplation of familial trauma will behold this book as an important read because it's much more than a testimony of survival. Its resonance permeates all who endeavor to grasp the complexities of healing, the need for truth, and the power of personal testimony.

[Anna Featherstone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary’s memoir is compelling, insightful, unapologetic, and searingly honest. You become immersed in the decisions and day to day of her very dysfunctional family, and the themes of mental health, family violence and a society willing to look away. Mary gives us a window into what it’s like when parenting responsibilities are foisted on a child and how sibling abuse is often mistaken for sibling rivalry and hidden away.

I was certainly not expecting the revelation that the sibling abuse ended in literary competition and plagiarism – and this turn in the story will be of interest to writers of literary fiction and non-fiction. Mary also weaves extensive research into the memoir, illuminating ideas and drawing parallels that enrich the reader’s understanding of her lived experience. A great read and courageous book!

[Liz Dixon · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 stars. I really enjoyed this book from the beginning. It was really well written and the content was incredibly shocking. I felt so incredibly bad for the things Mary had to endure but so amazed by her resilience to carry on. It could have been 5 star read for me but I felt the last 1/3 of the book was a little repetitive. I felt the whole plagiarism/copyright part could have been condensed. I understand Mary couldn’t let it go and that she needed to prove her point and the outcome for her was positive, however she came across as incredibly bitter. I wanted to ask her do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Let it go!!! But not having endured the abuse that she did I obviously can’t relate. I haven’t walked in her shoes so how can I relate? Regardless I enjoyed reading this and have recommended it to my Mum to read.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Father’s Suitcase by Mary Garden is a profoundly moving memoir that explores resilience, survival, and the long-reaching effects of sibling and intergenerational trauma. Mary’s storytelling is both raw and meticulous, offering readers an intimate look into the complexities of family dynamics, mental illness, and personal perseverance.

The depth of research, combined with Mary’s reflective narrative, creates a memoir that is not only illuminating but also offers hope and validation to readers who have faced similar challenges. This book is an important contribution to understanding sibling abuse and its lifelong impact, and with strategic visibility on Goodreads and other platforms, it has the potential to reach and support many more readers. Highly recommended for readers seeking a heartfelt and eye-opening memoir.

[Charlotte · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was allowed to have an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is the story of the Garden family written by one of the daughters. It is a story of sibling abuse and gaslighting. The author was emotionally and physically abused by her sister and the rest of the family did nothing to help her. It was a great memoir until the last one-third of the book where the author spent too much time complaining and trying to avenge a book her sister wrote that plagiarized a book she had written first. That part of the book was very tedious.

[Lee Kofman · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are few books out there that will discuss toxic sibling relationships with as much candour as Mary Garden offers in this poignant memoir.
I also love Mary’s thematic ambition. If you’re interested in literary plagiarism scandals, this book is also for you. One of its most compelling stories is how both Mary and her sister wrote separate biographies of their famous aviator father, and how Mary discovered her sister’s literary theft.
This is a compelling read and I highly recommend.

[Jessica Mudditt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Garden writes with searing honesty about her deeply troubled relationship with her sister, Anna. From terrifying attacks in the night to putting out a copycat book of their father, Mary was tormented by her sister throughout her life. It's an expansive and fascinating book. Mary is forthcoming in owning up to her own complex emotions and motivations. It's one of the best books I've ever read on the most complicated of relationships - sisters.

[Michael Burge · Rating 5 out of 5]

From its electrifying opening to its deeply compassionate conclusion, any sibling who’s ever had to play happy families will find solace in Garden's visceral battle cry against victim blaming. Writers everywhere will treasure this benchmark book for courageously demanding truth in the face of bothsidesism.

[Myra McCulloch · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story that is a true reflection of what can happen in families where there is sibling abuse.
Mary Garden, in telling her story, provided some light bulb moments about family dynamics. Thank you.

Despite all the challenges, Mary has survived this trauma and in telling her story shows others that we can overcome.

An emotional read however worth it

[Bridie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I couldn’t put it down.
Thanks Mary your book has helped me understand more of my own families dysfunction.
I went onto to read ‘The Serpent Rising’ highly recommend also.