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Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids from War to Peace
Stop the fighting! "He hit me!"
"She won't stay on her side of the room!"
"Leave my stuff alone!"
Is your day punctuated by tattling, tears, and testiness among your children? Does your home resemble a war zone, with fights breaking out constantly among combative siblings? Do you wonder why your kids can't get along? You're not
alone. Sibling rivalry has become one of the most frustrating problems facing today's parents.
Yet sibling rivalry is not an inevitable outcome. It is possible to help your children move from enemies to friends. In Ending Sibling Rivalry, Sarah Hamaker provides common sense and practical solutions to this familiar problem, guiding parents through the roots and remedies of sibling rivalry.
Ending Sibling Rivalry addresses the harmful impact of competition on the sibling relationship, how to avoid the trap of favoritism and comparison, and how to teach children conflict resolution. Whether your children are toddlers or teenagers, Ending Sibling Rivalry provides
"She won't stay on her side of the room!"
"Leave my stuff alone!"
Is your day punctuated by tattling, tears, and testiness among your children? Does your home resemble a war zone, with fights breaking out constantly among combative siblings? Do you wonder why your kids can't get along? You're not
alone. Sibling rivalry has become one of the most frustrating problems facing today's parents.
Yet sibling rivalry is not an inevitable outcome. It is possible to help your children move from enemies to friends. In Ending Sibling Rivalry, Sarah Hamaker provides common sense and practical solutions to this familiar problem, guiding parents through the roots and remedies of sibling rivalry.
Ending Sibling Rivalry addresses the harmful impact of competition on the sibling relationship, how to avoid the trap of favoritism and comparison, and how to teach children conflict resolution. Whether your children are toddlers or teenagers, Ending Sibling Rivalry provides
192 pages, Paperback
First published September 21, 2014
About the author
Sarah Hamaker
32 books552 followersAward-winning and best-selling author Sarah Hamaker loves writing books “where the hero and heroine fall in love while running for their lives.” She’s written romantic suspense novels and nonfiction books, as well as stories in Chicken Soup for the Soul volumes. As a writers coach, her heart is encouraging writers. She’s a member of ACFW; ACFW Virginia Chapter; and Faith, Hope and Love. Her podcast, “The Romantic Side of Suspense,” can be found wherever you listen to podcasts. Sarah lives in Virginia with her husband, four children and three cats.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
October 19, 2014
Let’s be honest. Most of us were not prepared to be parents. As someone wise once said: parenting is a job that is mostly learned by doing and when you get the hang of it, it’s over. Sibling rivalry is part of that mysterious process that is both frustrating and enigmatic. When Sarah told me that she was writing a book on sibling rivalry, I was more than a bit curious.
Why is sibling rivalry important? Siblings are surprisingly important—our first and longest running relationships are with our siblings. Eighty percent of us have them (12). How we relate with our siblings (or not) accordingly affects how we deal with just about everyone else. If anger management and conflict resolutions skills are not learned in the family context, chances are good that they will not be learned at all. If they are learned in the context of family, then chances are good that a lifetime of benefits will accrue (22).
Family civility cannot be assumed. As Hamaker reminds us, the first stories in the bible of siblings, do not end well. Cain murders his brother, Abel; Jacob rips his brother, Esau, off; Joseph gets sold into slavery by his brothers (19-22). Biblical failures need not be our failures!
An experienced parent herself, Sarah focuses on moving beyond conflict. She offers parents both things to think about and ideas to implement. For example, she asks parents to develop a mission statement for their kids. She says: if someone asked you to describe each of your children as age thirty, what would you say? (24) She observes that most parents asked this question respond, not with a list of achievements (education, jobs, status symbols …), but with character traits (compassionate, Godly, hardworking…) If this is what we want to see in our grown children, then how to do work to instill these qualities when they are young? (25).
Hamaker writes Ending Sibling Rivalry in 10 chapters, preceded by acknowledgments and an introduction and followed by conclusions and chapter notes. The chapters are:
1. The Importance of Getting Along;
2. Thinking the Best, Not the Worst;
3. Competition;
4. Comparison/Favorites;
5. Separate and Unequal (Fairness);
6. The Blessings of Siblings;
7. Conflict Resolution;
8. One-on-One Time;
9. Breathing Room; and
10. Introducing New Siblings (7).
Sarah is not just an experienced parent, she is also a certified leadership parenting coach. She also blogs on parenting issues (www.ParentCoachNOVA.com). I know her as a leader in the Capital Christian Writers club (www.CapitalChristianWriters.org).
My own kids are now all college graduates. Yet, the scars of sibling rivalry are still obvious—if you know where to look. When Sarah asks: Have you ever looked at your kids fighting and seen an opportunity for personal growth? (105) I can honestly say: no, never. But, I wish that I had.
Sarah’s discussion of Mathew 7:1-5 , 18:15-16 , and 7:12 points to my weakness as a teacher of biblical principles to my children. Although I did, in fact, teach my kids the golden rule (Matthew 7:12), my own lack of focus in bible knowledge came across in my parenting. I taught my kids to read from children’s bibles, but did not focus on the particular lessons that might have critically aided their development—like conflict resolution—the focus of these particular verses.
Hamaker’s Ending Sibling Rivalry is readable and includes results of her own parent survey. If you are a parent of young kids or even teens, it is definitely worth taking a look.
Why is sibling rivalry important? Siblings are surprisingly important—our first and longest running relationships are with our siblings. Eighty percent of us have them (12). How we relate with our siblings (or not) accordingly affects how we deal with just about everyone else. If anger management and conflict resolutions skills are not learned in the family context, chances are good that they will not be learned at all. If they are learned in the context of family, then chances are good that a lifetime of benefits will accrue (22).
Family civility cannot be assumed. As Hamaker reminds us, the first stories in the bible of siblings, do not end well. Cain murders his brother, Abel; Jacob rips his brother, Esau, off; Joseph gets sold into slavery by his brothers (19-22). Biblical failures need not be our failures!
An experienced parent herself, Sarah focuses on moving beyond conflict. She offers parents both things to think about and ideas to implement. For example, she asks parents to develop a mission statement for their kids. She says: if someone asked you to describe each of your children as age thirty, what would you say? (24) She observes that most parents asked this question respond, not with a list of achievements (education, jobs, status symbols …), but with character traits (compassionate, Godly, hardworking…) If this is what we want to see in our grown children, then how to do work to instill these qualities when they are young? (25).
Hamaker writes Ending Sibling Rivalry in 10 chapters, preceded by acknowledgments and an introduction and followed by conclusions and chapter notes. The chapters are:
1. The Importance of Getting Along;
2. Thinking the Best, Not the Worst;
3. Competition;
4. Comparison/Favorites;
5. Separate and Unequal (Fairness);
6. The Blessings of Siblings;
7. Conflict Resolution;
8. One-on-One Time;
9. Breathing Room; and
10. Introducing New Siblings (7).
Sarah is not just an experienced parent, she is also a certified leadership parenting coach. She also blogs on parenting issues (www.ParentCoachNOVA.com). I know her as a leader in the Capital Christian Writers club (www.CapitalChristianWriters.org).
My own kids are now all college graduates. Yet, the scars of sibling rivalry are still obvious—if you know where to look. When Sarah asks: Have you ever looked at your kids fighting and seen an opportunity for personal growth? (105) I can honestly say: no, never. But, I wish that I had.
Sarah’s discussion of Mathew 7:1-5 , 18:15-16 , and 7:12 points to my weakness as a teacher of biblical principles to my children. Although I did, in fact, teach my kids the golden rule (Matthew 7:12), my own lack of focus in bible knowledge came across in my parenting. I taught my kids to read from children’s bibles, but did not focus on the particular lessons that might have critically aided their development—like conflict resolution—the focus of these particular verses.
Hamaker’s Ending Sibling Rivalry is readable and includes results of her own parent survey. If you are a parent of young kids or even teens, it is definitely worth taking a look.
November 12, 2014
Sibling rivalry is conflict in the home. If you are like me, conflict is not really what you are seeking. Peace in the home is a much more desirable goal. But just as children are born to sin, they also seem born to compete with one another. Should we shrug our shoulders, accept that life is just that way, and find a closet where we can eat our chocolate in secret?
Um… No.
Ending Sibling Rivalry takes a look at what motives are underlying this conflict and then addresses those motives with specific suggestions and ideas. Some behaviors can be prevented, while some are addressed as they occur. So whether you are looking for help to start your family on the right foot from the beginning or creative solutions to deal with established issues, you’re sure to find some tools to put in your pocket.
These are not all “pat answers” either. The idea of banning bragging, for instance, may sound great, but if your kids are like mine, they have to test to see if we really mean to enforce these rules. So what do you do when bragging occurs, even if you’ve already banned it? One idea given here is to require three brags about the others present for every one brag about oneself. If a child has to say three nice things about his siblings every time he brags about his own accomplishments, he may slow down or quit bragging about himself.
You can have peace in your home — now, not after your children are grown! If this is something your family is struggling with, don’t despair. There are ideas and solutions out there. Ending Sibling Rivalry is one resource that can help you along on your journey.
(This review was first published at: http://simplecountryfaith.com/2014/11... )
Um… No.
Ending Sibling Rivalry takes a look at what motives are underlying this conflict and then addresses those motives with specific suggestions and ideas. Some behaviors can be prevented, while some are addressed as they occur. So whether you are looking for help to start your family on the right foot from the beginning or creative solutions to deal with established issues, you’re sure to find some tools to put in your pocket.
These are not all “pat answers” either. The idea of banning bragging, for instance, may sound great, but if your kids are like mine, they have to test to see if we really mean to enforce these rules. So what do you do when bragging occurs, even if you’ve already banned it? One idea given here is to require three brags about the others present for every one brag about oneself. If a child has to say three nice things about his siblings every time he brags about his own accomplishments, he may slow down or quit bragging about himself.
You can have peace in your home — now, not after your children are grown! If this is something your family is struggling with, don’t despair. There are ideas and solutions out there. Ending Sibling Rivalry is one resource that can help you along on your journey.
(This review was first published at: http://simplecountryfaith.com/2014/11... )
December 30, 2014
So much we just deal with the rivalry of our children without delving into the why. We just mark it up to being brothers/sisters. This book made me take a look at my children's interaction with each other differently, and I found myself thinking back to my rivalry with my brother. Great book!
I was given this book in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley.
I was given this book in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley.
August 27, 2016
Would have prefered the option to give it no stars. Honestly, I was amazed (and not in a good way) at this book.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews