Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief

by Jennifer Elison, Chris McGonigle

When someone close to us dies, the world-our relatives, acquaintances, and society at large-expects us to grieve. Of course, as taboo as it is to admit or talk about, not every death brings with it overwhelming or exclusive sadness. Labeled a "nontraditional grief response" by therapists and counselors, a measure of relief or even happiness is far more common than the clinical description would have us believe. Sometimes we are relieved that our loved one is no longer suffering; at the other end of the spectrum, a death might finally free us of an abusive or unhappy relationship. In either case, feeling any measure of relief breeds guilt and, in turn, continued silence. Jennifer Elison and Chris McGonigle have experienced the discomfort and shame of mixed relief firsthand. In this groundbreaking book, they share their own and others' stories, compassionate clinical analysis, and pragmatic counsel with other disenfranchised survivors. Shedding light on feelings that many deem insensitive, callous, or even strange, and suggesting ways to come to terms with them, Elison and McGonigle generously validate the reaction so many feel obliged to hide, ultimately relieving the corresponding guilt with which so many are burdened.For more information, please visit the authors' www.liberatinglosses.com

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Reference

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

Reviews

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, well, well. The Emperor has no clothes.

My favourite passage: "Fully 73.3% of bereaved identified relief as one of their primary responses following a death. 23% said they felt emotions more intense than relief - "extreme thankfulness" or "extreme gratitude," "happiness," "delight," and "peace."

Although a hellish or crushingly-burdensome relationship is soul-destroying, you're not allowed to say that you're happy someone has died, even if it's true. The book says you're not evil if you're happy that something so awful is now out of your life.

To those of you (note: not admitting to being one) furtively seeking validation, enjoy the read.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was extremely helpful for me after the passing of my father on June 30. He was an alcoholic and mental/verbal abusive parent. I struggled for a long time about his passing because I didn’t cry or get upset about it; however, this book has shined light into grieving and I simply don’t have to grieve for this man. Grief comes differently for everyone.

[Kerrie (Layton) Box · Rating 5 out of 5]

I lost my mother in Dec. we had a very complicated relationship. I found myself not grieving the way that is acceptable in today's society. I joined a support group and found this book. it was validating and freeing. if you ever lose someone that you were either a care giver too or had a difficult relationship this is the book for you. it lets you know that not all grieving is done in the same way and that's okay. I highly recommend this book if your feeling lost after a death.

[Wifey · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a relief to finally have permission to be glad someone's dead. The only self help book that was truly helpful.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very nice to read a book about complicated "non-traditional" grief - no stages, just validating possible conflicting emotions, including relief.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with Chris' previous book "Surviving Your Spouse's Chronic Illness" this book was honest and oh, so validating. Thank you for writing them.

[A.M. Arthur · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes loss truly is a relief and for me personally, this book is a timely exploration of that. There is no true right or wrong way to grieve, only the way that helps you the most.

[Travel Writing · Rating 4 out of 5]

A small book with a wide comprehensive view of death and altruistic grief.