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256 pages, Paperback
First published May 10, 2023
‘I don't want to caricature—not too much, anyway; sometimes it's inevitable and even advisable to caricature, since it allows us to forgive those other people we once were. Though in reality the ones we should forgive are the insensitive grown-ups we are today, capable of minimising something that was and we know this, but pretend not to be enormous and serious and wonderful. We talk about the past and laugh at ourselves as if our future selves were never going to laugh at who we are now.’
'I interrupt this essay to come clean about a shameful episode, one that invalidates me as a fan and perhaps also as a person: for almost two years, I pretended not to like—My only excuse, valid but inadequate, is youth.'
‘'Yeah, but that was like five years ago. Everything is different now, I tell her ruefully. I'm writing these final lines on my phone while my son is at football class. The class was his mum's idea - she says she doesn't want him to go through life in constant fear of stray football balls—.’
‘Aside from one uncle, a football hipster who likes to go around the city in his Barcelona kit, everyone in my wife's family, including her, claim to be fans of the Pumas from UNAM, the university they all went to. But I think my son has caught on that they are fake fans. Football isn't important or even interesting to them. As for my wife, she had a rough morning on the playground as a kid when she was hit in the face by three consecutive balls. Since then, she has associated football solely with the possibility of getting hit, and as such she stays cautiously on the sidelines of our pickup games.’
‘My relationship with football is not literary, but my connection to literature does have, in a way, a footballistic origin. My greatest influences as a writer were not Marcel Proust's colossal novel or the enduring poems of César Vallejo or Emily Dickinson or Enrique Lihn, but rather the radio transmissions of Vladimiro Mimica, the commentator for Radio Minería. None of my reading was ever as influential as the elegant spoken prose of the famous 'goal-singer'. I even used to record the games and lie in bed to listen, to enjoy them in a purely musical sense. Thanks to his cheerful mediation, even the most tedious or anodyne games seemed like epic battles.’
‘Maybe during that time I also had an anti-football impulse that was linked to my social climbing impulse and my desire to belong to that community of sceptical, critical, bullshitting intellectuals who held football in such contempt. It was similar to my attitude towards music throughout my adolescence, in a time that wasn't as propitious for the eclecticism that's so prized now: I had started out liking folk music and then moved on to thrash metal, then New Wave, punk, and then back to folk, with all the ensuing changes in dress, friends, and even habits.’
‘I learned my lesson, or maybe my stupidity just changed shape over the years. Later I was lucky enough that football stopped being, for me, a purely masculine endeavour. I didn't deserve it, but fate rewarded me with two female friends who were football fans and Colo- Colo addicts, thanks to whom I realized that the passion for football is not at all exclusive to men. I went back to the stadium with them, first in the extraordinary years of the Colo-Colo four-time league championships under Claudio Borghi, and later to see the illustrious national team of Bielsa and the golden generation of Arturo Vidal, Alexis Sánchez, Claudio Bravo, Mauricio Isla et al. Later I started to spend more time away from Chile, and although football never lost importance for me, it did become an almost purely televised and solitary experience. I even adopted the habit of watching matches while riding a stationary bike, as though playing a kind of analogue Wii. Sometimes I still do it: if Pibe Solari is running down the wing. I pedal faster, and if Colorado Gil or Vicente Pizarro are trying to run out the clock, I slow down.’
‘No one taught you anything about music there was no need. Music was just there, from before you were born; no one had to explain what it was, what it is, how it works. No one has explained literature to you either, and hopefully no one ever will. Silent reading is a sort of conquest; those of us who read in silence and solitude learn, precisely, how to be alone, or maybe it's more like we capture a less aggressive solitude, a solitude emptied of anxiety; we feel inhabited, multiplied, accompanied, as we read in our sonorous silent solitude. But you will learn all this for yourself in a few years, I know. You will decide for yourself whether you're still interested in the form of knowledge that literature enables, so strange, so specific, so hard to describe.’
‘I think of animism, a belief system I never completely abandoned, but which now, in my son's company, strikes me as not only fun but necessary. I really like that scene in Chungking Express, the film by Wong Kar Wai, when a character talks to a giant stuffed Garfield: I like it because it's comic and serious at the same time; because it's kitsch, like life, and because it's tragic, like life.’
‘Of all available TV programmes, football is the only one not governed by the imperatives of information or entertainment.’
‘She advises me to lie and say I've become a fan of women's football. I tell her it wouldn't be a lie, because in fact I followed the entire campaign of Chile's women's team in the 2019 World Cup in France. 'Name five players.' Christiane Endler, Carla Guerrero, Javiera Toro, Francisca Lara, María José Rojas. That's five. Yessenia López, six. Rosario Balmaceda, seven. She thinks I'm making those names up. I tell her all about the harrowing elimination, Francisca Lara's penalty against the crossbar that could have been the 3-0 that would have gotten them into the last sixteen. We get into the car, my wife at the wheel, thoughtful—.’
I ought to love him - he's steeped in Latin American literature, particularly poetry; there is a playful meta nature to his work; he's published by one of my favourite UK publishers and translated by a brilliant translator; and he writes (Chilean Poet the dishonorable exception) wonderfully compact books
BUT ... something doesn't work and I think it is because his prose is deliberately flat and his stories are of 30-something angst that just doesn't grab me, with central male characters that are, per James Wood's NewYorker profile "spectatorial, somewhat literary (i.e., always “writing” something), hovering on the edge of things, passionate in love but destined to lose what he loves, and thus fatalistic and defensively unserious."