Becoming Gay: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

by Richard A. Isay

Winner of a Books for a Better Life Literary Award in Psychology

The importance of living authentically—accepting one’s homosexuality and embracing a positive gay identity—is at the heart of Dr. Richard Isay’s powerful work on the psychological development of gay men. In the candid language of personal case histories, including his own, Isay shows how disguising one’s sexual identity can induce anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. He looks at the dilemma of gay men who are closeting in heterosexual marriages as well as at the specific concerns of adolescents, older men, and those confronted with HIV or AIDS. Isay exposes the tenacity with which psychoanalysis has clung to outdated views of homosexuality. Becoming Gay offers great insight for students of psychology, gender studies, and sociology.

Genres: LGBT, Nonfiction, Queer, Gay, Psychology

228 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1996

Reviews

[Dominic Gadoury · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the first book I ever read about coming out. It was the book I used many decades ago when I first came out of the closet, and I will be forever grateful for it.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's definitely a good thing that this book, originally published in 1997, feels antiquated. Attitudes towards gays have changed dramatically in last 15 years and I'm grateful to have been born when I was.

Maybe I didn't do my homework, but I expected this book to have a more singular, focused narrative. Each chapter focuses on a different group of homosexuals, i.e. those living with AIDS, those living in heterosexual marriages, teenagers, the elderly. I found the most compelling section to be the author's autobiography and the obstacles he faced with his peers in the psychoanalytic field. It's amazing to think that homosexuality was regarded as a mental illness until fairly recently.

While not a modern gay studies book by any stretch of the imagination, Becoming Gay gives one an appreciation of how today's society is relatively tolerant and supportive of homosexuals.

[Kate W · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read as research for the novel, and it gets two stars for providing some insight into what it's like to be a gay adolescent or gay married man in deep denial. But Isay is about as narcissistic and self-absorbed a therapist as I've ever encountered. If not for him, apparently, gay men would still be getting shock therapy to "cure" them, and the feelings and needs of women married to gay men are dispensed with in a perfunctory fashion.

[Juan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A potential life-saver.

[Salvatore · Rating 2 out of 5]

Case studies on gay men accepting or not accepting their sexuality or their version of their sexuality. Also a product of 1990s psychology.

[David Stith · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of psychoanalytic case studies which help to illustrate the unique set of burdens of the homosexual male. Quite dry in places - my favorite passages were toward the beginning of the book, the author’s own story of becoming gay. A harrowing read in some places, plodding and academic in others. A good resource nonetheless.

[Neil Mudde · Rating 1 out of 5]

Way over my head, it is described as "The Journey to Self Acceptance" Dr. Isay is an academic, and the book is geared to academics, and difficult to understand for a lay person like myself, all this confusion about how your relationship ship was with your Father or Mother as a child, "thus causing one to become homosexual, which rarely reflected my personal situation. at an early age I knew I was different from my 6 brothers did not know what it was called, except I would often be accused of being "just like a girl" I was surprised the book was written in 1996 it seems more like something written in the early 50.s

[Jamie harrigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book lead me to a safe life in my discovery of becoming a gay man.