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The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn
The Dance of the Lion and the Unicorn is a riveting read and a revolutionary approach to helping couples whose relationship is in trouble. It focuses on the most common dynamic of relationships that One partner (lion) reacts with outbursts of anger, while the other (unicorn) tries to avoid conflict in ways that only make things worse.
- GenresRelationships
182 pages, Paperback
First published February 18, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
September 15, 2020
Read this book. I don't care who you are and what relationship you are in (or not in) - the odds are this applies to you. This book's thesis is that most if not all people fall into two categories of behavior inside intimate relationships (even though I'd argue it extends well into any kind of relationship you have in your life, from professional to platonic - guess who's the constant factor, buddy).
We have the lions, hurt and angry. And we have the unicorns, afraid and escaping. If at first glance this doesn't resonate with you, rest assured it goes much deeper than this. In fact, Waller goes deep into the human developmental psychology to explain his findings based on the hundreds of couples he counseled over the course of his career. The one thing we all have in common? We act out patterns we developed in early childhood to protect ourselves from some type of pain. The first step is to observe our defense mechanism and then go deeper into that pain that causes us let ourselves and our partners down, over and over, in this never-ending dance... And Waller provides the exact roadmap to do just that. So, like I said - read this book.
Heads up, this read will force you to dig into your insecurities, fears, and aches. But as they say; no pain, no gain. Despite the emotional turbulence this might evoke on your path to deeper self-knowledge and understanding, it's a surprisingly pleasant and quick read.
I'll end with a quote that really strung a chord. It might seem irrelevant, until you realize that most of your issues stem from your first intimate relationship of your life - your relationship with your parents. And even though keeping your old folks responsible for everything that's bad in your life is not the way forward, it helps to understand the effects of their parenting, and more importantly the effects of your parenting on any current or future children of your own. And if you wish to do a (even) better job, no matter how high or low the bar your parents set for you, understanding these principles is key. So, like I said - read this book.
"Often clients will say to me that their parents did the best they could. I will ask how they did their best. Did they read a book on how to raise children? Did they attend a parenting class? More often than not, parenting is the random process of repeating the patterns handed down from one generation to the next. This is not enlightened child rearing. This is inertia. Being well intentioned does not mean doing your best."
We have the lions, hurt and angry. And we have the unicorns, afraid and escaping. If at first glance this doesn't resonate with you, rest assured it goes much deeper than this. In fact, Waller goes deep into the human developmental psychology to explain his findings based on the hundreds of couples he counseled over the course of his career. The one thing we all have in common? We act out patterns we developed in early childhood to protect ourselves from some type of pain. The first step is to observe our defense mechanism and then go deeper into that pain that causes us let ourselves and our partners down, over and over, in this never-ending dance... And Waller provides the exact roadmap to do just that. So, like I said - read this book.
Heads up, this read will force you to dig into your insecurities, fears, and aches. But as they say; no pain, no gain. Despite the emotional turbulence this might evoke on your path to deeper self-knowledge and understanding, it's a surprisingly pleasant and quick read.
I'll end with a quote that really strung a chord. It might seem irrelevant, until you realize that most of your issues stem from your first intimate relationship of your life - your relationship with your parents. And even though keeping your old folks responsible for everything that's bad in your life is not the way forward, it helps to understand the effects of their parenting, and more importantly the effects of your parenting on any current or future children of your own. And if you wish to do a (even) better job, no matter how high or low the bar your parents set for you, understanding these principles is key. So, like I said - read this book.
"Often clients will say to me that their parents did the best they could. I will ask how they did their best. Did they read a book on how to raise children? Did they attend a parenting class? More often than not, parenting is the random process of repeating the patterns handed down from one generation to the next. This is not enlightened child rearing. This is inertia. Being well intentioned does not mean doing your best."
November 23, 2020
Highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand themselves and their partner better. The book is told through stories of couples who the author has counseled and this makes it an engaging read as he explains his theory in direct response to the different couples dynamics. This makes it highly digestible and applicable in your own life, if you so choose to.
January 5, 2018
Easy to read and eye opening!
July 17, 2020
Don't enjoy the writing style. Interesting overall concept
July 28, 2024
“the problem is that what we won't own owns us.”
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews