Patterns That Remain: A Guide to Healing for Asian Children of Immigrants

by Stacey Diane Arañez Litam

This empowering book blends history, storytelling, and culturally grounded techniques to equip readers with the tools needed to promote self-reflection, personal growth, and diasporic healing.

Asian Americans represent the fastest growing ethnic group in the United States, yet few books capture how historical events, immigration experiences, cultural values, and unhelpful generational patterns contribute to this group's thoughts, attitudes, and actions in ways that impact relationships, well-being, and psychological health.

In Patterns That Remain, Stacey Diane Arañez Litam empowers readers to heal from diasporic wounds and become people, partners, and parents who embody abundance mentalities grounded in joy, balance, and gratitude. This unique book combines complex and nuanced facets of Asian American history, research, and therapeutic modalities in ways that validate Asian American worldviews and promote a deep sense of universality and community. Each chapter addresses culturally relevant topics among Asian Americans and children of Asian immigrants and is informed by academic research in addition to author-conducted interviews with diverse Asian American community members and thought leaders. The book effortlessly blends history, storytelling, and culturally grounded perspectives to provide an inspirational, validating, and practical framework toward healing.

Informed by Litam's lived experiences as a Filipina and Chinese immigrant as well as by her professional identities as a professor, researcher, and mental health clinician, Patterns That Remain provides the foundation for timely conversations and centers the importance of healing, personal growth, and unlocking the power behind our stories.

Genres: Psychology, Research, Aapi

216 pages, Hardcover

Published January 7, 2025

Reviews

[Clark Ausloos · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a white queer cisgender man, I found Patterns That Remain profoundly impactful, even though I’m not part of its primary audience. Dr. Litam expertly intertwines personal narratives, academic research, and heartfelt interviews to illuminate how intergenerational trauma and cultural dynamics shape our lives and relationships. While the book centers on Asian American experiences, its exploration of attachment wounds, scarcity mindsets, and inherited patterns resonated deeply with my own journey. Litam’s practical strategies for breaking unhealthy cycles and fostering secure relationships transcend cultural boundaries. What sets this book apart is its ability to make complex psychological concepts both accessible and culturally specific. It inspired me to examine my own patterns while gaining a richer appreciation for Asian American experiences. Litam demonstrates how personal healing and cultural understanding go hand in hand, making this book essential reading for anyone seeking to break generational cycles and cultivate healthier, more intentional relationships.

[Valli Sridharan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patterns That Remain is the soul-stirring antidote we've been craving! Dr. Litam's masterpiece is a powerful testament to the unbroken spirits of our ancestors, whose stories of resilience, joy, and pride were nearly extinguished by the forces of patriarchy, colonialism, and genocide. With her trademark blend of fearless courage and unwavering kindness, Dr. Litam weaves a narrative that not only honors our heritage but also illuminates the complex, multifaceted experiences of our community.


Each chapter is a revelation, tackling topics that have long been ignored or erased. Dr. Litam's writing is a warm embrace, a love letter to our community that crackles with urgency and compassion. This book is not just a must-read – it's a call to action, a rallying cry for justice, healing, and celebration. Make Patterns That Remain required reading for everyone

[Angelika Holleran · Rating 5 out of 5]

While my review may be a bit biased as a storyteller in this book, it’s an honest one.

Reflecting on the themes of attachment and intergenerational patterns was like holding a mirror up to my own healing. It was liberating getting to see how my voice was woven into the larger narrative that validates the complex and layered experiences of Asian Americans and children of immigrants.

Stacey has a way of naming experiences that many of us may have struggled to articulate, like scarcity mindset and cultural scripts.

This book resonated with me and with my clients. It’s a powerful tool I use with the multiracial, AAPI, and BIPOC populations I work with at my private practice. Anyone can benefit from this book, especially if you’re a licensed therapist! You need this book in your collection!

[Debra Marcus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patterns that Remain targets a wide audience, one that ranges beyond specific ethnicities, cultures or backgrounds. I'm not a professor or a student but Dr. Litam's writing style makes her message not only accessable but relatable. Even though our backgrounds and cultural histories are worlds apart, I think everyone can find a piece of themselves in this book.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very applicable and well done book on mental health through a multicultural lens specifically for Asian Americans. I really like the snippets of personal stories.

[Mitch Conrad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Litam's has written a book that is both specific to a target audience in addition to a book that is highly universal and applicable for most if not all people. While I am White, this book still provided me with valuable insights into the experiences of Asian Americans and immigrants. That said, some of the cultural scripts and internalized messages discussed in this book were also perpetuated in my family system when I was growing up. Reading about these allowed me to feel seen and reflect on how these generational messages were passed down in my family. Un-integrating these limiting scripts and messages can be a daunting and challenging task, but Dr. Litam details a healing pathway for cultivating more meaningful, empathic, and intentional relationships - focusing on connection and conversation as a basis for healing and personal growth.

My favorite part of the book is chapter 8, which includes a discussion on love languages, and how the current dialogue surrounding love languages can be limiting, especially if one identifies with a love language outside of the primary five. This encouraged me to reflect on my own definitions of love, increased my comfort and desire to explore these topics with other people, and listen more intentionally to others about what love means to them. In addition, reading the chapters about love, sexuality, and attachment allowed me to integrate kinder and gentler scripts in my personal life which has led to better communication and deeper connection with others.

From my perspective, this is a courageous and empathic text that has fostered my compassion for others and myself. It is also highly universal, including topics about personal growth, developing more empathic relationships, sexuality, and love. It was certainly worth my time!

[Darius Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patterns That Remain is a transformative book that I recommend for anyone, including educators, therapists, students, and other curious readers, seeking to unlearn and break away from cultural scripts and attachment wounds. Dr. Litam has written a powerful book for Asian Americans and Asian children of immigrants that is applicable to everyone regardless of their racial and ethnic identity.

Her book eloquently breaks down common cultural scripts while also providing a path toward healing and liberation. Her use of expertise in counseling, personal narrative of others, and her own lived experiences give this book a perfect combination of scholarship and relatable personal content that all readers can benefit and learn from. Patterns That Remain provides a thorough understanding of common, but often unspoken, dynamics in relationships with partners, parents, children, and ourselves. While the book focuses on Asian Americans and Asian children of immigrants, Dr. Litam does a phenomenal job in providing a blueprint for healing and liberation in these relationships for all readers who may experience connections to the various themes highlighted throughout her book.

I have personally found Patterns That Remain to prompt a lot of deep reflection as I read through the themes and narrative that Dr. Litam has woven across each chapter. Her use of summary and reflective prompts at the end of each chapter also helped reinforce the various lessons articulated in each chapter, making it easy to follow along and make connections across chapters. This book is truly a work of art, healing, and love, and I sincerely can't recommend this enough!

[Katharine Sperandio · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is deeply touching and resonates with individuals regardless of their racial, ethnic, gender, or cultural identity. A highly accomplished researcher and scholar, Dr. Litam brings her humanity to the forefront of this informative and meaningful text. Dr. Litam describes the book as a love letter, and it truly lives up to that description. The book strikes a strong balance between factual information and anecdotal treasures from members of the AAPI community.

As someone outside the AAPI community, this text has given me a deeper understanding of the unique lived experiences that my peers, colleagues, and friends have endured. As a descendant of immigrants from several generations ago, I now have a greater appreciation for what they experienced when they came to this country. I highly recommend this book to anyone on their own healing journey who also seeks to strengthen their understanding of how to support others.

[Matthew Veland · Rating 5 out of 5]

As timely as it is impactful. Through intimate personal narratives and thoughtful analysis, Dr. Litam’s work offers a compassionate roadmap for bridging the healing gap between generations, demonstrating how acknowledging the (often hidden) painful histories of our ancestors and relatives can transform and repair these relationships while creating new possibilities for wholeness and belonging. Both the HOME Assessment at the end of the book and the guiding questions at the end of each chapter offer opportunities to start important conversations. I enjoyed the explanation and application of academic and clinical concepts to a broader audience and look forward to more from this author in the future.

[Roger Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great piece of work. Dr. Litam executes fusing science, history, and humor into vivid storytelling. I was educated. I was challenged to self-reflect. And I was also offered hope. This book delivers profound illustrations of the Asian experience across generations while also connecting with readers outside of those communities. I was comforted by much of these readings from simply feeling that I’m not invisible. Many others share similar life experiences as me, from family dynamics to relationship challenges, despite cultural differences. I’d recommend Patterns That Remain to those with the urge to open dialogue with their loved ones with the intention to heal. Emotional scars don’t have to be permanent.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Partially anecdotal, and partially informative. I picked up this book because I was curious to know more about the Asian American experience of children of immigrants and how they were able to heal their wounds from generational trauma. Although this book is not an alternative to actual therapy, it's quite informative about biases, racism, and xenophobia, even though the main focus is on how to treat generational trauma.
I loved the bits where the author herself shared her own experiences (typically at the beginning of each chapter) before delving deeper into a topic. The questions to think about and to bridge the gap with parents are also helpful. I specifically appreciate the section on not trying to pass on generational trauma to your kids (if you have/are planning on having any).
I was hoping it was acknowledged that not a lot of us choose to have a family and might not make the choice of having kids, but I didn't really see that in the book. I wish there were more actionable steps aside from those, but I understand, as we are not a monolith, and treatment would differ from person to person based on their situation.

[Letitia Browne-James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Stacey Diane Arañez Litam’s Patterns That Remain: A Guide to Healing for Asian Children of Immigrants is a profound and insightful exploration of historical trauma, intergenerational patterns, and cultural scripts shaping the mental health and well-being of Asian American communities. Written by my dear sistah-friend and colleague, this book is a must-read for Asian American individuals, mental health professionals, and anyone interested in understanding the unique experiences of Asian children of immigrants.

Dr. Litam masterfully blends personal anecdotes with insights from prominent Asian American thought leaders, offering a rich and multifaceted perspective on the challenges and opportunities for healing within these communities. One of my favorite aspects of the book is its in-depth focus on attachment styles—how they develop, their impact on relationships and mental health, and practical steps toward achieving secure connections.
The book also includes actionable strategies for breaking unhelpful patterns and cultivating abundance mindsets. Dr. Litam’s holistic approach addresses psychological, cultural, and social dimensions, making it a comprehensive guide to healing. Her use of storytelling as a therapeutic tool is particularly moving, helping readers connect with their own experiences and those of others in a deeply personal way.

Patterns That Remain is a testament to the resilience and strength of Asian American communities. It serves as both a roadmap and an inspiration for unlocking greater joy, well-being, and secure relationships. Whether you’re seeking personal healing or looking to support others, this book is an invaluable resource.

[Jose Tapia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for EVERYONE! I had the opportunity to read it before it was published, and I felt so deeply moved by this book. I reflected on my own experiences as a Mexican American and found it to be extremely meaningful to reflect and dive further into patterns that I still hold onto from my family of origin. Stacey is an incredible human who captures so much in this book that will truly resonate with so many of you. I learned so much about important historical context that impacts Asian Americans and Asian immigrants. Truly grateful for the heart that Stacey put into this for readers!